Not a competition

[CharleneCD]

I like to try to make my milestone posts something really good, and this is something I have wanted to say for a while.

As you all know I only discovered my feminine side Back in May. In the short time since then, I have made incredible progress with learning to express this new and wonderful side of myself. I have gotten many comments on how brave I am and I'm sure there are many who think "troll, to good to be true". (C'mon Tristen tell me it hasn't run through your mind.) I have gotten to the point where Im afraid to post on some of the things I have done, as with the pool party. Bunny refused to let that one pass, and posted it herself. Reading about what you other girls have been through and are going through with your crossdressing, makes me look at myself and think, what is going on with me. I have thought about this very seriously and want to let you all know that Im not trying to compete with anyone or trying to show anyone up.

As I said, I have thought alot about why I am moving so fast, and here's some of what I have come up with. First I think my discovery at so late an age has helped. Its possible that not having to overcome the habits of years of hiding it and being in the closet, have made thigs easier for me. Also my age gives me a bit more maturity to deal with my feelings.
Second, I have never really fit in anywhere. Finding that I belong someplace and that I am accepted, has been one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. Its not hard to wonder why I have taken off and run with this so fast, when you can see it this way. I have all of you gals to thank for giving me such fantastic love and support. On the opposite side of this, since I dont fit in elsewhere and feel Im not accepted, I find that it is easy to take the attitude who cares what others think, Im going to do what makes me feel right and happy. I just feel like I have nothing to lose with the general public, so why not express myself the way I wish. I mean its not like I'm doing something that harms anyone.
Last for now, I have had some pretty serious demons to fight in my life. In my late teens and early twenties I had a very bad drug and alcohol problem. It was so bad that I ended up spending a year and a half in prison for drug crimes. I spent several years going daily to 12 step meetings. Sometimes 2-3 meetings a day. One of the most important things I learned was ACCEPTANCE. I learned to accept myself and what life was bringing me. This is the only reason I can think of why I havn't felt any guilt or shame about my wanting to dress and feel fem. It feels right to me, and I'm not harming myself or others, so I accept that this is part of who I am. I'm still not sure why I didnt find my fem side during my intense recovery when I did a lot of deep soul searching. I guess I just wasnt ready to find her until now.

Sorry this is so wordy, but it is something I felt I had to get off my chest. Im not trying to compete with or show anyone up. I'm just letting Charlene develop at the pace she feels she needs. As a final thought, without the support of Bunny and all of the wonderful gals here in this forum, I would not be doing half as well as I am. My love and biggest hug to all of you.

[Tristen Cox]

Nope not a competition. You have nothing to prove to anyone but you. Your words and actions speak for them self. I always enjoy reading your posts.;)

[wilma]

I'm happy you feel so good about your new found freedom to express your fem side. I to started late in life and there is advantages. I have never read any post from any of the girls here and felt like they were in a competitive mode. We are all excited when we make a breakthrough and we all must share it with someone. I look forward to reading those kinds of threads. I gives me hope that I can break through also. Keep the good news comming. LOL Wilma

[Julie]

Im not trying to compete with anyone or trying to show anyone up.

Charlene,

Someone once asked me if others might think I'm bragging when I post some of my outings. My response was I did it to let everyone who might be apprehensive about going out in public know it's okay. I hope to encourage others to do it too and join in the fun. https://home.comcast.net/~julimarie/images/emoticons/party-smiley-032.gif

I've also had others encourage me to keep posting my experiences because they enjoy reading what I've been up to.

I don't think anyone feels you're competing. They may be a bit jealous you have such a supportive spouse (and I would be one of those ;) ) but that's about it.

Keep posting! I enjoy reading about your escapades. :thumbsup:

[Maria2004]

Sorry this is so wordy, but it is something I felt I had to get off my chest.

No need for apologies, it's called "journaling" an extremely healthy technique for getting one's head straight. It's the best gift "sites like these" have to give :hugs:

Maria

[tifftg]

Charlene, we are each having to find our own way and pace. I am so happy that you have the support you have and are finding such joy being the femme woman that you are today. You GO GIRL.

Hugs,

Tiffany :clap:

[Jenny Beth]

I have never felt that anyone here is competing. It is great to hear how others are dealing with this side of themselves and the strides that they make towards accepting themselves. The stories of success however small it may seem to whoever posted it is large to someone esle. There is a lot of encouragement here for all of us whether we've ventured out or not. I don't see competition, I see happiness when someone has reached a goal.

[DonnaT]

What can I say Charlene, not already said above, except . . . now I'm curious. Other escapades? Gotta know, if you want :D

[Rachel Morley]

Charlene,

I love reading your and Bunny's posts about what you have been doing, especially when you talk about en femme outings in public or being feminized at your work. Reading posts about how people are feeling when they do whatever it is they are doing is interesting to me.

I like to listen and try to remember how is was for you (them) so that when I find myself in a similar situation I can recall those posts and use them to "help" me. I'm especially talking about going out fully en femme in public during daylight hours of which Marla and I plan on doing more of.

Don't worry yourself about what others might or might not be thinking of you. You are Charlene and you are just beginning...let us share in your progression and show us a happy ending.

[Rikki]

Charlene, Myself, I don't think of any post as competition. We are all here to share our adventures and for support. each time I read about somebody taking their steps, it gives me hope that I can do it someday. Before I found this forum, I had real issues and no place to go for answers because I thought that I was the only person with these issues, so when I read your post, I am learning and I can read the joy in your post. So you just keep them coming. There are probably some ladies out here who think that I am just a lurker because I don't post much, but I am kind a shy and still not very confident yet.


Rikki

[Khriss]

Whaaa?- I love the "Drag Races" (bad-punn-sorry),,,,, common ground, shared experiences,empathy,encouragement, brighter horizons,,, are just a few things I find here,,, in Your posts too, Charlene sooo -thanks-"K"

[mand]

Hello Charlene, what a really good honest post you have done, I for one have never found you're posts to be competitive, I enjoy reading them :)

I think this site is really good for the lack of competition and I find that there is a lot of genuine support offered by the girls on here.

Before coming to this site I was a member of a UK based site which I found to be very competitive, not all the members but some were posting never ending bragging and boasting about how they were so feminine and what fantastic lives they had :rolleyes:
Anyway for whatever there reasons I had quite a bit of snide comments and some unpleasantness directed at me. In the end I just walked away from it and it bothered me enough to make me very wary of the TG community over here (I just keep away from it now).
Like I have said before it's not a competition it's our lifestyle were talking about and if anyone see it as a competition I'll stay well clear.


love mand xxx

[Cindy K]

Hi Charlene

Your right its no competition, just over two years ago I was dressing in the house with the curtains closed, thanks to the girls who was out and about and publishing their experiences I managed to pluck up the courage to do the same. Now I try to encourage others to come out, It’s the only way to gain public acceptance. :)

Cindyxx

[RachelDenise]

Charlene, most of us don't see this as a competition and think that their posts help others. The love and support far outweigh the negative types. mIf someone doesn't believe you, then WTF. This site is for all, and you can't please all. You do have to be true to yourself and I think that you have. Keep posting.

[DanaJ]

The others have it right Charlene - live your life and we all love reading about you. If you feel like you have anything to prove, just take a few pix. :)

When I started CDing seriously, I decided that for two reasons, I would document almost every aspect of my CDing. The first and main reason is that photos are a big tool to help me improve as a CDer, plus I like having a record of where I was, where I am now and how far I have to go. The other reason was to have proof in case anyone ever "DanaJ, I don't believe you go to these salons and get makeovers and your nails done" :D

A photo is worth a thousand words :)

DanaJ

[Wendy me]

Charlene thank you for that veary nice.. so mamy people have to make every thing a
Competition ....that thay lose out on the big prize....life...there are those that are in
Competition ....for every thing ...so sad....me i love real people... ones that are who thay are no need to impress just be .....Charlene....thanks for being a real person ....
thanks for being you......and huge congrads on 300 posts.....

huge wendy hugs....to yar....

[JoAnnDallas]

Charlene..... As others have said, there is no Competition among us. Each of us run at our own pace. Some of us will go all the way to SRS, some to passible in dress, vice, manners, ect, others passible or blend in and still others that still have not fully overcome thier fears.

I was one of the later. I have been a CD for nearly 40 yrs now. Until now, I was always a closet CD, with only the occanionlly outing late at night when no one was around.

It was this site, encouragement from YOU and others, stories of first time outings, going out en fem but still in drab, that allowed me to face my fears and go out in public. First just walking around the outside of the house, going out en fem but in drab mode, later venturing out in full femm to buy gasoline for my SUV, buying newspapers, or mailing mail at the post office.

You have a advantage that a lot of us don't have. You have a supportive SO. So many of us either don't have a supporting SO, or one that only partly accepts or one that does not accept.

Thru your's and your SO stories, I have learned a lot about you and the same with others that post. I have learned a lot from you and I feel other's have learned form me.

I am pleased to say you and your SO have become one of my great friends and I hope the same applies to you and all of us here.

[JoannaDees]

Thanks Charlene. Good topic and close to home. I've not posted of many outings for those same exact feelings. And I wondered if it is repetetive. Perhaps I'll post more of the outings.

[CharleneCD]

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. Maybe I chose the wrong tile for this in that i never considered this a competition. I was just worried that I might seem like I was bragging or something like that, and being new I didn't want to offend some of those who have been doing this alot longer than I have.

So going with the consensus of all of your replies, Im going to try to stop worrying and continue to share my life and growth dressing. It just feels strange to be some one who provids inspiration to others. I have never had this happen to me before.

Love and hugs to you all.

[Deidra Cowen]

The post about outings are always the most interesting for me. Especially as I was getting the hang of things and before I dressed I thought girls like Brenda & Renee Reyes in Atlanta were beyond cool. I loved seeing their pics at clubs and stories of going out.

When I first joined this board and before when I lurked I got ideas and tips on how to go out from those threads. The biggest thrill of CDing for me is going out in public and I think there is nothing wrong with those threads. I of course like writing them too! Sometimes its not all postive and thats part of it too.

Anyway you should not feel guilty. Besides as others have said...their seems to be very little jealousy here on this board. Matter of fact its kinda shocking how well behaved this board is. I have never seen anything like it on the net. I am talking about all kinds of boards...usually they degenerate into politics, arguments and flames. The mods do a great job here...and you girls are pretty sharp too! ;)

[Clare]

I just read all the comments on your initial post Charlene and i agree with the consensus.

I guess the thing that crops up in my mind is that in any social group (in the real world or the virtual world), there are always natural leaders. Those who just have the confidence to take control and do what is important for themselves and thus be an inspiration to others they associate with. These natural leaders don't do it for the recognition or seek praise - they have committment in their belief and grow as a person because of that faith in themselves.

Yes, there may be a little jealousy among us (and I have to admit i'm one of them to some extent), but i certainly don't think we are competing in terms of growing as a crossdresser. In fact, i gain encouragment from your developement as a cossdresser. Your growing self confidence is evident to us all and a little bit of it rubs off on all of us.

Please don't hold back on posts about Charlene - we all look forward to hearing about your CD life.

Christine

[Marianne]

It's not a contest until it's an Olympic sport!

Then we can start to compare our performance on both the 'fun' events and the 'not fun' events.

Fun events:-

The 45 minute makeover.
The 30 second rummage sale.
The online shoe-shopping challenge.
The "put on clip-on earrings in the dark" contest.

Not-fun events:-

The 15 second makeup removal when the doorbell rings race.
The "hide a complete wardrobe where the kids can never find it" challenge.
The "Surprise the spouse in full drag" challenge (bonus points if she's an Olympic fencer or sharpshooter!).
The 'Show up at your construction job site in falsies, a miniskirt and heels' combat challenge.
The "Get pulled over by the state police while wearing full makeup, a skimpy dress and not looking anything like your drivers licence!" UFC challenge!
The "oh shit, I'm late for work and this is waterproof eyeliner" dance.

------------------------

Men 'compete' all the time. Whether competing directly or indirectly.

Women compete, but say they don't. (Women 'win' by paying each other honest compliments).

Us 'Girls' do compete, but the way to 'win' is to actually help each other as much as we can. We grow, we learn, and we can do that by sharing. Each time we post one of our little stories, experiences, thoughts etc here, we 'win'. We win by offering our innermost thoughts, our desires, our needs, our own knowledge and experience up to our sisters here. We offer that for no other reason than to share. Some of us do it to make this path easier for others, and in turn to learn from the life of others.

And in doing so, we make life a little easier for ourselves.

It sucks to be alone. It sucks more to be alone and misunderstood. It sucks even more to be alone, misunderstood and TERRIFIED.

We aren't freaks, we aren't sick, we *ARE* misunderstood.

So many of us go through life hiding, concealing, being ashamed of who we are, how we feel and what we desire.

Here we are who we truly are, here we can express our innermost selves.

A contest? hell no. Every step we each take benefits us all. We each walk a different road, and seeing that others are further along one particular road simply gives us all hope.

Wherever we each are along that road, it is a road someone else has already trodden. We follow in each others footsteps.

How we encourage each other to consider taking that next step, well, that might be construed as 'competition'. If 'competition' is what it takes to 'nudge' someone into being themselves, then that's not a bad thing. But remember, there is no gold at the end of our rainbows girls, there is only the satisfaction in knowing that we are all similiar.

and we are all different.

[Tristen Cox]

It just feels strange to be some one who provids inspiration to others. I have never had this happen to me before.


I was never praised for being supportive until I came here and look where it got me. Enjoy it ;)

[Marianne]

I was never praised for being supportive until I came here and look where it got me. Enjoy it ;)

I just noticed your new animated avatar, I'm gonna steal that!

[CharleneCD]

I was never praised for being supportive until I came here and look where it got me. Enjoy it ;)

Ok Tristen thanks. Now you really have me terrified. :D

[Tristen Cox]

I just noticed your new animated avatar, I'm gonna steal that!
Go ahead! I stole your last week :p