I tried to tell my son

[pamela_a]

A little background may be in order first. Over the course of a number of years I replaced all of my male clothing with womens. A few years ago I completed the process and have since been wearing only "womens" clothes. Having a teen aged son at home (he's 17 and just finishing his junior year in high school) I don't wear skirts, dresses, or tops overly fem but I do wear all appropriate undergarments daily (including a bra for my natural 40D bust).

I finally decided I couldn't put it off much longer and recently started seeing a gender therapist to start the "official" process of transitioning.

I've since had a number of long discussions/fights/crying sessions (both of us) with my wife and I've told my daughter (she's 31 and married) who promised me she would always be my little girl :) .

The other night I tried to talk to my son about my plan to wait until next year when he graduates (hopefully) high school then proceed with transitioning, reminder, I've been dressing fem for the past few years. He told me he didn't want to hear, talk, or know about anything. He said he was ok with my wardrobe but didn't want to know. His friends (which are regularly at our house) all seem fine with what I wear and my son said he shuts down anyone who says anything about it. He then changed the subject and we continued talking about pretty much everything else like we normally do.

I'm now in a quandry. I don't think pushing the information on him is going to do any good but I don't like not being able to tell him. I told him that things for me will change more next year when he's done with school but he just keeps saying he doesn't want to know.

I'm to the point now where I'm starting to introduce Paula to more people and my wife has told me there a few friends of ours she has told. I'm no longer hiding her but I'm still holding her back for my son's sake.

I really want him to understand. We can talk about virtually anything else but this and it hurts.

I really don't know what to do. I have another appointment with my therapist soon and I'll ask for her thoughts but have any of you girls run experienced something similar? If so, how did you handle it?

I would appreciate any insight any of you may have.

-Paula-

[Joan Merrie]

Paula, that's why I'm not 24/7 yet, more like 14/7. my daughter is a senior next school year, if all goes well, she'll not have to go back after Christmas break. Then she is going on to college, to start the core classes she is going to need. She is fine with me transitioning, but she wants me to wait till she finishes with high school. I'm fine with that, right now my first priority is getting her into a good school.:hugs:

[Sejd]

When I came out to my 3 kids who are all in their mid to late twenties, I understood that it is not an easy thing for them to understand. Also, they are experiencing a loss. A loss of a Dad image, illusion which they have a hard time letting go off. Just know that it takes time, and that they will eventually love you the same way they always did if you had a good relationship with them. They really need to know that you will still be there for them. They need to experience that, and that takes some time. All three of my kids now fully accepts me, but it did take about two years for them to deal with it. Our daughter turned out to be lesbian, so for her it was almost an inspiration that i went for the transition. We hold a lot of responsibility to our loved ones for what they have to go through, and we owe it to them to be patient and understanding.
hugs
Sejd

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i told me kids recently at 12 and 15...i caught alot of flak about this but in my mind, i'm better off a lively and happy woman (and dad) than a miserable or even dead dad...they didnt generally take it well but i am giving them as much space as neccessary...i feel i owe it to them..if they don't accept me, then i must live with it....

my oldest is coming around...she called me "michele up in there" the other day, which i found brilliant and funny...my other daughter is more worried i will look stupid...but strangely has been the only one willing to see me dressed...

.either way, it took me 40 yrs to accept myself, i do not expect them to accept me in 2 months.....

so i think yo HAVE TO TELL, but then be ready for the consequences...life doesnt care about any of us....we can simply do our best and hope it works out .....this is YOUR ISSUE, not theirs...
i hate the idea of lying to my kids and as soonas i was sure i was heading down the transition path..i told them...i honestly dont see any other way..

and trust me,....i know how hard it is...i did it....god bless you and yours...

[TxKimberly]

Based on your description of what you wear every day, it doesn't seem to me that there is much to tell him. He already knows. If he's not comfortable talking about it, there is no need to shove the conversation on him. You just let him know you are happy to speak with him anytime he is interested, and then let it go.
My son was sort of like that. He doesn't appear to be uncomfortable about it, he just has zero interest. It kind if irritates me that he has NO questions at all about it lol