Toni_Lynn
06-14-2009, 12:17 PM
:sb:
Oh my -- I'm in introspective mode here again. I do tend to think a lot about things and find life to be a continuing unfolding of truth and discovery.
So, I was thinking about why I am attracted in a very gender bent way to all things tomboy as well as ftm crossdressing as well as saying that had I been a girl back when I was teen I'd have been a tomboy and crossdressed as a boy. There is also this thing that I have about wanted to get all femme'd up (hair and makeup) and then dress as a guy for a photo shoot.
I have come to a conclusion about this -- and God knows I hate psychological mumbo-jumbo -- but I think it is because by being a girl, and therefore would be allowed to be a tomboy, I could then complete the circle and be a boy. As a girl, I could do boy things -- I could play softball or baseball, I could run on track team, I could climb rocks and get all dirty and skin my knees, in short do all those things that I either wasn't allowed to do as a boy or was always picked last for or called a loser at doing.
So does this want/ need to circle back to being a boy imply self-hatred - a hatred of the girl within - I won't get on a soapbox about a certain term used so very freely. Not for me it doesn't. I need and love her so very much because I need her to be me. In fact I see it as being a fullness, a completeness.
Just some thoughts -- and oh -- it works for me -- your actually mileage may vary
Huggles
Toni-Lynn
Oh my -- I'm in introspective mode here again. I do tend to think a lot about things and find life to be a continuing unfolding of truth and discovery.
So, I was thinking about why I am attracted in a very gender bent way to all things tomboy as well as ftm crossdressing as well as saying that had I been a girl back when I was teen I'd have been a tomboy and crossdressed as a boy. There is also this thing that I have about wanted to get all femme'd up (hair and makeup) and then dress as a guy for a photo shoot.
I have come to a conclusion about this -- and God knows I hate psychological mumbo-jumbo -- but I think it is because by being a girl, and therefore would be allowed to be a tomboy, I could then complete the circle and be a boy. As a girl, I could do boy things -- I could play softball or baseball, I could run on track team, I could climb rocks and get all dirty and skin my knees, in short do all those things that I either wasn't allowed to do as a boy or was always picked last for or called a loser at doing.
So does this want/ need to circle back to being a boy imply self-hatred - a hatred of the girl within - I won't get on a soapbox about a certain term used so very freely. Not for me it doesn't. I need and love her so very much because I need her to be me. In fact I see it as being a fullness, a completeness.
Just some thoughts -- and oh -- it works for me -- your actually mileage may vary
Huggles
Toni-Lynn