The pink elephant in the room

[helenr]

I wonder how many are married to fine women who clearly know and tolerate? No discussion occurs, however, though the power of crossdressing/transgender behavior and mindset are as hard to ignore as a pink elephant in the room. comments?

[Phyliss]

We both know the "elephant" is there. She seems to ignore it for some reason and I don't speak of it for fear that I just might break the magic spell and I'll turn back into a full time "guy". Now, that "elephant" has grown over time and I do what I can to prevent it from taking over the entire room. As long as it stays in the corner it's welcome, even though we don't speak of it.

Very strange I know, but it seems to work for me. Kinda like unspoken bounderies and allowable actions.

[TGMarla]

That would aptly describe my situation. She knows, tolerates, and does not discuss it with me. It's hard, and one of these days, I feel that I will have to broach the subject with her. All I want is her acknowledgement and understanding that this is something that I must do, but is not necessarily something she needs to be involved with. I just want us both to be okay with it, that's all.

[KarenS]

My wife knows my situation. I wear panties 24/7. She see them in the laundry basket all the time. We share a dresser. She doesn't want to see 'her' and thinks it is all weird. Like Marla, all I would like is her understanding.

[BLUE ORCHID]

My dear wife of 45.5 yrs. has known for over 45 yrs.
We have gone through diffrent stages of acceptance
and rejections at this point in time it's tolerated
it's a don't ask don't tell thinggie now.
Nothing is hidden I have half of two closets filled with ORCHID"S
things some times she will toss something over on my side
of the bed I just pick it up and put it away.
I know my boundrys and I don't cross the line I don't
want to get stepped on by the BIG PINK ELEPHANT!!!!
We even had two sessions of counceling where they
explaned it's something that will probably never go away.
Life is good so don't rock the boat or you may get thrown overboard.
.................................................. .........thanks.........ORCHID

[linnea]

If this kind of quiet toleration works, that is great.

[helenr]

it is comforting, in a sense, that there are others in the same situation. Openness would be great, but so hard to communicate.

[Billijo49504]

When my wife got home from work tonight, she complemented me on my outfit and makeup. And she was hungary and the swiss steak I had on the stove was making her hungary...BJ

[Cathytg]

Oh, dear... I was married to a woman for nearly 30 years who knew about my CD/TG the whole while. But we never talked about it after the first two years. I cannot recall that there was any reason; it stopped being a topic.

However, we did not discuss any problem or issues we had. TG was simply one more issue. But, as I said, I WAS married to her. I am remarried and I refuse to let anything stay invisible. Gender is commonly discussed as are many other issues.

Sometimes we take an item such as TG out of context and let it become - in our perception - the center of everything. I think we all could stand a good dose of balance.

There are no elephants in our living room; I am the guy who shampoos the carpet and it is simply not allowed.

[Persephone]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y53/sandylewiscares/pink_elephant_anim_3.gif
My spouse has known since before we were married and is positive and accepting - up to a point.

She will go places with me en femme and actually seems to sometimes enjoy our shopping and trying on clothes together. We even joined a women's excercise center together. Still, she prefers "his" company.

Nevertheless, our pink elephant freely wanders around the house.

She will brook no discussion of my having a boob job, for example. Simply cuts it off and says it would be a deal breaker.

I would at least prefer discussion, but, at those times, our pink elephant stands between us.

[RobertaM]

Hum, interesting thread,
Mine, well, hum, cough, tolerates and I guess supports, from the basis that it makes me happy, I have tried to invovle her more into my cding but i get mixed feedback,, I suspect she is confused by the guy/girl who did i marry thing, meanwhile i keep stealing more space in her closet for my stuff!!!!!

[DianneW]

When my second wife & I were dating, she kept referring to me as a mans man . I cooked, cleaned did the laundry and was not ashamed if everyone knew.When we started getting real serious,I told her the truth about me. I thought she would freakout and run but instead took me shopping for new clothes, taught me how to apply make-up,sit, walk and do my own hair.We would go out every Sat. night to a gay,tg friendly bar, her in casual dress me dressed to the nines.That was 15yrs. ago and nothing has changed to ths day. I sleep in a nightgown every night, sometimes with my forms on other times with a bra on and if I wanted, can dress 24/7 and it wouldn't bother her a bit, for us,its normal day to day life. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

[Carroll]

My wife knows, buys, supports me being a CD.

[StacyCD]

DianneW you are so lucky to have such an accepting spouse. My SO tolerates my CDing as long as it is out of sight (other than panties 24/7 and painted toe nails in the winter). I'm hoping to shave for the Winter and not stop next Spring. We'll see how that goes. I doubt my SO will ever accept seeing me fully dressed but at least the divorce lawyer is not on her speed dial.

[DonnaT]

I dress in some fashion every day. We just don't talk about it. It's like it's a normal thing in that way. Yet it is still a pink elephant.

And then there are things I'd like to talk about, like something interesting I've read on a forum, but can't bring it up, because we don't talk about it.

[Diane_2902]

my wife is my bigest supporter

[TSchapes]

I'm a CD and my teenage son is gay, and I can't get her to go to a Gay Pride Festival with me and my son. She says it would make her "queasy".

Someone please explain "queasy" for me?

-Tracy

[julie w]

my wife knows jokes about it but wont see me dressed

[JenniferR771]

Janice knows, but does not like my cding. She gets angry if I bring up the subject. We just don't talk about it. She was cool to the idea, but did not objet when I went to a cd birthday party last week.

[Brenda456]

My wife tolerates me, but doesn't want to see me dressed up. She is a pretty good sport, but there linesI know better than to cross.

[sissystephanie]

49 + Years!

That is how long I was married to my late wife! I told her before we were married and she totally accepted me "as is!" I was Stephanie whenever I wanted to be, except around our two children. That was one rule we had agreeded on before either of them was born. But before them, and after we became empty nesters, we spent many happy hours together as two girls. In fact when I quit CD'ing cold turkey for a 5 year period, she was the one who begged me to start dressing again. She said she missed Stephanie!! Go figure!

But the one thing she always knew..............no matter what I was wearing, feminine or drab, there was always a complete man underneath! I told her that when I first told her I was a CD, and made sure that she always knew it!! Honesty and open communication will always conquer!:2c:

Yes, the Pink Elephant was in the room! We both rode him/her!!

[debbeelee1]

My wife knows, supports, participtes in and encourages my CDing! She's worth her weight in gold!

[Ralph]

I wonder how many are married to fine women who clearly know and tolerate? No discussion occurs, however, though the power of crossdressing/transgender behavior and mindset are as hard to ignore as a pink elephant in the room. comments?
That would be me. I walk around openly in whatever I'm in the mood to wear and my wife makes no comment; the few times I have approached the subject she took a U-turn and talked about something else instead. Once I tried to bring up a subject with her that was a hot debate topic here a while back (can't remember what it was, now) and she made a remark along the lines of "well, there are some aspects of you I love more than others".

So, yeah, I've learned to skip around that elephant to the point that I hardly notice it myself anymore.

[Jessica Jameson]

I think it's getting to be less and less of an issue, I tell any girlfriend I have out of respect. And as I see it, if they can't handle Eddie Izzard, they probably shouldn't try to handle me.

[QZ2]

In fact it got so big that I 'had' to tell my wife of 30 years. Let the chips fall as they may...

I briefly explained transgender and how I am part woman and part man. Then I told her that I was a crossdresser and have been for all my adult years. Her answer was, "But I love you!"

That was two years ago and the subject has not been broached since. But now I am not afraid if she were to find my stash or even come home and catch me. She knows I wear woman's jeans some times and even tops but they are more unisex than not.

I have not had the courage to bring the subject up again as the wonderful elephant only seems to be so big when she is not around. Like now, she is away for the last 10 days and I have been in girl mode since. Tomorrow she returns and the good pink elephant will be returned to the 'other' room.

Susie

[audreyinalbany]

It sounds like a pretty common situation...my wife knows...we've even been to several counseling sessions about it...but the subject rarely comes up. I don't know if she's ever said the word "crossdresser" out loud. She'll talk occasionally about 'your stuff,' or 'playing dress up,' but she's made it clear she wants no part of it. Doesn't want to see it, doesn't want to hear about it. So, despite the counseling, we're right back to 'don't ask, don't tell.'