Changes

[Rachel_740]

Hi Girls,

I've been sat here thinking about the changes I've gone through with my transition over the last 6 months. Not physical, but emotional changes and changes of personality.

Firstly and not really surprising with my hormone treatment, I get quite tearful at times - this seems to be getting more frequent at the moment. For example, while I was driving today I had to find somewhere on a trading estate that I have know for many years, and I couldn't find the place. I drove round 8 times before I saw a postman so I stopped and asked him. By this time I was really struggling to hold back the tears - frustration!

I am changing the things I enjoy - well, not really changing them but allowing myself to enjoy the girlie things that were always surpressed as 'him', and the things I'd brought to the front as 'him' are now disappearing (and I mean disappearing, not being surpressed). They were only there for the male 'shell' that I had established over the years. For example, I no longer watch the grand prix's, I've stopped watching things like war films, Rambo films etc which I never enjoyed anyway - again, they were the macho image - and I'm allowing myself to enjoy what I really like - the chick flicks.

As for clothes, as 'him' I would rarely make any effort to look good, throwing on whatever clothes came to hand each morning. When I got home from work I wouldn't change unless I ws going out, when I would throw on whatever 'good' clothes came to hand. There is no way I would ever describe myself as looking attractive or sexy as 'him'. If I had to I would put on a suit and tie. Don't get me wrong, I have never objected to wearing suits, they were just too formal.

Now, from the time I wake up to the time I finish dressing I am thinking about what I am going to wear for work. Does it go together, what am I going to look like, have I worn it in the recent past etc. As soon as I get home from work it's wash and change. Again, from the time I leave work I'm looking at the weather, what I'm doing that evening - am I going out or staying in, if I'm out where am I going and so on. I always wear a skirt or dress when not at work, and I'm now always looking at 'can I wear a skirt suit for this or that'. I love formal dress. I love casual as well but that's any time really. Especially if I'm not working it's quite common for me to change 3 or 4 times a day.

Then I can also mix and match formal and casual - I can wear a nice 'office type' lined pencil skirt with one of the long sleeved tee shirts I've got, or with a jumper, or do I wear a blouse with a casual skirt today? - There are so many choices - love it.

Going on to shopping, when I was 'him' it was a case of 'do I really HAVE to buy a shirt - OK, that one will do then'. Now, like when I bought my new dress earlier this week, I looked at almost everything in the shop (and that wasn't the first shop). I then went back to the one dress to try on (I wasn't planning on buying anything, but my ex was quite insistant that I tried it on cos I liked it and so did she. Really, we were just out 'killing time' - and we certainly did that with 2 hours just gone.

The one thing that hasn't really changed - because I've always been pretty honest about my likes and dislikes is my choice in music, which has always been on the 'soppy' side.

I'm really starting to release the true me now, though I've still got a long way to go - but I've got the rest of my life too :) .

Anne

[Stephenie]

You sound happy with your changes. You must be enjoying your life alot more now.

[Tristen Cox]

I suppose it's like being born again into a world you were kept from and now you get to explore it freely. Lots will change of course. But it's a fantastic journey isn't it:) Thanks for sharing your thoughts :hugs:

[stephanie_cd]

hi anne. nice to hear its going for the better for you . i always admired you people for the courage of coming out and walking the extra mile to acheive what you always wanted. why can't i do it?
for some of us who are still in the closet ,for various reasons, we can only dream of being what we wanted to be. i would for instance love to be just smooth as it helps a lot with cross dressing and the feminine feel. but can't because with a female body physiology i've got, removing hair or waxing will blow the cover espe :thumbsup: cially when you love swimming, the sea side and the like. good luck in the future
luv stephanie x.

[SultrySara]

Wow, That sounds like the dreams I have. I would love to be able to free Sara so I can see How I really am, I just have not found my way yet. reading posts like yours really helps me with my struggle. Good luck even though it sounds like you don't really need much. :p

[Chrissycd]

Over the past six months, I've discovered many of the same rewards of finally just saying, "It's time", and following through. I've never been happier, and my friends wish I'd have ditched that "boring, wallflower guy" I was, long ago. It's nice to know what it's like to actually be happy after forty years of yuck.
Now that you know what you do now, there is no going back, no way, no how. You go girl!
Hugs,
Chrissy

[Rachel_740]

Over the past six months, I've discovered many of the same rewards of finally just saying, "It's time", and following through. I've never been happier, and my friends wish I'd have ditched that "boring, wallflower guy" I was, long ago. It's nice to know what it's like to actually be happy after forty years of yuck.
Now that you know what you do now, there is no going back, no way, no how. You go girl!
Hugs,
Chrissy

There is no way I would even contemplate going back to being a bloke, however easy or difficult it may be.

Anne

[Julie]

Anne,

You described a lot of what I've experienced. HRT does change you in subtle ways. Others may not see as readily as we do but then they aren't with us 24/7.

[Rachel_740]

Hi Girls,

I've just had another 2 days truck driving. I have worked for these people before, but not since I transitioned. I went in yesterday morning to book in and the first thing that was said was by one of the other drivers to the guy on the desk in the transport office - 'there's a young lady coming to see you'.

Within the yard I've been treated by everyone as female. The approach and tone of voice has accepted me as female, as has the body language.

While I've been out driving (delivering to the companies own stores) I've been treated as female at all the stores. At one there was a lad of 18/19 asked if I was ok moving the pallets off the truck, or should he do it. At another store this morning, the manageress came in and had a girlie chat with me over a coffee - we were discussing how much better women drivers are than men - she was saying how much damage the men had done by hitting things at her previous store, while the women drivers had done none.

It's one of the busiest weekends of the year in the UK, and I lost count of the number of people (women, men and children) who did a 'double take' to check it was a woman driving the truck.

It's the sort of weekend that really boosts my confidence and makes me feel that I'm making real progress in my appearance and voice changes.

Forever happy,
Anne