in a rut

[Missy]

OK been crossdressing as early as 6 or 7 now at 47
everything i wear that made for weman looks bad on me
the urge to wear is great but still not no matter what i do i still can not pass been thinking about giving up crossdressing and go drab full time feel like packing up all the girl things but can not gett rid of them
has any one ever felt this way and if so what did you do about it

[Joanne f]

Missy, i have been there may, many times and still go there.
Sometimes there is to much talk about passing, if you are not happy going out with what you are wearing then stay in and enjoy it .
I still have moments when i want to give it all up ( usually after i have read some post`s on here):D but soon just bounce back as i cannot stop who i am , so just try and feel a little bit more relaxed about it and things will work out for you .

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Missy-

Aww, hon, believe me, I so understand. I can't tell you how many times I have given it all up and purged everything I own and sworn on a stack of any holy book you can name that I was giving it all up forever. I know I will never pass, though, as I have said before, sometimes people don't seem to notice or care, which is just as good as far as I'm concerned.

This easy to say and hard to live, but passing is kind of overrated. We set some pretty high bars for ourselves sometimes. I just got back from the grocery store and there were some g-girls there who couldn't pass by our standards. We just need to let ourselves be and not worry about it so much. Like I said, easy to say but hard to do.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Karren H]

If the clothing wasn't made for women it wouldn't be called crossdressing I guess? I feel the same way... Guy in a dress..

[Deedee Dupree]

Hi Missy,

One way I look at this is... "passing" is concern about what others think about you, an external influence(a concern that in time may become irrelevant) that one can react to in various ways, good and bad.

But as you say, "the urge to wear is great." If you don't go out and you tremendously enjoy your dressing activities in privacy of your home, not being distracted by the external, then IMO, that is a validation with substance. Not some unknown persons opinion...

OTOH, in the same circumstances, if you are not enjoying yourself, or on average dressing is more negative than positive, it may be time to take a break, put things away for a time until the negativity fades.
I have been there many times in the past too.

Stick with what makes you happy at any particular time and you will be OK. :rose:

(I am an Amazon...but I'll save that for another thread)
dd

[DaphneGrey]

All the time Missy all the time........

Try and do what makes you happy and don't worry to much about how you look. Easier said than done much easier I know.

We are here for you though.

[Carly D.]

Me??? never.. what are you kidding me???!! seriously I look like a woman when I am dressed.. I look like a woman.. right up to when I look in the mirror and then the reality of my situation hits home hard.. I look somewhat rediculus trying to look fem.. I sometimes wonder myself just what am I thinking.. what do I think I can prove wearing these clothes.. think about the old sitcoms with uncle Milty (no I'm not really that old).. but I feel your pain there.. the best thing for you to do is just to do it.. just wear what you want to.. try your best.. I really think, for me, that I try to look less like my male self (balding guy) and more like myself with hair down to my shoulders and wearing clothing I love to wear.. at night, late at night, I have gone out to various nonpopulated places.. this assures that I'm more or less alone.. why be alone when I am out?? changing my mindset about being seen, even by total strangers who don't know any better, is hard for me to reset.. just hard to change thirty plus years of "hiding in the shadows" as it were...

[Paula Siemen]

Look up the music of Janis Ian's song "At Seventeen", quite a lovely song...but intuative as well. I'm posting the lyrics. Just keep them in mind. Even the GGs feel this way.

"AT SEVENTEEN"
By Janis Ian

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth...

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say "come dance with me"
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen...

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said: "Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve"
The rich relationed hometown queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly...

So remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debitures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen...

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
the world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me...

We all play the game, and when we dare
We cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say: "Come on, dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen...


Don't be down....Just dress up and pretend...Isn't that what WE ALL DO?

[Sarah Doepner]

Instead of passing, I just want to be passed by without comments. I suggest what others already have, do what you enjoy and don't set the standard so high that you are set up to fail. It's a lot like life in general where we are happier if we enjoy the journey and don't worry quite so much about the destination.

If you need a kick start and new ideas you have some options. I assume you have looked through the Beauty Club area for ideas, but there are always new ones. Feedback from photos can be good and there is always the professional transformation option. That may be good if you think it will give you new tools and techniques that would improve what you do at home. It would be a nice way to recharge your batteries and reward yourself for all your effort over the last 40 years.

[Carly D.]

Great response.. grade A all the way..