Do CD's look for love in the wrong places?

[TSchapes]

The reason I bring this up is because it seems to me that there are a number of girls on the board that don't come out to their wives, because they wouldn't understand.

With all due respect and I don't mean to offend but, where were they looking for their mates? I would think if you went to an artist community or Bohemian type enclave, you would find more accepting women. I would think you would want to meet and marry a social progressive type gal, someone who's life is not in black and white, but understands the shades of gray.

Do you think CD's unconsciously pick women that are more conservative in the hopes that they will "straighten them out"?

And I know that some of you have said that you thought that the urge had gone away, and that's understandable, information hasn't always been available.

I also know in a perfect world it wouldn't matter, because CD's would be universally accepted.

Again, I'd like your thoughts on this...

-Tracy

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I would think you would want to meet and marry a social progressive type gal, someone who's life is not in black and white, but understands the shades of gray.

I agree.



Do you think CD's unconsciously pick women that are more conservative in the hopes that they will "straighten them out"?

Yes, I think some do. Perhaps especially those who were come from that background themselves and might have some self-acceptance issues.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[Lorileah]

So speed dating at the John Birch meeting is out?

I think that in many cases the CD part of us is the last thing on our mind when we find the sexy beautiful rich woman we have been looking for. I know through my younger days I ignored the sweet and wonderful women who really cared for "me" chasing what I thought I wanted. Luckily I have mended my ways and I have been blessed with understanding women since then.

It isn't so much that CD's look for non-caring or non-understanding women, it may be more (once again) how we perceive society expects us to act. That really doesnt translate well but we frequently don't choose with our hearts but more with another part of our anatomy (OK start throw darts)

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Do you think CD's unconsciously pick women that are more conservative in the hopes that they will "straighten them out"?

Long before I ever accepted myself as I am, I did just the opposite. I tried to pick women who were, in some way, the way I wanted to be so that I could live a little vicariously through them. If I thought I couldn't get one (major low self-esteem during my self-denial years), I tried to make the girl I was with into the kind of girl that I wanted, AND wanted to be myself.

It really wasn't that I wanted a girl to straighten me out. I just believed, for a long time, if I had a girl that dressed and appeared the way I wanted to, that I would no longer feel the need to crossdress. I used to believe I only crossdressed because I didn't have a girl who had the right style and therefore I needed to fill that need by crossdressing.

I guess the end goal was similar - I thought I'd stop feeling the need to crossdress, but I never wanted to be "straightened out" - just wanted to be with a woman I found sexy and wore the right clothes.

Of course, my wife was a woman who dressed exactly how I always wanted to. Loved that, but that is not how I fell in love with her. I did believe the urge would go away after marrying her though... thank God it did not! Instead, I ended up figuring out that I never had a problem to begin with. :) Better late than never, right?

[TSchapes]

It really wasn't that I wanted a girl to straighten me out. I just believed, for a long time, if I had a girl that dressed and appeared the way I wanted to, that I would no longer feel the need to crossdress. I used to believe I only crossdressed because I didn't have a girl who had the right style and therefore I needed to fill that need by crossdressing.

This is an interesting concept I hadn't thought about. That makes sense to me.

-Tracy

[kynw08]

With all due respect and I don't mean to offend but, where were they looking for their mates? I would think if you went to an artist community or Bohemian type enclave, you would find more accepting women. I would think you would want to meet and marry a social progressive type gal, someone who's life is not in black and white, but understands the shades of gray.


-Tracy


The problem is that many socially "progressive" women tend to buy lock stock and barrel into Left wing politics. For me, that's a huge turn off, as much if not more than the ones who buy into religious right and "social conservatism". I'm an extremely politically conservative(think libertarian with less BS), and don't fit in well with that crowd.

I know there are other people besides me like this, but they're few and far between.....just one more bump on the road of life I guess.

[TxKimberly]

So you mean looking for her at the local pub is a bad idea? :D

Talk about taking chances - I met my wife in the Army where SHE was also a soldier! Now let's face it, a girl who joins the army (and yes, she was just a girl at that age) is not likely to be close minded and deeply rooted in the accepted norms of society. The very act of joining the service has shown that she is capable of going her own way. :D
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

[nik12345]

does anybody look for love in the right places? :)

[gretchen2]

I got lucky, I did not have to look anywhere she just appeared.

[Veronica75]

Yes, we tend to look for love in all the wrong places. But with about half the marriages in America these days ending in divorce, so do a whole lot of other folks.

[erica12b]

where are the right places?

i know most of the wrong ones. and havent found my gg yet.

[Jessica Who]

Hi Tracy,

I can only speak from personal experience, but I always felt that I just wanted to meet a woman that was my type. I promised myself that I would tell each girlfriend about Jessica at the one month mark of the relationship. If they scrammed then no harm / no foul. But if they stayed, then things could move forward with no secrets.

My wife is very happy that I told her first. Although I didn't make so much of a big deal at first, she was aware that I like dressing in women's clothing :)

[sometimes_miss]

TxKimberly wrote:

So you mean looking for her at the local pub is a bad idea? :D
Talk about taking chances - I met my wife in the Army where SHE was also a soldier! Now let's face it, a girl who joins the army (and yes, she was just a girl at that age) is not likely to be close minded and deeply rooted in the accepted norms of society. The very act of joining the service has shown that she is capable of going her own way. :D
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

See, I kind of thought along similar lines. I thought that if I found a woman who crossed the traditional gender lines herself in a lot of ways, she would understand why I would like to as well. Boy was I wrong. Seems the 'woman's lib' movement was a one way thing in her mind, she got to do whatever she wants, but men still have to toe the line to traditional behavior.

It's similar in other areas. Lots of women aren't bothered by guys wanting to crossdress and embrace feminine behavior, but they aren't sexually attracted to us either.

[Lisa Golightly]

I think people just fall in love with people and the love becomes so deep so quick that it becomes impossible in your mind to be honest... You just need to be with them and although you had the best intentions to say 'I'm a crossdresser' you put them off till the next time... then the next time... and the next time... All the while the window of opportunity becomes a mere slit and hope a prisoner of fear.

I say 'you' but I don't use it to refer to me... I was always stupidly honest... 'You're a freak' I'd often hear... Ah, little did they know what I knew... You can never quite tell who'll accept you... Some of the out there types are just fakers and have more inhibitions than you can count...

I found female admirers made the best girlfriends... when I was interested in girls... To have someone who was positively excited to be with you as you were was very special... and you simply knew they mean't what they said and it wasn't mere appeasement...

Knew this girl called Carmen (non admirer vanilla chick)... all very accepting till the split... then I got a letter that was just pure hate... I burned it after reading the first two lines...

[Deborah Jane]

I don't think i ever particularly went out looking for love. My first wife i was friends with for quite a time before we started dating and eventually marrying.

My second wife [to be] i found here.
Sheila and i had bumped into each other in several threads, we had PMed each other occasionally, but niether of us were looking for love at that point.
One day in a totally unrelated thread i posted a joking Wanted ad, she jokingly replied to it.
We started PMing, went onto Yahoo, then exchanged phone numbers and started texting and talking on the phone.
We met within the first month [we spent 12 days together over Christmas], we got engaged after 6 weeks [her birthday], and we are getting married on my birthday in October this year :love:

We were both in the "right place"...Niether of us were looking for love...It happened anyway :love:

I think if you go looking love anywhere it very rarely happens, it's when you're not looking it just turns up :)

[RachelDenise]

I think it is all a matter of timing. Love happens. Now, the question is "Do you tell before it is too late?" And are you ready to be rejected if you tell? These are the fundamental questions. If I was doing it over, I would make certain that the crossdressing thing was way out in the open before things went too far.

[Charla McBee]

Well, the one really (on and off) long term gf I ever had is perhaps the one person I think would accept this from me. I actually bought her a free flight to my current location for a weekend once accepting that I had been replaced for about a year or two and nothing would happen. But she claims to love us both and the other guy is a furry so I like to think crossdressing wouldnt be such a big deal after that. ;)

She once borrowed a very nice pair of shoes from a friend (someone I dated at 12 unsuccessfully) :heehee: and I asked to try them on and got to walk around for a bit with just a bit of giggling in response.

Regarding your actual question, there was a very atractive girl I knew in high school, probably the only one I know of to tell a random group in public that she thought I had sex appeal. That alone was enough to freeze me up anytime we talked one on one but I also heard her story of this "very good, non-gay" friend of hers who once asked to borrow a dress and how freaked out that got her. This was around the peak of my own experimentation so there was little I could do there.

[gender_blender]

I believe that remaining closeted perpetuates an inaccurate personal image and tangles an individual in a life of constant deception, whether or not a wife is involved. Keeping such a significant feeling as secret can only lead to misleading others and obliterating potential acceptance or additional exposure to CD and TG issues.
The obvious solution is to live openly and honestly.

[mishelle379]

I remet my future wife on classmates.com, and told her almost right away, amazingly she was very accepting, had a crush on her in 4th grade, hadnt seen her in 25 yrs

[Lisa Golightly]

I remet my future wife on classmates.com, and told her almost right away, amazingly she was very accepting, had a crush on her in 4th grade, hadnt seen her in 25 yrs

Awwwwwwwwwww I love stories like that. Congratulations baby :) x

[Greymancd]

At the time of my marriage I did not know that I was a crossdresser even though at times I had put on my first wife's clothes. The desire was not constantly in me. I never even thought of it at the time I met my wife of the present. Things sort of got rocky in our marriage for a while and as we were coming out of that I developed the strong urge to dress. I started going out and buying my own clothes because I just did not feel right wearing hers when I dressed. I found a wbsite for a cd club in Winnipeg and got a little advice from someone there and then I just told my wife one evening because I did not want to have this hanging over us. She struggled with it but her closest friend calmed her and she began to accept me but her fear is I will go to far and transition. So for about a year now the desire to cd is with me almost constantly but I did not intend to mislead my wife. At the time of our marriage I just did not know even though there were many signs since my youth that I leaned that way.

[Trip_rockcity]

Hetic.. iv always come out about CD'ing at the start of every relationship... if they girl didnt take to it i would move on..(which is y iv only been out with 2 chicks properly).. no point being with some one if you cant be your self.. You would be surprised how many girls are into guys with this kind of fem side..

[Shauna marie]

When I met my wife she was accepting of it at least a little. She helped me dress on a few occassions, but she said she felt I was prettier than her and she couldn't deal with tha.

[Marissa Mae]

If I am ever single again, my choice place to look will be at a gay bar. There are plenty of single women there that I have run into who are outright curious and have no issue talking to me dressed as Marissa. Then again, the dynamics change once you become exclusive, so my theory may be bunk. But it's worth a try.


The problem is that many socially "progressive" women tend to buy lock stock and barrel into Left wing politics. For me, that's a huge turn off, as much if not more than the ones who buy into religious right and "social conservatism". I'm an extremely politically conservative(think libertarian with less BS), and don't fit in well with that crowd.

I know there are other people besides me like this, but they're few and far between.....just one more bump on the road of life I guess.

Liberal Left :facepalm: I don't think her being into my CD'ing would be enough to stop me from slapping her once election time rolled around :heehee:

[Dressing Jill]

I must admit that my picker is broke. I have been there (married) 2X. And have gotten rotten mates. One became a drug addict and one was mpd. Found the first in a bar and the second in church.

So were does one look for a mate or date.LOL.......

[kelliboots]

I found my awesome wife young and at the time I had no idea that crossdressing was this part of me. At the time it was just an embarrassing thing I enjoyed. She is and always has been an great woman. I guess I got lucky.

[Jenniferca]

[QUOTE]If I am ever single again, my choice place to look will be at a gay bar. There are plenty of single women there that I have run into who are outright curious and have no issue talking to me dressed as Marissa. Then again, the dynamics change once you become exclusive, so my theory may be bunk. But it's worth a try.



I don't know if I did this right but; Oh well here goes...
I've been a regular at a lesbian bar in Phoenix for about the last 8 months. I've been accepted as one of the "girls" and there are a number of gay guys who are regulars too. We have a great time but I have yet to connect with anyone on a romantic basis. I'm hoping for a bi girl to make a connection with as once I had a relationship like that and it was wonderful.

There are the once in a while straight women who accompany their lesbian friends and while I have had a number of conversations with several of them....nothing yet.

I like fishing too and while I enjoy it, I rarely catch anything...maybe its just me! :D

Jennifer

[Lorileah]

I must admit that my picker is broke. I have been there (married) 2X. And have gotten rotten mates. One became a drug addict and one was mpd. Found the first in a bar and the second in church.

So were does one look for a mate or date.LOL.......

I have always found my dates next to the kumquats in the produce section. (take that as you will) :)

[charlie]

Hello!
I think CD's pick woman just like any other man. They do so like a man. They choose the woman of their dreams and forget the CDing part, believing that CDing will be a thing of the past now that they are madly in love and starting a life with the love of their life. I am an avid sailor and I found a sailor wife that is adventurous, pretty and great. I had not dressed for 12 years. I did not even think about CDing. I did not even think to tell her about my CDing in the past as I thought it was just that...past. 18 months ago it came back with a vengeance. My wife wants the husband she thought she married, not another girl in the house. Story told.

[Carly D.]

I shop in Penny's and Payless and everytime I do it is like love at first sight.. more than anything the smell of shoes at payless sets me free.. I find myself wanting to just stay there all day and breathe that in.. ah... hhh hh h h

[JaytoJillian]

Hmmm, I was married LONG before I was a CD. Maybe that's what drove me to this crazy (albeit fun) hobby, LoL

[Bethany38]

I got lucky, I did not have to look anywhere she just appeared.





This is pretty much how it happened for me.:)