Some friend...

[Jill]

I'm feeling a bit hurt and upset this morning because of some things a friend said to me last night. She's someone that I met online and told about my CDing. She has taken me shopping and helped me learn how to do makeup. The only time I've been completely dressed, makeup, wig and all, is with her. Based on this information she sounds like someone who is accepting and supportive right?

She says to me last night that her brother in law had 6 sisters growing up and had worn dresses several times but was not a crossdresser. I asked her how she knew for sure or could she totally sure about that?

Her answer was: "Because my brother-in-law is a really good guy and he would never do that to his wife and kids." She went on to say that my crossdressing is wrong, evil and malicious and that it was wrong for me to date someone and not tell them about my dressing. I told her that I was a good person and that one fact doesn't make me a bad person but she disagrees.

We live in a very conservative area and she believes that no woman will love or accept me as long as I crossdress and that I need to quit for good.

I asked her why she takes me shopping and supports me if she thinks it's so evil and malicious. She just said, "I don't care what you do." :confused:

I can't help but to feel that on her part it's malicious to support and help someone with something like this and then tell them they are evil and bad because they do it. She's a very stubborn person and doesn't listen to what I say. Is it worth it to have a "supportive" friend with this kind of situation? I don't even think I can say that she's "supportive" with that attitude. I wish I knew what to say to her.

Thoughts? Comments? Feedback?

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Jill, with friends like that, who needs enemies? She doesn't sound like a friend to me, she sounds more like someone who has some serious issues of her own. It's one thing for a friend to call us on it when we're doing something dumb*ss, it's another to support us on one hand and then call it evil and wrong on the other. Sorry, but there's nothing wrong, bad, evil, immoral or illegal about being TG. Find another friend who won't gve you grief over it. Just my two cents.

Hugs...Joni Marie

[Di]

I do not think she is a supportive friend at all and shes the one
that is wrong, evil and malicious. You can explain it to her but if she is as stubborn as you think/ she will not even try to get it.
See's thinks as black and white with no grey area.
I do understand her comment about the not telling a partner being wrong and I agree but the rest is narrow minded/uncalled for she Obviously doesn't get it.
Two options educate her or back away from the relationship.
She's the one with the problem not you.

[Jenny J]

Why would you want to hang out with someone like that. There's plenty of a nice accepting women out there that will like you for who you are and not be judgemental.

I'd terminate that relationship and find someone that will judge you by what's inside and not outside of you.

Just my :2c:

Jen

:rose2:

[gender_blender]

I don't think you can change who you are.
A minor point I agree with is that you should always tell your friends and significant others that you crossdress or it will become an issue, like any major secrets attempted to be kept silent. Just be proud of who you are and date the bisexuals.

[Charleen]

The only she should hear from you now is the click of your heels as you walk away from her!

[Jill]

Why would you want to hang out with someone like that. There's plenty of a nice accepting women out there that will like you for who you are and not be judgemental.

I'd terminate that relationship and find someone that will judge you by what's inside and not outside of you.

She has said things like this before but this has been the most hurtful. I think I have tolerated it this far because I wanted someone to take me shopping and that would let me dress around her. I have wanted to terminate the friendship in the past but she has pictures of me in drag and I'm afraid she might use them against me.

[Jenny Beth]

She doesn't sound supportive at all to me so it makes me wonder why she went shopping or helped with your makeup. All I can think of is she was curious about you but after seeing you dressed she had second thoughts and couldn't handle it. If she is judging your character she isn't much of a friend so you might be better off saying so long, it's been nice knowing you! All you are going to get from her is preaching and it ain't worth it.

:2c:

[Sandra]

I'm sorry but she's not a supportive friend at all.... and to be honest you would be better off without her.

I do agree with the telling SOs, but as for the rest well she doesn't sound like the kind of person you need around.

[susan2010]

Jill. She sounds like a very confused person; why would she help you crossdress if it's evil and malicious? It sounds like she might be confusing what she was taught in general (crossdressing = bad) with her attitude about you specifically. She may just need a little education, patience, and understanding.

[mishelle379]

I agree with the first post, with friends like that who needs enemies, move on and u will find out who r truly your friends. my friends still love me, regardless, and those r true friends

[stephaniedoes]

hey u,,, do what u have to do to get your pics. tell her she was right and that the pics should be destroyed so u can bury the past.. you must do things to protect yourself and by all means stop conversing with this person... "if this is evil maybe the devil is a ts"... that might be fun' :devil:

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Jill-

<hug> Wow, so she's potentially a blackmailer, too? Sadly, that is one of the most scary things about coming out to anyone, anyone at all. Once you come out to even one person, you are out to the whole world in a way.

Girl, you have to be the judge of what you need to do, but you can't let someone hold something over your head that is neither illegal nor immoral. The thing is, if you give someone that much power over you, then they own you in a way and can have you doing anything they feel like. This person sounds toxic to me and less than stable, she could out you simply on a whim. No matter what the consequences, you are better off away from them. This is easy for me to say, of course, since I'm out and wouldn't care if she published pix of me anywhere as long as they were good ones. Good luck, hon.

Hugs...Joni Marie

[Tamara Croft]

I don't think she is supportive at all, you should do plenty of damage control then drop her. Sounds to me like she has underlying issues with her brother-in-law and is taking it out on you. Maybe he is a CD and maybe she really knows it and can't handle it... but you should really end this friendship as amicably as you can.

[MsJanessa]

The fact that she indulges your crossdressing on one hand and condemns it on the other would lead me to believe that she has ulterior motives--maybe wants something from you like money? or to be taken care of but doesn't want to accept you for who and what you are. My advice is to drop her like a hot potato---there are plenty of others around who are sexy, freindly, supporting and honest--and most of all accepting of you---

[Daintre]

Jill, my thought on this is that she was never supportive of you, had issues with her brother in law, and is making you the whipping boy.

I also feel that she has been working to set you up for a fall, being nice and supportive and then spew venom at you. This is no friend, do what is needed to minimize any potential embarrassment through her and then walk quickly away.

[Annaliese]

If she would use the pictures against you she is not a friend.

[Shelly67]

IF it were me I,d do one thing . I wouldnt worry about those pictures . If she were to try to ruin you - turn the tables . I mean think of it ..... as far as anyone is concerned you were having a harmless laugh together . If she were to persue an attack on youre character then as an adult woman she,ll look very spiteful and childish , almost a woman scorned . I,d just be polite , not show any negative signs to fuel her fire and cease contact . Let the matter fritter away .......
One way or the other I'm sure she,ll regret her vicious tongue .
Good luck .

[TGMarla]

It's a bit two-faced. Here she is befriending you, sitting with you and enjoying your company, then cracking on you over the very thing that brought you together as friends in the first place.

As far as the content of what she said, opinions are like a**holes; everyone has one. One's opinions, over and above obvious rights and wrongs (like bank-robbing and murder), are a result of whatever brainwashing one has been exposed to all one's life. She has obviously led you down a garden path that she has not explored herself. If she doesn't care what you do, why does she express an opinion that what you do is evil?

Evil is a very ambiguous word with connotations leaning clearly towards not just bad, but very bad. It's far too strong a word to describe what one wears, unless we're talking about a T-shirt that has hate spread all over it. My advice is to distance yourself from this person and walk strong on your own path. Your goodness or evil has nothing to do with what someone else says. Look to your own heart for your moral compass.

[Karren H]

That's really strange!! She get religion or something? Dr Jeckle Mrs Hyde? Sounds like she's trying to save you but I really don't understand why she would go shopping with you or do your makeup and have such a big turn around..

Can't trust anyone these days!!

[Holly]

Jill, this woman is no friend and no supporter of you. Distance yourself from her as quickly as possible. As for the pictures, I wouldn't worry too much. If she ever tried to use them, she would have to explain how she came into possession of them, which would implicate her with the "evil and malicious" activity she purports so much to dislike.

As for remark that that you could never loved and accepted by a woman because of your cross dressing, that is just mean and wrong. There are several girls on this board alone (including myself) who are in long term relationships with their wives/SO's.

Don't let this person (or anyone else) intimidate you.

[LisaM]

Jill,

Just another voice saying get away from her as fast as you can. If you need to do damage control to get the pictures back--fine--but it is easy to keep copies of pictures, especially on digital cameras. You may have to forget about the pictures---but stay away.

[Lorileah]

Wow the cavalry is mounted and to your aid.

I agree you don't need her. Well you need someone just not her. Boy will she be surprised when her sister finds out her husband has been in the panty drawer and his hidden stash in the shop next to all the "manly" tools. Then will her BIL be a good guy?

I like that everyone tells you to stand up for yourself but I know how hard that can be. Tell her you want the pictures back and that you will be willing to pursue legal action if she decides to use them in any manner (technically they are yours and yours alone under copyright "When is my work protected?
Your work is under copyright protection the moment it is created and fixed in a tangible form that it is perceptible either directly or with the aid of a machine or device.") Thus any copies she made would be a violation. You are also protected by consent laws (she didn't get permission to publish or show them did she?). Both of these may be hard to prove in court but that is part of the game.

Now back to the issue at hand. She is conflicted. Her "moral" upbringing has risen to the surface. As you say you are in a small community and the people there have a code. Not a good code, in fact a very narrow minded and prejudiced code. She is having trouble freeing her mind from all this propaganda. One would wonder what other prejudices she has. So keeping her as a friend would be low on my list. She will continue to be conflicted forever unless she wants to break the cycle.

Don't buy her BS about no woman loving you. Just look in this forum for examples of extremely loving and beautiful women who are understanding and loving. Is there something in this community that has you tied down? If not think about leaving. Then she can blow smoke all she wants. Maybe she will find a guy who can fit her desires. She will find that the bad boy image often leads to stuff she does not want whereas, a CD can be loving and nurturing and a damn fine man and father. She sounds like a controlling manipulative bi....oops sorry my bad. I like dogs.

Cut your loss here. Go offensive, call her bluff and up the ante with your own. Tell her the door swings open for a reason and then use that lock on it. All sounds easy and I know it isn't but unless you stand for yourself, no one is going to help you stay on your feet.

[Angel.Marie76]

Turn and walk hun, you don't need this type of 'support'. Hope you find someone more fitting to shop with that /that/ person.. sheesh. The nerve of some people. You have to wonder what she would do if you two came nose to nose with a bout of negativity en mass.. would she stand beside you or turn on a dime and pick up a stone herself?

[SouthernBelle.GG]

...We live in a very conservative area and she believes that no woman will love or accept me as long as I crossdress and that I need to quit for good...

BS! I've lived in a very very conservative area all my life and love my CDing husband very much. Have never tried to make him stop or given him an ultimatum. She doesn't know what she's talking about.



Thoughts? Comments? Feedback?

Distance yourself. She's no kind of friend I've ever heard of.

[Aprilsunshine]

here is my take on the situation. you met online and found out you were a crossdresser. she probably thought it would be fun to dress a guy up like a girl. I know so many girls that love to do that. so your friends you hang out. shes a straight girl(i'm being very hetero normative here but this is all speculation), who has found one of the few guys that are caring, emotional and not an asshole(i'm guessing at least). She was thinking that you would just be friends but now maybe she is interested in more, but feels uncomfortable dating a crossdresser. Just a thought.
~ April

[ChrisP]

There is a lot more here to her comments (and behavior) than meets the eye.

May I make a small suggestion?

Speak to her again, in person, in guy mode if you can.
(With her in front of you, you can get a read on her body language and expressions).

Tell her, in as simple manner as possible, "Your comments about my crossdressing making me unlovable really hurt my feelings. I had a really long cry about this. Why do you help me and then tell me something like this?"

First of all it will be interesting to see how she reacts, on 2 levels: does she care about your feelings (i.e. does it matter to her that she hurt you), and second of all, will she make a gesture of friendship to heal the ruptured friendship. (Tears on your part are fair game)

You know, it's possible that she actually likes you, and doesn't want you to think that you'd be desirable to other women (she doesn't want anyone else to "steal" you away from her).
I had girlfriend similar to this once. My crossdressing was a way to "capture" me for a relationship with her only.

I suspect your friend has very awkward social skills as a baseline, and you are seeing the manifestation of this.
That still leaves the question of whether you wish to maintain this friendship, but more information (from your next encounter) will help to answer that.

Please keep us informed. We can all learn from an experience like this.

All the best,

Chris

[Miranda09]

I don't want to insult anybody here, but when she uses terms like "evil" and "malicious," sounds like a religous bias. Not my idea of a good friend.

[Jill]

Thanks everyone for the support, I appreciate it. Like I said before, I have tolerated her and the things she says because I've wanted someone to take me shopping and let me dress around her. She really doesn't seem to have very many friends and I'm starting to really see why. She can be very mean and rude about things, not CD related. She once told me that people with Downs syndrome should not be allowed to have sex with anyone because they would then go around raping women all the time. She really doesn't seem to care at all about other peoples feelings. I've become afraid that she will use the pictures against me because of the things she said and did to her ex-husband.

But it's weird because when we've had our shopping and dressing outings, she really seems to have fun and says so. I don't understand her at all.

I think I will distance myself from her, but I really need to get those pictures from her.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to meet accepting women?

[Mary Morgan]

I have an idea, try telling goodbye!

[TJ Tresa]

Jill, I could be worng but it sounds like she was just wanting to be friends with a CD to find out more about her brother-in-law. Unbeknown to her she would start having feelings for that someone,( which is you).
I wish you luck and hope that the two of you can at lest remain friends.

[TxKimberly]

Tough tough call.


. . . She just said, "I don't care what you do." . . .

This can be taken as an indication that she is "just" friends with you and interested in nothing further, or it could indicate she is not terribly interested in you at all. The fact that she has helped you and taken you shopping seems to imply that she must get something out of it though - either your friendship or something else, so I don't think she is quite saying "I don't care about you".

[cindym5_04]

Unfortunately I can relate two people to the situation that you're currently in. I have an ex-girlfriend who said she was supportive of me dressing, etc. Her actions/reactions overall did not show that even though she said that she wanted me to dress around her sometimes (her roommate was a cd, which is how I met her). My mother also told me that I needed mental help and that I would never find a woman to love me.

I know you need/want those photos back. It's going to be difficult to do so, I believe. If she ever uses them against you, I would take the legal route and sue her. She doesn't sound like a good, accepting friend either. I think your best bet is to get as far away from her as humanly possible.

I agree with some of the others that it also sounds like she has a religious bias coupled with a resentment for her cousin because he crossdresses. Remember- there are worse things that you could do than put on a dress and heels.

[sandra-leigh]

I really don't know what to make of this, but I do agree that it is possible that she's fallen for you a bit, possibly even partly in femme mode, and now is having great internal difficulties processing her emotions, along the lines of "Does this mean that I'm gay??"

But based upon what you said, that somehow doesn't seem like the most likely factor... though I'll be darned if I can say what is going through her mind.


Someone mentioned copyright earlier: since the pictures were not "works for hire", if she took the pictures then she is the automatic copyright holder under the Berne Convention on Copyright. Under Canadian law, the actual photographer has legally enshrined "moral rights" as to what happens with the photographs they took, even when the photographs are "works for hire" (and if you don't have a written contract saying they would be "works for hire", then court cases differ but in the majority of rulings "works for hire" has required specific contract terms.)

Under Canadian law, in such a situation she would have a legal right to display or send the pictures privately to any person or group of people whose membership was closed and enumerable and, provided that those people were given instructions that the pictures were not to be made available to anyone outside of the closed group. Contrawise, if she were to make the pictures available to any group of unknown membership or composition or without the strict non-redistribution clause, then Canadian law would deem that she had "published" the pictures -- and in Canadian law, if she was to give copies of the pictures to her best friend (say) without making it clear that no-one else was to see them, then even if that best friend thought they were marvelous pictures that did you credit and was upset that your "friend" was dissing you, if that hypothetical best friend of your friend showed the pictures to someone else, then even though the pictures never made it into your local newspaper or whatever, that would still (in Canadian law) be considered that your "friend" had "published" the pictures.

And publishing pictures of an identifiable person without the consent of person is, under a Quebec (province of Canada) Superior Court ruling that has been "read into" pretty much every other jurisdiction in Canada, a (sue-able) privacy violation at the very least (with damages increased if the pictures had realistic "commercial value".)

In Canada and the UK, if the pictures were published {in that legal sense of being made available to an unknown audience}, and the pictures tended to damage your reputation, then the "friend" could be further sued in provincial civil court for "libel" (there is also a Canada Criminal Code section known as "Defamatory Libel", but due to internal wrangling in the legal professional as to what exactly a "reasonable person" means in law, criminal libel law cases proceed only about 2-3 per year, for "big cases" usually involving someone famous for whom damage to reputation could literally have million-dollar consequences.) The point here is that in Canada and especially so in the UK, a person whose reputation is damaged can win a libel suit even when the person who "published" the information published only pure truth: in the UK especially the bar is set at "Was it necessary to publish this information and in so doing damage the person's reputation? Was there a substantial Public Good" that was achieved by the publication, such as the exposure of a major fraud?" (And yes, if the reason for publication in the UK was to expose a minor fraud that doesn't do "much" harm, then the person exposed can win the libel case in the UK, even though they are "guilty" in a legal sense.) This situation in the UK has a serious legal consequence: non-residents of the UK can sue -in- the UK under UK "was this really necessary?" libel laws, provided that it can be shown that the defamatory material was readily accessible from the UK (even if no-one in the UK bothered to look, if they could have accessed the information readily (e.g., pictures published on facebook), then the UK will grant jurisdiction for the suit. (There are some famous internet "third country" defamation law suits that have been fought and won under exactly these criteria.)


But there I go, blabbing on again, and not even addressing the question directly :( And it doesn't even tell the original poster how to smooth over relationships with the "friend" long enough to get (all!) copies of the pictures (beware automatic backups and "undelete" programs!)... at best the above talk about your rights and options if the pictures do get released. But sometimes (often), if someone is threatening to exposure you, they will be completely scared off by a calm statement that "I was concerned you might say something like that, so I have consulted other people on this matter, and they have indicated to me several civil and criminal laws that such an action would violate; I recommend you reconsider this matter, as the potential consequences of such an action are much more serious than you have likely considered."

[Xenia]

OK, I'll play armchair psychologist here.

She's getting off on controlling you. She sees that your secret makes you vulnerable, and she's enjoying the feeling of dominance that knowing about it gives her. Honestly, the behavior you're describing--acting like she likes you and has fun with you, but then turning around and hitting you with comments specifically calculated to wreck your self-esteem--is absolutely classic for a psychologically abusive relationship.

I'm curious about the circumstances of your online meeting. It wouldn't surprise me if she went looking for someone to exploit for her own pleasure.

I'd tell you what you should tell her next time you talk to her, but the filter here keeps turning the first word into four asterisks......

[Trip_rockcity]

.Play her at her own game.. tell her u think she has a point.. and u see sense.. get the photos back.. dump her.. and every thing goes back to normal..(^^,)

[Ruth]

I don't think the photos are a serious factor in the situation. She can't really do anything harmful with them without a lot of effort. In fact if you approach her about them you are more likely to focus her attention on them. Just avoid her. Forget the photos, forget her.

[Rachel Newark]

To Quote Dan Savage:

DTMFA

this is not a friend.

and also, in response to the threat of , well, blackmail,

Publish and be damned.

Run Away ( Python even!)

Better luck next time

Rachel Newark

[Hope]

I have wanted to terminate the friendship in the past but she has pictures of me in drag and I'm afraid she might use them against me.

She sounds like a real winner. And a great Christian.

Not.

Do this:

Dump her sorry a$$, do it quickly and if you like painfully. If she gives you static, tell her you didn't realize what a horrible bigot she was and that you don't want to hang out with her any more.

If she tries to blackmail you, remind her that cross dressing, while perhaps embarrassing for some, is not a crime; but blackmail is.

Then never have a thing to do with her again. EVER.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...Thoughts? Comments? Feedback?

What is your personal tolerance threshold and how much patients do you have?

As a friend, I'd say this one is a real dud. There is nothing here I would consider real friendship material.

However, you've got an opportunity to educate this woman on the realities of being a crossdresser. She's obviously been filled with the same BS many of us were (and most of society has been) - the lies and negative cliches about crossdressing.

Do you think you can continue to communicate with this girl, given how she feels about who you are? If so, do you think you can plant a few seeds of truth in her head? She'll likely shoot down everything you have to say, and perhaps quote this or that in making her (false) points. But if you can plant a few seeds of truth in her head before you part ways, you might just open up another mind. We need ALL the open minds we can get!

This is who we are, NOT something we're addicted to or some kind of curse satan put on us or a mental sickness. It is a misunderstood personal trait - like being left-handed, athletic, or artistic. The only difference is this particular personal trait has a social stigma attached to it... and people are not educated about the realities and therefore perpetuate their own negative myths.

If you can't stand to be around it, it is very understandable. I would not consider someone like this worthy of my personal time. BUT if I thought I might be able to get through to her or educate her just a little, I might take the time to do so. It is so important that people be taught the truth and this senseless BS is put to rest!

I'm sorry your "friend" turned out to be like this. I can only imagine how it felt to be turned on like that, so to say. See what you can do with her before sending her on her way. There are other people far more worthy of your time... but this one is in need of some education on the realities if you're up for it. ;)

[Rachel Morley]

......... she believes that no woman will love or accept me as long as I crossdress and that I need to quit for good.
Someone (a GG) once said that to me too, and I even used to believe this myself, but don't worry it's not true. Ok, women who love and accept crossdressers might not be in the majority but there's plenty of them out there. Trust me.

[Alice Torn]

My friend, at 55, and still with no romantic SO, I am finally realizing, maybe its not so bad being alone unattached. The dating life i have had, has been very stressful, mostly. Dating, is not like the 1950's, today! I heard a man on the radio 25 yrs ago quote an old proverb, that goes like this: "He who is wise walks alone." Maybe it is best, for singles like us, to stay alone, and just have platonic relationships. But, there is always that wife shaped void we have to control. Maybe have one good discussion wth her, and, if she stays the same, make tracks. You have a lot of helpful input on here.

[trannie T]

Statements like "nobody will love you" are very typical of an abusive relationship.

You have two choices; 1. Walk, 2. Run.

[TSchapes]

Excuse me for saying so, but she's a manipulative bi**h! To help you dress, and do makeup, then trash you like that? What the f? If you are evil, then she's just a guilty! (you're not btw).

Dump her like yesterday's garbage...

If you break up with her, and she uses this CD information against you, she's the evil one X2.

Unbelievable!

-Tracy

[Jill]

Just to be clear, this woman is not my girlfriend or significant other, she's just a friend and only a friend.

[Jessica Who]

That is very strange because while she says that crossdressing is evil she is not only condoning it but assisting you in it. I would continue to tell her that it is not evil or wrong, just you being yourself. Those comments are hurtful though, I'm sorry you are enduring that.

[Alice Torn]

There is another word, for people like her...and my family of origin...CRAZYMAKERS!:doh:

[goofus]

Someone (a GG) once said that to me too, and I even used to believe this myself, but don't worry it's not true. Ok, women who love and accept crossdressers might not be in the majority but there's plenty of them out there. Trust me.

I agree with Rachel! Look at how many loving and accepting gg's are on this forum for crying out loud! :love:

[Miranda09]

I agree with Rachel! Look at how many loving and accepting gg's are on this forum for crying out loud! :love:

That would be nice if you're right. Would love to meet one!! :)

[Joni Beauman]

I suspect that this attitude is rooted in a particularly paternalistic "religion" widely practiced in your state. Sets up a framework where crossing over would be some kind of heretical event. Perhaps she was dabbling with the devil for a vicarious thrill but saved herself at the brink of eternal ...uh, whatever. I say Run! - or perhaps question the very foundation of her world view. That might be fun. Joni.

[Angie G]

Jill you are a great person and don't let anyone tell you your evil and bad. I know 2 words you can tell her and that's F&$% off.:hugs:
Angie

[ReineD]

But it's weird because when we've had our shopping and dressing outings, she really seems to have fun and says so. I don't understand her at all.




This can be taken as an indication that she is "just" friends with you and interested in nothing further, or it could indicate she is not terribly interested in you at all.

Kim, she also could have fallen for Jill and now feels bitter because the feelings are not returned.

Jill, might it be she initially misunderstood your intentions for friendship? You said that she is lonely. Do you think she might have been online looking for romance and at first she thought you were looking for this as well? You know the saying, "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

If this is the case, hopefully she will still have some kindness in her heart left to give you your pictures back.

[Lisa Golightly]

Oh... The old blackmail ploy... I don't think the girl who covets the attentions of a CD really has anywhere to go with that one. Why write and meet the 'evil' CD?... It's just so easy to say 'That's how she wanted me to dress for her'.

Walk away... Don't give her a second thought. There are enough idiots out there as it is without inviting something quite feral into your life...

[Hope]

Just to be clear, this woman is not my girlfriend or significant other, she's just a friend and only a friend.

Ok, just to be clear, this person is not your friend.

[Fab Karen]

If some moron thinks you're evil for being what you are, you don't owe them a thing. Just move on.

[cindym5_04]

Ok, women who love and accept crossdressers might not be in the majority but there's plenty of them out there. Trust me.

I can vouch for that- I married one!! My wife knew about my crossdressing even before we actually started dating (we were just friends but had an interest in each other). She thought it was kind of hot, so I ended up scoring bonus points.

[Nattastic]

Everyone can have an "off" day. Bad days, weird days... days where you just dont think right - for whatever reason. Your friend sounds as though she just may have had one of those days.

Maybe shes trying to "fix" you?

Sometimes I play devils advocate when conversing... Just arguing the opposite point of the topic for the sake of working out the finer points as it can be a constructive exercise. Maybe your friend hasnt really decided how she feels, and is working on it through your feedback.

Shes accepting enough (sometimes) I wouldnt close the door on her, rather have fun with it... show her its not evil, that a great personality comes alive when you dress and that thats what really matters.

[5150 Girl]

I do agree that this freind doesn't seem to be much of a freind. Seems like you're better off without freinds like that.
However, I do agree that one should disclose being a CD when they start an intimate realtionship.

[Sue-gg-cd lover]

I to think you should be rid of her. No one needs that attitude. She has issues. I wonder if maybe it was more of a shock to her about the crossdressing and she thought she could handle the "fun" parts of it. But after hanging with you and possibly "falling" for you, it was harder to deal with. You don't mention a romantic link but mabe she was going in that direction and her frustrations of not being able to handle it in the end came out as anger.
All in all, she is not a friend. Cause even with any issues that arise, it could be delt with in a more mature fashion then being nasty.

[Jannette H]

Contrary to what she has said and done for you she is not a real friend. She has here own agenda and not anyone elses. No, you don't need this person in your life. Their are others out there that would happily accept you for who you are.

[Hali]

For your friend to help u dress and support u then later turn her back on u two things might have happened:

1: she might have done it in good faith/spirit only to realise that u like it too much and it might hurt u in future or destroy ur repution and decided to discourage u using such harsh criticism.

OR

2.she has some issues and was curious about CDing and wanted to see for herself whats about the CDing which now she might want to use it as a tool to play u like a yoyo. some women are in the habit of encouraging CDs then try to "own" them and make them do things, sometimes often humiliating the CD some women get a kick out of it.

Her telling u that CDing is now wrong is a way of controlling u and becoming an "authority" in ur mind and make u look up to her for approval then she moves in. She might not have a laid down plan but some have natural instincts to be able to play the "control game".

There is hardly any love or care in this type of relationship.

[goofus]

I agree with Rachel! Look at how many loving and accepting gg's are on this forum for crying out loud! :love:


That would be nice if you're right. Would love to meet one!! :)

Only trouble is most of the GG's on this forum are already taken...But the point is that loving and accepting gg's do exist. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that more women are accepting, or at least are willing to *try* to be accepting than many CD's often believe :)

[mklinden2010]

Yeah.... Seen it before...

Your "bud" there is, too bad, a conflicted and unhappy person. Self loathing, socially self-defeating... She puts all this time into something, then works hard to mess it up. She's probably asked a million times, "Why can't I be happy too?"

She's a nut. She probably even knows she a nut. A self conscious, frustrated, nut. Working with you on your interests rather than spending that time working out her own problems. Not a friend - an ultimately malicious acquaintance. That's all she is... Every time, with every one.

You, on the other hand, sound like "friend material." Your instinct to break it off with her sooner were correct. Trust them in the future. Don't worry too much about the pictures or what she might say. People will consider the source and what harm you're actually doing by being you and it will be a wash.

This problem with her has nothing to do with crossdressing and, in the long run, it's not going to be that big a deal. Prepare for some bumps in the road, but know that these sorts of bumps are inevitable for everybody in life, even if we just collect model trains or enjoy French cinema.

Good luck!