Relationship decisions and crossdressing... thoughts?

[StephanieCD]

I've asked similar questions before but...

Imagine with me - you love someone. You've been with them a while, say a year. You're at the point where you really start to weigh the commitment factors. How they are as a companion. How much they turn you on. How you get along. Common interests, goals. Passion. Humor. All of it.

Now. Would you weigh the fact that they accept and even encourage your crossdressing before or after your decision to move forward in the relationship? Meaning - maybe they fall a little short here or there in your deciding factors but you love them anyway... but they encourage you to find yourself and be happy, even if in a dress! Do you now forgive these 'shortcomings' or is that the makings of relationship disaster? What if they didn't!? And then you'd choose not to move forward... does it then make crossdressing the deciding factor of the relationship? Is that ok?

Note that I'm not talking about an existing marriage. Not someone you already live with and so on. This is someone who you're considering going to the next level with - say moving in... and they have a child, too. A heavy choice.

In this decision making process - and there is a decision to be made, passion or no - where does acceptance come in? Is it ok to even count it?

I'm serious and hoping to get some advice from those with more life experience than me...

[jo_ann]

if they don't accept it 100%, don't even bother.. my wife accepts it, but she hesitates on certain things.. you have to be certain that you're willing to do a lot of of sacrificing now n then.

[Imogen_Mann]

I have recently decided to step back from a potentially good loving happy and accepting relationship that was in it's infancy. I stepped away from it for many reasons... All of them more important than her acceptance of my dressing. She has already got kids... Not a problem in it's self, but they're not keen on me (to the point of open hostility). There is a distance factor of about 200 miles, also an insurmountable problem as I am in no hurry to throw away my job, or move away from my family (my kid).
It's sad for us both, maybe more so for me as It's not so easy to find an accepting loving friend, who wants to move it along to the next phase, but It's simply down to non dressing related factors, location, hostile kids and my future happyness (dressed or otherwise).

Maybe it's not what some girls want to hear, I dont know, but for me, enjoying life and long term happyness comes first, and dressing for me, is the icing on the cake. Other things simply are much more important to me.

There you go, thats my take on the thing. I hope it offers some guidance, or simply brings you an alternative viewpoint.

XX

Jayme

[StephanieCD]

Let's say she does support it 100%. How much is that worth? (feel like I'm building a D&D character)

[jo_ann]

12 points, but only if she throws in a shield and 8 magic points :)

I'll admit that finding an accepting woman is getting easier these days as people open their minds more and more, but don't settle just because you think you'll never find another.. My dream was always to date a transexual before settling down.

[CharleneCD]

Stephanie

I am all with the she has to accept the dressing 100%. Glad that she does. As for the other shortcomings that you see, its hard to help you without knowing a little more about what they are. Big annoying habits like picking fights and yelling at you should make her a no go, no matter how much she supports your dressing. Small annoying habits like squeezing the toothpaste from the middle are things that you need to learn to deal with to be able to keep her.

[Marla GG]

Hi Stephanie,

I really like the way you are thinking about this. Your question is an important one.

I'd just like to say a word or two on behalf of this hypothetical woman we're imagining. Out of fairness to her, I would have to say don't consider her acceptance as a factor in your decision. I say this because, as those of us who are accepting know, our worst fear is that we are loved for that reason primarily, and not for ourselves. If I thought for one second that Angel married me because I accepted his crossdressing, I would be devastated. I would feel that my husband had somehow "settled" by marrying me, and that is no basis for a relationship.

I do agree that you shouldn't make a commitment to this woman if she is NOT supportive. Take the support as a prerequisite to even considering it. But then, given the fact that the support is there, are there enough other "commitment factors" to convince you? Or is it too close to call? If it's so close that you need to consider her acceptance to bolster what would otherwise be an iffy decision, then perhaps you're better off not committing, for both your sakes.

What am I talking about anyway....commitment factors? Listen: if it's right, you just know.

[StephanieCD]

I was hoping you'd show up Marla. Thanks.

[FionaAlexis]

Tough questions Stephanie.

I think the initial passion in a relationship can blind the partners to each others shortcomings. As time passes the shortcomings can become much bigger, more testing and more of an impediment to a continuing loving relationship.

Many partners regard themselves as 'fixer uppers' - ie. 'I see your failings but I will change you - I can mould you to a better and more acceptable person through my love and devotion.'

I think you have to be honest with yourself and consider what degree of compromise you are willing to commit to - how far you want to progress in your cd-ing. How big a part of your life it represents.

No matter how accepting a partner may be - the arrival of a child on the scene - can change attitudes markedly. In reality all children really need is love, attention and a moral role model. They will accept their parents for what they are, if the know they are a good caring person......well until they become teens and then they will be very embarrassed by you. But they'd be embarrassed even if you were a model train enthusiast.

Good Luck.

Fiona xx