Questions from a writer....

[susandrea]

Hi! I’m wondering if I can pick your brains for some info about transvestites (m to f). I am a woman writing a fictional story about a transvestite and I would like it to be as truthful as possible. It is my aim that my character gain empathy with an audience of all types, and to dispel any misunderstandings that the unwashed public may have about transvestites specifically. It is very important to me that my character be as authentic as possible. I also ask for your permission to peek into other threads. Although I am Bisexual and find transvestites rather fascinating, I understand that what you write in your threads is personal and meant for other transvestites and you may not want certain people poking in. I did peek a little already, but really only to see if there were any similar threads to mine so I wouldn’t be redundant.

I have already done a great deal of research, and am now at the point where only actual transvestites can push me further. I hope anyone reading this will trust me when I say that I am 100% serious and have the greatest amount of respect for you. I would very much appreciate it if you would answer any of the following questions, and please feel free to add any insights you think may help. And please forgive me if any of the questions offend you--- I swear that is not my purpose. Again, authenticity is my aim. If you wish to answer me privately, you can send me a PM and I will certainly appreciate your time and effort. (And I won’t use anyone’s name of course.)

Oh…my character is a very closeted transvestite until he is discovered by his wife. He is then somewhat forced (somewhat relieved) to then go out and find his true self and a way of life that will lead to his happiness. My questions are based on HIM, and I am aware that they may not be appropriate for all types.

Questions (Answer any or all as you please).

1. If you are a closeted transvestite and afraid of discovery (and therefore may have to “make do” without a full-on change), what is the ONE most important article of cross-dressing that will satisfy your urge? Also, how aggravating is it to not be able to do whatever you would like to do? Do you imagine yourself as a woman or fantasize about being one when cross-dressed?

2. Have you ever sworn off cross-dressing and purged, only to drift back into it? Is that a pattern that has been repeated throughout your life? And if so, can you pin-point the reason you go back to it after a period of not doing it? Did that fill you with shame or were you mostly relieved?

3. Have you ever been discovered by a spouse? What was her reaction? Did you try and stop to keep your relationship together? Is it impossible to stop?

4. Have you ever sought professional help in trying to understand your need to cross-dress, and was that successful or a waste of time? Gone to a support group?

5. What is your one greatest heartache associated with your own personal cross-dressing experiences? Greatest joy?

6. Does it irritate you that most people lump transvestites in with drag-queens and assume you are gay if you aren’t?

7. Do club-style drag queens and she-males that pose in pornographic ways offend you or embarrass you? Have other transvestites irritated you because of the way they’re dressed? (Too showy or obvious, for example?)

8. If you are hiding the fact that you cross-dress from your co-workers, or anyone else, do you refrain from shaving, tweezing your eyebrows, or making any other noticeable physical change or do you go ahead and risk it?

9. Are you frustrated by the fact that transvestites seem to always be portrayed in films as the odd-ball character used for comic relief, or even the murderous wacko rather than a regular person?

10. Do you admire such people as David Bowie and Eddie Izzard for trying to break down clothing barriers or does that not concern you at all? How do you feel about “men in skirts”---men who dress far more masculine than most transvestites, such as wearing a kilt and a sports jacket? Or rather, men who don’t make any attempt to be feminine, but just want to push the envelope when it comes to wearing skirts? Do you think that would be a positive thing or does it just add one more layer of confusion? (see link): http://www.stannards.co.uk/Kilts.htm

11. Do all transvestites create a girl’s name for themselves when “en femme”, and how important is it to you that you be called by that name while cross-dressed? Do you prefer your friends and family to use the words “she” and “her”, ect. while talking to you when cross-dressed or do you let it slide?

12. How important is it to you that you act feminine, as well as dress as such? Do you feel transgendered? Do you feel like a male with a strong feminine side or do you feel like two separate personalities? If you feel like two separate personalities, do you think that society is responsible because of it’s “one or the other” view toward sexuality?

13. When you first went out in public cross-dressed, what happened? Do you find most people at least tolerant or do they act like jerks? Have you ever been physically assaulted while cross-dressed or asked to leave a public place? Do you understand it if people laugh or does it really bother you? Hurt you? Do you fight back or just try and get out of there in one piece?

14. Have you ever passed as a woman in public, and is that important to you?

15. Are you envious of transvestites that are “out” when you’re not?

16. Do you find yourself more tolerant of alternate sexualities or do you think you have the “usual” amount of acceptance?

17. If you thought you could, would you cross-dress 24/7 or do you feel an equal need to be masculine at times?

18. Do you feel that the world has a long, long way to go before transvestites will be able to blend in with ease and have no worries while dressed in public or do you have hope that you‘ll see that in your lifetime?

19. How important is it to you to make love to your partner while cross-dressed?

20. Are you only attracted to very feminine women?

Okay, I think that’s good for now. If you tell me to get lost, believe me I’ll understand. If not, I’d love to be able to come back sometime and ask a few more questions if you don’t mind.

Thank you very much,

S.

[susandrea]

Thanks! If that bothers anyone, please let me know.

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Susandra,

First off I am not a transvestite,transvestites only immitate women.I am a crossdresser there is a total female presence in my body and it is shared with my male side.Both sides are important to me, one would not survive without the other.
I suggest you read more of our posts to get the real picture of us and our lives.I am not unhappy with your questions;you will find the answer in the threads.Good luck.

[susandrea]

Thank you. I'm learning already. I hadn't realized there was such a difference between the word transvestite and cross-dresser. I have read that most prefer the term en femme when cross-dressed.... is that true?

[Paula Rae]

Hey S,

You sound like "emmicd" in disguise, no offense intended to "emmicd".

Ricki B

[susandrea]

No, I assure you I'm not. This is my first day here. I am a member of other types of forums though, and understand the fear of trolls! I'd hate to see a troll problem here, especially.

I suppose I should have poked around some more before just jumping in, but I felt like I was intruding.

Can't the moderator check addy's to reduce any troll issues? I hope so.

[DonnaT]

Hi Susan, wish I had time to answer your questions, maybe when I get back from Texas after the 13th.

Anyway, Crossdressers and Transvestites are basically the same thing, even if others here disagree. Translating trans-vestite you get cross-dress.

In the US many heterosexual crossdressers consider transvestite to refer to gay crossdressers.

If the person transistions to female by GRS, then they are known as post-op transexual.

You can find a good bit of information at http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/

[susandrea]

Thank-you Donna. Most of the terms I'm familiar with, but I did expect there would be shades of each term, slang I've never heard, and a few disagreements. I do want to get it as close as I can. I have seen the two words interchanged and this may be the first time I've been told that transvestite is usually reserved for gay crossdressers. That's a very important point as my character is not gay. I did see somewhere that crossdresser was a more polite term for transvestite but obviously there's more to it than that and it's a sensitive topic.

Thanks for the link and have a safe trip to Texas.

[Marianne]

No, I assure you I'm not. This is my first day here. I am a member of other types of forums though, and understand the fear of trolls! I'd hate to see a troll problem here, especially.

I suppose I should have poked around some more before just jumping in, but I felt like I was intruding.

Can't the moderator check addy's to reduce any troll issues? I hope so.

One of the more 'interesting' things most people don't realise about the internet is that there is no true 'anonymity'. It's only 'mostly' anonymous. Given enough time and sufficient reason, anyone can be traced.

Most 'trolls' and other pests simply fall beneath the 'radar'.

If you're serious, you can assuage our trust by reposting your questions on a publishers website. Most professional authors (even ones 'hiding' behind a 'nom de plume', have that ability. And if you don't, get a better agent!).

Many of your questions appear to be 'trolling' in nature, or to use the correct term, 'Phishing'. It would be all too easy to take an unsuspecting set of responses from someone here and use them for blackmail purposes. If you are, indeed, a professional author, then to ask such questions here is totally unprofessional in nature and extremely suspicious.

While extremely well written, I can say the same for the average '419 scam' (See http://home.rica.net/alphae/419coal/ )

Me, being an old, cynical and rather paranoid sumbitch, well... I've picked up on certain keywords, phraseings and so on. My "paranoia" kicked in BIG TIME.

Right now I'd have to say that this is a 'phishing' scam post, intended for nothing more than gaining personal information for the purposes of blackmail, and potentially actionable as such under 18 U.S.C. § 1037.

Call it a 'radar hit'.

-------------------

This post noted. http://www.nassmc.org/graphics/nsa.gif

[emmicd]

Hi Susan!

I would certainly try to convey my own personal experiences to you about my cross dressing and wish you good luck in your writing.

Before I start I just want to state that this website/forum has been very helpful to me because it allows you to express thru writing things that are very personal and really never discussed in regular conversation and also creates a safe place to go to talk with others who can relate or are sympathetic to the cross dressing experience. And one other point!

I don't consider myself a transvestite! I feel I am a tg crossdresser. I am aware I am a male but feel predisposed to femininity. I am a loving and caring husband and father first and foremost and would not change that for the world!

OK Lets start!

(1) I am a closet crossdresser and try to find the right time to dress up. Since I am married with a son and am very happy to say that I still have an internal desire to dress en femme. I never go out dressed. I only do it on occasion and when no one can see me. It is a lonely existence being a cross dresser. Sometimes though it is also peaceful. With that said it is very hard to dress up because I don't want to offend my wife and never would dress up in front of my son. To me that would not be proper. So I need to be very careful about my crossdressing. I never envision myself as a woman but I do cherish wearing very feminine outfits and enjoy seeing myself dressed.

(2) The tell tale signs of a true crossdresser is the stages they go through. Myself personally I have denied, repressed and tried on several occasions to rid myself of this crossdressing that has seemed to be a central part of my life. I even went for counselling but I can not stop being what I am! I am a crossdresser who feels the need to wear really femme clothes. I've purged many times. When I married I stopped for 3 years without the need or desire but when I felt stress I wound up going back to it. It's like Linus's security blanket. It's my escape! I felt tremendous guilt through the years and at times thought I was going insane. When I realized that I could still function and do it in private I decided that is my best way to deal with it.

(3) Yes I was discovered by my wife once when dressing up one night when she and the baby were sleeping. I came home late one night from work and felt the need to dress. As I was slipping into my dress after putting on my bra and panties and pantyhose she saw me as she walked passed the living room. I was defenseless in what to say and she was not amused! She was not happy and she stated that clearly. I tried to stop many times to no avail. I can not stop. It's part of me! Also I got tired of keeping all my clothes in the trunk of my car so I gradually started moving them into the closet. So my wife can't help but notice my growing femme wardrobe!

(4) Yes I went to a psychologist for 3 years. Actually she introduced me to my wife! She was very good to talk to and she told me that I was and to this day am a cross dresser. I even went to visit her once dressed en femme! She told me that its ok to dress up as long as you can control your emotions and not let it control you to the point of destruction!

We invited her to our wedding and our son's christening.

I never went to a support group but feel it would be helpful.

(5) The heartache is that I feel helpless about it. It seems like it would be easy to put all your clothes in several bags after cleaning them of course and give them to goodwill. I've done this several times. And then say goodbye to crossdressing. But it is not so simple. It is something that I feel I was born predisposed to do!

My joy is to go shopping and select such pretty clothes and dress in them even if it is limited. It feels great!

(6) It doesn't bother me! I know I am straight and perfectly happy as a male heterosexual crossdresser. I love women to much to be anything else! I also think my crossdressing is a way to emulate women!

(7) I never really get caught up in that stuff. I just like to buy femme clothes and dress as a girl. No more, No less!

(8) I am definitely living a double life as a closet crossdresser/femme shopoholic. I do not wish to open up to anyone I work with or any of my family/friends. It is my secret. I'm into dressing. I do not have to paint my nails but would do so if I was going out all decked out! I probably will shave my legs because I've done it many times before and I love the luxurious silky feeling of sheer pantyhose adorning my legs and the long flowing dress caressing my legs. It is an awesome feeling!

(9)I don't really pay much attention to movies depicting crossdressers. I did however like the movie Some Like It Hot with Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis. I also liked Ladybugs with the young actor who died too young in real life.

(10) Yes I do admire artists such as David Bowie, Eddie Izzard and all entertainers who crossdress in public. It is good to see.

(11) My femme name is a combination of the initials of my name, my wife's name and our son's name and our last name. I use it to correspond on this website. I refer to myself as a girl when dressed. I don't portray my crossdressing to anyone else other than the girls here at this website.

(12) I do feel nice dressed up and enjoy the feminine feeling. I guess I am transgendered. I am a male with a feminine component to my personality. Society needs to be less judgemental. We are all people.

(13) I only went out dressed en femme on a couple of occasions. I was very nervous and felt very insecure. I went to my psychologist en femme once and I went to the mall dressed en femme once. I think that people don't quite understand it and probabaly it will take a long time for acceptance. My dose of reality in walking in the mall crossdressed was the reaction of teenage girls. They seem to know immediately. They saw me, laughed after saying "check out that guy in the dress". They said "Nice dress" as they passed me.

(14) I don't go out now so I really can't answer that question. I am small in stature though. So if I got all dressed up and had makeup done professionally I don't see why I couldn't. I would consider myself a petite girl!

(15) I don't give it much thought! Actually since being introduced to this website I am interested in other crossdressers experiences and cheer them on if they do go out.

(16) I try to be accepting of all because we are all children in the eyes of God. I try not to judge!

(17) I'm happy as a guy. I love my wife and son very much! They are the world to me. As far as dressing 24/7, I think it is enticing because I do love my femme clothes and find it hard to dress. If I was unleashed who knows how I'd feel!

(18) It's hard to say. I am appreciative of this website and think this will help pave the way!

(19)My wife would not go for that. Maybe just my pink panties and girly boxer shorts. That's about it. And they would have to come off anyway!

(20) Yes, I love very feminine women! I love girly girls! The Victoria's Secret Models are fun to look at and also their sexy outfits!

I enjoyed responding to your thread! I hope it is helpful.

I would also invite you to read the threads I created and my posts to the other girls threads.

I would also welcome you to contact me if you wish. I love sharing anything and everything about my crossdressing!

Thank you for your clearly thought out and inciteful thread!

Emmi

[Tristen Cox]

I'm sure you will get many answers from the other people here, I would only like to say I never cared for the word transvestite- ranks up there with parasite.

[susandrea]

Many of your questions appear to be 'trolling' in nature, or to use the correct term, 'Phishing'. It would be all too easy to take an unsuspecting set of responses from someone here and use them for blackmail purposes. If you are, indeed, a professional author, then to ask such questions here is totally unprofessional in nature and extremely suspicious.


Wow...I didn't expect that. Why would going to the source be unprofessional? Most writers I know that want to write about something a bit outside their known world want to go right to the source. I certainly don't want anyone's real name or e-mail address, or even what part of the world you live in.

And why would I post these questions on a writer's forum when most of them would be as unfamiliar as I about specific details concerning crossdressing? I sensed this was a fairly open forum and hoped I could ask questions and discuss a few issues in a free and easy manner without any stress. Anyone here has a choice to talk with me or not and I'd answer any questions of yours, of course. There's not a whole lot of research out there just on crossdressers. I find plenty about transgender, but just crossdressing is pretty slim and fairly general or contradictory. Like I said, I want to get my facts straight as any decent writer should. I wish I knew a crossdresser personally, but I don't. I come across a few at work, but never have a chance to get close enough to them to ask any really personal questions.

I'm sorry you feel I may be some kind of blackmailer, but I do understand your concern. I said I was Bisexual, and I am very familiar with the importance of keeping secrets. Believe me, if I feel I'm ruffling feathers in any way I'd scram and try a different path. The last thing I want to do is stress anyone here, really.

In any case, just this little bit has taught me quite a lot, and I'd love to keep going if you'll let me.

[susandrea]

I'm sure you will get many answers from the other people here, I would only like to say I never cared for the word transvestite- ranks up there with parasite.

Thank-you.....I'm very interested that you feel that way.

[emmicd]

Susan,

I welcome you to this forum with open arms and if I can shed light on crossdressing to an experienced writer I will. I already opened up and posted my feelings and would welcome further discussion. I find it very healthy and helpful to talk about it.

If it helps others all the more better!

Emmi

[Jenny Beth]

I tend to agree with Marianne's post here. I am curious why if this is legitimate why your profile has only a birthday.

[susandrea]

Emmi...thank you so much for answering my questions in such detail.

From what I've understood so far in my readings, crossdressing is a very sensual experience to those who practice it, sometimes even described as a fetish. And deeply rooted as well. I have read many times that it can relieve stress.

It breaks my heart that most cross dressers are closeted, but as someone who is only out to about 25% of the people I know I can certainly understand why.

Hopefully the world is getting ready for a change, but under the current administration we seem to be taking several steps back.

[susandrea]

I tend to agree with Marianne's post here. I am curious why if this is legitimate why your profile has only a birthday.

Honestly, I missed the part where you fill out more info! I'm going to have to find it and fill it out some more!

Later....I just added more stuff. If anyone wants to ask me any questions please do and I will go out of my way to answer them. I have nothing to hide. I'd prefer not to discuss the details of my story too, too much, as it is a fairly original storyline and I'd like it to stay that way!

And again, I am not even remotely interested in real names or details that could possibly put anyone in any danger. I feel naive that it never even occured to me that someone would actually try to get personal information here as a way to blackmail anyone and it makes my skin crawl to tell you the truth. How awful.

[emmicd]

You're welcome! I'm in the closet but so used to it already. As long as I can be a good husband, father, a productive member of society and secretly dress I'll be ok!

Emmi

[Marianne]

Many of your questions appear to be 'trolling' in nature, or to use the correct term, 'Phishing'. It would be all too easy to take an unsuspecting set of responses from someone here and use them for blackmail purposes. If you are, indeed, a professional author, then to ask such questions here is totally unprofessional in nature and extremely suspicious.


Wow...I didn't expect that. Why would going to the source be unprofessional? Most writers I know that want to write about something a bit outside their known world want to go right to the source. I certainly don't want anyone's real name or e-mail address, or even what part of the world you live in.

And why would I post these questions on a writer's forum when most of them would be as unfamiliar as I about specific details concerning crossdressing? I sensed this was a fairly open forum and hoped I could ask questions and discuss a few issues in a free and easy manner without any stress. Anyone here has a choice to talk with me or not and I'd answer any questions of yours, of course. There's not a whole lot of research out there just on crossdressers. I find plenty about transgender, but just crossdressing is pretty slim and fairly general or contradictory. Like I said, I want to get my facts straight as any decent writer should. I wish I knew a crossdresser personally, but I don't. I come across a few at work, but never have a chance to get close enough to them to ask any really personal questions.

I'm sorry you feel I may be some kind of blackmailer, but I do understand your concern. I said I was Bisexual, and I am very familiar with the importance of keeping secrets. Believe me, if I feel I'm ruffling feathers in any way I'd scram and try a different path. The last thing I want to do is stress anyone here, really.

In any case, just this little bit has taught me quite a bit, and I'd love to keep going if you'll let me.

Call me old, cynical and paranoid if you must. I may be completely mistaken about you and your motives.

The onus is not on me to justify my concerns, the onus is on you to leap into a 'subculture' and do it professionally. If you are truly a professionnal writer then getting a web site up with a feedback forum is't' a technical challenge (and isn't all that expensive). Many authors do that all the time.

I'm not talking about some kind of writers forum, but rather about exhibiting true professionalism. It's all about respect, about courtesy and all the other factors that distinguish a true writer.

Catering to someone's ego is just a classic and great way to pull a scam or con, and a professional writer has to learn that as an essential part of research. Right now you're giving me all the signals of a classic 'con' job, by pandering to my ego (amongst other things).

If you are who you purport to be, then it shouldn't be either a technical or financial challenge to distinguish yourself and *prove* you are being open and honest with us here. That's the kind of thing you learn in Journalism 101.

There are other 'signals' I'm seeing here that just give me an uncomfortable feeling. You referred to your own sexuality (as 'bisexual') several times. Sorry, but that is totally irellevant, it has no impact on the level of 'trust'.

Many of your questions are (at least to me) 'paranoid' in nature, and can too easily be construed as 'phishing'. They don't seem to comfortably match your stated purpose.

If you are who and what you say you are, then you are approaching this with some preconceptions (a.k.a. 'paradigms') that need to be addressed first. Until you can get past those 'mental blocks', then your research is doomed to fail.

Preconception one is that there is something 'wrong' here. The tone and phrasing of many of your questions is both judgemental in nature and somewhat condescening. You slip in terminology that is considered derogatory, and also claim to be 'ignorant'. You use terms and phrase questions using many 'key words' that suggest a slew of 'foreknowledge', yet plead total ignorance. Some of the questions reveal a deep knowledge, yet you continue to plead ignorance.

And to be honest, I am insulted. I am insulted that you have so obviously underestimated my intelligence, I am insulted that you can both use all the technigues of transactional analysis ( See http://www.itaa-net.org/ta/ ) and yet so obviously make it plain that you think that no-one here would recognize it.

As a writer, you have a long long way to go. As a journalist you have apparently not been paying attention in class. As a human being you have totally failed in understanding the word 'Empathy'. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy )

I call BS on your original post. The onus is now on YOU to prove it.

[Julie]

Susan,

As a long time member here and the first moderator of this forum I would like to point out a few things.

First, I would think it unprofessional and plagiaristic to take anything written here and quote it without permission from the site Admin. We all feel very appreciative she has provided us with a place to go and talk about issues we have in dealing with a myopic and uneducated society and to do this without expectation of monetary compensation.

Next, I would like to point out there are varying degrees in the transgender (TG) spectrum. Just as no two people are alike, you should never assume that all TGs are alike. We, just like everyone else, are as individual as your fingerprint.

Take all you have learned from Jerry Springer and all the sensationalistic talk show hosts and throw it out the window. We are about as normal as you can get. If everyone came forth and told their deepest and darkest secrets wouldn’t we see the same sort of reaction we see when one of us confesses we crossdress? We are your doctors, your lawyers, your neighbors and your friends. You just may not know this little secret we have just as we don’t know the special secrets you keep.

We are taught from birth there are boys and girls and nothing in between. Boys get blue blankets and girls get pink blankets. Girls can aspire to do what boys do but boys can never do what is exclusive to girls. There’s an inherent problem with this. We teach our boys NOT to follow their instincts if those instincts tell them to do things that are considered feminine. Imagine growing up and being told you CAN’T cry! Now you have to keep that all pent up inside of you. Is it any wonder boys are so competitive? They have a lot of pent up anger and frustration and pain they need to get out of them! We further exacerbate the problem by insisting they do other things that may be against their nature such as fight, be a man, stand up to that guy, don’t back down.

The reality is the gender spectrum is like a bell curve. At one end is the ultra feminine female and the other is an ultra macho dude. But in between we find the majority of the human race. Now maybe it’s not a true bell curve where most are directly in the middle. I see it as a double bell where there’s a large group between ultra female and dead center and a large group between dead center and ultra macho. In the dead center it would dip. But in those two bells you will find the majority of people. But have you ever heard or seen anyone teach anything even close to this? Maybe we should start with a white blanket at birth.

As a group, we just don’t understand what all the hoopla is about. We harm no one, we are discreet (only because we have been taught society doesn’t respond well to us), and we are decent and kind and loving people. Get to know us and you’ll never regret it.

Susan, this is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more. You’ll find all you are looking for here. Just make sure you don’t take things out of context.

[Sweet Susan]

Here are my responses to your questions:

1) Panties almost always give me the relief I need. I don't get aggravated, I just wait until I have the opportunity I want. Yes, I do imagine and fantasize about being a woman.

2) Yes. It was a pattern for awhile, but it no longer is. I've learned to accept it. It is something that never goes away, so I don't really "go back" to it. Shame does have place in the mix, though I've never felt relieved when I attempted to quit.

3) I've been married twice, and both of my wives knew about it, both were okay with it. If necessary, I would stop to maintain a marriage. However, to answer the third part of this question, yes, for me it is impossible to stop. It is actually what I am, as most of the girls here will tell you.

4) I have sought professional help several times. It was not a waste of time, as I did learn some things, but I found that most therapists don't have a clue. I have been to one therapist who actually gave me good advice. She said, "It is what you are, don't deny it, enjoy it."

5) I don't really have a great heartache from crossdressing, other than I can't live my life openly like this. My greatest joy? Sex while dressed up!

6) No it does not irritate me that most people lump us with drag-queens. My understanding of the definition of transvestites is that they engage in sexual activities while dressed. Of course, most of us don't agree on the definition issue, and most of us claim to be heterosexual, so yeah, I guess that would bother me, but only mildly. Personally, I'm not gay, not that there is anything wrong with that..............

7) I find drag queens to be like cartoon characters, and she-males are very sexy. Just a personal opinion.

8) I just go ahead and risk it, for the most part. I do refrain somewhat on the eyebrow issue. I do what I can.

9) Yes.

10) No. They, Bowie and Izzard, do what they do for money. As for the rest of the question, no.

11) I have no idea what all transvestites or crossdressers do in regards to their names. I prefer to be called by my femme name, and actually, people have no choice, as nobody knows my real name is Rich Little. And yes, I prefer to be referred to as she or her when I am dressed.

12) I try to be as realistic as possible. I love to act feminine when I'm dressed. I absolutely LOVE it. I think the term transgendered is over-used, has little or no meaning, so, no I don't feel transgendered. I feel like a male with strong a feminine side. I have never had an issue with being two personalities.

13) I freaked out the first time. It was such a high! The second time for me was really the first, as the first time I went straight home as soon as I arrived at where I was going. Nothing happened. People were okay. Mostly they just look at me like, "whoa, did you see that!" I have been assaulted, but not physically. I coped and made it out okay.

14) I've been out in public many times, and I think I've done okay. I'm sure I didn't fool many people, and I'm sure I fooled a few. Yes, it is important, but it isn't really why I do it.

15) Yes.

16) I'm very tolerant.

17) I probably would not do it 24/7, but I would certainly do it as often as possible. I would prefer to be crossdressed most of the time. I wouldn't go to a job interview while crossdressed.

18) I don't think crossdressers or transvestites will ever be accepted in my lifetime. It is my belief that crossdressers are near the bottom in society. Most people I've discussed this issue with, that aren't crossdressers, think crossdressers or transvestites are about as weird as it gets. I have a sister, with whom I am very close, who thinks that men who wear women's clothes are the dregs of society. Obviously, we could be closer. Of course I hope to see acceptance in my lifetime, but it isn't going to happen. For one thing, I'm nearing the end of my time on Earth; my life is well past half over.

19) It's more important to me to sexually satisfy my wife and make her happy than it is to be crossdressed while doing it. On the other hand, making love to my wife while crossdressed is stunning, erotic, totally sexy, yadayadayadayadayadayada...........

20) Yes. I don't find masculine women to be sexy or attractive.

I hope that helps. I enjoyed answering your questions.

Sweet Susan

[Jen_TGCD]

I call BS on your original post. The onus is now on YOU to prove it.




I'm afraid I'm not convinced either. I really thought the original post was from another 20-something admirer/troll... very typical style and tone. Your spelling and grammer is much better though!!! ;)

Question: What, exactly is your target audience? Most stories of this nature seem to end up somewhere in the porn industry or tawdry periodicals!

[Sharon]

Assuming you are what you say you are --I don't understand what you would be hoping to gain here. There are a wide variety of members here, and the replies you would get would run the gamut from one end of the crossdressing spectrum to the other. Do you intend to find a member whose answers fit your preconceptions about us and then interrogate them further?
And I don't understand your need for anonymity. We members have our obvious reasons for wanting our true identities to remain unknown, but why do you? I would like to know what you have previously written before speaking frankly with you. I have a bibliography myself and I would happily share it with anyone if I expected them to take part in a book I was writing.
Are you published at all? Why would you include a major character when you know nothing about the lifestyle? Not being aware of even basic type informations seems to indicate that you haven't even written an outline of your story yet. Is any of this information relevant to the story itself, or just background filler?
We have questions of you also.

[JenniferPaul]

I have reread a few times the messages in this thread. We have an opportunity to engage in dialogue, education and outreach to someone who outside of the trangender community, but fear, suspecting alterior motives, and excesive reading between the lines gives Susan and whoever reads this thread a bad impression of the mental health of the members of our community.

I do not find the questions, insulting, derogatory, or manipulative as others have, but typical of someone from the general public who has misconceptions and ignorance of the TG world. The questions can be answered in general terms with out revealing times, places, names, bank account numbers or pass words so Phishing can easity be avoided. As for backmail anyone can review the thousands of past post and find more material useful to backmailing as would be revealed my answering the questionaire.

If Susan is a professional writer, in a creative writing class, a 13 year old kid, or a 40 year old admirer, and if genre of the story is porn, romance, erotica, young adult, modern, or whatever should not be consider when giving informative straight forward responses. It is true that many of questions will have quite divergent answers from the variety of people on this Chat room, but that is part of the education and breaking of stereotypes people have of us. Answering the questions openly, honestly, and with appropiate caution will inform others of the normality of trangender people. The next set of questions would then come from another step of understanding.

It seems to me if we want to be accepted by other people we need to talk with them where they are in their misconceptions, ignorances, and biases and not just demanding they tell us who they are? What do they want? Why are you asking be that? Where are you coming from? What is you objective?

Jennifer

[Akyra]

mental health? excuse me?

by the way this isnt a chat room

and you made no less than five mistakes in spelling

i think i know bs when i see it

oopsie gots to wipe off my shoes now :eek:

[Amelie]

Read the threads, all your answers are in the forum.

Are you going to make money writing this book? How much are we going to get by providing your book with our thoughts? What is that phrase, " intellectual property".

[JenniferPaul]

Hello Susan

Here are my responses to some of your questions.

1. I have been out of the closet for a long time. For me skirts or wearing shirts as skirts was my way of 'dressing' For others lingerie or shoes satisfied the 'urge' for awhile. If one can not do it one self than reading stories with crossdressing themes become a favorite pastime.

2. Like many I have purged a few times. The quilt is often the cause of the purge. The desire and taste still remains and eventually it is reawaken by some encounter with feminity.

3. I am single, but many married CD's I know do it in secret. The activity can only be suspended for awhile.

4. I just read anything I can get on it. I have gone to support groups more for friendship than psychological understanding. I just accept myself and enjoy and not worry about why and how I started.

5. Covering the beard and body hair is biggest headache. Being out in public enfemme and being accepted and passing as a woman.

6. I am not bother by ignorance. These people understand neither what is attractive to Gays, or what is the attraction to wearing something girly or feminine.

7. Well there are a lot of Trangender people and there are all kinds. Many with bad taste, and crude, rude and selfish behavior. I just don't associate with the more unsavory kinds of people.

8. I don't hide much, except having very feminine shape brows. People don't care or are unobservant.

9. Not fustrated, but critical and encouraging writers to write more normal TG roles.

10 Metrosexuals, male fashion freedom, Free Dressing, and even punk and Goth clothing all help to open up societies view of what is appropiate dress.

11. Most Crossdresser and TG's have pict a female name and like to be refer to with female pronouns when dressed.

!2. I like to act femininly as I try to pass in public, It is two roles with traits shared by male and female sides.

13 most people are accepting or not concern about crossdressers, Once in awhile someone makes derogatory remarks or yell out names. I just stay in character. If it is potentially dangerous I just walk away.

14, yes, yes

15. Everyones situation is different, some can dress more often or openly. I always look at ways to be more out if possible.

16, Crossdressing does not make one more accepting nor less moral

17. I would like to dress 24/7, but would probably find the need to revert of male role after a few years.

18. In some places and cultures society is more accepting now. It should not take that long for gneral acceptence.

19. Not that important

2o. Actually I am attracted to more Assertive professional lady

HTH

Jennifer

[JenniferPaul]

mental health? excuse me?

by the way this isnt a chat room

and you made no less than five mistakes in spelling

i think i know bs when i see it

oopsie gots to wipe off my shoes now :eek:
So its a forum in stead of a chat room, and I make some spelling mistakes. It does not take much critical reading or thinking to say a post is BS.

[suzym4u]

Hello Susan...

I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. Good luck with your project and finding a few girls that won't give you such a hard time as some have already.

1. If you are a closeted transvestite and afraid of discovery (and therefore may have to “make do” without a full-on change), what is the ONE most important article of cross-dressing that will satisfy your urge? Also, how aggravating is it to not be able to do whatever you would like to do? Do you imagine yourself as a woman or fantasize about being one when cross-dressed?

I'm still in the closet so I'd have to say that my most important article(s) would be my undergarments. Then when in guy mode, I can still feel like a woman, when I'm unable to express myself fully.

2. Have you ever sworn off cross-dressing and purged, only to drift back into it? Is that a pattern that has been repeated throughout your life? And if so, can you pin-point the reason you go back to it after a period of not doing it? Did that fill you with shame or were you mostly relieved?

No, I've never sworn off crossdressing, and never intend to. I have purged several times in the past, but only because I was married at the time and was caught. The only way I could show my wife at the time that I had some intention of fixing what she saw as a problem, was to get rid of everything I had. Since my divorce four years ago, I haven't had the need to purge again, nor will I.

3. Have you ever been discovered by a spouse? What was her reaction? Did you try and stop to keep your relationship together? Is it impossible to stop?

I was caught several times. The first time, she was very upset because she didn't understand why I was doing it and didn't know what other things I may have been doing as well. She stayed with me after finding out four or five more times over a ten year period. She explained to me once that her biggest problem with what I was doing was the fact that I was hiding it from her. I tried to stop, but not long after getting rid of all of my clothing, I was back at it again. For me, it would be impossible to stop completely.

4. Have you ever sought professional help in trying to understand your need to cross-dress, and was that successful or a waste of time? Gone to a support group?

No

5. What is your one greatest heartache associated with your own personal cross-dressing experiences? Greatest joy?

My greatest heartache would definately be due to the pain I caused my wife. The greatest joy would be now that I am single, I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want.

6. Does it irritate you that most people lump transvestites in with drag-queens and assume you are gay if you aren’t?

No, it upsets me a little that people lump transvestites, and drag-queens with crossdressers.

7. Do club-style drag queens and she-males that pose in pornographic ways offend you or embarrass you? Have other transvestites irritated you because of the way they’re dressed? (Too showy or obvious, for example?)

No, it doesn't offend or embarrass me...live and let live I say. Who am I to judge anyone for doing anything that makes them happy?

8. If you are hiding the fact that you cross-dress from your co-workers, or anyone else, do you refrain from shaving, tweezing your eyebrows, or making any other noticeable physical change or do you go ahead and risk it?

Right now because of my living situation, I hide everything. By the end of the summer, I'll be on my own again and then I'll go all out. Completely shaved, tweezing, everything.

9. Are you frustrated by the fact that transvestites seem to always be portrayed in films as the odd-ball character used for comic relief, or even the murderous wacko rather than a regular person?

No, I have better things to worry about.

10. Do you admire such people as David Bowie and Eddie Izzard for trying to break down clothing barriers or does that not concern you at all? How do you feel about “men in skirts”---men who dress far more masculine than most transvestites, such as wearing a kilt and a sports jacket? Or rather, men who don’t make any attempt to be feminine, but just want to push the envelope when it comes to wearing skirts? Do you think that would be a positive thing or does it just add one more layer of confusion? (see link): http://www.stannards.co.uk/Kilts.htm

See #7 above.

11. Do all transvestites create a girl’s name for themselves when “en femme”, and how important is it to you that you be called by that name while cross-dressed? Do you prefer your friends and family to use the words “she” and “her”, ect. while talking to you when cross-dressed or do you let it slide?

I can't speak for all others. I prefer to be called by my choosen name, Suzy when I'm dressed and with someone and prefer to be addressed/refered to, in the feminine tense.

12. How important is it to you that you act feminine, as well as dress as such? Do you feel transgendered? Do you feel like a male with a strong feminine side or do you feel like two separate personalities? If you feel like two separate personalities, do you think that society is responsible because of it’s “one or the other” view toward sexuality?

I feel like I have two completely seperate personalities (and no, not in the schizo sense). I have feelings, and emotions, and beliefs as Suzy that I'll never have in guy mode. I don't blame society for anything that I do. I decide my own destiny and make my own decisions. My only objection to society is that the American society is so darn close-minded.

13. When you first went out in public cross-dressed, what happened? Do you find most people at least tolerant or do they act like jerks? Have you ever been physically assaulted while cross-dressed or asked to leave a public place? Do you understand it if people laugh or does it really bother you? Hurt you? Do you fight back or just try and get out of there in one piece?

I had quite a few guys honking at me as the drove by, it was really exciting. I haven't had any negative problems so far.

14. Have you ever passed as a woman in public, and is that important to you?

Yes, and Yes

15. Are you envious of transvestites that are “out” when you’re not?

No, not really. I'm glad for them that they have the courage and opportunity to do so.

16. Do you find yourself more tolerant of alternate sexualities or do you think you have the “usual” amount of acceptance?

Definately more tolerant.

17. If you thought you could, would you cross-dress 24/7 or do you feel an equal need to be masculine at times?

If I could, I would be Suzy completely for the rest of my life.

18. Do you feel that the world has a long, long way to go before transvestites will be able to blend in with ease and have no worries while dressed in public or do you have hope that you‘ll see that in your lifetime?

I don't think that the day when we can all come out completely is as far away as most might think. Our society/world is changing at a rapid pace and a lot of the barriers that once stood have already begun to fall.

19. How important is it to you to make love to your partner while cross-dressed?

I am single and I'm bisexual. I'm only into guys when I'm Suzy and I'm into women anytime. I will only meet a guy when I'm Suzy and if having sex with him happens, well, for me that's a definate plus.

20. Are you only attracted to very feminine women?

When in guy mode, definately. I'm very feminine when I'm dressed and do not have any attraction to "butch" type genetic girls.

[susandrea]

The onus is not on me to justify my concerns, the onus is on you to leap into a 'subculture' and do it professionally. If you are truly a professionnal writer then getting a web site up with a feedback forum is't' a technical challenge (and isn't all that expensive). Many authors do that all the time.


Yes, that's true, and if I were doing research for a documentary that would be one of the first things I would do. I am, however, writing a fictional story, one that I haven't come across and feel needs telling. It's important in the particular genre I'm writing in to be original---therefore broadcasting my story line and giving another writer a chance to steal the idea would be a bad idea, don't you think? I check the trades every day praying no one beats me too it.

Catering to someone's ego is just a classic and great way to pull a scam or con, and a professional writer has to learn that as an essential part of research. Right now you're giving me all the signals of a classic 'con' job, by pandering to my ego (amongst other things).

I never meant to cater to anyone's ego. I understand what you're driving at and can only hope that I can change your mind.

If you are who you purport to be, then it shouldn't be either a technical or financial challenge to distinguish yourself and *prove* you are being open and honest with us here. That's the kind of thing you learn in Journalism 101.

I'm NOT a journalist. I do feel, however, that any decent writer thoroughly research their subject matter before writing about it, don't you? If I were writing about fishermen, I wouldn't go to a writer's forum or set up a website calling all fishermen.....I'd go down to the docks and ask if I can buy them lunch in return for a few important answers! Believe me, if I had any cross dressing friends, or even aquaintances, I'd beg them for a sit-down but as yet I don't.

There are other 'signals' I'm seeing here that just give me an uncomfortable feeling. You referred to your own sexuality (as 'bisexual') several times. Sorry, but that is totally irellevant, it has no impact on the level of 'trust'.

Not all that irrelevant, actually. I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of misconceptions and stereotypes, and as I said, the importance of keeping secrets.

Many of your questions are (at least to me) 'paranoid' in nature, and can too easily be construed as 'phishing'. They don't seem to comfortably match your stated purpose.

That confuses me but I accept what you say. I did write all these questions in Word first to try and sort them out a little, but maybe I should have been more careful. I apologize.

If you are who and what you say you are, then you are approaching this with some preconceptions (a.k.a. 'paradigms') that need to be addressed first. Until you can get past those 'mental blocks', then your research is doomed to fail.

I am the first to admit I only know a bit more than the avarage person about cross dressing. That's exactly why I'd like to get my facts from actual cross dressers rather than psyche journals or one person's website (although I am looking into those as well). I have found alot of valuable info from other websites, but to tell you the truth a lot of it is contradictory and confusing. For instance, I've been told here about the distinction between the terms transvestite and cross dresser and already have gotten nearly opposite opinions. It's not my aim to pidgeonhole cross dressers as one entity and believe me I am aware there is a wide, wide number of variations among you. I just want to get it basically right.

Preconception one is that there is something 'wrong' here. The tone and phrasing of many of your questions is both judgemental in nature and somewhat condescening. You slip in terminology that is considered derogatory, and also claim to be 'ignorant'. You use terms and phrase questions using many 'key words' that suggest a slew of 'foreknowledge', yet plead total ignorance. Some of the questions reveal a deep knowledge, yet you continue to plead ignorance.

This is exactly why I want to talk to actual cross dressers. I know some of my questions are simplistic and expected some of them to be frustrating, but to tell you the truth your sensitivity tells me a great deal. And I expected that as well. In order to make my story ring true, my other characters have to be "in the dark" and, like most of us non-cross dressers, think they know more than they actually do. You are picking up on both my empathy for cross dressing in general and my unfamiliarity with the details.

And to be honest, I am insulted. I am insulted that you have so obviously underestimated my intelligence, I am insulted that you can both use all the technigues of transactional analysis ( See http://www.itaa-net.org/ta/ ) and yet so obviously make it plain that you think that no-one here would recognize it.

If I come off that way it must be from the reading I've been doing. Listen, if I, as a sympathetic outsider, can land so squarely on your bad side in this, surely there is a great need to get stories like mine out there. If it happens through a writer who is also a cross dresser that would be fantastic, but it doesn't seem to be happening, not that I've seen. It's happening for transsexuals, but not so much for cross dressers, am I right? Don't you think discussing such issues with non-cross dressers is the only way break down walls? If the stars and planets all line up and I do a good job with this, it has the potential of being seen by many, many people and my aim is to tear down misconceptions not build them up. Having just written that sentence I laugh because I should be writing about bisexuality then, shouldn't I? well....! The thing is, I believe I have an original story that's interesting and shoppable---much more original than another story about being gay.

As a writer, you have a long long way to go. As a journalist you have apparently not been paying attention in class. As a human being you have totally failed in understanding the word 'Empathy'. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy )


I am so sorry you feel this way, and again I'm NOT a journalist. All I can do is gently point out to you that several people here are quite willing to share with me and two have taken the time to answer all my questions with ease. And, most importantly, I've been given some invaluable information already.

I call BS on your original post. The onus is now on YOU to prove it.

I'm trying. I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect.

[susandrea]

First, I would think it unprofessional and plagiaristic to take anything written here and quote it without permission from the site Admin. We all feel very appreciative she has provided us with a place to go and talk about issues we have in dealing with a myopic and uneducated society and to do this without expectation of monetary compensation.

I would never do that. I know there is a fine line between plagarism and research and I am ultra careful in that area. Exactly one of the reasons I wouldn't discuss this issue in a writer's forum to tell you the honest truth---plagarism runs rampant! As I said, I already feel intrusive and have asked for permission to be here.

Next, I would like to point out there are varying degrees in the transgender (TG) spectrum. Just as no two people are alike, you should never assume that all TGs are alike. We, just like everyone else, are as individual as your fingerprint.


Yes, that I know. I want to make my character very personal. He does have a few unique characteristics already.

Take all you have learned from Jerry Springer and all the sensationalistic talk show hosts and throw it out the window. We are about as normal as you can get. If everyone came forth and told their deepest and darkest secrets wouldn’t we see the same sort of reaction we see when one of us confesses we crossdress? We are your doctors, your lawyers, your neighbors and your friends. You just may not know this little secret we have just as we don’t know the special secrets you keep.


Frankly, Jerry Springer makes me want to ralph! He's just a s bad as Howard Stern in my book, both huge ass-pains. The fact that they both enjoy huge audiences makes me sick.

We are taught from birth there are boys and girls and nothing in between. Boys get blue blankets and girls get pink blankets. Girls can aspire to do what boys do but boys can never do what is exclusive to girls. There’s an inherent problem with this. We teach our boys NOT to follow their instincts if those instincts tell them to do things that are considered feminine. Imagine growing up and being told you CAN’T cry! Now you have to keep that all pent up inside of you. Is it any wonder boys are so competitive? They have a lot of pent up anger and frustration and pain they need to get out of them! We further exacerbate the problem by insisting they do other things that may be against their nature such as fight, be a man, stand up to that guy, don’t back down.


I totally agree. And as you know, of course, there are many visual restrictions as well. A large part of my story is focused on just why it is so easy for women to cross the clothing barrier but for men it's still a huge taboo. (And then I see a bunch of boys wearing t-shirts that are so long they go past their knees....but if one should wear a skirt everyone panics).

The reality is the gender spectrum is like a bell curve. At one end is the ultra feminine female and the other is an ultra macho dude. But in between we find the majority of the human race. Now maybe it’s not a true bell curve where most are directly in the middle. I see it as a double bell where there’s a large group between ultra female and dead center and a large group between dead center and ultra macho. In the dead center it would dip. But in those two bells you will find the majority of people. But have you ever heard or seen anyone teach anything even close to this? Maybe we should start with a white blanket at birth.

Now here's why I mentioned I'm bisexual. Don't you think I have faced the same sort of thing? Do you have any idea how many guys I've dated that light up when I tell them I'm bi because the assume I'll be sure thing for a three-way? And that's just one example!

As a group, we just don’t understand what all the hoopla is about. We harm no one, we are discreet (only because we have been taught society doesn’t respond well to us), and we are decent and kind and loving people. Get to know us and you’ll never regret it.


Exactly my intention.

Susan, this is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more. You’ll find all you are looking for here. Just make sure you don’t take things out of context

I certainly hope not. I already have some rewriting to do and it's only been about 12 hours since I first posed my questions!

[susandrea]

Are you going to make money writing this book? How much are we going to get by providing your book with our thoughts? What is that phrase, " intellectual property".

You make a valid point, and you have the choice to share with me or not. All I can say is, yes---I stand to make money if my story is purchased (of course!) If it goes the way I intend, the results would be that many, many people would come away from it with a much broader understanding of cross dressers and that they are for the most part valuable members of society--- and that would be worth far more than money, wouldn't it?

Also, if I did make some money on this I would certainly find a way to give back. That's just in my nature. I'm not a "money" person. My aim is not financial gain....I just have a story that I believe (and have been told by two people in the biz) is a very good one and should be out there. I can't tell you more without giving away my storyline, I'm sorry.

[susandrea]

Thank you JenniferPaul, Sweet Susan, and Suzym4u for your answers.

I would like to touch on a few things with you if I may, but I have to do it later as right now I'm pressed for time. Hopefully tonight. I got very little sleep last night because my head was swimming already!

I certainly don't want anyone here to feel like a lab specimen and I can only try my very best to phrase my questions with great care.

Again, thank-you so much.

[Amelie]

Are you going to make money writing this book? How much are we going to get by providing your book with our thoughts? What is that phrase, " intellectual property".

You make a valid point, and you have the choice to share with me or not. All I can say is, yes---I stand to make money if my story is purchased (of course!) If it goes the way I intend, the results would be that many, many people would come away from it with a much broader understanding of cross dressers and that they are for the most part valuable members of society--- and that would be worth far more than money, wouldn't it?

Also, if I did make some money on this I would certainly find a way to give back. That's just in my nature. I'm not a "money" person. My aim is not financial gain....I just have a story that I believe (and have been tole by two people in the biz) is a very good one and should be out there. I can't tell you more without giving away my storyline, I'm sorry.

The first line of my post was,,read the threads.
if you read the threads, you would have known that I don't give a crap what society thinks of me. I don't look for societies acceptance. Your book wil be of no value to me, unless you send me cash. I need cash more than I need societies acceptance, I already do what I want with out societies permission, and I don't care if they don't understand the "why" I crossdress. If others want to answer you, well all and good, it's up to them. But just like recording artists want to be paid for their property, so should people at this site.

[susandrea]

Question: What, exactly is your target audience? Most stories of this nature seem to end up somewhere in the porn industry or tawdry periodicals!

Oh god, no. This is aimed at mainstream America. The story takes place in NYC.

[susandrea]

The first line of my post was,,read the threads.
if you read the threads, you would have known that I don't give a crap what society thinks of me. I don't look for societies acceptance. Your book wil be of no value to me, unless you send me cash. I need cash more than I need societies acceptance, I already do what I want with out societies permission, and I don't care if they don't understand the "why" I crossdress. If others want to answer you, well all and good, it's up to them. But just like recording artists want to be paid for their property, so should people at this site.

As to "societies acceptance"....I doubt anyone really feels 100% okay if they are marginalized into the background, do they? I believe that anytime someone gets out there and sheds a positive light on something that has been in the dark for a long time has got to be a good thing.

Also, you must realize that it is impossible to compensate people on a forum that you will never know. If I felt I need to quote someone directly, I would seek that person out and discuss how we both feel it should be handled, whether a mention in the credits would be enough or some kind of payment would be in order. And I would be willing to compensate someone if I met with them personally, but I'm not up to that yet. To tell you the honest truth, I'd go for someone who is NOT interested in monetary gain but is simply interested in my story and getting the facts as straight as possible. I'm here to get answers not direct quotes, and the money aspect is not one of my concerns. Besides, most of the things discussed here are repeated many other places, so how in the world would it be proveable?

But...I'm not here to argue, only to learn. Please don't share with me if you feel uncomfortable.

[susandrea]

Assuming you are what you say you are --I don't understand what you would be hoping to gain here. There are a wide variety of members here, and the replies you would get would run the gamut from one end of the crossdressing spectrum to the other. Do you intend to find a member whose answers fit your preconceptions about us and then interrogate them further?
And I don't understand your need for anonymity. We members have our obvious reasons for wanting our true identities to remain unknown, but why do you? I would like to know what you have previously written before speaking frankly with you. I have a bibliography myself and I would happily share it with anyone if I expected them to take part in a book I was writing.
Are you published at all? Why would you include a major character when you know nothing about the lifestyle? Not being aware of even basic type informations seems to indicate that you haven't even written an outline of your story yet. Is any of this information relevant to the story itself, or just background filler?
We have questions of you also.

There's a lot for me to answer here and I will---just can't right now as I've got to get to work. I will try to get to this tonight. I have nothing to hide.

[Amelie]

The first line of my post was,,read the threads.
if you read the threads, you would have known that I don't give a crap what society thinks of me. I don't look for societies acceptance. Your book wil be of no value to me, unless you send me cash. I need cash more than I need societies acceptance, I already do what I want with out societies permission, and I don't care if they don't understand the "why" I crossdress. If others want to answer you, well all and good, it's up to them. But just like recording artists want to be paid for their property, so should people at this site.

As to "societies acceptance"....I doubt anyone really feels 100% okay if they are marginalized into the background, do they? I believe that anytime someone gets out there and sheds a positive light on something that has been in the dark for a long time has got to be a good thing.

Also, you must realize that it is impossible to compensate people on a forum that you will never know. If I felt I need to quote someone directly, I would seek that person out and discuss how we both feel it should be handled, whether a mention in the credits would be enough or some kind of payment would be in order. And I would be willing to compensate someone if I met with them personally, but I'm not up to that yet. To tell you the honest truth, I'd go for someone who is NOT interested in monetary gain but is simply interested in my story and getting the facts as straight as possible. I'm here to get answers not direct quotes, and the money aspect is not one of my concerns. Besides, most of the things discussed here are repeated many other places, so how in the world would it be proveable?

But...I'm not here to argue, only to learn. Please don't share with me if you feel uncomfortable.

Your right, it can't be proven where you got your info on Cds, But if you are honest as you say you are, then when you do find info from someone here, then you should compenstae them, even if they don't ask for it, you should at least make the effort to give. You will know when you use someones thoughts on this forum in your book so be honest, like you say you are and compensate them. if you were honest you wouldn't have put that line about things being discussed here would be hard for any one to prove it came from here. You are writing the book, you should know where your sources are from and you should do the decent thing and compensate that person, you are honest, right.
Maybe you can send the money where all can agree it should go, maybe make a donation somewhere and then inform the administrater or mods here so it can be proven.
I am not here to argue either, but I am a member of this forum and I have this right to post my thoughts.

[Dixie Darling]

Susan,

Here are my personal answers and comments to your questions. It's quite possible that you might find more details and information on my web site if you'd like to have a look there. http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

Dixie

1. If you are a closeted transvestite and afraid of discovery (and therefore may have to “make do” without a full-on change), what is the ONE most important article of cross-dressing that will satisfy your urge?
> First off, many of us are what you're referring to as 'closeted'. Some of these are married to accepting spouses and are 'closeted' only in the respect that they are free to dress as long as they do so within the confines of their own homes. These are the ones who are more or less not afraid of being discovered since the one person who means the most to them has "given them her blessings" in the form of the freedom to dress. Another scenario is those whose spouses aren't aware that their husbands are crossdressers and for these there IS a fear of being discovered. The main fear her is not necessarily that they would be discovered wearing women's things, but what the possible repercussions of the discovery might be. Paramount among these fears is that the crossdresser's wife will leave him on account of the discovery.

> Now, about what the ONE most important article of crossdressing to 'satisfy the urge'. . . . I can't speak for others here, but for me there isn't any one article that means more than the rest. I'm not satisfied with piece-parts, I want the whole package. Without it, I don't feel like I'm completely dressed. I suspect that what YOU may be thinking about is someone who is fetishistic about one (or more) clothing articles and utilize these articles for sexual gratification. Such a person is usually referred to as a fetishistic transvestite rather than a crossdresser.

Also, how aggravating is it to not be able to do whatever you would like to do?
> Think of it this way. . . You are a starving person and you're brought into a fancy restaurant where many people are at various stages of enjoying seven-course meals. You're allowed to smell the food, watch others eating, but not to partake of anything yourself. It's much the same as when you see a pretty woman all dressed up and looking good. You're allowed to look at her, but not to be able to personally experience what it would feel like to wear the things that she's wearing that you are fully aware that she's obviously enjoying .

> Do you imagine yourself as a woman or fantasize about being one when cross-dressed?
In the early life of most crossdressers this seems to be a common thread. However, with age comes a change away from that and a relaxation and inner peace from dressing that is far more important and more satisfying.

2. Have you ever sworn off cross-dressing and purged, only to drift back into it?
> Personally I haven't, but there are many who have.

Is that a pattern that has been repeated throughout your life?
> Not applicable in my situation

And if so, can you pin-point the reason you go back to it after a period of not doing it?
> Self acceptance is what keeps a crossdresser from attempting to leave crossdressing. Once he accepts the fact that he IS and will ALWAYS BE a crossdresser, he won't be coming back to it since he won't leave it to begin with.

Did that fill you with shame or were you mostly relieved?
> There is a relief for most after they dress following a long period of abstinence. Here again, whether one has accepted themself is the determining factor in whether or not guilt and shame play a part in it.

3. Have you ever been discovered by a spouse?
> Yes, but only after she had been told about it.

What was her reaction?
> Anger, disgust.

Did you try and stop to keep your relationship together? Is it impossible to stop?
> No, simply because by that time I was aware that it's not possible to stop.

4. Have you ever sought professional help in trying to understand your need to cross-dress, and was that successful or a waste of time?
> I have offered to seek professional advice about crossdressing provided that the professional selected was experienced in working with crossdressers and the rest of the transgendered community. However, I've never done so at my OWN instance since I see no need to pay someone to tell me the things that I already know, hence it would be a waste of time and money for my personal benefit. Interestingly enough, when I offered to seek out professional counseling, my wife balked at the offer. I think it's because she's afraid that what she would hear (regarding crossdressing not being a perverted behavior and not being as uncommon as one might expect) wouldn't be what she WANTED to hear.

Gone to a support group?
> No, but not because I haven't wanted to. I would love to go to organized events specifically created for heterosexual crossdressers. But doing so would, I believe, demand too costly a price on the home front.

5. What is your one greatest heartache associated with your own personal cross-dressing experiences?
> Pretty simple - the fact that it's almost impossible to explain the NEED to dress (and yes, it IS a NEED) to the one person who means the most to me.

> Greatest joy? When I have sufficient time to dress, relax, and enjoy the time I can spend enfemme.

6. Does it irritate you that most people lump transvestites in with drag-queens and assume you are gay if you aren’t?
> YES! Extremely so. And as others have mentioned here the word 'transvestite' is too often associated with one being gay or transsexual. 'Crossdresser' is clearly a less offensive descriptive terminology to "label" those of us who are heterosexual. Along the transgendered spectrum almost ANY term that begins with the prefix "trans" usually conjures up erroneous ideas as to what is attempting to be described.

7. Do club-style drag queens and she-males that pose in pornographic ways offend you or embarrass you?
> Most definitely. Provocative clothing and pornographic images are detrimental to the majority of heterosexual crossdressers.

Have other transvestites irritated you because of the way they’re dressed? (Too showy or obvious, for example?)
> Just as many women are irritated by other women who project a less than desirable image of what a LADY is, crossdressers (well, at least THIS one) are irritated by CDs who do so. It's even worse when it's obvious to the public that it's a man who is doing so. Bear in mind that what I'm referring to here is how the person presents themselves to the PUBLIC. What they wear in the privacy of their own home is another matter entirely and is OK unless they produce and make public any photographs of themselves that might be questionable. My motto is that if you're going to LOOK like a lady, then ACT like one!

8. If you are hiding the fact that you cross-dress from your co-workers, or anyone else, do you refrain from shaving, tweezing your eyebrows, or making any other noticeable physical change or do you go ahead and risk it?
> I think that most closeted crossdressers avoid making any changes that might make others suspicious. There are some things, such as the tweezing of the brows that you mentioned that , if done very gradually - over a period of time, without attracting unwanted attention. It's obvious that this can't be taken too far without someone taking notice of it.

9. Are you frustrated by the fact that transvestites seem to always be portrayed in films as the odd-ball character used for comic relief, or even the murderous wacko rather than a regular person?
> DEFINITELY. Society is presented with a skewed perception of what most crossdressers are like and it's 180 degrees out of phase with what the truth is. By-in-large, we are mostly respected and productive members of society and it's a proven fact that most crossdressers are above average in intelligence and hold higher paying jobs.

10. Do you admire such people as David Bowie and Eddie Izzard for trying to break down clothing barriers or does that not concern you at all?
> That's comparing apples and oranges. Yes, I admire celebrities who do such things, but keep in mind that they ARE celebrities and as such their actions are usually just 'part of the act' and used as gimmicks to bring attention and more publicity to themselves rather than to the crossdressing community. This publicity, for THEM, translates into more money.

How do you feel about “men in skirts”---men who dress far more masculine than most transvestites, such as wearing a kilt and a sports jacket? Or rather, men who don’t make any attempt to be feminine, but just want to push the envelope when it comes to wearing skirts? Do you think that would be a positive thing or does it just add one more layer of confusion? (see link): http://www.stannards.co.uk/Kilts.htm
> Since kilts and even sometimes skirts are commonplace in some parts of the world, it's difficult to call those who wear them without any intentions of appearing to be feminine crossdressers. I have no argument with those for whom this is a usual manner of dressing and I don't think other crossdressers do either.


11. Do all transvestites create a girl’s name for themselves when “en femme”, and how important is it to you that you be called by that name while cross-dressed? Do you prefer your friends and family to use the words “she” and “her”, ect. while talking to you when cross-dressed or do you let it slide?
> There are a lot of crossdressers who haven't ever elected to use a femme name. Most who do adopt such a name do so to identify themselves on forums such as this one, or simply to add to the illusion they are creating. Feminine gender descriptive terms such as "she", "her", "hers", etc. are important to some, but not to others. My personal opinion is that whatever the person USING the term is comfortable with is OK. For example, one's wife may not have any anxieties about referring to her crossdressed husband in the feminine gender while he's enfemme, but may find it to be an issue when he's in his usual male garb. At the same time, she might not be comfortable at all ANY time in using such references and if that's the case her husband shouldn't push the envelope and ask her to do so.

12. How important is it to you that you act feminine, as well as dress as such?
> As I stated above, if one is going to LOOK like a lady, then they should ACT like one too. For a lot of us when we put on the physical clothes, makeup, shoes, stockings, etc, of a female, we also mentally "put on" femininity to go along with it. For some it's almost automatic while for others it has to be learned. Either way, if one is going to present their feminine counterpart to the public it IS important.
Do you feel transgendered?
> It's not a question of feeling transgendered. ANYONE who steps outside what society has ruled as being 'normal' in regards to sexuality or the appearing to be something other than their birth gender IS transgendered. "Transgendered" is a blanket term to encompass anyone who is gay, transsexual, transvestic, bi-sexual, lesbian, or anything else that "moves off-center" for what society considers 'normal'.
Do you feel like a male with a strong feminine side or do you feel like two separate personalities? If you feel like two separate personalities, do you think that society is responsible because of it’s “one or the other” view toward sexuality?
>It's a medically proven fact that all males have a certain amount of femininity in them and that all females have a certain degree of masculinity. So why would it be unusual that some people have more than others of the opposite gender. In the grand scheme of things society ITSELF has created the 'rules' as to what a male or female should look like. Unfortunately these rules are either black or white - there is no gray area in between, but that's where many of us actually fit.

13. When you first went out in public cross-dressed, what happened?
> Most crossdressers will tell you that their first pubic appearance was at night, and basically involved driving around while enfemme. As a general rule nothing happens as far as any interactions with others during these times, but most will refer to it as being an extremely euphoric experience.
Do you find most people at least tolerant or do they act like jerks?
> I haven't had any personal experience (aside from a Halloween enfemme) in a public setting, but as I understand it most women don't appear to have a problem with it UNLESS they're unaccepting and it's their own spouse. Men seem to take the attitude that it's an insult to their masculinity and will sometimes make cutting remarks in an attempt to shame or belittle the crossdresser. The WORST offenders are teenage girls and they are the most prone to try to make a spectacle of the CD if he's "read".
>Have you ever been physically assaulted while cross-dressed or asked to leave a public place?
Not applicable in my case.
Do you understand it if people laugh or does it really bother you? Hurt you? Do you fight back or just try and get out of there in one piece?
>I actually PITY those who are so uneducated in regards to what a crossdresser actually is. What they've seen on television programs such as Jerry Springer is usually the only perception they have as to what a crossdresser is. What it's going to require to change this is massive public education about what CDs actually are. Only when they learn that we are BORN this way will there be a change of attitude about us.

14. Have you ever passed as a woman in public, and is that important to you?
> Actually, I HAVE passed as a woman in a public setting on a Halloween when I went to work enfemme. I was really shocked when many of the people that I work side by side with on a daily basis didn't recognize me until I spoke to them.

15. Are you envious of transvestites that are “out” when you’re not?
> Not necessarily, but I DO envy the fact that they've apparently found acceptance from their spouses.

16. Do you find yourself more tolerant of alternate sexualities or do you think you have the “usual” amount of acceptance?
> I'm more tolerant of others lifestyles. Not that I have any desire to participate in them, but once a crossdresser realizes that he was born a crossdresser, it sheds a different light on the fact that others along the transgendered spectrum were also born the way they are too.

17. If you thought you could, would you cross-dress 24/7 or do you feel an equal need to be masculine at times?
> I wouldn't want to be a 24/7 crossdresser. I enjoy the male activities that I'm involved in and would prefer to have a more 'balanced' life between the two.

18. Do you feel that the world has a long, long way to go before transvestites will be able to blend in with ease and have no worries while dressed in public or do you have hope that you‘ll see that in your lifetime?
> I seriously doubt seeing generalized acceptance in my lifetime because (as I stated above) the masses will have to be be taught that we didn't volunteer to be crossdressers. Changes in the way society as a whole accepts such things is a SLOW process, but I do believe that future generations will see a more accepting public.

19. How important is it to you to make love to your partner while cross-dressed?
> Not important. There is a mistaken perception that sexual activity and crossdressing are linked and this simply isn't the case for most of us. That's not to say that making love to one's partner while dressed wouldn't be an enhancement, but it's not a necessity.

20. Are you only attracted to very feminine women?
> I'm attracted to feminine women in general, but the more feminine they are, the more attraction there is.

[Julie York]

Right then! Let's ruffle a few feathers.

When a fiction writer, professional or otherwise, wants to create a believable character with genuine 'reasons' (motivation) for the actions they take (plot), then that writer seeks out the people who do that job or have that skill or have that 'way of thinking'. And they ASK questions! That's how they find out about a character and begin to create a fictional but believable person.

The writer usually starts from ZERO knowledge, other than their own preconceived notions. So the very first questions are nieve and sometimes badly phrased, simply because of the lack of knowledge on the subject. (If you wanted to write a story about a butcher..would you KNOW all the parts of a cow before you even started asking him questions? Or would you hope that HE would tell YOU?)

I can't believe the paranoia and total misunderstanding about the process of doing research on 'character'. She does not want to quote anyone word for word! She has stated several times she is NOT a journalist. She is wanting opinions, experiences, accounts, genuine emotions to draw on in order to take them and mould a NEW fictional believable character for a book.

And the questions asked.....Those very same questions have been asked genuinely and been answered without anyone shouting "blackmail" or "troll" on this forum a dozen times since I've been here They are genuine questions. What's the bleedin' problem?

Check out Tristens Polls.
Check out several dozen posts from first time closet CDs.
Check out the surreal threads by Star.

They're just the same sort of questions. (Well apart from Stars)

And you're getting your knickers in a twist by a few well phrased questions just because someone says they are a writer.

Given that I am one of the most cynical people on the forum, I'm amazed by the reaction to someone who just might be showing a genuine interest.....and even if they aren't.....Where's the troll? Where's the problem?

You are misunderstanding the process of researching a character, and researching a journalistic piece. They are very different.


I thinks that's it for now. :D

[susandrea]

I agree with you 110%. The story has to get there, first. Nothing would please me more than to do something positive if it does make it, but we'll just have to wait and see. So far my feedback has been good, but anything can happen and often does.

Now I'm trying my best not to sound condescending here in any way, but fiction writers sometimes don't choose the stories they feel they have to tell, the stories choose them. And this story did choose me and I want to do my best by it. It would be easier to pick a more mainstream storyline, wouldn't it? I face a situation here that may or may not hurt me---my story is original and interesting, but is the public ready and willing to hear it? We'll see. In this biz you can get right up to the edge and then watch it just sit there and rot, so much time going by that half of what you've written becomes irrelevant. On the otherhand, sometimes you get astonishingly lucky.

[susandrea]

Thank-you Dixie Darling and Julie York. I'll get back to you ASAP.

[tammie]

Hi Susandrea: What a beautiful and unusual name. I am a man that enjoys wearing lingerie by myself. I cannot pass, mostly because I work in the public safety field and cannot do all the things that could allow me to pass. I think that is one of your answers, however I am quite content none the less. I am attracted to women only and I love almost all of them, but like most men I am more attracted to the ones that R young and sexy not necessarily only very feminine. For instance I am attracted to athletic women that don't look extremely feminine, but R still very sexy. I also like and admire mature women even older than me if they R still sexy and attractive.

I read once that many CDs R police and fire and engineers and executives. This has been suggested as a way to escape the persona of responsibility. Many times U will hear or read that it is a way to relax or escape.

I started in adolesence, and stopped and started many times, knowing that I was damned to hell, but then starting again. Since being an adult much of the guilt is gone by being able to get clothing wihtout subterfuge and or stealing, a source of much of the guilt.

I have been conftonted by girlfriends who found my clothing several times over the yrs. One was convinced I was having an affair with a large woman. When she found out the clothing was mine it was much worse for her. She went nuts screaming threw everything away when I was at work, moved out and called everyone we knew and told them I was a raving queer. The woman I am in a relationship with now knows I CD, and can tolerate me in panties but doesn't want to see me in a bra or slip.

I was once married to an engineer who not only liked me to wear her bras and panties, her father was/is a CD and she grew up seeing dad in a slip smoking a cigar. He is a retired pro baseball player. My X and I R still good friends and she is the most sexually aggressive woman I have ever encountered. When we were courting she would often have me wear her bra and panties and she would go out without panties in a skirt.

I apologise for so many being suspicious of your motives, good luck with your novel or short story. If U have any more questions feel free to emil me directly I would love to correspond with U.
Tammie

[Sweet Susan]

I agree with everything Julie York and Tammie said. I find the impulse to yell fraud, liar, fishmonger, and all of the other invectives to be really weird and definitely paranoid.

And so what if she is a journalist? BFD. I'm a journalist, and I don't find myself to be all that repugnant.

Also, attacking somebody for incorrect spelling on this forum is a joke. I've never seen such poor grammar and spelling on any adult forum as what I have seen on this forum. I think we should remember that it isn't about spelling, it's about getting across a message.

Directing somebody to read the threads to get their answers is laughable. Have any of you ever read all of the threads and posts? There are so many threads and responses it would take a sane person much too long to do the research. That is not how research is done. Any sane researcher makes attempts to shortcut their efforts. It's only logical.

It's a good thing that we have the anonymity that we have on this forum, because it's embarrassing to be associated with such rudeness and immature paranoia.

[Amelie]

I agree with everything Julie York and Tammie said. I find the impulse to yell fraud, liar, fishmonger, and all of the other invectives to be really weird and definitely paranoid.

And so what if she is a journalist? BFD. I'm a journalist, and I don't find myself to be all that repugnant.

Also, attacking somebody for incorrect spelling on this forum is a joke. I've never seen such poor grammar and spelling on any adult forum as what I have seen on this forum. I think we should remember that it isn't about spelling, it's about getting across a message.

Directing somebody to read the threads to get their answers is laughable. Have any of you ever read all of the threads and posts? There are so many threads and responses it would take a sane person much too long to do the research. That is not how research is done. Any sane researcher makes attempts to shortcut their efforts. It's only logical.

It's a good thing that we have the anonymity that we have on this forum, because it's embarrassing to be associated with such rudeness and immature paranoia.

It's not paranoia, I just need the money. I want to get a tatoo.

What's a fishmonger????

[Sweet Susan]

I hope you get that tatoo.

A fishmonger, per Hamlet, is a person "fishing" for contrary evidence to be used for purposes other than good.

[Melissa A.]

Hi, Susandrea. I am a bit suprised at some of the responses you have recieved here. You could have easily joined and said you were a cd...and asked all of the same questions, and your motives would not have been questioned. We have a few members here who do nothing but ask questions, hypothetical and otherwise. I don't mind answering their questions, so why would I mind giving a curious outsider some insight? Instead of pretending to be something you are not, you have honestly presented who you are and why you are here. I will say that if you were looking to hurt anyone here you would probably go about it quite differently. Having said that, part of me understands, a little, some of the responses. We, as a group, treasure what we have here, and are very protective of it. And some girls here have more to lose than others. So I hope you will not be offended or hurt by some of the less than enthusiastic answers you have gotten. Though we all have one thing in common here, the way we express it, and think about it, is as varied as our numbers. We are as diverse a group as any other segment of the population. That, I think, is the first thing you should take away from here.

To your questions:

1) I was closeted, for years. And terrified of being discovered, though I did tell my first wife before we married. But I also told her I could live without it. Not an intentional lie, just denial. We cds are no different than most people. We are socialized to believe that it is somehow "wrong" to diverge from accepted gender roles. In some of us, crossdressing has caused pain and confusion, and we often believe, especially when we are still somewhat young, that if we find true love and try to live a "normal" life, the things that make us who we are will go away or become less important. But for most of us, suppression and denial do not work, and have huge negative effects on our larger life. My favorite article of clothing when I could not fully dress? Wearing a bra was was somewhat helpful, sometimes, but could never take the place of full dressing, because for me, cding is about experiencig that part of me that IS female. This goes to what I mentioned above-for some cds, simply wearing women's underwear is enough, for others, nothing short of being a girl, albeit temporarily, will do. And there are dozens of degrees in between.

2)Almost all of us have purged, repeatedly. I think some of what I have said in the above paragraph explains some of it. Coming back was always a relief. Shame? yeah, some, at different points in my life. And worry, that I could not be a crossdresser AND be happy. I was wrong about that. It's a rare person that posesses the maturity in their teens and twenties to know that crossdressing has no effect on the hardworking, fun loving, decent man that they otherwise are. Though seeing younger cds here who seem to have a self-awareness I never had at that age is encouraging. I think the internet in general, and sites like these, have helped many of us know we are far from alone. And that we do not deserve to be viewed as freaks or perverts.

3)Yes, and both my wives hated it. And I have had gfs who thought it was fine. You simply never know how a woman will react to crossdressing. It is one of those things that you just cannot surmise from a woman's apparant open mindedness on other issues, or lack thereof. Just one of those things that cannot be predicted.

For me, it was impossible to completely stop.

4)Yeah, at a very young age, when it was discovered by my dad and his gf that I was stealing her stuff. Taking someone else's things is never right, for any reason. But many young cd's do. As far as cding itself, therapy was a waste of time, because it started with the assumption that cding is wrong.

I have contacted tha support group in my area, and talked to it's president, but have yet to find time to attend any functions. I would go to have fun, not for any psycological reasons.

5)The secrecy and the need to lie to myself and others, denying and supressing who I am. No longer true, but it was painful, and still is to think about.

6)Well, duh! Yes, ignorance and being stereotyped would be annoying to anyone.

7)Drag queens and tg pornograhy have nothing to do with me or my life. Neither annoys me, because I am not exposed to them. The ignorance that lumps it all together is certainly annoying, but that was question #6.

We all express ourselves differently. And I express MYSELF differently at different times. No, it doesn't bother me.

8) I don't shout it from the rooftops, and have no desire to make people who are unaware uncomfortable, but I don't care who knows. I shave my body, no one has said anything, and I don't care if they do.

9)See question #6.

10) I have always admired people with the courage to be who they are. Has very little to do with me, however. It's not completely about clothes, though they are an invaluable tool. It is about being a girl. When I'm in guy mode(which is most of the time), I'm just a jeans and T-shirt guy, nothing fem about my dress.

I have no problem with "mandresses" etal. That's a type of cropssdressing, I suppose, but not mine. If it confuses people, who cares? If it makes them think and accept, I guess that's good.

11) I don't know about most, but I like having a girls name and thinking of myself as that girl when dressed. The few times I have interacted with others dressed, I have prefered being called Melissa and refered to as she or her.

12)Moving, walking and acting feminine comes completely naturally to me when dressed, like a switch goes on in my brain. It requires no effort at all. Some of that could be from years of practice. Yes, it is important. I am a female when dressed.

I think of Melissa a part another personality and part an extension, and compliment to my true self. The guy and girl parts of me are always there, and make me a better person, as a whole.

Yeah, you probably have a point about society and gender roles. The thing is, I have no desire to act effeminate whe in guy mode. I'm glad the two sides of me are seperate, mostly, and feel blessed to be able to experience both.

13) The first time, I was a teenager, I don't remember much, except it was exciting, and scary. Still is, sometimes. I have never had a problem. That is partially luck, and the fact that I avoid dangerous situations. Going to an accepting club or support group is always the best option. But walking or driving around alone is fun, too, one just needs to be careful, unless they are 100% passable. The best thing to do if you feel you are in danger is to leave. If you are merely being mocked, and not in danger, the best thing to do is to show that you are not at all embarrassed, and say so. Smile. Say something smart. Insult them back, politely. Do what you can to take away their fun, without stooping to their level.

14) Yes, and yes.

15)I am out, to an extent. If I were closeted, I would be envious, yes.

16)I am pretty tolerant of anything that doesn't involve unwanted violence or coersion. I supposed exhibitionists need to be aware that the general public doesn't want to see them having sex.

17)I love my male life and would never give it up.

18)Maybe in some places(already possible in Provincetown, MA. and I'm sure a few other places) but in general, no.

19)If I'm in girl mode, and horny, very important at that moment.

20)For the most part. Typical guy, in that respect. But I am smart enough to look beyond that. A person who is smart, funny, fun, etc. can be just as sexy.

[Julie]

Do you have any idea how many guys I've dated that light up when I tell them I'm bi because the assume I'll be sure thing for a three-way?

Well, guys are pigs! And you'll see that quoted here time and time again.

[StephanieCD]

As a fellow writer and New Hampshirite, I will happily answer your questions but I'm very busy right now. Feel free to PM me if you're serious - I'll get some answers to you soon.

[CharleneCD]

Susandrea,
I had my concetns at first but I let the more experienced members grill you first. I find your answers to their questions and concerns to be honest.
I am just going to make a few points now, then take my time and answer the rest later.
Transvestite has too many negative conotations atached to it. Im with Tristen in not liking the term for me.
For me dressing is not a sexual thing. I do it because it feels right for me. As for sensual, what girl, genetic or otherwise wouldnt feel sensual in a soft silky dress.

[Sweet Susan]

Susan,
Charlene has a good point about the negative connotation to the word transvestite. Perhaps your character isn't a tranny, but a cd. There is a difference. On the other hand if the character is a tranvestite, there's really nothing wrong with that. The PC in our lives is getting tedious. It is now becoming not okay to refer to a person from Mexico as a Mexican. Mexican, I am told, has a negative connotation. How is that possible? We certainly wouldn't want to want to call a Hispanic crossdresser a Mexican transvestite, now would we?

[Sharon]

You make a valid point, and you have the choice to share with me or not. All I can say is, yes---I stand to make money if my story is purchased (of course!) If it goes the way I intend, the results would be that many, many people would come away from it with a much broader understanding of cross dressers and that they are for the most part valuable members of society--- and that would be worth far more than money, wouldn't it?

Actually, unless you are fortunate enough to get an advance (rare for a, supposedly, previously unpublished novelist) then you stand to make money only when you sell a set number of books (the exact number of which depends on the publisher and the contract you sign). Even if you do gain an advance from the publisher, will you not stand to use this money for everyday living expenses to support you while you slave away at your processor? These are issues I am dealing with myself at the moment, and I know
I wish you all the luck in the world, Susandrea. Unlike some of the girls here, I believe you are who who claim to be. Why not? I just don't see how posting these questions will gain you any insight. As I stated previously, we run the gamut from fully transitioned TG's to single clothing article fetishists. I think your best option is to try to find one, two, or three willing individuals and grill the heck out of them.
Just don't promise compensation.

I have another question: what was it that made you decide to have a crossdresser as a major character in your book? The reason I ask is that I always base characters on people I have known or on myself, with just enough enhancement and alteration to make them interesting and anonymous.
Did you see a crossdresser on the street or television that piqued your curiousity? It would be as if I wanted to write a novel about a whaler and his pursuit of his prey -- I would be unable to even begin the story until I did a lot of homework first. Instead, I write what I know -- unless I'm writing non-fiction, of course.

No matter -- good luck to you and don't worry about feeling a need to answer these or my previous questions.

[Stlalice]

Susandrea,

It would be a nice change to see a book that portrays CD's in a positive manner. One thing to keep in mind - while the word transvestite may be a traditional term for a CD, many consider it an insult because of the negative image that most people associate with it. Sort of like calling a black person by that N word. One good source of info out on the web that you can check is the website for the International Foundation for Gender Education at www.ifge.org - their magazine Transgender Tapestry is an outstanding source of the type of info you are looking for. Another source that is more specifically oriented to the transsexual is www.transsexual.org - still, a lot of their background info on the why of dressing, social attitudes, problems, etc. may be useful. Something else to consider - is your character a CD or a Transsexual ? You will need to be careful here because BOTH dress - but for very different reasons. One other note when posting looking for information - perhaps learn to use the term "Transgender" as it is an umbrella term that covers the whole spectrum from CD to Transsexual and most variations in between. Good luck and if you wish you can PM with your ideas for you character which I will be glad to help you to refine.

[suzym4u]

I can't believe this thread is still going in the direction that it is. Susan asked a few legitimate questions. She didn't come in here talking about how she's experimenting with some new wonder hormone that guarantees to give a guy a vagina and breasts in a week. She didn't come in here to report that her GRS is taking place tomorrow after just meeting with some quack doctor today. And she didn't come in here asking the same "panty" question that's been asked a million times.

People get over yourselves, your not that special. No one hired you because of your detective abilities, of which several of you would fail. Stick to your day jobs.

Apparently someone's "Scam radar" is over due for a serious calibration.

Susan's questions are no different than the thousands of questions already posted in the archives of this site. If it's to much for you to simply answer the questions, then go find something else to do. Half of you that responded negatively towards Susan spent more time posting your ignorance than it would have taken to simply ignore the thread all together or answer the questions posted.

I swear to God some of you must be going through PMS.

EDIT: And on the matter of being paid to answer a few questions? LMMFAO...people, get real please.

[Sweet Jeanette]

I dont know about all of you others, but I believe the Government fellow!---(Marianne). I dont think, ------wait.---I DIDNT think, about anyone trying to get info off of us!---for blackmail, or whatever,--purpose! :eek: ---I was about to ask what a "troll" was, but now I think Im starting to figure it out!---I was going to ask Tristen what a troll was. Call me Stupid!---OK?---I dont think about things like that!-----Hearing all of this, makes me feel like I should ---"SHUT UP!---I am Shocked! :mad:

[Jen_TGCD]

I dont know about all of you others, but I believe the Government fellow!---(Marianne). I dont think, ------wait.---I DIDNT think, about anyone trying to get info off of us!---for blackmail, or whatever,--purpose! :eek: ---I was about to ask what a "troll" was, but now I think Im starting to figure it out!---I was going to ask Tristen what a troll was. Call me Stupid!---OK?---I dont think about things like that!-----Hearing all of this, makes me feel like I should ---"SHUT UP!---I am Shocked! :mad:



:lol: Great post, Miss L. Too funny! :thumbsup:

[susandrea]

Okay....here I am again.

First I want to say that because I was here this morning I completely missed the news about London. I didn't find out about it until I got to work, and was just sick about it. I have aquaintances there, very dear people, and the whole thing horrifies me, as I'm sure it does you.

I am very grateful for all of you who answered my questions, clumsy though they may have been. To answer Sharon specifically, the answers have helped alot, sometimes confirming what I already knew, sometimes correcting slightly, and sometimes a surprise. And, of course, some of it is obvious. Fortunately, as my story is 90% formed and my main character is "alive" already, nothing I have written is way off base or even controversial. I think he's pretty typical of a deeply closeted crossdresser, married, important job, ect.... He does find out a great deal about himself when he is discovered, and makes a huge effort to find a lifestyle that he can live with. My ending does get into a somewhat slightly uncharted area but so far it seems to be working out okay. I don't expect to be finished until early next year and if anyone is still interested by then I will try and post a link (after it's shopped and either purchased or I give up trying).

Thanks to all for the links. I'll come back to check out a few more things and ask a few more questions later, if you don't mind. If I'm here you'll be able to see my name at the bottom along with everyone else. The research I have left to do involves the type of salon a crossdresser can go to for a complete femme make-over---I need to actually go to one if possible.

Here is a copy of some of the notes I have jotted down, so you can see for yourselves why I came here and what I'm getting out of it. Please feel free to correct me if you think I'm way off base. Most of these things I already knew, but the ones in italics I didn't.

The word transvestite is generally thought of as a negative one so use with great care (I suspect this is more true in the U.S. than R.O.W.--check out for personal interest reasons)

Seems most CDs would like to crossdress more often than they actually do.

Common reaction for wives to react very badly about their husband's crossdressing, and it seems likely that most CDs care a great deal about that.

Most CDs refer to themselves with a femme name but not always. Acting femme along with the dressing is important, maybe even vital.

stress, escape, relief, impossible to stop, self acceptance, purging, euphoria while out (especially first time), strong sense of feminine self....all key points.

Professional help not always sought out or helpful, but can be. Vastly different experiences.

Support groups not a huge thing.

Lingerie often a particular favorite.

Usually a change from young to old.....more relaxing later.

Sexuality and sensuality varies widely from person to person.

Generally believed that society is unaccepting of crossdressing behavior. Personal acceptance vital.

Teenaged girls can be especially troublesome if they read you while you're out.


Now, to answer the question about why my character is a crossdresser (and the story is centered around his crossdressing) the idea first came to me a couple years ago when I read something that Eddie Izzard said: "You know that guy whose wife comes home and finds him in her clothes? I'm that guy". I've actually met Eddie several times and am convinced he is truly a crossdresser with a deeply feminine side. He has stated several times that he has even considered surgery, and that he suspects that his crossdressing has both helped and hurt his career (he came out as a crossdresser in his early twenties, about ten years before he found any fame as a comedian). He has an autobiographical documentary coming out this September that explores his life in general and takes a hard look at his crossdressing. Interestingly, I don't ever remember him using the term crossdresser when refering to himself, but rather transvestite (and he is definitly not gay). He is British, so maybe the term is used differently there. I'll have to check. My character is not based on him in any direct way, he's not an entertainer and not anything like Eddie, but being interested in Eddie's comedy (and later his activism) made me more aware of crossdressing. I also have a crossdressing friend, a woman who wears masculine clothing purchased in a men's store (even shoes) but she doesn't try to pass as a man.

Just how my character came to me is somewhat a mystery, but he's there alright! Like I said, this story chose me rather than the other way around. I think much of it has to do with the way some people around me react to the whole question of transgender. I often lend out my copy of "She's Not There, A Life in Two Genders" by Jennifer Finney Boylen whenever I think someone may be open to it. And my story is not JUST about crossdressing, but our society in general and it's views concerning outward and inward appearances.

Again I thank all of you who responded, and I'll keep checking here periodically to see if anything else is added, and maybe poke around a little.

To close this particular post, I'd like to share this with you...it's the first half of a poem "Before the World Was Made" by Yeats:

If I make the lashes dark
And the eyes more bright
And the lips more scarlet,
Or ask if all be right
From mirror after mirror,
No vanity's displayed:
I'm looking for the face I had
Before the world was made.


I wish you all well and thank you very, very much for all your help.

Susan

[emmicd]

Thanks Susan!

I enjoyed participating and wish you well in your writing ventures. Maybe you can give my 6 year old some advice. He seems to have a desire to write too! He has a journal, no like 6 journals and he loves writing stories. I ask him what he wants to do when he grows up and he says he wants to be an author!

I thought I'd share that with you.

I also share in the grief of what happened today in London. I have a relative who lives there. I am trying to reach him to make sure he's ok.

I hope you have success with your story and would be interested in reading it when it is published.

Also if you wish for more information about cross dressing I'd be a willing participant. Feel free to send me a private message if you wish to.

Good Luck!

Emmi

[susandrea]

Thanks Emmi. Tell your son to keep at it and try all different kinds of writing.

You've been particularly kind to me while I'm here and I find it very touching. I will look for you when I come back.

Thanks!

Susan

[Lisa Maren]

Hi susandrea

I agree with the others here who are in favor of outreaching to you. As for compensation, if your book does positive things for people like us, what greater compensation could there be? (At least for me).

I wish you luck!

Questions (Answer any or all as you please).

1. If you are a closeted transvestite and afraid of discovery (and therefore may have to “make do” without a full-on change), what is the ONE most important article of cross-dressing that will satisfy your urge? Also, how aggravating is it to not be able to do whatever you would like to do? Do you imagine yourself as a woman or fantasize about being one when cross-dressed?

For me, it's definitely pantyhose. Pantyhose and tights were the first article of female clothing I was fascinated by, the first I had access to, and the easiest to buy. They're also one of the most exclusively female items of clothign in existence. It's not... but that's probably because I always let myself do that when I want to. :D During the couple of time periods when I wasn't dressing, I felt that something was missing. It wasn't making me crazy, but it was making me... empty.

2. Have you ever sworn off cross-dressing and purged, only to drift back into it? Is that a pattern that has been repeated throughout your life? And if so, can you pin-point the reason you go back to it after a period of not doing it? Did that fill you with shame or were you mostly relieved?

Yup. :) There was one period of time for a few months when I as around 20 and a second period of about 18 months in my late 20s. I thought about it and had read about others' purges and when I got back into it about a year ago I decided I'd keep my clothes this time. I figured I'd feel the urge to purge again, but why throw out the clothes when I'll just go back to it? I figured I could either purge and return over and over or just skip that and quit purging, so I basically have decided to quit purging. The urge to experience my femininity has never really left me. After the most recent time I went back to it because I was looking around at discountdance.com and decided I wanted to wear a leotard and some tights; I wanted to know what that was like and that got me back into it. I tried to resist. I stopped myself from that purchase twice but the third time I went through with it. It wasn't the reason I went back to it, though; it was "the straw that broke the camel's back". The reason I went back to it was that I never truly wanted to stop in the first place and the decision I had made to stop before that last purging phase was to please everyone other than me.

3. Have you ever been discovered by a spouse? What was her reaction? Did you try and stop to keep your relationship together? Is it impossible to stop?

Alas, I am still single. I would not try to stop, but I would try to keep my relationship together. I believe it may be possible to stop specifically the cross-dressing behaviour. However, the urge will always be there, point one, and point two, I would have to murder a significant and meaningful part of me to accomplish that and so it's just plain not healthy or worth it to stop.

4. Have you ever sought professional help in trying to understand your need to cross-dress, and was that successful or a waste of time? Gone to a support group?

I saw a psychiatrist once, but that was mainly about something else. The psychiatrist was neither helpful nor harmful. Mainly my sessions with this person consisted of "free-association" thinking and that was it. He did not denigrate in any way my crossdressing, but neither was he a source of information or hope. He didn't even refer me to someone who might be more knowledgable. He just basically "lived and let live".

5. What is your one greatest heartache associated with your own personal cross-dressing experiences? Greatest joy?

My greatest heartache, hands down, lies in the fact that I am still single and have never known a loving romantic relationship. I've been in love, but that was one-way, not reciprocated. I'm not that clear on what role my crossdressing has played in keeping me single. Probably not the starring role, but it's in there somewhere. Perhaps it's knowing that most girls wouldn't want to date a man like me. My greatest joy was feeling totally at piece with all of me. It was loving who I am and having fun being myself. During the time period between the two purging phases I talked about earlier someone on a forum was saying he thought all of us were lost and I retorted that I had never felt more found in my life. It was totally true! This was a period of time when I was truly at peace with myself because for the first time in my life, I wasn't fighting with any part of myself. Somehow, I lost that, probably due to lack of information/education at the time -- even some crossdressers need more of that. I'm most of the way back to getting that back again.

6. Does it irritate you that most people lump transvestites in with drag-queens and assume you are gay if you aren’t?

It disappoints me more than it irritates me. Why? Does it irritate me that a two year old doesn't understand she can't have my attention *right now*? Maybe for a moment, but not really. Her young brain just hasn't achieved the development necessary to *understand* yet. If someone *refuses* to become educated, that will royally piss me off because that is flat out ignorance and bigotry. So kudos to you for trying to learn more!

7. Do club-style drag queens and she-males that pose in pornographic ways offend you or embarrass you? Have other transvestites irritated you because of the way they’re dressed? (Too showy or obvious, for example?)

No more than celebrities who pose in Playboy. I guess people have a right to play around with their own sexuality. These things only irritate me if they send the wrong message about crossdressers and other transgendereds. I believe that all of us have a responsibility to put positive light on ourselves because nobody else is going to do that for us. Part of our societal rejection problems comes from misguided religious doctrine and some people's irritating tendency to erroneously (imho) take it at face value, but the rest comes from the fear of the unknown and g**d***it we have to do whatever it takes to make it not unknown any longer and that means talking to people like you. Some may feel I'm being naive or too trusting of society but society will never make the first move. That will have to come from us.

8. If you are hiding the fact that you cross-dress from your co-workers, or anyone else, do you refrain from shaving, tweezing your eyebrows, or making any other noticeable physical change or do you go ahead and risk it?

To date, I have only shaven my legs during the winter time and my hands starting just this summer, but the rest of my arm hair shows under the sleeves of even a long sleeve shirt, so unless someone's looking very closely, my arm hair looks right. I feel like shaving my arms and legs and keeping them that way, I really do, but I'm worried I'd only alienate my family by bringing this out in the open too heavily too soon. I'm also worried about losing my job if someone figured me out because here in California, the law allows employers to terminate for whatever reason at any time (they call it "voluntary employment"). I could be wrong and someday I may just do it because it is my body hair to shave if that's what I want (and it is what I want). But I haven't yet.

9. Are you frustrated by the fact that transvestites seem to always be portrayed in films as the odd-ball character used for comic relief, or even the murderous wacko rather than a regular person?

Yes and no. In every group of people you'll find such people. I love the quote from the movie "The Breakfast Club" that says "every one of us is a nerd, a jock, a criminal, a princess, and a basket case". The problem is that the crossdressers portrayed really are of too homogeneous a group. I'm glad for movies such as "Billy Elliott" and "Ma Vie En Rose". "Ma Vie En Rose" offers an interesting perspective on this -- that of a child -- and in that alone it eliminates the weirdness that they seem so hellbent on ascribing to crossdressers. In "Billy Elliott" not much attention is given to the crossdresser and they leave the question open as to whether or not he and Billy are gay -- because Billy kisses him and the movie doesn't speak to that -- but at least neither of them are portrayed with even a scintilla of negativity.

10. Do you admire such people as David Bowie and Eddie Izzard for trying to break down clothing barriers or does that not concern you at all? How do you feel about “men in skirts”---men who dress far more masculine than most transvestites, such as wearing a kilt and a sports jacket? Or rather, men who don’t make any attempt to be feminine, but just want to push the envelope when it comes to wearing skirts? Do you think that would be a positive thing or does it just add one more layer of confusion? (see link): http://www.stannards.co.uk/Kilts.htm

It probably depends. Their motivations for doing that are a different thing than the upshot of doing that. If their intentions are good and the upshot is okay, then I have no complaints. Otherwise, it might be harmful to crossdressers and transgendereds. (Even though the men you speak of here are neither -- ostensibly -- people lack information and confuse things.)

11. Do all transvestites create a girl’s name for themselves when “en femme”, and how important is it to you that you be called by that name while cross-dressed? Do you prefer your friends and family to use the words “she” and “her”, ect. while talking to you when cross-dressed or do you let it slide?

I have one for myself. I started using it so I wouldn't have to use my real name on these forums, but I found out the name is meaningful for me. If I am cross-dressed in public, whenever that day comes -- it hasn't yet -- I will want to be referred to that way in order to avoid yet another overt visual cue that I'm not really a woman. (I.e. if I'm dressed "en femme" and an onlooker observers my friend addressing me with my male name it will be a dead giveaway). More importantly, it will also be because I want to have the experience of being a woman as fully as I can. As for the pronouns, that will depend on whether I'm "en femme" or "en drab" (meaning dressed like a guy again). (Notice the negative connotation that term ascribes to being dressed like a guy again. It's there for a reason.)

12. How important is it to you that you act feminine, as well as dress as such? Do you feel transgendered? Do you feel like a male with a strong feminine side or do you feel like two separate personalities? If you feel like two separate personalities, do you think that society is responsible because of it’s “one or the other” view toward sexuality?

The mannerisms and speech patterns are all part of the look and feel of being a woman so those are very important to me. I don't want to feel like a guy in a dress. I don't feel that that's what I am, but walking and talking like a guy while "en femme" will make me feel that way. I feel that I am a single, combined personality but society had nothing to do with that. I was born this wonderful way!

13. When you first went out in public cross-dressed, what happened? Do you find most people at least tolerant or do they act like jerks? Have you ever been physically assaulted while cross-dressed or asked to leave a public place? Do you understand it if people laugh or does it really bother you? Hurt you? Do you fight back or just try and get out of there in one piece?

I haven't done that yet. Hopefully, someday, I will. :) I think I will understand people's reactions but some will hurt nonetheless. One might not intend to hurt others while waving a weapon around -- or realize it's a weapon -- but the weapon will still do harm, won't it? I will try to answer people's questions if they feel so inclined to ask and attempt to respectfully address it when they are misinformed but in some cases I will probably feel it simply wiser and safer to walk away.

14. Have you ever passed as a woman in public, and is that important to you?

I would love that, but I haven't even been out yet.

15. Are you envious of transvestites that are “out” when you’re not?

Yeah, I really am. They're free to be themselves. I want to be that free. People might say I could be beaten up or worse. Yeah, well, I could die in my car tomorrow, but I don't see myself worrying about that.

16. Do you find yourself more tolerant of alternate sexualities or do you think you have the “usual” amount of acceptance?

I am very accepting. It's partly because I know what it's like to inherently violate society's established boundaries simply by virtue of my self identity. It's partly because I believe that love is love and that it makes no difference from whom the love is coming and to whom it is given.

17. If you thought you could, would you cross-dress 24/7 or do you feel an equal need to be masculine at times?

Sometimes I think I totally would, but there are other times when I don't seem to have any appetite to dress up for some reason. That may be because I still haven't 100% accepted -- or understood -- myself yet. Perhaps when I achieve that, the zero-appetite periods will be a thing of the past.

18. Do you feel that the world has a long, long way to go before transvestites will be able to blend in with ease and have no worries while dressed in public or do you have hope that you‘ll see that in your lifetime?

Sometimes I think it really does. Then I see a news story like the one about a transsexual out here in California who is pretty high up in a huge organization out here and most people are okay with her. I do at least feel hopeful, even if we ain't there yet.

19. How important is it to you to make love to your partner while cross-dressed?

It's not a sexual thing for me. There was a fetishistic bent to it during my adolescence to be sure, but I decided I didn't want it to be that way and so I learned to phase that out. Now it's purely emotional and sensual -- but not sexual. I may find myself wearing some lingerie while making love simply because I enjoy wearing it to bed, but again, it's not sexual for me.

20. Are you only attracted to very feminine women?

I will admit that my type is the girly-girl GG (genuine girl or biological girl). I'm not necessarily exclusively attracted to that type... it just depends on the woman, I guess. BTW in case it helps to clarify, I don't have a problem with assertive women -- in fact, I do feel attracted to the confident ones, the ones who are willing to stand up for what they believe in and stand up for themselves. I always feel proud of them when they do. :) I guess I just really like femininity for what it is.

I hope my answers are helpful for you.

Hugs,
Lisa

[Akyra]

People get over yourselves, your not that special. No one hired you because of your detective abilities, of which several of you would fail. Stick to your day jobs.

Apparently someone's "Scam radar" is over due for a serious calibration.

I swear to God some of you must be going through PMS.

EDIT: And on the matter of being paid to answer a few questions? LMMFAO...people, get real please.


get real???

so we should just believe every single newbie.......

who comes in asking us 20 questions.......

without even asking anything about them????????

how stupid do you think we are?????

if they can ask questions.........

then we can ask what its all about right??????

only fair so dont criticize us for being cautious

[Amelie]

I can't believe this thread is still going in the direction that it is. Susan asked a few legitimate questions. She didn't come in here talking about how she's experimenting with some new wonder hormone that guarantees to give a guy a vagina and breasts in a week. She didn't come in here to report that her GRS is taking place tomorrow after just meeting with some quack doctor today. And she didn't come in here asking the same "panty" question that's been asked a million times.

People get over yourselves, your not that special. No one hired you because of your detective abilities, of which several of you would fail. Stick to your day jobs.

Apparently someone's "Scam radar" is over due for a serious calibration.

Susan's questions are no different than the thousands of questions already posted in the archives of this site. If it's to much for you to simply answer the questions, then go find something else to do. Half of you that responded negatively towards Susan spent more time posting your ignorance than it would have taken to simply ignore the thread all together or answer the questions posted.

I swear to God some of you must be going through PMS.

EDIT: And on the matter of being paid to answer a few questions? LMMFAO...people, get real please.

I am a member of this forum, if I want to ask someone a question I have that right. I was not talking to you when I made my post, I was asking Susan, and I felt she answered my questions quite nicely, I even PMed her with what I thought. So, if you don't like my questions well that's really too bad, don't read them. I will ask what I want to.
Like Dana always says, it would be nice to see a pic of someone, especially of someone who attacks other members by saying we must be going through PMS. I did not attack you in this way, I did not attack Susan with an insult, but you did insult me and others here with this phrase. I think if someone is going to throw these types of words around, at least they could post a pic of themselves so we know what they look like.

And Julie York,, there have been many newbies that have come to this forum that you have questioned their posts and motives for their questions. Nobody tells you not to get your knickers in a bunch, so it is not right that you now tell others this.

Melissa A, you also have gotten into a thing with someone who you believed was lying. I even PMed you saying if you think your right then speak your mind, so you have also been down this route of not trusting someone, just because you might believe someone now doesn't mean others have to follow with this thought, others can be doubting.

While Dana J didn't respond to this thread, she many times questions newbies, OK she is always right, but she still questions them and she isn't called having a PMS moment.

I felt my question was honest. If memebers on this forum don't like my questions, then too bad, I will continue with what I feel is right. If others don't like it,,well don't read it.

[suzym4u]

I am a member of this forum, if I want to ask someone a question I have that right. I was not talking to you when I made my post, I was asking Susan, and I felt she answered my questions quite nicely, I even PMed her with what I thought. So, if you don't like my questions well that's really too bad, don't read them. I will ask what I want to.
Like Dana always says, it would be nice to see a pic of someone, especially of someone who attacks other members by saying we must be going through PMS. I did not attack you in this way, I did not attack Susan with an insult, but you did insult me and others here with this phrase. I think if someone is going to throw these types of words around, at least they could post a pic of themselves so we know what they look like.


I too am a member of this forum, and if I want to question someone else's line of questioning, I have the right to as long as I'm within the boundaries of the TOS.

You say if I don't like your questions, don't read them? Think about that one for a minute. How else would I know I don't like them, if I don't read them?

Having a picture of myself up here has no bearing at all on my right to post here and shouldn't have any impact on your decision to like or dislike my presence here or my posts.

I thought, seeing as how we are all MEN here, that the PMS line would be taken as it was meant, as a joke.

I'm sorry for not knowing that the ability to appear rude on this site is reserved only for a hand full of people and that no one else is to ever question the established "click".

[Amelie]

I too am a member of this forum, and if I want to question someone else's line of questioning, I have the right to as long as I'm within the boundaries of the TOS.

You say if I don't like your questions, don't read them? Think about that one for a minute. How else would I know I don't like them, if I don't read them?

Having a picture of myself up here has no bearing at all on my right to post here and shouldn't have any impact on your decision to like or dislike my presence here or my posts.

I thought, seeing as how we are all MEN here, that the PMS line would be taken as it was meant, as a joke.

I'm sorry for not knowing that the ability to appear rude on this site is reserved only for a hand full of people and that no one else is to ever question the established "click".

I am part of no click, I speak freely for myself, I don't belong to any group.

Your PM talk was an insult to me, and I will respond to insults that are directed at me.
I just feel that if someone is going to insult me. that they would have the courtesy of showing who they are. If you are happy with speaking insults then maybe a pic would be nice, many on this forum have asked for pictures of members and I think if someone is going to be insulting then they should do so as well.

How would you like it if someone said all people from Virginia are crossbred hillbillies, while this might be a harsh insult, it is an insult all the same. And I felt your words were an insult directed at me.

[Melissa A.]

I never said that nobody has the right to question somone's motives or honesty. Just that I was "a bit surprised" at some of the reactions. Hardly strong words of condemnation. I also added that I understood, a little, some of the posts, and that she should try not to be hurt by them. It appears she was not.

I simply thought that there was nothing wrong with what Susandrea was doing. That's just an opinion, and if some of you thought that there was reason to ask some questions first, I understand that, as I have said. But I didn't attack anyone for what they said, I don't think. If I sounded that way, Amelie, I didn't mean to.

My first reaction here is to say that we are now showing Susandrea a side of us that is not very flattering. But we're no different than any other group of people- we dissagree, get pissed off, defensive, shout a little, then hopefully get over it. Just shows we're pretty average collection of human beings, even though we are, in my opinion, wonderfully unique. I'm gonna do what I always try to do- chill out, paint my toenails or something, and get over it.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[suzym4u]

Amelie...I am sorry.

In all honesty my words were not meant to hurt anyone. I want to be a productive part of this community and not known as one that causes problems.

I sincerely hope that you'll accept my apology and as of now I will, as Melissa A. stated, "chill out, paint my toenails or something, and get over it."

[Amelie]

I am a little pissed because there have been many threads in the past where a newbie has questions thrown at them in their threads, read some of Dana J's and Julie York's posts you will see quite a few. Yet these question of newbies threads go unanswered by everyone here, yet now a few people are questioning Susan's thread, people are wondering why they are doing this questioning. If one newbie can be questioned for their motives then others can be as well. I have let others here question newbies without comment or insults from me, then I should be able to do the same.

[suzym4u]

You are correct Amelie...and again I apologize for acting the way I did.

[Amelie]

You are correct Amelie...and again I apologize for acting the way I did.
No need to apologise, you did nothing but speak your mind.

Amelie

PS-My last post was typed before I read your previous post.

[Natalie x]

Tell ya what, Susandrea, I bet you've learned more about us than you ever hoped for when you started this thread :D , both from those who have answered your questions and from those who felt threatened by them. I don't suppose you expected the paranoia you found here.

Now, maybe the experiences of a UK crossdresser might not fit with your NY character, but I'm happy to pass them on anyway. Incidentally, I am ambivolent about the term "transvestite"; I had no idea that in some circles it is regarded as refering to gay crossdressers. I actually like the jokey term "tranny" and think it covers us all better than "crossdressers" (transgender, transvestite, transexual) .

Ok, I'm not afraid to stand up and be counted as a tranny, so here are the answers ...
(BTW, I have taken care not to read anybody elses answers to the questions, to avoid being influenced) ...


1. If you are a closeted transvestite and afraid of discovery (and therefore may have to “make do” without a full-on change), what is the ONE most important article of cross-dressing that will satisfy your urge? Also, how aggravating is it to not be able to do whatever you would like to do? Do you imagine yourself as a woman or fantasize about being one when cross-dressed?
I am partly out, and don't give a s**t if discovered.
I've agonised over what is the most impotant article to me; I guess it's my tits (chicken fillets) because they are my strongest link to femininity. Clothes, makeup and shoes just help to complete the transformation, but it is the feminine shape that is the key.
I am 60 years old, and I've been a man all that time. I realise that it is too late to do what I would really like, transition, so there's no point in getting aggravated about it, it's just not going to happen
Yes, I try to become a woman when I am dressed.
2. Have you ever sworn off cross-dressing and purged, only to drift back into it? Is that a pattern that has been repeated throughout your life? And if so, can you pin-point the reason you go back to it after a period of not doing it? Did that fill you with shame or were you mostly relieved?
No. I lived for the first 60 years of my life as a man, without even acknowledging that this side of me existed, and have only just started to crossdress.
3. Have you ever been discovered by a spouse? What was her reaction? Did you try and stop to keep your relationship together? Is it impossible to stop?
No, I only started crossdressing after the breakdown of my marriage. Since starting to crossdress, I have told almost all my friends and family.
4. Have you ever sought professional help in trying to understand your need to cross-dress, and was that successful or a waste of time? Gone to a support group?
What for? I am happy and content to live my life like this. I don't feel that I am ill, I am not confused or depressed. No, I don't need any help, thanks.
5. What is your one greatest heartache associated with your own personal cross-dressing experiences? Greatest joy?
Heartache? None, really, except that I was born the wrong sex and have had to live a lie all those years.
My greatest joy? Finding this website. It has broadened my mind and helped me to understand, accept and love all people who dare to be different (whether by choice or beyond their control)
6. Does it irritate you that most people lump transvestites in with drag-queens and assume you are gay if you aren’t?
No, not irritate, maybe sadden. I would like to see a more positive image, because it might help to dispell the hostility that some people have towards us, in the same way that the gay community now has greater acceptance.
7. Do club-style drag queens and she-males that pose in pornographic ways offend you or embarrass you? Have other transvestites irritated you because of the way they’re dressed? (Too showy or obvious, for example?)
I guess I'm just concerned about the image of us that's conveyed to the ignorant masses, because I would like to see society in general become more accepting. That said, however, and above all else, I don't believe that I, or anyone else, has the right to dictate to anyone what they should or should not do, as long as they do not harm anybody. It can only enrich our lives if we accept and get to know people who do things differently.
8. If you are hiding the fact that you cross-dress from your co-workers, or anyone else, do you refrain from shaving, tweezing your eyebrows, or making any other noticeable physical change or do you go ahead and risk it?
My employer knows that I crossdress. I think my co-workers have probably guessed by the lipstick and nail polish I wear every day. I shave all over and I'm working on my eyebrows.
9. Are you frustrated by the fact that transvestites seem to always be portrayed in films as the odd-ball character used for comic relief, or even the murderous wacko rather than a regular person?
Yes.
10. Do you admire such people as David Bowie and Eddie Izzard for trying to break down clothing barriers or does that not concern you at all? How do you feel about “men in skirts”---men who dress far more masculine than most transvestites, such as wearing a kilt and a sports jacket? Or rather, men who don’t make any attempt to be feminine, but just want to push the envelope when it comes to wearing skirts? Do you think that would be a positive thing or does it just add one more layer of confusion? (see link):
Yes, to the David Bowie & Eddie Izzard part.
As for the second part, I think it's irrelevant, nothing to do with crossdressing.
11. Do all transvestites create a girl’s name for themselves when “en femme”, and how important is it to you that you be called by that name while cross-dressed? Do you prefer your friends and family to use the words “she” and “her”, ect. while talking to you when cross-dressed or do you let it slide?
I don't know; it seems that most here do. Yeah, I like people to call me Natalie, but I'm not bothered if they find it hard to do, I realise that I am putting them in a strange situation by asking them to accept my unusual behaviour.
12. How important is it to you that you act feminine, as well as dress as such? Do you feel transgendered? Do you feel like a male with a strong feminine side or do you feel like two separate personalities? If you feel like two separate personalities, do you think that society is responsible because of it’s “one or the other” view toward sexuality?
For me it is my reason for dressing. Yes, I feel transgendered. I think my female part is/will become a separate personality once 60 years of repression have been overcome. Yes, society is responsible, but not to blame, it's just that it hasn't fully grown up yet.
13. When you first went out in public cross-dressed, what happened? Do you find most people at least tolerant or do they act like jerks? Have you ever been physically assaulted while cross-dressed or asked to leave a public place? Do you understand it if people laugh or does it really bother you? Hurt you? Do you fight back or just try and get out of there in one piece?
I have only been out fully en femme twice, neither time in a public place. The first time, outdoors at night, walking, I met nobody; then, driving in town, I saw loads of people but no-one seemed to notice. The second time was in my apartment block, I went to the laundry room; met two people who didn't make any comments, so maybe I passed. People I have spoken to about it seem to be tolerant, but that may be more to do with the kind of people I talk to than any general social trend. I am scared of being assaulted. I would be upset if laughed at, but I understand how hard it is for many people to accept anyone "strange". I can't imagine being able to put up much of a fight, because the people who would attack a tranny are the kind who would only do it in a gang; I think I would try to get away if possible and only fight if unable to get out of it.
14. Have you ever passed as a woman in public, and is that important to you?
Yes to both (see Q13).
15. Are you envious of transvestites that are “out” when you’re not?
No.
16. Do you find yourself more tolerant of alternate sexualities or do you think you have the “usual” amount of acceptance?
Definitely yes. I have learned so much about myself and others since joining this community.
17. If you thought you could, would you cross-dress 24/7 or do you feel an equal need to be masculine at times?
I would like to dress 24/7, but I am a straight male where sex is concerned, so I need to retain some degree of masculinity to be attractive to women.
18. Do you feel that the world has a long, long way to go before transvestites will be able to blend in with ease and have no worries while dressed in public or do you have hope that you‘ll see that in your lifetime?
Yes to both.
19. How important is it to you to make love to your partner while cross-dressed?
When I make love with my partner, I do not want to be crossdressed.
20. Are you only attracted to very feminine women?
Yes, but not necessarily cover-girl beauties; I can see the beauty and femininity within.

Well, that's it. Good luck with the project - just, please, don't paint a negative picture of us.

[Julie York]

And Julie York,, there have been many newbies that have come to this forum that you have questioned their posts and motives for their questions. Nobody tells you not to get your knickers in a bunch, so it is not right that you now tell others this.

Hi Amelie.
I think you'll find I only pick on raving lunatics, liars, and bloody idiots who insult my intelligence by insisting they are getting new breasts from the supermarket and crossdressing with their Fathers.

Also, I think all I did was express an amazement at the paranoia when I couldn't see any reason for it, given the more obvious rubbish we are presented with. I think that's a legitimate view.

As it happens, your own posts don't even fall into the 'paranoid' category as your questions were more related to being given money for a tattoo, which I understood to be your usual dry humour.

I also think that most of the 'debate' was generated by a total misunderstanding of what someone does when researching a character for a novel.

[Kiera]

Well Sunandrea, It seems you may have already sold several copies of your unfinished book. Please dont forget to let us know when it is finished. Also, I hope that you do not use reference to transgenderism in the title. Personally, my male side would be afraid to purchase the book and have it lying around my house for all to see if I thought for a minute I may be questioned by my unknowing friends as to why I bought a book with a title referring to the aforementioned. The last thing I need is a book taking up space in my closet when I barely have room for the skeletons hiding there now.
I do not know if it has been mentioned in this thread or not, but at least in my opinion, Many of us are much more open to alternative lifestyles here in this forum than in our "real" lives. Personally, I do not gay bash, or make fun of others i see in public, and perhaps as part of my own insecurities, I do not go out of my way to defend or associate myself with the transgendered community while in my everyday life. Part of a self defense mechanism I suppose that some here may see as shallow, but non the less remains very true.
Please do not misunderstand what I am saying, If for a moment I believed anyone was in mortal danger I would do everything in my power to lend any assistance I could. I would also discourage any of my friends from passing on any negative comments, but at the same time, I do everything I can to disassociate my own life with that of my inner self in the eyes of my family and friends. :strugglin

Kiera

[Marianne]

I'm just amazed at the folks who question the motives of the folks who are asking questions about the motives of the folks who are asking questions about motives. :)

[Julie York]

I'm just amazed at the folks who question the motives of the folks who are asking questions about the motives of the folks who are asking questions about motives. :)

Hey it was YOU who started all this nonsense.
I am not going to say anymore incase you want to blackmail me.

But as I am a professional writer you can read all about me and my true intentions on a website I just set up and is not advertised anywhere.
Please fill in the questionaire.
Thank you.

[Sweet Jeanette]

I'm just amazed at the folks who question the motives of the folks who are asking questions about the motives of the folks who are asking questions about motives. :)

This IS Mindboggling to me! :confused: ---Of course, -maybe my mind is easy to "Boggle"! :eek: ---Maybe Ill just sit here, in my sandals and pretty painted toes, and just listen!!! :think:

[Sweet Jeanette]

:lol: Great post, Miss L. Too funny! :thumbsup:

Well, at least I DID figure out how to put different colored words in my posts!!! :rolleyes:

[Jen_TGCD]

I'm just amazed at the folks who question the motives of the folks who are asking questions about the motives of the folks who are asking questions about motives. :)


Actually... this could be an intriguing outline for someone's new novel ! ! ! :p :cool:

Dazed and Abused ! ! ! :rolleyes:

[Sweet Susan]

Well! All of this nonsense has got my panties all up in a bunch!

[JenniferPaul]

I'm just amazed at the folks who question the motives of the folks who are asking questions about the motives of the folks who are asking questions about motives. :)

So what is you motive for posting such a convoluted statement?

I generally accept the stated motives of people. I would question their judgement and actions. If the motive is unstated or one believes the stated motive is false. then except by speculation motives are unknown.

I may not be making the argument very clear(I am wearing a blond wig). So I stop here before I confuse people more.

My motives: Make another post. Impart my wisdom on others, try to influence people's attitudes and opinons, or maybe just to opine.