She knows. I told her. But.....

[BarbiB]

Reconstituting a previous thread....

>>>As I've posted many times, crossdressing is sexually driven for most of us, unless you really are gay. You wouldn't show your wife your collection of porn magazines, or tell her you masturbate. So why would you tell her you crossdress? It's no different. I really think many of you are just looking for permission to do it more openly, after years of hiding it. It's a major mistake, and even though there may be other problems with the relationship, coming out will be the last straw for many women.
"

Sure I would, but it works the other way around too.... Once upon a time, WE shared all the above... My wife and I had a sex life and we both enjoyed all the things you describe. She has known of my love of lingerie and (used to) allow me to wear it in intimacy. I have told her many times of my uncontrollable penchant for cross dressing. She no longer likes that sort of "bedroom" stuff, and now disdains the whole enchilada. Those days are gone. Times change. Matrimonial detente now dictates I play along with her denial of ever having been the least bit promiscuous, and never again having a personal prurient interest. So be it. I now admit nothing, deny everything and try to lie only as much as necessary. Household peace is tenuous enough, without even attempting to admit any of our past perversions. Much is said of marital tolerance, love and understanding in the here and now. It can work temporarily. But nobody really takes into account the aging process and the effects of how hormonal changes effect female attitudes. Then there's metabolic induced illnesses to complicate the craziness. Times change, today's harmonious coexistences become fodder for tomorrows bones of contention .

[Dressing Jill]

Sorry to here about the drastic change in you wife's attitude. Maybe she will turn around again someday.

Welcome back to the closet. It has been perfect for most of us all of our life's.

[Chari]

Never say "never"! Doors of life continually open and close for all of us - some we plan, some happen unexpectedly. Do not put another in harms way, but DO NOT deny yourself the pleasures and comfort you desire - as it is YOUR life!

[Miranda09]

Yeah, you never know. She may turn around again. In the meantime, play when you can. :)

[karynspanties]

How long have you been together? Any kids? If there are no kids......dump the b&*%h. Move on. I know I have been married for 27 years. She so far has approved, participated and buys me things. If she ever pulled a 180 and said no more.........see ya. For me it's that simple. I know I am going to get nailed by saying it, but I have one life and I am living it MY WAY. Not someone elses. PERIOD.

[mklinden2010]

Whoa, there's enough self-hatred in the quoted text and the reply, it's hard to know where to start.

Look, things change. Life goes on and on. There's an old saying, "Life is long and love is short."

If you're not happy, and want to be happier, move on.

Seriously, there are other fish in the sea, other memories to make, other lives to mess up - if it comes to that.

I am sorry people seem to want to fight unhappily about these things rather than take the lesson that they've reached a point where things have to change, or, "See ya!"

Life does not have to be an endless grind until one of you dies.

It does not.

If you're going to burn time and energy, at least burn it in the pursuit of something better than an unhappy detente.

Good luck.

By the way, Melinda G. posted the original text you quoted.

[TSchapes]

:iagree:

Life is too short, to live it in misery. I just buried a good friend of mine that announced in February he was retiring in July. God obviously had other plans...

-Tracy :hugs:

[BarbiB]

[
.dump the b&*%h. Move on. .

I aim to follow through on the love, honor and protect promise I made.

QUOTE=maryklinden;1738563]Whoa, there's enough self-hatred /QUOTE]

There's no "self hating" going on. It's mostly a commentary on ironic and pathetic twists of fate. We first mistakenly overestimate how well we know our self. Then formulate our interpretations regarding friends and love. Abstract emotions which do not remain the same. The constant is change over time. We make choices that are supposed to be morally irrevocable. Honorable soldiers don't abandon wounded comrades on a battlefield. Friends do not turn their backs on others who decide to walk a different path. And if you truly love somebody it transcends the physical, sexual and material needs of all concerned. In the end we need to take care of one another. Friends, family and all those close (which my wife and I do). I am not some type of martyr, but I'll never be able to understand how some folks can unilaterally dispose of others.


:iagree:

Life is too short, to live it in misery.
It's not exactly misery. My post was more "Chicken today, feathers tomorrow" fable regarding the pitfalls of thinking we can maintain omni faceted balances of vanilla and spice in our lifelong relationships. The thread with a writer who presented the notion that we should hide our porno or joy of whacking off from our spouse kinda started the whole train of thought.. Being totally honest and above board with ourselves and friends is essential, but not necessarily a panacea for lifelong harmony. We need to be prepared for change. Maturity (and the 2nd law of thermodynamics) tells us that it is usually not for the better.
I am far from resigning this to status quo. I am carefully repositioning our situation to allow for a more harmonious coexistance that hopefully will enrich the quality of life for both of us. Like the Moody blues album .... "A question of Balance"

[DianneRoberts]

When a man marries a woman he hopes that she will never change, but she does.

When a woman marries a man she believes that she can change him, but he doesn't change.

:2c:

[Raychel]

Sometimes there are lulls in a marriage, I am hoping that is all that is happening here. In a few years after the kids have gone. Hopefully there is still enough glimmer in the embers to get that fire going again. But I have to sya that here ist is pretty much the same, The coals are getting a bit cold.

But for now just a boring co-existance

[Annie D]

We all change as we age and mature. The changes are either biological or environmental; it goes back to the nature vs. nuture debate. I agree with those who have said that you must be true to yourself. You have been crossdressing or thought about it for many more years than you have known your wife. Just because you got married the urges to dress haven't changed; you may have put them on hold, like many of us, but they NEVER go away. Don't closet yourself but rather communicate your feelings and your need to express yourself.

Additionally, I picked up on your comment about her having an affair that she denies. The fact that you bring this up indicates to me that you are harboring some deep down resentment and cannot let her indiscretion go. If you feel as though she has been unfaithful, why do you continue to feel guilt with what you do. We all feel some guilt about how the feelings of our SO but crossdressing is not adulterous or unlawful.

[AllieSummers]

Hi Girls,

I'm going through an interesting time in my relationship with my wife right now. I just came out to her a little over a month ago. Since then we have had a lot of ups and downs. The highs have been extremely high and the lows extremely low.

I've had at least twice over the last month that I was determined to just stop dressing. Totally quit. Go back to the denial stage that I went through for years. One day I actually deleted everything...my email address, my memberships to various groups, deleted any thing I had online with a picture of me, and even tried to delete my account here. I would have but Tamara wouldn't let me. :)

I've come to the conclusion that I am going to live MY LIFE. I am going to do what I need to do for me. I am assuming that my wife is going to go along with it because she says she loves me and I am the most important thing in the world to her. My attitude at this point is that I AM NOT GOING TO QUIT and I AM NOT GOING TO HIDE IT.

I know that I can not stop dresssing and I don't want to. It is who and what I am. To deny that is a lie.

I KNOW there are going to be more challenges but I have removed quitting and hiding from the list of options. We have to figure out a way to make it work. There is no choice here.

I also took the advice of some people on here and started a blog. I want to continue to write down my thoughts and feelings and share them with others. I hope it helps other people that are going through the same thing.

I've already had one CD email me and tell me that what they read convinced them to come out to their wife. They are going through a lot of the same things since then but it does look positive for them.

I'm in the process of updating it for the last week but do have a lot up there to read.

If you want to read it here is the link:
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/alliesummerscd

Be sure to comment on the posts if you find something you enjoy.

Kisses,

Allie

[Miranda09]

Hi Girls,

I'm going through an interesting time in my relationship with my wife right now. I just came out to her a little over a month ago. Since then we have had a lot of ups and downs. The highs have been extremely high and the lows extremely low.

I've had at least twice over the last month that I was determined to just stop dressing. Totally quit. Go back to the denial stage that I went through for years. One day I actually deleted everything...my email address, my memberships to various groups, deleted any thing I had online with a picture of me, and even tried to delete my account here. I would have but Tamara wouldn't let me. :)

I've come to the conclusion that I am going to live MY LIFE. I am going to do what I need to do for me. I am assuming that my wife is going to go along with it because she says she loves me and I am the most important thing in the world to her. My attitude at this point is that I AM NOT GOING TO QUIT and I AM NOT GOING TO HIDE IT.

I know that I can not stop dresssing and I don't want to. It is who and what I am. To deny that is a lie.

I KNOW there are going to be more challenges but I have removed quitting and hiding from the list of options. We have to figure out a way to make it work. There is no choice here.

I also took the advice of some people on here and started a blog. I want to continue to write down my thoughts and feelings and share them with others. I hope it helps other people that are going through the same thing.

I've already had one CD email me and tell me that what they read convinced them to come out to their wife. They are going through a lot of the same things since then but it does look positive for them.

I'm in the process of updating it for the last week but do have a lot up there to read.

If you want to read it here is the link:
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/alliesummerscd

Be sure to comment on the posts if you find something you enjoy.

Kisses,

Allie

Hi Allie and thanks for sharing your blog. Your story sounds interesting and I'm going to be a regular visitor there. :)