Need input about coming out to my mother

[Gisele]

Hey gang, I have a oppertunity to come out to my mother. It's because of my hair. She wanted to know how others liked my new hair color. I had to get rid of the gray.

So I thought this may be a good way to start the process of coming clean with her. Starting off with a E-mail. Then maybe a face to face with her.

I almost sent it but thought about some real input from you all. I know face to face would be better but this is a golden oppertunity for me to start telling her, I think.

Here is the email that I have wrote out to her. I have not yet sent it.
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________
Hey Mom,

A few of the girls noticed my hair. They never really said good or bad except Christy (my boss #2) she loves it.
Now I have to keep it up cause that darn pesky gray roots show up every few weeks. So I have a monthly thing to do with my hair now.
I am also letting it grow back out. It's looking pretty good. Remember how the back kept curling. Well I found the trick. Christy told me about the flat iron. WOW it works!

My bangs are down to my nose now.LOL I haven't cut it since last Nov. except small trims to keep it healthy at the beauty school.


Jenn and I like it so that is all that matters to us.

I don't know, I guess there are many things that are different about me than the regular guy. I like taking care of my hair and nails. Yep nails, Jenn took me to the nail salon and had my nails and toes done. That was pretty funny sitting in the chair and having a pedi done. But, to tell you the truth that girl was amazing. My feet were so soft and my toe nails look great! Then she did a manicure on me. I didn't realize how bad my nails were. She told me that I have dry nail beds and I have noticed that my nails were cracking down the center often.
The nail tech wanted me to have Acrylics put on to protect my nails. So I let her and they lasted about 2 weeks cause my work was hard on them and kept popping them off. plus I was a little self aware that others would say something about my nails. I would keep hiding my hands. It's not like I had french tips or real long tips put on. I kept thinking what you kept telling me in school, not to worry about what others think about me.

LOL I guess you can say that you have a daughter in me too. I guess that is why I have more girl friends than guy friends. I just like more girly things than most guys do.

Now, Dad is one person that I don't want to freak out about me having my nails done. I just don't want to have him disappointed in me in any way shape or form. It's a guy thing I guess.
Now you, I know I can't disappoint unless I go out and shoot up a bunch of people or get hooked on drugs or the like. I know you will always accept and love me for who I am.

Why am I getting butterflies while I type this?

I guess I need to come up so we can talk about this. You may have questions now. LOL

Just one thing. Please don't talk to Dad about this.....PLEASE. I know your main concern is me and my life and you and dad talk. It's just some things are best left unsaid.

Life is just too short not to live it the way you want too.

Love, *******


__________________________________________________ ______________
__________________________________________________ ______________

END.....

What do you think?

Take something out? Add something?

My tummy is full of butterflies right now!!!

[happygirl]

Wow Gisele, this needs some thought. #1, you are beautiful, thats a given. Now on to the harder stuff. My guess is your mom knows. The other side of the coin is dad doesnt have a clue. Moms are our protectors and she will handle this. Go slow, but let her know. And by the way, my mom died when I was just a little kid. I came out to dad a few years ago. He is a baptist minister and I said, Dad, I have always loved to dress up as a woman, after a long pause:eek:,He said if you want to dress up thats ok with me, I love you. Hope this helps, Lyn

[Alana65]

Gisele,

None of us know your Mom, so all I can tell you is.........go with your "gut feeling" on how to tell her. If deep down you feel like she'll be OK with you being a CDer, just tell her.
I told my Mom several years ago. I was nervous as hell, but I knew that she was a kind, compassionate & understanding woman and that she'd still love me no matter what. I sat her down and told her how conflicted I'd felt all my life, and ashamed that I was different than other guys, etc.
She and I cried some tears as she held me in her arms and told me......"As long as you are happy and not hurting anyone, I will support & accept you.........you're my child, and you always will be."

Good luck, hun.

Alana

[Shikyo]

Maybe it's just be, but those few time's you used "LOL" really stick out. I wouldn't use those in a letter that is supposed to me more or less about a serious matter. On that other hand, would your mom even know what that would mean? She's from a total different generation than we are, so she might not even have an idea what it means and would distract her.

Other than that I liked the letter. You clearly tell what is going on and how you feel about it. I'm sure she'll also understand why you don't want your dad to know about it.

[Gisele]

Wow Gisele, this needs some thought. #1, you are beautiful, thats a given. Now on to the harder stuff. My guess is your mom knows. The other side of the coin is dad doesnt have a clue. Moms are our protectors and she will handle this. Go slow, but let her know. And by the way, my mom died when I was just a little kid. I came out to dad a few years ago. He is a baptist minister and I said, Dad, I have always loved to dress up as a woman, after a long pause:eek:,He said if you want to dress up thats ok with me, I love you. Hope this helps, Lyn


Thanks on the #1.:o

I really don't think my mother knows at all. I haven't shown many fem traits towards her in the past.
My dad, I really don't know. I know once he forund panties when I was 15 locked up in my room. I made all kinds of excuses for them. I don't know if he bought it or not but nothing was ever said after that day.

going slow is what I intend on doing with my mother. That is if I ever get the nerve up to hit "send" on this email.


Gisele,

None of us know your Mom, so all I can tell you is.........go with your "gut feeling" on how to tell her. If deep down you feel like she'll be OK with you being a CDer, just tell her.
I told my Mom several years ago. I was nervous as hell, but I knew that she was a kind, compassionate & understanding woman and that she'd still love me no matter what. I sat her down and told her how conflicted I'd felt all my life, and ashamed that I was different than other guys, etc.
She and I cried some tears as she held me in her arms and told me......"As long as you are happy and not hurting anyone, I will support & accept you.........you're my child, and you always will be."

Good luck, hun.

Alana

My gut tells me to tell her. But I keep thinking why does she even need to know. Hell, I don't plan on doing this 24/7 anyway. I just feel like she needs to know for some reason.


Maybe it's just be, but those few time's you used "LOL" really stick out. I wouldn't use those in a letter that is supposed to me more or less about a serious matter. On that other hand, would your mom even know what that would mean? She's from a total different generation than we are, so she might not even have an idea what it means and would distract her.

Other than that I liked the letter. You clearly tell what is going on and how you feel about it. I'm sure she'll also understand why you don't want your dad to know about it.

Yea, I thought the LOL's were too much. Kinda like a nervous reaction.
I think that she would know. She is pretty much up with the times. She has been to the drag shows in Miami when she lived in West Palm. She use to tell me that the "girls" were more beautiful than she was.:eek:

[StacyCD]

I think my Mom would have been OK with my crossdressing. Of course, Dad would have been another matter. However, I think I would tell her in person rather than in an email. My 0.02.

[Shikyo]

Yea, I thought the LOL's were too much. Kinda like a nervous reaction.
I think that she would know. She is pretty much up with the times. She has been to the drag shows in Miami when she lived in West Palm. She use to tell me that the "girls" were more beautiful than she was.:eek:

Exactly. It just takes away something that is needed in a letter like this. Using acronyms like that doesn't really raise the level of a letter, in my opinion anyway. There are places where those are useful, but an letter like this is not one of them.

I was just guessing with that as I don't know your mom, so it was hard to really say something about if she'd know or not. So I went for what most older people would know.

By the way, you should use the "multi quote" button instead of replying three times. Just push it on the messages you want to quote and it should turn red to show that it took it. After you've chose all the quotes just push on "Post Reply" and you have all the quotes you wanted.

[Annie D]

I think that you could email your mom and tell her that you have let your hair grow out and have had it colored and styled and then ask her if it would be okay to come over and show her and find out what she thinks about it.......then when face to face start sharing some of the new things that you have begun doing. By the time you share some of your subtle changes in your life, then you can let her know that you crossdress. I think that face to face is so much better because with every thing that you share or reveal there is instant feedback:
Mom, what do you think about the length and color of my hair? Get a reply.
Mom, let me show you the manicure that I just got. Get a reply.
You get the idea.

In an email, your mom will read the whole thing and have no replies to anything you state and you can't read the way to continue your confession. Good luck, no matter what you decide. Do what you are most comfortable doing.

[Alana65]

My gut tells me to tell her. But I keep thinking why does she even need to know.
It's not.....does SHE need to know.......it's whether YOU need her to know.


Hell, I don't plan on doing this 24/7 anyway.
You don't have to be, hun. I'm not 24/7, but I just felt the time was right to tell her because I thought she might have concerns about why none of my relationships have lasted.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Gisele, I liked your letter to your mother. It looks as though you put a lot of thought and caring into it. I'm assuming that your relationship to your mother is fairly close. I'd send the letter & have the face to face talk with her. If you wanted to back out at the last minute, nothing in your letter can not be explained by saying you are simply being metro-sexual in your appearance.(Wasn't that a 90's thing? )

Good luck.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi giselle

That's a good email but it does not really get to the heart of the matter

It only explains about the nails
No mention of dressing at all ?

The only thing is if your gonna tell your Mom you should be there if possible If you cant say the words then let her read it while your are there

She is most likely going to have lots of questions and you need to be there to answer them


I suggest you read he link in my signature which will give you a few ideas

[Miranda09]

Hey Gisele. That's a great email for your mom. But I was just thinking in talking to her about something like this if maybe it would be better to do it in person. I think it would be more personal that way as email tend to be a bit impersonal. Just my 2 cents worth, but you have outline what your are going to say very clearly and I think she will have a good response to it. I've actually thought about telling my mom about this topic as well but not really sure if she really needs to know. Good luck sweetie and I hope things work out well for you.

:hugs::hugs:

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

You made some obvious hints that you're a crossdresser in your (unsent) e-mail, but stopped short of spelling it all out. I guess that's some good food for thought (for your mother) prior to meeting up with her to tell her.

It's not exactly how I'd do it, but that's probably just a difference in how we communicate. In terms of who you are and where your relationship with your mother is, I think the letter is probably a good set up for the big talk that will follow.

Whether or not you tell your father is up to you, but you should never worry about being a disappointment to him. You are who you are and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If he is only not disappointed in you because he does not truly know you, then what does that tell you? I'm quite certain my father would have a problem with my crossdressing if he knew, but at the same time, I honestly don't care. Perhaps that is why I am not close to him. Love him, but don't have much in common with him.

I understand the butterflies when it comes to your mother. That's pretty normal, I'd say. In terms of actually talking with her, I hope you'll display a sense of pride in your feminine side and not discuss it like a "condition" or anything. It's a beautiful gift. Treat it as such when you talk to your mother. Remember, how you tell her will influence how she takes the news. You're sharing yourself with her, not "coming clean". You have nothing to come clean for. :)

Good luck, Gisele. I think you'll do just fine. :) Keep us posted!

[Gisele]

Everyone has made good points on talking to her face to face. I would have said to do the exact same thing. But with her email to me asking if anyone said anything about my new color. Like Gabrielle said this email was a good set up for our face to face talk later. That is what I was thinking myself.

Ugggggghhhhhh!

This has been a $hity day after I made this post. Our refinance on our home fell through about 20 mins after I started this. Then we were out shopping for car parts and 2 of the three stores said I had a bad check! I went right to the bank BOTH times telling them what happened.

The bank said you have XXXX thousand in your account. It's their end that is wrong. Well well that's what the auto parts said about you all. So I will be closing my checking account that I had opened last month with this bank today.
Now I have to go get my eyes checked at 4:30 to get glasses. My arms one day won't be long enough to read. It sucks getting old. I use to have 20/20 and I was the only one in the family that didn't need to have glasses.

[Diane_2902]

you will feel beter to come out to them. i know i did . its like a big wate was liffted off my sholders. i desided if them dont like it its ok but its my life. i got to be happy. they wont be around for ever. and if they love you and whant to be in your life then they will support you.

[TSchapes]

I posted a mock up of one on my blog: How Not to "Out" Yourself (http://tracyschapes.blogspot.com/2008/03/oh-no-im-girl-and-other-musings.html).

I told both my parents at the same time in person. There was a lot of questions, and my dad wondered "Where did I go wrong?" But it turned out well. I can't imagine telling anyone any other way but in person. :2c:

Love, Tracy