Crossdressing Etiquette

[Jenny J]

Yeah it’s been raining most of the day and there’s nothing on TV so having way too much time on my hands, I’ve had a chance to think about a little CD Etiquette. I’ve made some great friends in this community and I’ve been able to get out and meet many other Crossdressers in person. I am a bit curious as to if there are any proper forms of etiquette or general rules of thumb that should be observed during such meetings.

Here’s just a few that come to mind.

First and probably the prime directive:

Never Out a Sister: For obvious reasons never place another CD in an uncomfortable situation by blurting out their Crossdressing activities in mixed company unless told otherwise.

Always use femme name when dressed: Oddly enough this seems to be the hardest to follow. I’ve even introduced myself occasionally with my male name while dressed and gotten a few raised eyebrows. We are so conditioned to respond that way it takes a conscious effort not to.

Always treat her like a lady: If by chance you are accompanying a Crossdressing friend en drab, treat your friend as you would any other lady in your life. Courteous and act as a gentleman. You’d want it done for you if you were dressed so open that door for her.

Women hug: Not so much a social taboo anymore and men do hug each other but as two CD’s presenting as women, the best way to greet or say good bye is with a hug.

That’s just a few that I’ve come up with and I wonder if anyone else might have some to add to the list.

Thanks for your indulgence. I’m looking forward to see what the rest of the ladies here come up with.

Jen

:rose2:

[Deidra Cowen]

I agree with all of your points except the hugging. Drives me crazy when I go somewhere with a bunch of CDs and everyone wants to do a big bear hug. I usually have a long wig on...if they grab me around the neck it tends to make my wig feel like its moving out of postion. Then I also have to watchout for my cloths getting mussed up. Finally if I barely know ya I don't want to hug ya!!! :Angry3:

I never see tons of GGs hugging...a nice little femmy hand holding greeting with a big smile would work fine!

Ok one of my own that is a pet peeve....

When dining out have manners! - Nothing worse than being out with a few CDs at a restrurant and one or two of the girls eat like male convicts at a prison. Don't shovel down the food and for lords sake get your elbows off the table! One hand in your lap most the time. The other holding the fork or spoon. Situp straight and frequently use your napkin that you keep in your lap.

[TGMarla]

How about "never criticize the appearance of another CD sister unless asked for constructive comments."

I mean, really. There but for the grace of God go I.

[tinachristina]

Great suggestions Jenny... thank you..
:hugs: Tina

[Kristen Kelly]

Nothing worse than being out with the girls and the conversation turns to sports and the lady like persona is out the window and the testosterone takes over.

[Kate Lynn]

Does that mean I can no longer pass wind when I'm wearing pantyhose?

[Kathi Lake]

Does that mean I can no longer pass wind when I'm wearing pantyhose?You can if they're sheer enough not to block "the breeze" I guess. :)

Kathi

[Ralph]

Never Out a Sister: For obvious reasons never place another CD in an uncomfortable situation by blurting out their Crossdressing activities in mixed company unless told otherwise.
So far so good... totally agree with that one.


Always use femme name when dressed: Oddly enough this seems to be the hardest to follow. I’ve even introduced myself occasionally with my male name while dressed and gotten a few raised eyebrows. We are so conditioned to respond that way it takes a conscious effort not to.
What if we aren't presenting as female? What if I want the world to know I'm a guy in a dress, and CDing is OK? What if I don't even have a "femme" name (and what's with the use of "femme" instead of "female"?)

That may be important to YOU, but not to everyone, and certainly doesn't need to be codified as a "rule".


Always treat her like a lady: If by chance you are accompanying a Crossdressing friend en drab, treat your friend as you would any other lady in your life. Courteous and act as a gentleman. You’d want it done for you if you were dressed so open that door for her.
I'd like to think that people are like that to others regardless of how you or the other person is dressed. I'm equally courteous to my male, female, and TG friends. If I'm the first to a door in a group, I hold it open for the others.


Women hug: Not so much a social taboo anymore and men do hug each other but as two CD’s presenting as women, the best way to greet or say good bye is with a hug.
Sure, if you want your arm broken. If I don't know you and have a close relationship with you, hugging is a fast way to invade my personal space. Again, what YOU enjoy isn't a rule that others must enjoy.

OK, taking off my curmudgeon hat... for now.

ralph

[Nicole Erin]

Does that mean I can no longer pass wind when I'm wearing pantyhose?

Well, passing wind is not real nice. Yes it is a human function but if you must do so, make sure you are in a crowded elevator when you do it.

[TommiTN]

Does that mean I can no longer pass wind when I'm wearing pantyhose?

Only if there's a dog nearby that you can blame it on...

[Jenny J]

So far so good... totally agree with that one.


What if we aren't presenting as female? What if I want the world to know I'm a guy in a dress, and CDing is OK? What if I don't even have a "femme" name (and what's with the use of "femme" instead of "female"?)

That may be important to YOU, but not to everyone, and certainly doesn't need to be codified as a "rule".


I'd like to think that people are like that to others regardless of how you or the other person is dressed. I'm equally courteous to my male, female, and TG friends. If I'm the first to a door in a group, I hold it open for the others.


Sure, if you want your arm broken. If I don't know you and have a close relationship with you, hugging is a fast way to invade my personal space. Again, what YOU enjoy isn't a rule that others must enjoy.

OK, taking off my curmudgeon hat... for now.

ralph

Geez, stifle the anger my friend. Oh excuse me, we haven’t been formally introduced!

It’s a simple request for some of the people here to offer suggestions and advice to make our world a little more civil.

Personally, you could call yourself 2468 for all I care.

My take is that most of the contributors here have taken some time to think about what there femme, female, gal, girl, gurl, girlie name should be so I’d be respectful and call them by that name. Maybe I should just say “Hey You” when I’m talking to a CD.

I notice little things about our society and a lot things are now taken for granted and civility is thrown out the window. I call it the automatic door syndrome. People forget that other people might be entering a shop or store and fail to hold the door open for people behind them. Regardless of gender, it’s a common courtesy.

Now, I assume that when you first greet someone new and they offer to shake your hand, you immediately grab it, toss them to the ground and break their arm.

Have the day of your choice.

Jen

:phbbt:

[Ralph]

Hah. See my comments in another thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=108838) about misinterpreting strong disagreement with anger.

Extending a hand to shake isn't nearly as much a violation of personal space as thrusting your whole body against mine; that's why shaking hands, rather than hugging, is the more commonly accepted form of greeting among strangers and casual acquaintances.

Here's a crazy thought - find out what someone prefers to be called, and use that name? Normally when meeting someone, either a mutual friend will introduce you or the two of you can introduce yourself - which is both parties' opportunity to give their preferred name ("Hi, I'm 2468... but my friends call me 2"). If the person is introduced as "Sissy Missy Sally", great; if it's "2468", go for it (but I should warn you, the "4" is silent). One of my innumerable pet peeves is when I make a point of introducing myself as Ralph, and the other person takes it upon his or herself to refer to me by some annoying nickname. Even after a few efforts at subtle hints ("It's Ralph, and yes, I think the Chicken McNuggets are tres magnifique this evening") they persist. You'll probably be surprised to learn that I don't push it any further, or break any arms; I just grumble about it to my wife on the way home.

ralph

[TxKimberly]

Personally I'm with Ralph on the hug thing. People I've come to know well I will hug. I may even hug people I've just met after talking to them for years online. If I've had nothing to do with you, don't know you from Adam, I really do not want you to be hugging on me. By the way Jenny, YOU I would hug! :D

[Leslie Langford]

You can if they're sheer enough not to block "the breeze" I guess. :)

Kathi

My worst nightmare would be to have the flatus become trapped in my pantyhose and then have to try to explain why my ankles appear to be so swollen should someone notice :devil:.

[Bobbi Em]

I am, by nature, a hugger. In guy mode, people will actually hustle across a room when they've had a rough day just for a heartfelt embrace.

But en femme, I'm afraid of knocking a boob loose, so I usually don't. Ya start with a gentle handshake. After getting to know someone a little better, then perhaps a kiss on the cheek, but only one. Last time I was in Holland, they were up to the triple cheek kiss & I kept losing count.

Oh, and compliments. One simply MUST try to find something to compliment.

Bobbi

[simone51]

Sunday in France is treated by many as a day where famllies get together, the visiting menfolk giving flowers to the hostess and, as in most cases where women greet each other, the women pecking cheeks. On the many times I`ve watched them I realise how civilesed it all seems compared with the English " alright mate, `ow ya going?"
A gentle hug is ok by me if I`ve previously meet the girl before; a light hand shake otherwise. A firm knuckle breaker a difinite no no.
Kisses,
Simone xx

[Christina Horton]

My worst nightmare would be to have the flatus become trapped in my pantyhose and then have to try to explain why my ankles appear to be so swollen should someone notice :devil:.


If that ever happens just tell the person your pregnant and your feet are swollen. If they thought your a Cd well after that they won't.

Oh Never tell someone a girls weight or age , big no no.

[BarbiB]

I agree with all of your points except the hugging. Drives me crazy ..................... Finally if I barely know ya I don't want to hug ya!!! :Angry3:

I never see tons of GGs hugging...a nice little femmy hand holding greeting with a big smile would work fine!

Ok one of my own that is a pet peeve....



YUP! I hear ya. What ever happened to the hand shake... OR.. even the ole hippy grab the thumb finger over hand shake?.... Hugging has become epidemic. NOW every macho dude... shamed politician.... busted poker player.. sports star... seems to take it as necessary ritual. Causing us traditionalists to adopt a whole new posture for shrugging off unwanted embraces and turning them into halfast rebuffed sideways hand grabs.

[Nicki B]

Always use femme name when dressed:
Always treat her like a lady:

Can't those two be brought together by thinking of her as not male? I don't find that difficult with any of my friends (except the transmen), it just seems natural?


Women hug:

Around here, there's much more 'air-kissing'....

Mwah, mwah. :D

[Persephone]

Does that mean I can no longer pass wind when I'm wearing pantyhose?


My worst nightmare would be to have the flatus become trapped in my pantyhose and then have to try to explain why my ankles appear to be so swollen should someone notice :devil:.

Joan Rivers once said, "My pantyhose are so tight that when I fart my ankles swell up"

[linnea]

Does that mean I can no longer pass wind when I'm wearing pantyhose?

I don't think that's what I have in mind about passing--lol.

I agree with many of the points of etiquetee. I now have a couple of GG friends who know me as Linnea. When we are parting after some time together, they initiate the hugging (which I'm comfortable with). I think that greeting hugs and parting hugs vary quite a lot among all people. I think that they are nice between women (TGs and GGs); I also hug some of my best male friends. No bones need be broken.

[Jenny J]

OK, I’ll bow to public opinion on this one and granted your hugging should wait until you’ve gotten to know someone a little better. But I just find extending a hand to shake it is somewhat less feminine. Maybe it’s just me.

Yes, the 4 is silent in some parts of the country and in other parts the emphasis is place on the 8. Nicknames are OK I guess, some aren’t even gender specific. Most of the time I go by Jennifer but most everyone around these parts knows me as Jen. What ever works is fine with me.

I think you should skip the McNuggets from your diet and go for the Chicken Wraps. They are much more healthy and nutritious for you but not that expensive, that’s just my opinion. Wouldn’t want you to be grumbling to your wife all the way to the hospital with clogged arteries.

Rain makes me persnickety and out of sorts.

Jen

:rose2:

[Sam-antha]

.......hand shaking, fine but not the limp presentation nor the macho variety.

... --- ... More importantly, which cheek gets kissed first, ( air kissed or otherwise ) ?

~Samm

[trannie T]

....... More importantly, which cheek gets kissed first, ( air kissed or otherwise ) ?

~Samm

The one on the face, unless it is a person of power.

[CharleneT]

If you watch women hug as a greeting (around here very common) it isn't a bear hug, but a quick gentle touch. In my experience it is quite normal for women to hug someone they have just met. Especially when saying goodbye. You have to judge each situation with a new person by their body language and how they approach you. The issue with a hand shake is to be careful not to do it male style.

[Nicki B]

The issue with a hand shake is to be careful not to do it male style.

They are very different... You DO NOT want to be wearing a handful of rings when someone gives you the full-on 'bonecrusher.. :rolleyes:

[TSchapes]

Then watch out for me! You might get a big smooch like Christi got!

http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm4/TracySchapes/Gigis%20Edited/DSC_0011CSm.jpg

And no, I don't do this to everyone, just the ones I think are sweet!

-Tracy

[Sophie Lynne]

To hug or not to hug- that is the question.


I agree with my colleague- always find something to compliment about the gurl you are speaking to. Some of us really need to boost.


Don't speak to a man that anothe t-gurl is speaking to unless introduced/invited. There are many gurls around here who see that as an invasion of territory. (They even mark the guys back with gang signs in lipstick)

[Intertwined]

As far as I know, I have never met a crossdresser.

When greeting a Lady, it does not matter how I am dressed, I want to kiss the back of the hand (for me, thats respect and affection), I don't suggest this for everyone, its just how I am.

[Paula Siemen]

Does that mean I can no longer pass wind when I'm wearing pantyhose?

Be Careful...sounds like a highly flamable combination

[TxKimberly]

. . .
And no, I don't do this to everyone, just the ones I think are sweet!

-Tracy

Sheesh, ya didn't kiss me when we met! i guess I know where I stand with you!

[Leslie Mary S]

Ah what those permanent residents of the closest are missing.

What about 5 o'clock shadows, beards etc while dressed? Should we dear to wear this artifact of a male life style?
Can you imaging Santa in a Low cut, mini-skirted red and white fur trimed dress with black 5" heels?

[Michelle S]

It has happened twice to me - once at a gay bar and a few days ago at a GLBT prom - that a man asks me my name and I say "Michelle" and then he comes back with: "No, what's your real name." :Angry3::eek:

In both cases it turned out the guy was straight and was not hitting on me. The more recent time the man's daughter was the organizer of the event - a fundraiser for a gay athletic group. He was apologetic when I made clear his question was inappropriate. And I'll give him credit for being there for his daughter.

But, any list of TG etiquette rules should declare this a major faux pas!

[Kate Lynn]

Ah what those permanent residents of the closest are missing.

What about 5 o'clock shadows, beards etc while dressed? Should we dear to wear this artifact of a male life style?
Can you imaging Santa in a Low cut, mini-skirted red and white fur trimed dress with black 5" heels?


Yes!

[Nicki B]

Sheesh, ya didn't kiss me when we met! i guess I know where I stand with you!

She obviously finds one half of our very own 'Thelma & Louise' far too scary... :whistling:

[Kimmie]

Dress appropriately for the event. Don't wear an evening gown to a NASCAR event. Wear PVC at a wedding. Wear a Halloween costume to jury duty.

[TSchapes]

Sheesh, ya didn't kiss me when we met! i guess I know where I stand with you!

You'll get yours! Everybody form a line to the left! LOL :kissing:

I believe one of the great things about being who we are is that we can throw the shackles of machismo out the window! We don't have to be so darn stiff about our interactions...

One of the things I love about being a girl! :doll:

Love, Tracy

[Jannette H]

Ladies, Plain and simple. If you are dressed like a Lady and present yourself as a Lady then act like a Lady. Thats All

[Annie D]

Don't go out of your way to introduce yourself when out, don't be shy but don't be overbearing. When you meet someone, pay them a compliment and say their name when you do it; it will make remembering who they are easier. Saying someone's name is music to their ears and they will instinctively appreciate you more.

How about sitting like a lady? Besides the obvious legs, don't slouch.
Walk like you are on the runway, not behind the plow.
Stand straight, feet together facing the others in the group; men always stand sideways in a non-confrontational stance with legs wide apart.

Don't discuss passing, you know, that thing ladies shouldn't do. And oh yes...........when using the restroom; toes point out.

[Leslie Mary S]

Ladies, Plain and simple. If you are dressed like a Lady and present yourself as a Lady then act like a Lady. Thats All

What does a lady do? Is that not the object of the subject? And is not the objective of this thread to help outline what a lady does and doesn't do?

So offend we new girls when going out use stereotypes as our role models.

I think part of this thread is to identify the truths from the mistruths and misconceptions.

If a CDer would always tuck before going out then there is no problem with the toes, it just can't happen. :)

(anyone know where I can buy shares in sport tape?):D

[Nicki B]

Leave the seat down? :D

[Sophie Lynne]

Leave the seat down? :D

LOL

Oh I wish I'd thought of that!

[Jenny J]

Dress appropriately for the event. Don't wear an evening gown to a NASCAR event. Wear PVC at a wedding. Wear a Halloween costume to jury duty.

Daisy Dukes don't make it at a wedding reception? :idontknow:

[Diane Smith]

Daisy Dukes don't make it at a wedding reception? :idontknow:

I'm told that in some states they are required by law. :)

- Diane

[Deb The Brunette]

Can you imaging Santa in a Low cut, mini-skirted red and white fur trimed dress with black 5" heels?


Yep I've been that santa lol






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