Ever felt like not dressing up?

[Honey]

I'm still fairly new to crossdressing etc, but have a question about how you cope with this dilema - if indeed you ever feel this way.

I love dressing up, I love the feel of female clothing, and how I feel when dressed up.

Sadly though there are times when I want to dress up, but feel down as I'm not a girl, and don't bother.

I can't see me ever trying to transition, I couldn't see me outing to the rest of my family, or friends. Though I imagine there will be a day when it comes out. But even then I can't see me getting to the point of transitioning.

So how do you cope?

[Lisa Golightly]

Do you mean transitioning in a TS sense? Well... if you do then it's simple... there is no other choice and you just have to do it. Doesn't mean you don't get moments when you want to hide from the world.. you do... Had one last week. Someone had organized a large barbeque and already I was known as the 'transsexual'. Kind of really put me between a rock and a hard place... but I went in the end... How could I not?

Because you like dressing doesn't mean you'll end up transitioning... Just relax and go with the flow... You'll find your balance. :)

Lisa x

[boardpuppy]

It's not something to be worried about. I know of girls that can take or leave it on a daily basis. However, like today, with house full of peeps I want to be fem, dressing to the nines and there is nothing I can do about it. I want to run to the city, dressed with all the accessories for the world to see, for a couple of hours of shopping. What do I get, maybe a drab outing, we will see. The desire comes and goes but it will always be with you.

Hugs,
Alice

[TGMarla]

It's very cyclical. There are days when the desire to dress just gnaws at me, and there are other days when I just don't feel much like bothering with it. I understand how you feel about not being a woman, but I see it more as that I feel like not dressing because I feel more like a man at those times. I do my best to not let it bother me much, remembering that this is the choice I made, to not transition. This is the bath I ran, and I should enjoy soaking in it. I can dress when the opportunity is there, or I can choose not to. Meanwhile, there is a life there to be lived, and I choose to not allow the crossdressing to run it for me.....much.

[nikki47]

I've just dressed today for the first time in two weeks and it felt like the first time.I know it will always be there.I have an accepting wife but i don't let it interfere with our family life,i've never ever thought of doing it full time,i love my male side more.This way i have the best of both worlds.

Nikki

[Greymancd]

Somedays I feel like dressing and others I do not. somedays I want to dress badly and go all the way with makeup and all and then I may even venture out a little. Somedays I feel like only dressing a little and do not feel like putting in all the effort. Somedays I want to dress and cannot so I may just were panties. It seems like a toss up between opportunity and mood or a balance between them.

[sissystephanie]

I think the only time I do not feel like dressing up is when I am sleeping! Oh, wait a minute...............! Since I would be wearing panties, or a nightgown, I guess I would be dressed....................! Forget I said anything!!

[StacyCD]

Other than wearing panties 24-7 and sleeping in satin pajamas, I don't have the opportunity to dress very often. As a result, there are very few times that I have had the opportunity that I haven't taken advantage of it.

[Jaquelyn]

For me, it goes in big waves.....meaning, I will go long spells with little or no interest in it, then, out of nowhere, I can't get enough of it, and dress as much as life allows. My wife says I'm manic that way....who knows, it is a fetish for me, I know that much. It makes it somewhat difficult though, because when the "feeling" comes on, its almost like having to start over, meaning, the whole makeup, learing to dress nicely, act female. Its getting easier though, as my wife helps alot with my clothes in my "down" times. She will suggest items for me to buy, etc. That makes it easier. I tell ya, that's one of the most important things regarding this lifestyle, is a caring and understanding wife/s.o. When you're down, or nervous or scared or whatever, they have a tendacy to settle you down, bring you back to reality..........I can't thank her enough!:love:

[Rachel Morley]

Sadly though there are times when I want to dress up, but feel down as I'm not a girl, and don't bother.
Is this about you being sad that you think you are "only" a CDer and that you want to be a TS and transition, but you think you can't and so the desire to just crossdress isn't even there sometimes? ... Or is this being sad about not being able to ever be a real GG and therefore, if you can't be that, why bother at all?

In the past I used to get all dressed up and feel really great then look in the mirror and mega depression would hit me. :sad: My self image of how I felt and wanted to be as a woman was so disconnected to how I really was (physically) when dressed it used to make me depressed. I got (somewhat) over it by realizing the reality of my situation. I told myself I will never be a GG and so I better get used to it. Now what do I want to be? Do I want to focus on the negative and be depressed and not even enjoy my time dressing or do I want to give it a shot at being the best CDer I can be, and hopefully enjoy myself and have fun in the process? I thought, who knows what might happen in the future regarding transitioning but for rigt now I'm a CDer and not a GG so I had better adjust my expectations. The turning point was that I told myself that genetic women have peer pressure and media expectations of image perfection thrust upon them all the time ... I was no different. I can't be perfect, I can only work with what I've got.

[renee k]

Is this about you being sad that you think you are "only" a CDer and that you want to be a TS and transition, but you think you can't and so the desire to just crossdress isn't even there sometimes? ... Or is this being sad about not being able to ever be a real GG and therefore, if you can't be that, why bother at all?

In the past I used to get all dressed up and feel really great then look in the mirror and mega depression would hit me. :sad: My self image of how I felt and wanted to be as a woman was so disconnected to how I really was (physically) when dressed it used to make me depressed. I got (somewhat) over it by realizing the reality of my situation. I told myself I will never be a GG and so I better get used to it. Now what do I want to be? Do I want to focus on the negative and be depressed and not even enjoy my time dressing or do I want to give it a shot at being the best CDer I can be, and hopefully enjoy myself and have fun in the process? I thought, who knows what might happen in the future regarding transitioning but for rigt now I'm a CDer and not a GG so I had better adjust my expectations. The turning point was that I told myself that genetic women have peer pressure and media expectations of image perfection thrust upon them all the time ... I was no different. I can't be perfect, I can only work with what I've got.

Well said Rachel, I couldn't agree more. Just focus on the positive and be yourself.

[carolinebrookes]

This sounds familiar in a few ways.

I look at some of the other cd'ers on this site and compared to me, they take the whole thing way more seriously than I do.

I go through periods of months when i don't feel in any way shape or form like crossdressing. For me it has to feel right that I'm doing it. There may be things going on my life that prevent me doing it, but I don't get too wound up about it.

My thoughts are to not worry about it and when it feels right, it'll take care of it's self.

[sometimes_miss]

My urge to crossdress has varied quite a lot over the years, mostly when I was in relationships with women, but on a few other occasions as well. Or maybe I was just subconsciously suppressing the idea, I don't know. What I do know is that since I've been divorced, I've dressed up almost every single day. I'm not at all thrilled about how my life has turned out, and often prefer to think of 'what might have been'. An escapist fantasy, yes, but it works for me.

Rachel wrote:
In the past I used to get all dressed up and feel really great then look in the mirror and mega depression would hit me.

That's one reason I don't keep a lot of mirrors in the house, and avoid any that are there. How I feel when dressed up isn't congruent to how I really look. When I was 15, I probably could have passed. I was slim, pre-pubertal, had long beautiful hair. If I didn't have that nasty birthmark, a little make up would have done the deal. And that's kind of how I imagine myself to look, with maybe a few 'improvements'.

[battybattybats]

So how do you cope?

If I realise i'm procrastinating, finding excuses not to dress or feel 'really like not-dressing' as opposed to 'have no desire either way' i try and make myself dress.

And it makes me feel vastly better most times. I think these feellings, for me at least, are internalised transphobia... aspects still of unconcious discomfort with being TG.

I don't get it as often or as bad as I used to though :)

[VeronicaMoonlit]

and that you want to be a TS and transition, but you think you can't and so the desire to just crossdress isn't even there sometimes?

Yes, that is me. Though it confuses people when I say how I'm always wearing something from the women's department, they say "how is that not crossdressing".

It's the makeup and the faux boobs that are the sticking points for me. I'm just not ready to wear makeup on a daily basis without "other things", those being hair removal and hormones, and that costs $$$.

And doing some things caused some sorrow with family members. They know, of course, but it bothered them and concerned them. Things like starting to wear perfume and nail polish on a regular basis.

sigh.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[Hope]

I'm still fairly new to cross-dressing etc, but have a question about how you cope with this dilemma - if indeed you ever feel this way.

I love dressing up, I love the feel of female clothing, and how I feel when dressed up.

Sadly though there are times when I want to dress up, but feel down as I'm not a girl, and don't bother.

I can't see me ever trying to transition, I couldn't see me outing to the rest of my family, or friends. Though I imagine there will be a day when it comes out. But even then I can't see me getting to the point of transitioning.

So how do you cope?

I have definitely had that feeling.

Definitely.

I have put on a dress, looked at myself and realized I am nothing but a guy in a dress, and a pretty ugly guy in a dress too. And that even if I have SRS, I will still be 6'2", with broad sholders, masculine facial features, an adams apple, a voice that will make a toyota bump, long arms, big hands, and size 14 feet.

I have pointed out to my self that the outfit I have on would look much better on a GG.

I have often wondered who the hell I think I am fooling.

And it IS completely crushing.

But as others have pointed out - GGs have these sorts experiences where they put on something and feel ugly all the time. That only makes me feel marginally better.

In my experience, the best thing to do is to find the best looking outfit you have and put that on instead, alternatively, work on some aspect of your appearance that isn't quite right yet. Pluck the eyebrows, fuss with your eye-shadow until it is just right, work on mannerisms, work on poise, work on your voice. When you feel ugly - be proactive about changing it.

The truth will always be that none of us are ever going to be the next top model, but then, neither will 99.99999999 of the women the world over either.

Which brings me to the next general point - learn to manage your appearance. learn what looks good on you, learn how to accentuate your good characteristics, and conceal your less favorable ones. This is learning to behave, to think, to be a woman.

If Cross-dressing for you is a fetish, if it is all about sex for you, then being a woman is probably not too much of an issue for you - but if you are a TG girl, you can take solace in the knowledge that you really are a girl - a girl with a horrible birth defect - but a girl just the same. So pretty yourself up and work with what you have - just like millions of girls do every morning.

[Honey]

Some really helpful replies, so thanks ladies. I will take some of these on board, I guess in a way I have to think like a GG and remember they have doubts about how they look as well.

I bought my first lbd today, and my lovely wife said I had the legs for it, and then she sexually harrassed me by saying it made my ass look good.

It felt good. So focussing on what works is certainly something I will work on.