Insecurities

[Stitch]

Hello ladies.

A thought has been occurring to me recently after browsing the forums for month or say. So I'd thought I'd be brave and go ahead and ask.

I've been in a relastionship with my lovely boyfriend for just under a year now. (It's our anniversary next month. :battingeyelashes:) Just for clarification he is a CD.

Quite often I find myself worrying if I am good enough for him. Whether I am pretty enough, sexy enough. Ect. I know his ex was a goth and he presents as a goth when en femme and here's me as ungoth as you can possibly be. I try to be the best me possible, and I realise that at times my feelings are irrational as he absolutely adores me, but I'm still fighting bouts of low self esteem from my teen years and a previous relationship. Media also puts a lot of pressure on young women, and quite often I feel I can't compete with singers or the "ideal" standards.

Anyway onto the question:

Do you ever have such insecurities? That you aren't good enough for your partners? I see that many of think very much about your femme appearance.

I'm very interested to hear your replies.


EDIT

Goodness, bless everyone for your reassurences. I'm fine really. This thread wasn't about me :heehee: I was honestly wondering more about everyone else's thoughts and feelings.

I how do you feel? Your self esteem. As male or female.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Stitch

I can understand your feelings I too have felt those pressures in the past I guess its a matter of trusting what you get told by your partner

Given what I can see you have no need to be insecure :hugs:

[CharlotteW]

From a photographers point of view, I see beauty in your face that money just can't buy. You look like the kind of girl that needs very little make-up for the daytime but come the evening, I bet you can look dazzling.

I could go on but I'll leave soemthing for the others to say.

I reckon there are some CD'ers on here who long for the day they meet someone like you. In fact, they're typing thier responses now.......

[Tanya C]

Hi Stitch,

First off I would like to say that according to your avatar photo you have no reason to be insecure about your looks, you're very lovely.
On the other hand, good looks never stopped anyone from having low self-esteem, unfortunately it's part of the human psyche.
And when you're a CD it becomes quite a bit more complicated because you have two sets of looks to worry about. I must admit that I spend a lot more time fussing with my girl side that I do with my guy side. The problem is that my wife undoubtedly prefers my guy side and tolerates my girl side because it's part of who I am. Don't get me wrong, my dear wife is very supportive of my dressing, but I often feel very bad that I'm deliberately making myself less attractive to her. I simply cannot help it.

Here's my question: do you find your SO attractive when she's dressed or do you basically accept it? I would really like to know.

Tanya

[linnea]

I have my share of insecurities, but the least of them have to do with any deficiencies in my SO. I wonder if I am good enough for her, but there is no doubt in my mind that she is much more than good enough for me.

[LACD]

Stitch,
As said before, you are very good looking. The only advice I can give is talk, talk and more talk. Be open and honest with each other. Again this is the best advice I can give. Don't be too hard on yourself. Wish I could help you more. Good luck sweetie. Let us know how it goes.

[LisaM]

Stich,

I constantly worry about my appearance and it gets worse as I get older. I had some pictures taken at a conference recently and I won't buy any of them because they show the lines on my face so much.

My SO keeps reminding me that I am 51 years old but when I go to these conferences and see the girls that get FFS I can only despair that my SO will never allow me to have FFS.

I don't look at my face as a male because it seems so foreign and yet when dressed it becomes the center of my world.

[Teri Jean]

Stich, I have to echo the compliments of the others and add your bf is one lucky man. I think if the opportunity for any of those here had a woman such as yourself they would be on cloud nine. If he's a smart man he will be in your life for a very long time. Huggs to you and the same for your bf.

Keli

[Tamara Croft]

Is anyone going to answer the actual question stitch asked? She asked it for a reason, for an answer...

[Jacquilynne]

I have my share of insecurities, but the least of them have to do with any deficiencies in my SO. I wonder if I am good enough for her, but there is no doubt in my mind that she is much more than good enough for me.

I agree somewhat with Linnea here I share some differences at the same time tho. . . .But I do think my own insecurities have been deeply affected greatly by the guilt I have ever since I came out to my wife over 6 months ago. I am tryng to move on but it has been difficult.

See, about 3 months ago my wife of 12 yrs left me. . .and that hurts but my insecurities lie in myself. . .But unlike Linnea, she had what, in my mind, I thought were deficiencies and I often told her how I felt about them but she refused to compromise so then I chose to stop repressing my true feelings about myself and try to make up for the deficiencies that I saw in her. I really can't explain why I felt that I needed to do this to be happy and complete except for the fact that I couldn't change her. And since these feelings were a big part of me maybe this was the true me I was trying to see in her! But like Linnea, I too often wonder if I was good enough for her. . .and apparently she thought I was not! :(

But this was my case and results may vary but this remains the same: I suggest open and loving communication. . . ask him how he feels and tell him how you feel insecure and worry if you are good enough for him. This will show him that you are truly concerned not only about your own feelings but his as well. See, he may have the same feelings himself but just have a hard time expressing them. . . sadly mast guys do. even guys in dresses :o Only through communication will you find the truth. it is so sweet to see a SO that really cares enough to examine themselves as well :) I wish my wife would have been more open to examining herself for the sake of our marriage.

Don't be afraid to voice your opinions and deep down desires to your SO and above all hide no secrets. . . being open and honest in all things goes a long way in a loving relationship :)

My .02 cents from someone whos hurting from a broken one :(

[Shikyo]

Do you ever have such insecurities? That you aren't good enough for your partners? I see that many of think very much about your femme appearance.

I'm very interested to hear your replies.

As the others don't seem to have the courage to answer, I guess I'll start.

Yes, I do. All the time. Not just because of what I am, but other things as well. The way we got together and in fact married is not really helping the situation at all. There are times when I get really depressed about all this and I simply wish I'd be normal, but I'm not and I can't do anything about it. I could try to behave just like the average man, be masculine and all, but that wouldn't be true me. I would feel like I'm lying to my wife who I love. I really don't feel good about lying to someone I love, especially my wife, so this leads to a more or less strong depression on my side. For my luck, my wife still manages to get me out of it, I don't know how but I really appreciate it. The feeling isn't that nice at all and I could live without it without any problems.

I'm doing my best to repay my wife what I am and that she actually endures the whole way through. No matter what I do just seems not to be good enough of a repayment. I don't give up but just keep trying to find something to help her cope with this whole situation. Even then I still feel deep inside me that she deserves someone better. Someone who could have given her the pleasure of a man she first saw in me.

Despite all this she claims I'm all she wants and she ain't going to get all this hard work from the past years just float away. Strangely this makes me feel happy but depressed at the same time. The truth just hits me every time she says it, but on the other hand I'm very very happy about her wanting to stay with me that she still sees the person she loves in me.

[Jacquilynne]

Shikyo, beat ya. . .I answered :P

on to the serious respoces :D

[Stitch]

Thanks for you replies everyone. I'm still eager to hear more views from your point of view.


Hi Stitch,

Here's my question: do you find your SO attractive when she's dressed or do you basically accept it? I would really like to know.

Tanya

Well I do find her to be pretty and its great knowing she is also mine. I wouldn't say it was sexual attraction to her however. Any attraction I'd have is because I can see my boyfriend shinning through. I love her because I love him. At the end of the day I'm heterosexual.


Stitch,
As said before, you are very good looking. The only advice I can give is talk, talk and more talk. Be open and honest with each other. Again this is the best advice I can give. Don't be too hard on yourself. Wish I could help you more. Good luck sweetie. Let us know how it goes.

Oh we talk. Don't worry. We are expert talkers. Never had an argument and both have been very honest from the start. :daydreaming: Thank you for the advice though.

Like I mentioned. My boyfriend and I are solid. We talk, we love, we are.
My insecurities are daft. I know this and he knows that I feel them from time to time and understands. We have an amazing relastionship. I wouldn't change it for the world. :o

I was asking out of curiosity, rather than seeking advice.

[Lisa Golightly]

I'm just a bundle of insecurities held together with waterproof mascara...

[DinaMature]

From a photographers point of view, I see beauty in your face that money just can't buy. You look like the kind of girl that needs very little make-up for the daytime but come the evening, I bet you can look dazzling.

I could go on but I'll leave soemthing for the others to say.

I reckon there are some CD'ers on here who long for the day they meet someone like you. In fact, they're typing thier responses now.......

yeah, excuse me but one word will suffice.... "babe-a-licious!!"

[Persephone]

Quite often I find myself worrying if I am good enough for him. Whether I am pretty enough, sexy enough. Ect. I know his ex was a goth and he presents as a goth when en femme and here's me as ungoth as you can possibly be. I try to be the best me possible, and I realise that at times my feelings are irrational as he absolutely adores me, but I'm still fighting bouts of low self esteem from my teen years and a previous relationship. Media also puts a lot of pressure on young women, and quite often I feel I can't compete with singers or the "ideal" standards.

Anyway onto the question:

Do you ever have such insecurities? That you aren't good enough for your partners? I see that many of think very much about your femme appearance.

I'm very interested to hear your replies.
.
.
I was honestly wondering more about everyone else's thoughts and feelings.

I how do you feel? Your self esteem. As male or female.

Well, Stitch, it sounds to me like you are perfectly normal!

Everyone, male and female, has insecurities. Men's general insecurities probably don't need discussion here and, as you said in your post, your's sound like conventional female ones.

Not perfectly possible to tell from messages, of course, but it also sounds like you are a wonderful, loving woman, and that your boyfriend adores you!

How do I feel? I can identify with your question almost perfectly. I've been married to the same wonderful person for over 40 years yet sometimes I still feel that I don't deserve her. Much of what I do is attempt to make her life as wonderful as I can.

I strive to create the best home that I can for her, always try to make the kinds of things she likes for dinner, and do my best in hundreds of ways to say "I love you."

I know I'm far from perfect at it, but I think it is the concern and the trying that make the most difference.

I hope that helps with what you are looking for. Now if you want to talk about my insecurities of looking fat, having wrinkles, and ever looking good in a bathing suit, well, that's a whole other discussion! :)

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Bobbi Em]

...Goodness, bless everyone for your reassurences. I'm fine really. This thread wasn't about me :heehee: I was honestly wondering more about everyone else's thoughts and feelings.

I how do you feel? Your self esteem. As male or female.

Heya Stitch, glad to see your edit. I realized a long time ago that there would always be someone who was smarter than me. Or taller, or thinner, or richer, or...whatever....But there was absolutely NO ONE who could be a BETTER me.

I may not be to everyone's tastes, but dayum, I am an incredible me...And YOU, my Dear, are an incredible Stitch!!

Bobbi

[Chari]

Whether we admit it or not, IMO we all have some insecurities! We have to be comfortable with who we are before we can be comfortable and really understand others - no matter how we present ourselves . . . and I am!

[TGMarla]

Frankly, when it comes to my wonderful wife and my crossdressing, I'm one big bundle of insecurity. Whereas I'm secure in myself in just about every other area of my life, I always have the nagging wonder in the back of my head whether this one thing will wind up being a deal-breaker....and this after 15 years of marriage. I guess I'm just a big chicken at heart, or I'd lay it all out on the table with her. She knows of this part of me, but I seriously doubt she has any idea of just how far it goes with me.

As for you, well...you're pretty, intelligent, and accepting. There's three things in your favor right away!

[DonnaT]

Do you ever have such insecurities? That you aren't good enough for your partners?

I how do you feel? Your self esteem. As male or female.

Nope, never felt 'not good enough.' I think we are perfect for each other, and if I hadn't I wouldn't have married her back in '75.

My self esteem is fine. Don't like being overweight, but I'm not down on myself for it. If it weren't for health issues, and better fitting clothes ;), I wouldn't be working so hard at losing the weight.

My wife has had self esteem issues since she was little. She didn't have a nice dad. Seems to be something one carries with them for a long time.

[sissystephanie]

During the 49+ years of our marriage, there were times when I felt that maybe I wasn't enough of a man for my dear late wife, God rest her soul! But she always seemed to sense when I felt like that and would remind me that she had accepted me "as is" when I proposed to her. I told her at that time that I was a CD, and that in fact I was wearing silk panties!

Now that I am a widower, I just live my life. I go out dressed, but looking like a guy and don't give a D***! If you don't like the way I look, don't look at me!:heehee:

[TSchapes]

Anyway onto the question:

Do you ever have such insecurities? That you aren't good enough for your partners? I see that many of think very much about your femme appearance.

I'm very interested to hear your replies.



I've never understood what my wife sees in me. At least my male side. She has told me that she is somewhat jealous of my femme side, so therein lies the problem.

I've wondered why she hasn't left me already. She doesn't like the CDing, so she doesn't like a part of me...

I'm kinda clueless I guess...

-Tracy

[MJ]

Do you ever have such insecurities? That you aren't good enough for your partners? I see that many of think very much about your femme appearance.

I'm very interested to hear your replies.

ALL the time


I'm just a bundle of insecurities held together with waterproof mascara...

well said Lisa. I'm a mess most of the time never good enough never pretty enough never thin enough

i don't think theres a man or woman on earth who would want the likes of me

my self esteem. As a female is not the best ..

[dilane]

I read once that the people with the best self-esteem were sociopaths and criminals, with armed robbers and murderers at the top of the list.

Therefore, I value the normal run-of-the-mill minor self-doubts in my friends and acquaintances.

-- Diane

PS: Yes I do have some self-doubts and insecurities, but I don't think they are a big deal, just typical average psychological baggage. One of my favorite bosses once told me "You know, we're all damaged goods to some extent".

[VikkiVixen7188]

Real women are their own harshest critics. He adores you, your good enough for him. His ex presented in goth, you dont, She is his ex, your not.

[Stitch]

Real women are their own harshest critics. He adores you, your good enough for him. His ex presented in goth, you dont, She is his ex, your not.

Yes, I realise this. Hence why I put why my insecurities are irrational. You seem to be missing the point of the thread and what I was asking. :doh: This thread wasn't meant to be about me.

Thanks to everyone who replied honestly. I was very interested in all points of view. I feel like I have more of an insight into the members here now.

[Nicole Erin]

Do you ever have such insecurities? That you aren't good enough for your partners? I see that many of think very much about your femme appearance....
How do you feel? Your self esteem. As male or female.

I have been in my relationship for about 13 years.

At first yes, there is going to be apprehention, but eventually you get comfortable in your relationship with the person and these worries go away.
It sounds like you two have a good relationship so there is not any reason to worry.

And I don't know if you were asking this but does the fact that he is CD worry you? What I mean is, some women get the idea that maybe they are not woman enough and that is why their male partner CD's, but trust me that is not the case. My wife was worried about that at one point.

My self-esteem male or female - My male side is slowly diminishing but yes I have insecurities. I feel like my femme side could be more graceful, thinner, nicer hair, etc..

High school? Honey, I have no idea when you graduated, I assume recently. High school is a time when Joe or JAne Average's peers worked very hard to ruin Joe or Jane's self esteem. One wasn't cool enough, good looking enough, athletic enough, stylish enough.
Most of us were dorks in high school, according to our peers. Why do you think that with most people when you bring up high school, they don't have nice things to say?

Stitch, there are 6 billion people on this planet. about 5.8 billion of us have esteem issues.

[Stitch]

Does his CDing bother me? Not at all. I don't feel threatened at all. He is very sweet and open about it and always has been. I suppose, its to do with the amount of women he must see. Since he looks at outfits on passing ladies and in catalogue and things. But then that would occur with any man, so its not CD linked as such.

As for High school. I was house bound for my teen years due to many health issues. I didn't really get the chance into interact with my peers. I finished school 7 years ago. I'm actually older than I actually appear to be, but younger than the majority of the forum. :heehee: