Not even sure what I am, much less who.

[pantyboycd4u]

Well for the longest time I had myself convinced I was bi-sexual, but now I'm not so sure.

I am attracted to women, and "certain men". However, I like to dress up in lingerie, and panties, and naughty intimate wear.

I've had sex with both men and women, and I enjoy both.

I've been with a T-Girl once so to speak and it was the most exciting sexual experience of my life.

But I don't want a relationship with a guy, and haven't been really able to sustain a relationship longer than 6 months with a woman. (they all find out that I crossdress and they run).

I think I get more and more confused with each passing day.

Sometimes I'm totally fine, and don't have these thoughts about being a woman, and then there's other days I wish I was a woman all the time.

I will have the money to get everything associated with SRS all done if I wanted to in about another year or two. But I'd have to wait until I was through with college, and have my degree (can you get a name on a degree changed if you legally have your name changed?).

Reason I say this is because I would have to move to another town in another state entirely away from my family and everyone I knew (my family is the real judgemental, conservative, brimstone and fire, Christian family blah blah blah bullshit so they'd never accept me) and have a private number and address, and just blend in, which I can do quite easily.

I was in counseling for a year for severe depression, but not to the point of suicide. We talked about the crossdressing, and the sexual experiences with men, and women too.

I have no clue, what any of this means. I have no clue what to do, and I really don't even know who I am.

:sad:

[Anna the Dub]

In fact, I'd almost say that it proves you're not transsexual because a really convinced transsexual doesn't have the "off" days.

Oh we do, we do. Some of us stop and ask ourselves sometimes 'What the hell am I doing?' When we are going through a bit of a rough patch, with a bit of self doubt, a lack of self esteem and no confidence. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. But it is a transient thought, and soon recedes.

[MissConstrued]

Aaaaand... Katie B nails it again.

[DianneRoberts]

Popeye said it BEST

I ams what I ams and that's all what I ams.

I'm's Popeye the sailor man.

Labels are for clothing, not people.

:battingeyelashes:

[LisaM]

I think Anna brings in a great point. Most of us don't get where we are going in a straight line. We all have doubts and change directions at times. But it doesn't really change who or what we are.

[pantyboycd4u]

I suppose so, but I can't help but think there is somehow more to all of this.

I started crossdressing when I was 11, and I've never had any good relationships with girls. I am pretty shy, and introverted. I was continually picked on, made fun of, taunted and teased from 4th grade to my 10th grade year when I finally fought back and broke a guy's nose who attacked me coming out of an English class for no other reason than he just didn't like me, seemed like after that people left me alone and let me be.

I just feel so empty, and I feel like my life has no meaning due to the fact that I don't even know who I am.

[Anna the Dub]

I suppose so, but I can't help but think there is somehow more to all of this.

I started crossdressing when I was 11, and I've never had any good relationships with girls. I am pretty shy, and introverted. I was continually picked on, made fun of, taunted and teased from 4th grade to my 10th grade year when I finally fought back and broke a guy's nose who attacked me coming out of an English class for no other reason than he just didn't like me, seemed like after that people left me alone and let me be.

I just feel so empty, and I feel like my life has no meaning due to the fact that I don't even know who I am.

I would suggest you go and see a psychiatrist, not a counsellor. Tell him/her exactly what you are telling us, and get a professional diagnosis. You could be transsexual or you could be a crossdresser. I do understand what you are saying and some of the feelings you have are familiar to those of us who are TS, but it could also be something totally unrelated to gender identity. I knew myself that I was TS, but not until I had been through some quite severe depression and various other things. Not everyone knows about themselves, though, some people need that professional to guide them or to steer them in a different direction if they are not.

[LisaM]

I would suggest you go and see a psychiatrist, not a counsellor. Tell him/her exactly what you are telling us, and get a professional diagnosis. You could be transsexual or you could be a crossdresser. I do understand what you are saying and some of the feelings you have are familiar to those of us who are TS, but it could also be something totally unrelated to gender identity. I knew myself that I was TS, but not until I had been through some quite severe depression and various other things. Not everyone knows about themselves, though, some people need that professional to guide them or to steer them in a different direction if they are not.

Anna, this is wondeful advice.

[MissConstrued]

my 10th grade year when I finally fought back and broke a guy's nose who attacked me coming out of an English class for no other reason than he just didn't like me, seemed like after that people left me alone and let me be.

I just feel so empty, and I feel like my life has no meaning due to the fact that I don't even know who I am.


Apparently, you're someone who's learned to stick up for himself. That's a very good start.

What else is pretty cool about you?

[JulieC]

I just feel so empty, and I feel like my life has no meaning due to the fact that I don't even know who I am.

You are far from alone in feeling like this. This is not at all uncommon among teenagers. It's also not at all uncommon to think you're fairly alone in feeling this way. This has nothing to do with crossdressing.

You're shifting modes here. You start out in life totally dependent on your parents, and slowly over the years you get more independence, but you're still a son, still dependent. You come home to the home your parents have made. Then as you finish school, you're entering into a new realm. You're becoming truly independent. It can be scary.

Crossdressing can accent these feelings, but the crossdressing is very likely not the cause. Welcome to young adulthood! :)

[pantyboycd4u]

I guess I should say that I'm 28...not a teenager.

[Christina Horton]

Dear PantyBoy

OK, as far as your sexuality goes, you've had sex with both men and women so by definition you're bisexual... to a degree. But so what? What does that mean? It's just a label, another way of saying you've had sex with both men and women.

Some days you want to be a woman, other days you don't. This is perfectly normal for most people on this website and it doesn't mean that you're transsexual. In fact, I'd almost say that it proves you're not transsexual because a really convinced transsexual doesn't have the "off" days.

Could I suggest you take a long cool break from decision-making? It doesn't seem to me too clever to say "I don't know who or what I am, so I'll save up some money to have my genitals cut off".

Think more about what you're good at and what you enjoy doing, rather than what/who you are. Then you might wake up one day and realise "I'm this unique guy with a degree in comparative microphenomenology and a cheerful grin who enjoys breakdancing and has a fantastic lover called Jo." Better than a label, no?
:iagree:


katie got another one right in the money.

I have a few thoughts on sexual Identity.

1) you like girls.
2) you like guys.
3) your -bi
4) you have no strong or small pull to and either sex, neutral.

If you like sex with both your -bi, but if you don't want to be serious with either women or a man then I am afraid your a typical man, afraid of commitment. LOL.

I have no strong pull to women but I know I am not gay, I just have a low sex drive that's all. It's not that I want to be a woman just to be one when ever I want and need to.

Plus if your wondering whom you are well (YOUR YOU, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE WOODS)

Just remember your in a exclusive club here CDers and we are glad to have you what ever you decide to do.

Just don't jump into SRS to quickly hun you may think it will fix everything , it could be the worst thing you ever do. Once done it really can't be undone fully.

HUGGS :hugs: :canada: