Question for cders

[BreenaDion]

My question to all you girls . You cross dress for a great number of years an its wearing you down emotionally. After careful thinking and you decide its time to make the next step. Would you go after an be a trans gender ? I am mulling this point over an over till all I get is their is nothing else or left to do. Its just what I am suppost to be. Would they let me surcome to my suffercated Idenity ? Your thoughts an desires please. Thank you :love:

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi there,
Im sure that the 'next step' is different for all of us. For some it may be to let people know who/what they are for others it may be simply to venture outside. Some want to permenantly present more feminine whilst others would wish to live fulltime enfemme. Others even would want to go the whole nine yards to SRS while some wish to go with other men.
As for me, well Im happy just as I am. I can dress just how I want when I want without hiding. I guess Im one of the lucky ones.

[tricia_uktv]

The answer to that question is I still don't know, but I'm quite happy where I am for now. The bridge does not yet have to be crossed.

[Chrissie P]

Luckilly I can separate both personnas. Some people cant. It is an individual thing. I am happy just like I am.

[subaru_forster]

In my opinion, there isn't even any decision involved whatsoever. I didn't "decide" to be a crossdresser any more than I decided to be left handed. Same goes for those who truly are in the wrong gendered body altogether. It's not a decision, but a discovery. You either need to follow through with some amount of transition to be happy or you don't.

Don't ask yourself "is this who I want to be?" or "is this who I should be?" but rather "is this who I am?" A good psychiatrist can be useful to help guide you through any red tape that is confusing the truth of the issue to yourself, but you are the only one who knows for certain.

[deja true]

Um...for me you start with the wrong assumption... that it's "...wearing me down emotionally...".

Whereas in fact, having (finally) accepted that that there is joy in this for me and a feeling of mental well-being and right-ness, rather than guilt and stress, I am happier than I ever have been.

CDing does not necessaily lead irrevocably to transition. Those suited for transition know in their hearts that that is their path. They may know it early or it may come to them later, but there is no element of doubt.

If you are confused about where you are heading with CDing and, as it appears from your post, think that transitioning is some kind of dreaded eventuality, then counseling is an absolute must for you. You need to know more about yourself and your own feelings and the realities of transition than you appear to.

[Phyliss]

I'm much further "down the road" than I had ever planned, yet, "...there are miles to go..." My question to myself is, "Do I want to continue the trip?"

I'm not really sure. The winds of change have taken me this far and will most likely push me along at some point. Much like the errant fallen leaf that is pushed about by the Autumn wind and gets hung up in a bush while it is buffeted about, soon enough it breaks free from the hold and continues it's journey to finality.

I'm content at present. Would I want to "take the next step" , meaning surgery. I'm not really sure I'd be happy if I did that. Also not really sure I'd be UNhappy about it either.

Safest thing for me, is to do nothing at this time. I tread an unsure path, and each footstep must be solid and firm to be able to take "the next step" While many others have trod this same road, it is not yet as smooth as some of us would like. Yet, I must travel it as far as I can, to make the way easier for those who follow.

[Kate Simmons]

Who's "they". If it's not your choice or not in your hands, it's probably the wrong thing to do.

[DinaMature]

[QUOTE=BreenaDion;1756983 You cross dress for a great number of years an its wearing you down emotionally. :[/QUOTE]

Wow... that could be taken differant ways.
For many, to deny the CD, to not indulge: that is wearing.

And for your second premise, once the excercise becomes a habit, true physical transformation is the obvious next step: I don't feel that is universal at all.

Read the threads... many of us have strong masculine commitments we've no ambition to leave behind. It's been well stated over n over that for many of us we'd improve our level of temporary transformation but would not make permanent changes.

Crossdressing allows us to experience the second half of our personalities, but not at the total expense and abandonment of our masculine selves.

[Emma England]

I am happy as a mtof crossdresser.

Never wanted to transition.

I think that if you are transexual, then you will know.

[Annie D]

An interesting question. Rather than draining me emotionally over the years, I would say that I have at least come to face with who I am and in doing so I am better prepared to take the "next step" so to speak. Although I have no plans to transition completely, I think the next step for me is to get breast implants or to undergo HRT. I see no reason to change the plumbing in my house because at this time, I don't envision myself getting involved with anyone in that way.

[tricia_uktv]

I am happy as a mtof crossdresser.

Never wanted to transition.

I think that if you are transexual, then you will know.

Aaaargh Emma, I honestly dont!

[TGMarla]

So this is wearing you down emotionally? What is? Is it the fact that you crossdress, that you fear that you cannot be accepted by anyone as such? That you want to dress so often that it's wering on you? So this next step: you want to know if you should go after and be a transgender. Listen, it's not a choice...you either are or you aren't. And by this, do you mean to attempt to transition? I'm not sure just what you're asking.

If you're wanting to know if you should actively run down this path that you are on, but you are afraid where it will lead you, then slow down and smell the flowers for a while. Stop letting it rule your life, and allow your life to derive what pleasure there is in walking the path. Do you want to be a woman, or do you just want to look and act like one now and then? Remember, the grass always seems greener over there, but your own grass might be just fine....might need mowing a little, but don't ignore what you have just to get what you imagine might be better. Sometimes it's better to walk these paths slowly rather than sprint down them.

[Angie G]

My wife knows And in fine with it. I dress 5 days a week except at work And I very happy where I'm at.:hugs:
Angie

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

My question to all you girls . You cross dress for a great number of years an its wearing you down emotionally. After careful thinking and you decide its time to make the next step...

I think the important thing to figure out BEFORE taking any next step is exactly why is it wearing you down? What about crossdressing makes you feel worn down and defeated?

If you know the answer already, then that should help you decide what you need to do as your next step. If you have doubt as to exactly why you feel worn down, I think you had better get it worked out first.

Good luck, Breena. :)

[MissConstrued]

At the risk of being obvious... if something is wearing you down, shouldn't you stop doing it?

What you're asking is essentially this: "Cross-dressing is boring me... should I cut my penis off?" Did it not occur to you how ridiculous that sounds?

[Malori Cross]

Learning that I am a CD has been one of the more liberating parts of my life.

Of course, when I first realized I enjoy wearing "feminine" clothing I went through the whole gamut of "Am I gay?" (no--Bi maybe, since that one-night gay encounter decades ago), and wondering if CD would--like pot to heroin--inevitably lead to a sex change and turning my entire life upside down.

Uh, no. Didn't Happen. I just accepted there'll be some Pink Fog Days.

Relax & enjoy the ride. It's a short one.

[BreenaDion]

Yes I am worned to the bones emotionally, Thats why im taking counceling starting 6/16/09. For to many yrs Ive lived a lie. A lie of who I am . A lie on what I am. A lie of what I am suppost to do . A lie on where I am suppost to go . A lie on who I will bring with me. I ve been to therapist for family counseling in yrs long since passed. I need counseling for me. After I got email of exceptance from a S.I.D. counselor . I ran the gamit of emotions for finally is it true. elation to sadness. Even with the passing of my last aunt , Did 450 miles today to momerial an home agian in 18 hrs with wife an 2 teenage kids. This is why I took me off antidepresents to get my mind straight. see where i had to go . Events I will not share but help i need and Help I want . Finally told my wife all about what makes me an breena tick. Yes i can see within me but i need help finding me for I am lost. At first she wouldnt have any thing to do with a trans gender as she always siad before. So after comen clean with every thing an gave her a couple days to ponder her remarks. Down in the gutter i whent, but as she saw what her answer did to me I think she is having a change of heart an support. As I have only been home for a couple of hours I still am lost an not knowing what the future will bring ... Scary for sure . These 5 question I needed to be answered. As for the question I gave you girls, I am sorry I wasnt spasific enough. You ladies did answer one question. Even though we do dress alike ,we are all just alittle different. these 5 question for now at least i need answered. Then I can live a life that I was suppose to live . Thank you :love:

[Alice Torn]

Breena, I thank you for your honest, courage, to admit you are broken. Too often, when one does this, leaving yourself vulnerable, human nature causes some of us to criticize bigtime. Would they could walk in your moccasins! Thanks so much again, for pouring your heart out here. One day at a time, in a cruel world, my friend.

[linnea]

I'm glad that you are seeking help. If you're worn down, then you should find out why (if you can) and try to get relief.
I'm not worn down. I'm satisfied with what I'm doing right now. I'm comfortable with it.
And I'm enjoying it whenever I can.

[DawnRodgers]

Well, I can certainly understand the wearing down bit hun. In life we are almost guaranteed of less than full understanding when we need it most.
It seems like a great game when you start out by experimenting with an article or two of women's clothing or underwear when you are young. I started at 15 years of age - give ot take a couple of years. Both parents worked and I was home alone after school and I had always wondered what it felt like to wear a bra, panties and a dress with nylons and heels. The answer - wonderful.
I dressed in my mom's things until I grew out of her heels. Dressed a couple of times after that but it never felt the same just in stocking feet. In my early twenties, after marriage and children, the bug struck again and never left me. I'm 65 now. It got stronger and stronger over the years, I changed and life happened. I kept it my little secret. Dressing originally now was for solitary sexual purposes and I read and reread TV material ceaselesly.
I travelled a lot on business and always took Dawn's things with me. I will say that when dressed and made up, I absolutely felt better than at any other time. I felt attractive sexy and totally natural and at ease with mself. I loved the feeling and the exhiliration of femininity. This actually goes on to this day and I feel more and more that, if I had not married long ago, I would be a complete woman today. SRS and everything.
I empasize and identify with women, I totally enjoy their company, more so then with men, and so want to be one of them. I love their friendship with other women, their long term relationships as well as their little bouts of anger and how they take another down a peg or two in a deliciously lovely manner.
I have spent some of the best moments of my life in heels, a skirt and a blouse, my "breasts" jutting out, getting glances from men, delighting in the feeling of my skirt flaring, the sound of my heels on the pavement, my hair blowing in the wind, my purse over my shoulder. My wife is aware that I CD but really doesn't want to address it, see me as Dawn or basically understand what makes me do this. I think she feels that I will grow out of this stage of my life not realizing that it is my life.
So I humor her. After 45 years of marriage, we have shared much more of our lives than not and I wouldn't hurt her for the world.even though I know that I will teeter on my heels every now and then and that likely will continue. I cannot hide the undeniable fact that I would rather be a woman then a man. I would love to be about in heels, a dress, shoulder length hair, full make-up, a somewhat revealing low cut top, bracelets jangling, earrings dangling, polished nails flashing in the sun and a man by my side. Those thoughts are always with me and I will eternally wish for what I cannot bring myself to do to my relationship. I do love her formany things great and small. I am her best, behind the scenes, girlfriend and will remain that until we part.

[BreenaDion]

Yes dawn i see your point an Thank you for understanding my dilemma. This is my snd marrage and a good one at that for 22 yrs. Unlike you dawn, its to a braking point that some thing must be done. That what both my personalities want just the monster deep inside that wants to force me (two) to get help. I understand some of the triggers of depression an route causes, I just dont have the tools to put it aside any more. Yes Depression from being fatherless for first 12 yrs of life. Being a abuse survivor at the hands of my step father, and peers at early teen yrs. I had to block so much in life I cant hardly see myself. ya ya ya list goes on an on. Other than cross dressing Im at a point where im willing to leave two older children of first marrage, drug addict brother an sister all behind an never turn around . All the older generation is gone now. Seam the come out would be some much easier for me but not where i live. Need to move an found a place after i get my share of moms estate. Thats will i'll truely start my life as it was intented. good bless you Dawn :love:

[DinaMature]

Im at a point where im willing to leave two older children of first marrage, drug addict brother an sister all behind an never turn around . All the older generation is gone now.

Blood is not thicker than water, and family does not absolve all sins.

Your adult children may be influenced by a world you created for them but they are till responsible for their choices and actions. And the same would hold true for your addicted siblings.

For myself, my life and psyche started to heal when I realized there are people in my sphere that I was better off without.
Some sane people recognize and respect my decisions. The damaged ones don't get it and I don't think are capable of getting it.

Heal yourself and let those from your past become a part of the past

[Dana]

I use to beat myself up really bad about being who I was. I tired to deny who and what I was.

And I was confused about who and what I was.

I attempted to live the life that a man is suppose to live and play the role that I was suppose to play in life based upon my gender.

I married, had children, did twenty + years in the Marine Corps.

Got divorced, (for the most part non-CDing reasons) lived with another GG for six and half years. That broke up because I over compensated in trying to explain in letters to her about myself? I convinced her I was in my heart of hearts a TS? :eek:

I'm not a TS seeking SRS, but I am TG.

I know now that its part of me, part of who and what I am, and can no more be denied than I can deny having been born a man.

In my youth? I "encounter's" with other males. They were gay, I wasn't! I'm simply not attracted to men, nor other TG's.

But I am very attracted to femininity. Any and all things feminine.

I struggled and stumbled and fumbled through life, until I actually read a book that I owned for over twenty years, but never read!

"Brain Sex

Having read it?

I now understand how someone can be a TG and be a heterosexual. Or TG and be a bisexual, or TG and homosexual. Of either gender.

With that, and factoring out of the equation the beliefs of some sheep and goat herder of ten thousand year ago, along with cultural and social conditioning of my childhood?

I've come to terms with the fact that I am who and what I am and always will be.

Part male and part female.

Its not a matter of choice? Its simple part of the 'nature' of who and what I am.

I cannot more deny my feminine side than I can deny my masculine side.

And I know for a fact that's its not mentally, emotionally healthy to do so.

I know that if I move in with a GG, its only a matter of time before I will be drawn to her clothes, jewelry, makeup. Like a moth to a flame!

There's noting wrong with being who you were born to be.

I certainly never chose this path ~ it chose me!

Read the book!

We're born to be who and what we are!

Quit apogizing for being who you were born to be!

[DonnaT]

My question to all you girls . You cross dress for a great number of years an its wearing you down emotionally. After careful thinking and you decide its time to make the next step. Would you go after an be a trans gender ?
I am already transgender. And am quite comfortable with being a man, and in my CDing status as a man. So there is no "next step" towards transition for me. Period.


I am mulling this point over an over till all I get is their is nothing else or left to do. Its just what I am suppost to be. Would they let me surcome to my suffercated Idenity ?
This is one reason that the medical community has a Standards of Care, for those who think they may be transsexual. It's likely that a doctor will allow you to proceed, but this would entail having you live and work as a woman for a year or more to see how you handle it and see if you still desire to transition further.

[BreenaDion]

Thank you Dana for sharing . Means alot to me that im not the only one that struggles like i do. I see similarities of pathways in or lives and others that parallels different paths an episodes. I also did 6 yrs alone to see where I was going . I left first wife, best move I ever made. I stayed best i could for two little ones but yrs of dealing with a sociopath really destoyed me. She conguered me an turned me from my family an tossed me aside like a rubbish bag when I started to rebel. I did come to defend myself an knock down alot of walls. God I was so imprisioned within me. I kicked me an kicked an over camed. Now i'll do the program , see where it takes me. I never wished to be a cross dresser an the male part of just gets sick an want to puke at the idea. I know its inherited traits from my biologial father. Guess thats the part of me that gets truely sick over this, cuz I know what he was an he wasnt any thing to brag about. May the devil have his soul forever with torment. Yes I have hate in my heart but also have forgiveness too. I forgave my stepfather!
Read my stories, ive been leaking like gorge in niagra falls. Thanks ladies:love:

[Ralph]

Let's say it loud and clear: there is no logical link between being CD and TS. Because you're CD it doesn't mean that TS is the "next step".
KB, if you keep saying stuff I agree with I'm going to have to start watching for other signs of the apocalypse.