Called "Ladies" Too much?

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Hi all,

I went out Friday on a "play date" with my wife. :D For us this is our way of talking about her going out with me while I am en femme. She's a great gal for doing this with me. At other times we go out on a regular date (me in male mode).

While we were out we went to Target for some standard everyday stuff, then to an early movie & dinner. It went great. Almost too great. It appeared I was passing quite well even in the crouded movie theater restroom but.......

At the restaurant, my wife noticed that the waitress called us "ladies" every single time she came to the table. I didn't think much about it, but she thinks the waitress read me and was overcompensating.

On the other hand, we went to Dress Barn & tried on clothes. No problems as long as I kept my voice in check.

Maybe it was my voice with the waitress......

What do you think? Have you noticed that some people overemphasize the "ladies" or "ma'am"?

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Kim-

I think I'd prefer it to being called "Sir" or "Mister. That's just me, though.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Karren H]

Guess I'm just lucky opr sopmething cause I don't have that problem. Sigh...

[Nicki B]

Assuming you weren't read is being optimistic, IMHO.. But surely she was doing her best?

It seems she'd be damned if she did, damned if she didn't? :strugglin

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I don't know if I was read. It really doesn't matter to me. I did tell my wife that I thought my mustache hair was kind of showing & she said she didn't even notice the hair.

But my question is, have you noticed this when you go out?

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Guess I'm just lucky opr sopmething cause I don't have that problem. Sigh...

Karren,

You always look great in your pictures. I think it would be hard for you to not pass.

[Sally24]

I don't know. I've had several very attentive waitresses and they too said "ladies" pretty much every time they came by. I put that to her being polite, not reading me.

[Lorileah]

Honey, sweetie, sugar. Many waitresses over play all that, does not matter how you present. As long as it ain't Flo telling me "Kiss my grits."

:)

[Leslie Langford]

...At the restaurant, my wife noticed that the waitress called us "ladies" every single time she came to the table. I didn't think much about it, but she thinks the waitress read me and was overcompensating...


...What do you think? Have you noticed that some people overemphasize the "ladies" or "ma'am"?..

Well, if you ask me, it sure beats the "you guys" form of address that seems to be the norm among wait staff these days, especially with the younger generation.

I blame that on the lack of manners and proper training in etiquette as well as the "dumbing down" of society in general that we have experienced over the last several decades :sad:.

[msginaadoll]

It is very difficult to say. She may just be overpolite-is that possible? Or it may just be her term- I had a coworker who called everyone hun(It got to be contagious). Or its possible she read you- but u will never know. I think a lot of us become hyper sensitive when out. Just my two cents Hun!

[DianneRoberts]

Waitresses waitress for the money, it's a job.

I believe whether you were read or not, she said whatever she thought would land her the best tip.

:2c:

[Rachel Morley]

This is a hard one to quantify. My wife and I get called ladies all the time when we are out. Does it happen too much and they actuallly know about me? Humm ... not sure. I've always assumed it was being polite as we are their customers and they don't know our first names. :thinking: It's possible that they read me of course, but I'm ok with it either way.

[kellycan27]

Isn't that the point? Isn't that what you hoped to achieve? Sounds like you accomplished what you set out to do.. congrats and why over think it?
:heehee:

[Nicki B]

I don't know if I was read. It really doesn't matter to me.

But perhaps it matters to your wife, if she picked up on it... :idontknow:



Have I ever noticed anything similar? I'd say being treated and called 'ladies' is the norm (pretty much 100%), but that doesn't mean you are, or they think you are, a cis-woman - merely that they're trying, politely, to treat you as you are presenting (a trans-woman)...

People generally do, except late at night when they've got a load on and they're looking for trouble? :sad:

[Christina Horton]

in drab mode I call all women Hun. I use to say dear untill one day a us costoms agent said after I called her dear "I am nor a deer...I may be a moose but not a deer." so after that I started to use Hun.

When dressed I use Hun dear sweety darling E.T.C. All fem trats.

My mom hates it when people say "hay you guys" to her and her girl friends she will say "Weeeee are not guys thank you very much"

Think of it this way. If you got read she was treating you like the lady you want to be treated eh. But I think she prob does that to all the women she waits on. They live on tip cuz the pay sucks.

Don't over think this just enjoy it.

I went to a 10 min lube to have them look at my power stearing. I knew the oil was low. I hate to add ps fulid cuz it is in a very hard place to add. When I was there they called ma'ed me about 10 times. They had read me but treated me like a lady. So enjoy.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Thank you all for the replies. I liked being called ladies. As one of you said, that was my goal.

I also went to the 10 minute oil change place & they treated me like the lady I was presenting as. :daydreaming:

I guess the general answer is

"It doesn't matter haw many times the waitress called us ladies. She did it to be nice and to get a good tip."

I'm like that.

Have a great week.

[Kristen Marie]

Ladies is nice iwhen with a group. When shopping, I get a lot of "hun" or "honey", that always is nice.

[Lorileah]

in drab mode I call all women Hun. I use to say dear untill one day a us costoms agent said after I called her dear "I am nor a deer...I may be a moose but not a deer." so after that I started to use Hun.



Oh I hope you don't meet that same agent again, she might tell you she is a Visigoth and not a Hun. ;) (Batty will get that):battingeyelashes:

[Nicole Erin]

Overemphasizing, sometimes I think that too...
If someone is not sure of the gender of the two people, why don't they just say "folks" like "HOw are you folks doing this evening?"

The overemphasizing - kind of reminds me of when I still needed to borrow someone's ID to get into bars, and my friend was overplaying it like "Yep Billy, we are going to have fun, Billy, what do you think Billy?" Billy was her borther who's ID I borrowed.

Byod why didn't she just say - "Yes ID checker, our friend really is over 21, we didn't borrow an ID or anything, Billy is over 21..."

Make things too evident it just draws unnecessary attention

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

I only went out to a restaurant dressed femme once and it was great.


It was this past New Year's Day night. My wife and our good friend who I just came out to that day about my CDing decided to go to a chinese restaurant. Since we are pretty well known in our area we couldn't go to the one we always go to. We found one about 12 miles away and decided to go there. I changed put on make up,a cami with a nice sweater on top and a skirt and a wig. my wife and friend said I looked great but my give away would be my voice.

When we arrived, they seated us and I ordered in a femme voice and the server referred to me at "Miss" it was a great evening and they're were only a few people there and no one reaaly seem to care.


Felicity :)

[Princess Chantal]

In my honest opinion,
Some people on here over-think the actions of people that they interact with when out and about. Making assumptions of what people meant lead to stressing out on every little tiny thing.....
Try being oblivious of others actions and focus of having fun.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

In my honest opinion,
Some people on here over-think the actions of people that they interact with when out and about. Making assumptions of what people meant lead to stressing out on every little tiny thing.....
Try being oblivious of others actions and focus of having fun.

I don't have to TRY to be oblivious. I'm usually the last one to notice.

[Princess Chantal]

:heehee: Your wife had to point it out to you..... You must have been oblivious.....
She may have to go in the similiar oblivious state :D
"Hunny, let's see how much fun it is when we both don't study other people's actions towards us":)

[serinalynn]

I love being call ma'am or miss whenever it happens.

[Miranda-E]

Hi all,

I went out Friday on a "play date" with my wife. :D For us this is our way of talking about her going out with me while I am en femme. She's a great gal for doing this with me. At other times we go out on a regular date (me in male mode).

While we were out we went to Target for some standard everyday stuff, then to an early movie & dinner. It went great. Almost too great. It appeared I was passing quite well even in the crouded movie theater restroom but.......

At the restaurant, my wife noticed that the waitress called us "ladies" every single time she came to the table. I didn't think much about it, but she thinks the waitress read me and was overcompensating.

On the other hand, we went to Dress Barn & tried on clothes. No problems as long as I kept my voice in check.

Maybe it was my voice with the waitress......

What do you think? Have you noticed that some people overemphasize the "ladies" or "ma'am"?

I think you were being over sensitive to your surroundings.
Some waitresses are just like that. One thing that used to REALLY bother me was being out with my man or a group somewhere, anywhere and the two of us being called "guys". at a store or in a restaurant, wherever. it took me a while to realize that " how are you guys doing" was just a quick friendly thing, was being said to everyone regardless of their gender. When I'm alone its always ma'am/miss whatever.

[Sammy777]

You went out.
You have a good time with your wife.
You were called all the right names.
No one stood up, pointed at you, and let out an
"Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077745/) shrill scream.
You went home.

I would say Mission accomplished.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.