Had to Purge

[Renee Demarea]

Hello Ladies, Im in a new relatonship with a very sexy all America Women, she has moved in with me and is very insecure I believe at this time it would be a deal breaker. We are very open and honest about every thing. Its only been two months now and I feel very uncomfortable about telling her,how can you tell when or how she could accept cding. Any ideas:2c:

[Kate Simmons]

Sounds like you know her pretty well and what her response would be. It really depends on what is more important to you Renee.

[JoanAz]

You (by all stastics) will not change, it is in you, Let her know NOW.
It is much easier Before than After to have her reject you. Than again the positive side is she will see the Soft Caring Side of you, Plus the Manly positive side as well. She gets two Love ones for the price of one..

Joan Az:love:
69 years of living experience. Even my neighbor Knows.
I give his wife hair care information....

[Sandra]

...and if you don't tell her and she finds out how is she going to feel then? more insecure, lied to not trusted enought to be told ?

[Holly]

...We are very open and honest about every thing...If this is true, why should you withhold the information about your CDing? If it is going to be a deal breaker, isn't it better now that two or three years down the road after deeper emotional commitment have been made by both parties?

[AlannahNorth]

how can you tell when or how she could accept cding

Well, you can tell when she finds out - so explain all this the best way you can now, so she finds out in the best possible way - honestly from you.

This may not be what you want to hear right now, and I can certainly empathize, but that's the best answer I'm able to offer.

[MsJanessa]

Its a lot easier to tell her now than later when she will accuse you of not being honest with her---If she dumps you now its a lot easier after a few months than years or even decades.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Renee, "Purges" never last ! Renee will always be around the corner waiting to come back into your life and she will. I tried to give it up in 1995 - JoAnne came back with more determination than ever before.

Therefore, no matter how difficult it may be, you would be better off to discuss it now that later - your SO is going to run into Renee someday even if you purge now - been there - done that - lived to regret the purge

JoAnne Wheeler

[DinaMature]

The odds are stacked against you trying to hold out and not cd, also grim for holding back and not telling her.
Read my recent thread about how I came out to my SO/GF. Playfully let her know you like the soft silkly sexy apparrel... then after that seems to be in place (even if you take some playfull teasing about it) work from there. It wasn't plotted out but that is how I broke the ice.

[ashlee chiffon]

so you need to spill the beans! Sooner is better then later! Just my humble opinion!

[DonnaT]

Seems to me you should have said something before she moved in. At least you wouldn't have felt the need to purge, probably.

But to answer your question, try renting the movie "Kinky Boots" and getting her reaction. You might toss out a couple of comments during the movie like, "I wonder what it would feel like to wear those boots?" or something similar.

[Ze xx]

Honestly Renee? Before she moved in would have been best. Sorry

If you really think it would be a deal breaker, is it worth questioning whether she's really the girl for you?

[Deborah Jane]

Honestly Renee? Before she moved in would have been best. Sorry

If you really think it would be a deal breaker, is it worth questioning whether she's really the girl for you?

:yt: :iagree:

[Dana]

Hello Ladies, Im in a new relatonship with a very sexy all America Women, she has moved in with me and is very insecure I believe at this time it would be a deal breaker. We are very open and honest about every thing. Its only been two months now and I feel very uncomfortable about telling her,how can you tell when or how she could accept cding. Any ideas:2c:

This isn't nothing more than a train wreck waiting to happen! Your deluding yourself into thinking you have a choice in being who and what you are! Your TG and part girl! Tell her now and get over with.

Either she will accept or she won't!

Quit denying it, quit fighting it ~ let the girl in you out!

Just that plain!

Just that simple!

[Sarah Doepner]

I have to follow the crowd. Even if you purge and keep after it for years, you will probably dress again one of these days. It will be on top of a long term relationship that was based on Total Honesty, except for that One Thing. Insecure now, just wait until that happens.

Find a way to explain the positive impact it has on your world and make sure she can understand it will be something that will improve and strengthen your relationship. If you can put it in similar terms and accept it yourself, you shouldn't have any trouble convincing her as well.

Like they (whoever "they" are), eat a live frog first thing in the morning and it's the worst thing you have to do all day.

[sometimes_miss]

Or, if you're like some, and the urge to crossdress wanes when you're in a working relationship, you can open up the discussion about your crossdressing behavior by telling her that you used to be a crossdresser. It's kind of easier for them to take that way, but somewhere along the line of explanation you'll have to also tell her that the urge 'sometimes' comes back, and see how she reacts to that. Like other people who have behaviors that they aren't thrilled with, some of us manage to suppress it quite well the vast majority of the time. But she has to be aware of the possibility of your wanting to do it again more than you can handle on your own, and if you want her to, how to help you overcome the urge, or deal with it in some way. Kind of like a crossdressers anonymous support group, only she's going to be your only 'sponsor' and the one to call when you feel you can't stop yourself. Like smokers, alcoholics, even murderers; sometimes we can 'recover', and get by day to day by just saying that yes, we are still what we were, but we aren't going to do it again 'today'.

Sure, if she's o.k. with it, and there's always a slim chance that she will be, you will be able to indulge your desires to the limit. And I truly hope that will be the case. But if she isn't into it at all, then perhaps you may still have a chance if she understands that it doesn't completely define who and what you are, that your love for her is way more important, that you will do your best not to crossdress, but may 'slip' on occasion, and want and need her to support you when you try to stop, most importantly not to treat you with disgust or anger, but with the same compassion that you would have for her if she had done something you weren't crazy about.

It's all about how much you care for each other. I know it won't work for everyone. But it could work for some of us.

[Jenny Brown]

Hello Ladies, Im in a new relatonship with a very sexy all America Women, she has moved in with me and is very insecure I believe at this time it would be a deal breaker. We are very open and honest about every thing. Its only been two months now and I feel very uncomfortable about telling her,how can you tell when or how she could accept cding. Any ideas:2c:
I wouldn't tell her at all if you've quit cd-ing. Unless you're planning on starting up again.:straightface:

[Elizabeth2-]

You and she are "honest about everything"??????

She is insecure? Does that mean that she cannot operate on the plane of open love and acceptance?

What do you think will help her not to be insecure? Getting into an obligatory relationship of any sort is going to put more pressure on her which is not the cure for insecurity and its close girlfriend, low self-esteem.

A major part of who you are has to be suppressed or the relationship is off???

Her way or the highway?????

What happens on the day that you think that she is able to cope with the real you and you tell her and she goes ballistic??????

Insecure people find their worth and significance usually in something or someone outside of themselves. If that significance is you (and I hope it is), will she be able to still feel significant with you in heels?

Think about this dear. An bonafide SO has to be able to take you as you are, up front;in the relationship,warts and all when your best foot is forward. This cannot happen down the road in the relationship.

You can try it, but neither of you, playing the pretend game, are going to have the core, long-term, relationship of mutual love, respect and trust that is required for real loving.

Liz

[vivianann]

Like others have said you need to be honest and tell her everything, do not hide anything from her, especially since she is insecure as you have mentioned.

[sissystephanie]

If this is true, why should you withhold the information about your CDing? If it is going to be a deal breaker, isn't it better now that two or three years down the road after deeper emotional commitment have been made by both parties?

Holly really knows what she is talking about. The time to tell her is now, while your relationship is just beginning. Just make sure she knows that you are HER MAN, no matter what color panties you are wearing!! I told my late wife, who also was somewhat insecure, before we were married and we had over 49 happy CD years together before she passed away! BTW, she was so accepting that we wore matching white silk lingerie to our wedding!:love:

[Miranda-E]

Hello Ladies, Im in a new relatonship with a very sexy all America Women, she has moved in with me and is very insecure I believe at this time it would be a deal breaker. We are very open and honest about every thing. Its only been two months now and I feel very uncomfortable about telling her,how can you tell when or how she could accept cding. Any ideas:2c:

You're very open and honest, but your hiding a major part of your life?

[Brina Halloween]

Depending upon your level of addiction... you are possibly guilty of being in public at Halloween as a girl of some sort. Judge reaction to that to decide which life choice you take. I really need to see kinky boots sometime it appears :daydreaming:

[Jenny Brown]

You're very open and honest, but your hiding a major part of your life?
Ok, did I miss where the OP said this was a "major" part of her life? Maybe it's not that big of a deal. Cd-ing can mean different things to different people.:doh:

[dawnmarrie1961]

Renee, I'm not sure if I am qualified to respond to your situation. But because I read your post I always feel it is quite rude to not say something.

Something.


Love is often weird and strange.That gives it flavor! Without flavor it is dull & doesn't last. But only between the two of you can its flavor be decided. :love:

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Renee

I think you need to tell her sooner rather than later
The hurt will only be worse if you leave it too long

The thing is your are probably wondering the best way to tell her now given what most have said


Read the link in my signature on How to tell your Partner

It was written by a woman with a CD partner and has lots of good advice

I am sure it will help you :hugs:

[Kate17]

Apparently you are not so open and honest as you believe yourself to be. You should have told her before she moved in.

I do believe I know where you are coming from as I just went through this. I purged, thought Kate was gone and actually lasted 5 years ( for the most part) then she came back with a fury. I hid it for the next 5 and thanks to this forum realized how insensitive this was. So, I told my wife.

Sooner or later this will probably be an issue. As many have said, it is a part of you. The question is are you trying to avoid the perceived pain that may result in a confrontation now? There is a lot of great information in this forum about how to tell and when. Read it. We all have our story and everyone is probably a little different but if she loves you, if she is open minded and if you approach the subject carefully, you can convince her that it is a part of you. The alternative is to wait and someday she will find out and ask why you ( mr honesty) did not tell her. Its tough. Those last 5 years were spent wishing I had told her. The last 5 months were torture until I told her.

[Ralph]

Even if you think you can keep the lid on it for the rest of your life - and a pox on the naysayers who insist it's impossible - I think you should tell her. That way if you can't keep it in any longer, you won't be in a position of having to lie about it... make it something you can deal with together. She might say "That's OK honey, I can't expect you to stop being what you have been all your life" then great; if she says "That's OK honey, I'll move heaven and earth to make sure it's all behind you" then at least you know where she stands.

[Jenny Brown]

Even if you think you can keep the lid on it for the rest of your life - and a pox on the naysayers who insist it's impossible - I think you should tell her. That way if you can't keep it in any longer, you won't be in a position of having to lie about it... make it something you can deal with together. She might say "That's OK honey, I can't expect you to stop being what you have been all your life" then great; if she says "That's OK honey, I'll move heaven and earth to make sure it's all behind you" then at least you know where she stands.
This sounds like a good plan.
But I agree, yes it is possible to stop cd-ing. Anything is possible.:)

[trannie T]

"We are open and honest about everything"

We are?

[Sammy777]

I wouldn't tell her at all if you've quit cd-ing.
Unless you're planning on starting up again.:straightface:


Maybe it's not that big of a deal.:doh:


This sounds like a good plan.
But I agree, yes it is possible to stop cd-ing.
Anything is possible.:)

Really? Anything is possible? Is it possible for you to stop flip-flopping on the issue?

[NoraTV]

You give up on her or give up on yourself. It's best to tell her now.

[MissConstrued]

All American Girl? Run like hell! lol...




I believe at this time it would be a deal breaker.

If it's a deal breaker now, it will be a deal breaker later.




Its only been two months now and I feel very uncomfortable about telling her,how can you tell when or how she could accept cding. Any ideas:2c:

Wear panties all the time. Don't make a deal about it, and don't say anything. This is perfectly normal, remember? When she notices, you'll find out. If she has a serious problem with something as insignificant as your choice of underwear, kick her sexy All American ass to the curb. Be a man, Stan.

Of course, if you're certain you'll never want to wear anything unconventional for the rest of your life, by all means, carry on. But why limit your options? At this point, what you're doing is ceding control of your life. A true partner in life won't do that.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, bub, including lots of sexy ones who will take you As Is, No Warranty, Implied or Otherwise.

On a side note, something I've learned from personal experience -- the more attractive a woman is, the more insecure she'll be. Don't know why, but that's how it be. Just food for thought.

[kelliboots]

Purges are very expensive wastes of time and money. Honesty is the best policy.

[MsJanessa]

I wouldn't tell her at all if you've quit cd-ing. Unless you're planning on starting up again.:straightface:

I've never known a CDer who has quit permanently---We all start again