Rachel_740
07-08-2005, 03:57 PM
Hi Girls,
I've been sat here thinking about the changes I've gone through with my transition over the last 6 months. Not physical, but emotional changes and changes of personality.
Firstly and not really surprising with my hormone treatment, I get quite tearful at times - this seems to be getting more frequent at the moment. For example, while I was driving today I had to find somewhere on a trading estate that I have know for many years, and I couldn't find the place. I drove round 8 times before I saw a postman so I stopped and asked him. By this time I was really struggling to hold back the tears - frustration!
I am changing the things I enjoy - well, not really changing them but allowing myself to enjoy the girlie things that were always surpressed as 'him', and the things I'd brought to the front as 'him' are now disappearing (and I mean disappearing, not being surpressed). They were only there for the male 'shell' that I had established over the years. For example, I no longer watch the grand prix's, I've stopped watching things like war films, Rambo films etc which I never enjoyed anyway - again, they were the macho image - and I'm allowing myself to enjoy what I really like - the chick flicks.
As for clothes, as 'him' I would rarely make any effort to look good, throwing on whatever clothes came to hand each morning. When I got home from work I wouldn't change unless I ws going out, when I would throw on whatever 'good' clothes came to hand. There is no way I would ever describe myself as looking attractive or sexy as 'him'. If I had to I would put on a suit and tie. Don't get me wrong, I have never objected to wearing suits, they were just too formal.
Now, from the time I wake up to the time I finish dressing I am thinking about what I am going to wear for work. Does it go together, what am I going to look like, have I worn it in the recent past etc. As soon as I get home from work it's wash and change. Again, from the time I leave work I'm looking at the weather, what I'm doing that evening - am I going out or staying in, if I'm out where am I going and so on. I always wear a skirt or dress when not at work, and I'm now always looking at 'can I wear a skirt suit for this or that'. I love formal dress. I love casual as well but that's any time really. Especially if I'm not working it's quite common for me to change 3 or 4 times a day.
Then I can also mix and match formal and casual - I can wear a nice 'office type' lined pencil skirt with one of the long sleeved tee shirts I've got, or with a jumper, or do I wear a blouse with a casual skirt today? - There are so many choices - love it.
Going on to shopping, when I was 'him' it was a case of 'do I really HAVE to buy a shirt - OK, that one will do then'. Now, like when I bought my new dress earlier this week, I looked at almost everything in the shop (and that wasn't the first shop). I then went back to the one dress to try on (I wasn't planning on buying anything, but my ex was quite insistant that I tried it on cos I liked it and so did she. Really, we were just out 'killing time' - and we certainly did that with 2 hours just gone.
The one thing that hasn't really changed - because I've always been pretty honest about my likes and dislikes is my choice in music, which has always been on the 'soppy' side.
I'm really starting to release the true me now, though I've still got a long way to go - but I've got the rest of my life too :) .
Anne
I've been sat here thinking about the changes I've gone through with my transition over the last 6 months. Not physical, but emotional changes and changes of personality.
Firstly and not really surprising with my hormone treatment, I get quite tearful at times - this seems to be getting more frequent at the moment. For example, while I was driving today I had to find somewhere on a trading estate that I have know for many years, and I couldn't find the place. I drove round 8 times before I saw a postman so I stopped and asked him. By this time I was really struggling to hold back the tears - frustration!
I am changing the things I enjoy - well, not really changing them but allowing myself to enjoy the girlie things that were always surpressed as 'him', and the things I'd brought to the front as 'him' are now disappearing (and I mean disappearing, not being surpressed). They were only there for the male 'shell' that I had established over the years. For example, I no longer watch the grand prix's, I've stopped watching things like war films, Rambo films etc which I never enjoyed anyway - again, they were the macho image - and I'm allowing myself to enjoy what I really like - the chick flicks.
As for clothes, as 'him' I would rarely make any effort to look good, throwing on whatever clothes came to hand each morning. When I got home from work I wouldn't change unless I ws going out, when I would throw on whatever 'good' clothes came to hand. There is no way I would ever describe myself as looking attractive or sexy as 'him'. If I had to I would put on a suit and tie. Don't get me wrong, I have never objected to wearing suits, they were just too formal.
Now, from the time I wake up to the time I finish dressing I am thinking about what I am going to wear for work. Does it go together, what am I going to look like, have I worn it in the recent past etc. As soon as I get home from work it's wash and change. Again, from the time I leave work I'm looking at the weather, what I'm doing that evening - am I going out or staying in, if I'm out where am I going and so on. I always wear a skirt or dress when not at work, and I'm now always looking at 'can I wear a skirt suit for this or that'. I love formal dress. I love casual as well but that's any time really. Especially if I'm not working it's quite common for me to change 3 or 4 times a day.
Then I can also mix and match formal and casual - I can wear a nice 'office type' lined pencil skirt with one of the long sleeved tee shirts I've got, or with a jumper, or do I wear a blouse with a casual skirt today? - There are so many choices - love it.
Going on to shopping, when I was 'him' it was a case of 'do I really HAVE to buy a shirt - OK, that one will do then'. Now, like when I bought my new dress earlier this week, I looked at almost everything in the shop (and that wasn't the first shop). I then went back to the one dress to try on (I wasn't planning on buying anything, but my ex was quite insistant that I tried it on cos I liked it and so did she. Really, we were just out 'killing time' - and we certainly did that with 2 hours just gone.
The one thing that hasn't really changed - because I've always been pretty honest about my likes and dislikes is my choice in music, which has always been on the 'soppy' side.
I'm really starting to release the true me now, though I've still got a long way to go - but I've got the rest of my life too :) .
Anne