My decision

[Karen__Starr]

I have done a great deal of research and soul searching for the past five years in regards to making a transition from male to female and have decided to begin. What have been very helpful are forums such as this one where a great deal of information is presented. From this research, my decision has been not to experiment on my own but instead take all the proper steps with certified physicians. My first step was seeing a therapist two weeks ago followed by a doctor specializing in the medical aspects prior to SRS June 09. With my head centered for all that is to come I still know there will be things I have not be able to account for and my hope is to get through to surgery and beyond in the next 12 months. One thing that was very important to decide on was that after surgery I will not go full time right away as my social ties would surely dissolve and ruin my life. I have heard excessively many stories of this happening so in my mind the best choice is to move slowly. If I never go full time living as a female that will be just fine and will be happy with simply having the bottom surgery and living with hormone treatments.

I have read many stories of people simply happy cross-dressing or going all the way which includes “coming out.” I wonder how many have chosen a path similar to mine and would love to hear from you.

[Carole Cross]

I would have thought iT better to come out first and do a real life test before going for surgery. I dont think a doctor would reccomend having surgery before going on hormones and at least living as a woman for some time prior to the operation.
Over here in the UK we have to wait for at least two years before even being considered for srs.

[Patricia1]

Wow - this is amazing; the best of everything to you & yours. Will be thinking of you!

[Karen__Starr]

I would have thought iT better to come out first and do a real life test before going for surgery. I dont think a doctor would reccomend having surgery before going on hormones and at least living as a woman for some time prior to the operation.
Over here in the UK we have to wait for at least two years before even being considered for srs.

Thanks for the reply Carole. After discussing my thoughts and expectations, listening to his feedback was how I came to my conclusions. He said there are those who are like me that never go full time and have surgery. He expressed that he could tell from our discussions and body language that I was indeed ready and commited.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Karen

Do mean SRS in 2010??

[Karen__Starr]

Karen

Do mean SRS in 2010??
Yes, my goal is sometime around the end of 2010 or the beginning of 2011.

[Miranda09]

That's a big decision Karen. Hope it all works out well for you. Don't forget, youve always got friends here. :)

[Sammy777]

:confused: So you are going to get SRS but you are not going on HRT.

[Jenna1561]

...If I never go full time living as a female that will be just fine and will be happy with simply having the bottom surgery and living with hormone treatments.

I have read many stories of people simply happy cross-dressing or going all the way which includes “coming out.” I wonder how many have chosen a path similar to mine and would love to hear from you.

Karen,

I understand your plan, but I believe most North American SRS surgeons require some time living fulltime in your chosen gender prior to surgery, but I may be wrong on this point. Have you chosen a surgeon yet, some waiting lists are quite long.

As for not living fulltime after SRS and while on hormones, your feelings may change about being able to live that way. After several months on hormones, I found it most unbearable having to work as a man, even though I was presenting 80% female. Fortunately I had a very good friend at work who knew everything and is totally supportive. For me the name issue and the restroom issue were the most uncomfortable. I've since transitioned at work, almost 1 month now, and it's better than I hoped.

Just remember people change and plans change. Do what you have to do. I wish you the best.

Jen

[Zenith]

Karen...as desperately as most of us want SRS...planning it first is putting the cart before the horse...the overwhelming majority of those that regret going all the way are the ones that rushed into SRS...if you take it in steps then proceed to SRS you have a very high probability of success and happiness... :2c:

[Diane24]

As I recall, and others have already mentioned, I think you do have to progress through therapy and the Real Life Test to qualify for SRS in the USA and Canada. It has been over 10 years since my SRS so certainly, things and requirements may have changed. As also mentioned, many have gone through SRS and then regretted their decision. I can understand where you are coming from, and everyone approaches Transitioning with different ideas and solutions in mind. I'm sure you have thought this out and more than likely your plan will work just fine for you. I know we all wish you the very best! Keep us informed!
Love,
Diane.

[Melissa A.]

While I admire your careful planning, thinking, and research, I fear you might be putting the cart in front of the horse. While the HB guidelines are alot more flexible than they once were, there are still rules we have to follow. I am not in agreement with many of them, but for now, they are still there. Most good gender therapists won't make a transsexual jump through all kinds of hoops to start HRT and begin transition, anymore. Even the minimum 3 months therapy before one can begin hormones is now pretty fexible. But SRS is different. While I am fully supportive of the notion that an individual should be the prime decider of what goes on with their own body, the fact is, it's pretty universal that you have to live a Real-Life test for around a year before you will be considered for it. That means full-time. Everywhere. Work, home, family, friends, out in the world, and home alone. I sympathise with your fears concerning going full-time. This isnt easy for the majority of us. That's why it's called transition. It takes time, effort, money, and no small amount of determination, thick skin, and courage.

There is so much more to being a woman than what's between your legs. I want SRS, too. very badly. But I have also come to realise that the the most important thing for me is to be me, all the time, everywhere. That journey has been hard, tiring, heartbreaking, interesting, enlightening, fun, soul awakening, and while it will ultimately be a very short period compared to the rest of my life, it's something I will never forget, and I've tried to make the most of it. Some transsexuals never have SRS. Some can't. To others, it's notthe priority transition and coming out is. But I've never heard of anyone having SRS without taking the others steps, first. A vagina is a wonderful thing, but it's still a piece of flesh, just like a penis. Who you are is alot more important thanwhat you are packing, to me.

As I said, I understand your fears and anxiety concerning transition and coming out. It is scary and daunting. One thing I can guarantee you-things change. The things you fear, and seem so impossible right now, may be things you someday look back at and smile about. You will change. Hormone therapy may help with that, as will an encouraging and supportive therapist. I'm not trying to dictate to you what you must do. It's certainly your life. I just see you focusing very narrowly on something that ultimately, you may come to realise is not enough for you. And something you may not be permitted to do, as well. Talk to your therapist some more, would be my advice. And decide if this is something you really want to pursue this way. Again, I'm not trying to burst your bubble or be a downer. There's a bigger picture here than just SRS. That I'm fairly sure of.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Jenny Brown]

My first step was seeing a therapist two weeks ago followed by a doctor specializing in the medical aspects prior to SRS June 09. With my head centered for all that is to come I still know there will be things I have not be able to account for and my hope is to get through to surgery and beyond in the next 12 months. One thing that was very important to decide on was that after surgery I will not go full time right away as my social ties would surely dissolve and ruin my life. I have heard excessively many stories of this happening so in my mind the best choice is to move slowly. If I never go full time living as a female that will be just fine and will be happy with simply having the bottom surgery and living with hormone treatments.

I'm a bit confused here. First, you say you want to have SRS within a year. Then, you say you want to move slowly. If you consider having SRS within a year moving slowly, I'd hate to hear your definition of fast. :eek:
Then, you say you're worried about ruining your social ties and you're fine with presenting as a male as long as you have SRS?
I don't get it...wow...just...wow...:doh:

He said there are those who are like me that never go full time and have surgery.
This is the first I've ever heard of a Dr. saying something like this.

[Karen564]

Hi Karen,

Just as the others have said to you, I too have never heard of anyone getting any letters of recommendation for SRS until you've been on HRT and 1 year of RLT,/RLE..
Maybe somehow it can be done in some unscrupulous way, but I dont know of it, nor do I care, I'll just jump through the hoops just as I'm supposed too, it doesn't matter to me anymore..
A long, long time ago, I thought exactly like you are now, that I could just get my plumbing fixed, thinking no one had to know what was between my legs except me, because that's what I wanted then, whats the harm in that, right??, but in time you will find that is not enough, not even close, and you will have the same urge & desire to live as a woman full-time just as much as you want the surgery, because if you didn't, what's the point of it then??
Just take it a step at a time working with your therapist on a regular basis and you will see exactly what I mean..
Good luck..

[GypsyKaren]

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but you need to talk to someone who knows more than the idiots you're dealing with now, and you have no business messing with hormones or even thinking of SRS because you're on the wrong page. If you think dealing with "social ties" is so tough that you'd even consider such an ass-backwards plan, then you'd never be able to make it out of bed after surgery, which BTW no reputable surgeon would even consider because everything you've at least said here screams "no way!", because "social ties" are such a small part compared to everything you have to face after SRS. Like I said, I don't mean to sound harsh and I'm not saying this to insult you, but this is one of the most preposterous plans I've ever heard and I really think you need to start everything over and figure out what's what because this is all too wrong on too many levels.

Karen :g2:

[Melissa A.]

Also, and I don't mean to pile on here, I really don't. But I think while this point may seem pretty small to you, I think it's very, very important that you think about this- Your signature states, "I just love being a girl and accept who I am" That's nice sentiment, but I find alot of people use the term "acceptance" far too easily. I don't say that as some know-it-all who is preaching to you to hear my own voice. This was a really big struggle for me. I said I accepted who I was, but my actions and fears belied that. It took me a while to learn what acceptance really means. Does it occur to you at all, that being so preoccupied with stuff such as "social ties" (and, I assume, just how darn hard all of this can be, in general) contradicts any claim you have to acceptance? The peace that comes with real acceptance frees you to do what you do and be who you are in the face of outside obstacles. You might want to think about that. Unfortunately, there's no express lane for all of this. The ones who find it easiest, relatively, are those who find acceptance earliest. And there's no shame or fault in struggling to find it. I certainly did, and sometimes still do. It's a big deal, this transition stuff. Heck, it's huge. You may want to really think about that and see what you come up with. I'm not saying your family, friends, job and other social interactions aren't important-they are. The result of acceptance, in my experience, is being able to also accept the consequences of being you, and showing those who would stand in your way that this is, indeed, who you are. Not in avoiding and fighting those inevitable struggles. I wish you all the luck and strength you can find.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Jenny Brown]

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but you need to talk to someone who knows more than the idiots you're dealing with now, and you have no business messing with hormones or even thinking of SRS because you're on the wrong page. If you think dealing with "social ties" is so tough that you'd even consider such an ass-backwards plan, then you'd never be able to make it out of bed after surgery, which BTW no reputable surgeon would even consider because everything you've at least said here screams "no way!", because "social ties" are such a small part compared to everything you have to face after SRS. Like I said, I don't mean to sound harsh and I'm not saying this to insult you, but this is one of the most preposterous plans I've ever heard and I really think you need to start everything over and figure out what's what because this is all too wrong on too many levels.

Karen :g2:
I was hoping someone with real life experience would jump in here and tell it like it is. Thank You.:love:

[SirTrey]

One thing that was very important to decide on was that after surgery I will not go full time right away as my social ties would surely dissolve and ruin my life. I have heard excessively many stories of this happening so in my mind the best choice is to move slowly. If I never go full time living as a female that will be just fine and will be happy with simply having the bottom surgery and living with hormone treatments. ,

SRS is irreversible....I know you know that, but I am not sure you are fully understanding the ramifications of that....The reason that you live full time and do the hormones before having SRS is that it shows you life in your new preferred/more comfortable gender and THAT is the real transition....The surgery is the cherry on top of the sundae, it's not the sundae itself....To continue as male after having SRS is, in essence, MAKING yourself transgendered, not transitioning because you ARE transgendered, if you are following what I am saying....If you can't handle the social ramifications, IMO, you are not a candidate for SRS at all....It's not an easy road being transgendered, as I am sure you know....and there are a LOT of social consequences for transitioning..Genitals do not make you who you are....Have you thought about going to doctors afterward as a male post SRS? Your future sex life? Restroom issues? I guess I just don't see why you would even want to HAVE SRS if you don't want to transition to living female....????? Very confused here, gotta admit it.....I will tell you this, though....In essence, you are sort of choosing to be in a similar boat to FtM's (minus the chest issues, unless you are planning on getting breast implants and then trying to bind)....and it's not easy over on this side of the fence, trust Me on that one. I think you need to do a lot of thinking about this....and see some medical professionals who will help you do this the RIGHT way. Not trying to be harsh here, I just don't want you to end up a very bitter person, full of regret for what you cannot correct once you have done it. :hugs:

[kellycan27]

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but you need to talk to someone who knows more than the idiots you're dealing with now, and you have no business messing with hormones or even thinking of SRS because you're on the wrong page. If you think dealing with "social ties" is so tough that you'd even consider such an ass-backwards plan, then you'd never be able to make it out of bed after surgery, which BTW no reputable surgeon would even consider because everything you've at least said here screams "no way!", because "social ties" are such a small part compared to everything you have to face after SRS. Like I said, I don't mean to sound harsh and I'm not saying this to insult you, but this is one of the most preposterous plans I've ever heard and I really think you need to start everything over and figure out what's what because this is all too wrong on too many levels.

Karen :g2:

Karen...
thank you. perfect reply...