the internet and self-acceptance

[Rebecca Jackson]

I know this has probably already been discussed before, so please forgive me for bringing it up again. For those of us who were born in the 1960s or earlier and grew up before computers were available, do you think it would have made a difference back then if you had all the information available on-line that we now have? I remember feeling like I was the only person on earth who liked to dress, and feeling so isolated. I remember how happy and relieved I was to read a letter from a cd in the Dear Abbey colum in the newspaper, and to realize there were others out there like me. I think it would have made a huge difference in my self-acceptance if I had been able to talk to other tg folks and to have access to all the resources we have available to us now. I feel pretty certain that my life would have gone in a much different direction than it did. In some ways it makes me sad, but then I remember that if things were different I wouldn't have gotten married and had kids, and I can't imagine my life without my kids. So, I guess things work out the way they're supposed to.

Rebecca

[Kate Simmons]

You are so right Rebecca and everything happens in it's own good time. Everything is speeding up these days with online availability for a reason as well. Most people don't notice that however unless they are in tune with it. In any case our collective and individual purpose is much more than being a fashion plate but only those who are aware of that really understand it.:)

[dawnmarrie1961]

If there had been computers & the internet back in the 60's then Woodstock would have not had as great an impact on our generation. Sure it may have been seen by more people via the internet through streaming audio & video. But you had to "actually be there" to know and feel the experience.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Rebecca-

I think it would have made a huge difference to me. For years and years I honestly thought I was all by myself and a complete and total freak. It's so nice to know there are so many other complete and total freaks in the world. No, no, don't flame me (you can spank me, though), we're not freaks, you know what I mean.

But yes, realizing there are so many of us, even though we all have different ways of expressing ourselves and different feelings and all that, in a very real and fundamental way, we share the same very special and unique need to express a part of who we are. And the most important thing is the realization that there's nothing wrong with it.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Deborah Jane]

I thought i was unique before seeing how how many there are of us worldwide via the internet

Turns out i'm just one in a million :brolleyes:

[Jaydee]

Just realizing how finding this forum and now knowing that there are others like me out in the world, has changed my outlook and self acceptance, I think that having had availability to the internet as a teenager would have made my life at the time much better.

At the same time, I don't know how that knowledge would have affected my adult life. I have a good life and great wife and family. I would not to change that part of my life.

Jaydee

[trannie T]

When I was in high school and college I read everything I could find on crossdressing. Both pages. There would be about a paragraph stating there were some people who got pleasure from wearing clothing associated with the opposite gender. I have no idea of the number of websites dedicated to the subject of crossdressing and the number of sites which contain a substantial amount of information about it. The Information Revolution is amazing. I am not alone there are other complete and total freaks out there.

[Carly D.]

I really don't have much to add to this except to agree with the thread starter Rebecca on this one.. it almost reads like a "this is your life" type of thing for me...

[Deedee Dupree]

Yes Rebecca, I agree and today's information would have made a tremendous difference back then .... whatever the medium. Had I been able to access "good" information in a library, rather than the crap I read at the age of 11 in 58, that in itself would have drastically changed the course of my life.
(I recall being in shock for a day or two after that visit to the library.)

But the amount and quality of any information and the media available at any time is an evolutionary process. I figure I played my part just as I was supposed to do, and the dues I pay along the way, is the price of admission to today. (hmmm, not a bad rhyme whatever I said :) )

The internet is an amazing resource yet there will be plenty of challenges to go around, whatever generation one belongs to,... and so it goes.

dd

[TGMarla]

For those of us who were born in the 1960s or earlier and grew up before computers were available, do you think it would have made a difference back then if you had all the information available on-line that we now have?
Hell, yeah!

Are you kidding? Before the internet, I had no idea that this was really a very common thing. It's good to know there are others out there who are just like you in many ways. I'm no longer alone. That's a good thing. I'd have never ventured from my own door without the support I've derived from the people I've met on the internet.

[sterling12]

So The Question becomes: "What are you going to do with the rest of your life?" Any new goals, any new things you haven't seen, or done, or conquered?

A Crisis Intervention Counselor once gave me some excellent advise: "You can't take a train ride into The Past, you can make plans for tomorrow, but it might not come for you; all you really effect is today," (The right here and now).

You have taken your first steps, as you work toward that self-acceptance thing, try to figure out what you want to do when you get there.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Emma England]

Before the internet, some magazines advice columns had articles from women worried after finding out that their so was wearing women's clothes. So, I knew that I was not alone.

It is this forum which has made me realize how common cding is.

At this moment there are 34,000 members, and almost 8,000 active members!!

Wonder what active means?

These numbers are only the people who know about this website.
There must be plenty more who have not joined.

[StaceyJane]

If I had the internet 20 years ago back when I was single and living by myself in Fort Worth who kows what I would have done. Joined a TG group, bought some outfits, gone out dressed, maybe even living fulltime except for work as a woman. Oh well, such is life.

[EjayeCD]

It would have been a hhuge help for me. I, like many dressers, believed that I was the only boy who likedto dress up. Too ban technology came later on.

[LisaM]

I was born in 1958. Like many others, I combed libraries for hours and days on end for information on transexualism and crossdressing. In those days it took a lot more work to go through books, magazines and periodicals than one can even imagine.

Then came 1978-1979 and Johns Hopkins closed its gender clinic (top clinic where SRS was done) and there came another data black hole which lasted until the late 1980's and early 1990's which coincided with the growth of computers and the advent of the internet.

Would it have changed my life? I am sure it would have. Do I have regrets? Certainly, but I also have a number of blessings and gifts that I would never have had---wife and children.

For some of us it may also have saved us. Graduating from college in 1980 I could have chosen the route to pursue a sex change but that would probably have led me or anyone else pursuing SRS to the heart of the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. I know friends who died of AIDS who were pursuing SRS because they were drawn to the sex trade. I wish we had the internet then so that more people could have avoided the scourge of AIDS.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Lisa-

I really like what you said and what Sterling said, as well. If I had known back then in the dark ages what I know now (somebody fire up the Wayback Machine) or conversely, if I were in my early 20s now, my life would probably be totally different. But as you said, Lisa, I would not trade what I have now, a loving wife and a wonderful son, for some exterior remodeling and a chance to live my life with a different persona to the fore.

It really is nice to know, though, that there others out there who know what it's like and that in many ways we aren't alone without support and understanding. Thank goodness for the internet and for places like CDs.com.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Stephanie-L]

I was born in 1959 and thought I was totally alone until I came across a positive column about CDing in a mens magazine in the late 70's. I now know that some, if not much, of the info by that columnist was wrong, but it helped me a bit with acceptance. It was Nugget magazine and the writer was Halley Tiresius, she was a CD/TG, and wrote from her own experiences living full time, occasionally with bits of info from some studies or doctors thrown in. If I had access to something like this forum my life would have been different, I would have accepted the fact that I am TG much earlier, and might not have married knowing the problems it would bring. I am sure many here would have lived their lives much differently if they had known more when they were young..........Stephanie

[MarcellaMcNul]

I would like to add that the internet also created ready access to shopping for clothing and makeup as well as promoting self-acceptance and awareness of ourselves as a community.

I have no doubt that I would of enjoyed a much fuller and probably healthier life as a part-time CD'er and I'm confident that in my teens and 20's I would very likely have been able to "pass"

"Eat,drink and be Mary...for tomorrow we die!"

[Joanne f]

I can`t really say if the Internet has made much difference to me as it has not really changed how i think or feel about it , i think it was more the television that made me realise a part of what i am .
But if you think about it , if there had been the Internet in the sixties or earlier with sites like this then it may have put CDing 30/40 years in advance of what it is now , i wonder what difference that would make compared with today.

[carhill2mn]

My first memory of wearing an article of women's clothing is from about 1944. I was a teenager during the '50's. I grew up on a farm. I had no idea that there was a single other male that enjoyed wearing women's clothes/shoes. There was virtually no information available and what was available was of little use.
Finally, in the '60's, some information began to appear; even that was hard to access, especially clandestinely. Everything had to be done via "snail mail". There is no comparison to today's world.
Would my life had been different? One cannot know for sure but "probably" is a good answer.

[Aubrey Green]

It absolutely would have made a difference. I would have been given the information and confidence to have transitioned at age 18, like I wanted to. Having waited so long to find the info and confidence, I feel my time has passed. :sad:

[DawnRodgers]

Unquestionably. I was born in '44 and I feel positive that if I was born in '65 or later and had the kind of information that is available I would certainly have transitioned and be living my life now as a woman. Absolutely.
Dawn

[JoAnne Wheeler]

If I had known then what I know now, with the advent of computers and this website, I am convinced that my life would have been a lot different. As someone asked the other day, "why are there so many of us older girls on this Forum ?", I think the answer is that because we essentially lived in darkness, secrecy, shame and ignorance when we were young - all you have to do is just ask yourself what this Forum has meant to each of us - it has been the opening to a whole new world of comfort, understanding, education, and friendships.

This was just not possible before - technology has certainly been a great thing for us girls.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Rachel05]

I agree with the believing I was alone in this slightly different habit of cross dressing that I have, I was a 60's kid and it is only really just recently that I have come to terms with me and flet comfortable with the cross dressing side of me and absolutely no doubt that having a site like this has helped me no end with my understanding and it is nice to have the chance to share with like minded people.

[Lorileah]

Different yes. The butterfly effect to it's most extreme. Different is not always better



I feel pretty certain that my life would have gone in a much different direction than it did. In some ways it makes me sad, but then I remember that if things were different I wouldn't have gotten married and had kids, and I can't imagine my life without my kids. So, I guess things work out the way they're supposed to.

Rebecca

Probably or maybe you would have met the same woman, fallen in love, had children just like you did or a different woman. Assuming that you are a heterosexual crossdresser (damn there are those labels again) many things you have may be what you would have had. But with less stress and more acceptance?

Would there have been more of us transitioning? It seems that in retrospect the answer would have been yes. But there are caveats there too. Like I told my doctor, IF the information was there, IF the ability was there (money job etc) and IF the surgery was as good as it is now, then maybe possibly perhaps she would be talking to "Miss Monet" now instead of me.

I think many of us baby boomers were too busy building lives. BTW I wish I had bough MS in 86 too. My crystal ball really doesn't work well and I just bought new batteries.


If there had been computers & the internet back in the 60's then Woodstock would have not had as great an impact on our generation. Sure it may have been seen by more people via the internet through streaming audio & video. But you had to "actually be there" to know and feel the experience.
As they say if you remember Woodstock, you weren't there ;) Things are just NOT the same now (see Ashley Simpson....as Kid Rock says "If it sounds like the recorded version it ain't live")


I thought i was unique before seeing how how many there are of us worldwide via the internet

Turns out i'm just one in a million :brolleyes:

I think it is more like 1:1 billion Debs, you are very unique :)
Even at a 10% level of transgender (probably more like 12-15%) you are 1:6 million (if I have the decimal correct).

"And now I am glad I didn't know the way it all would end the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance"

[5150 Girl]

If I had the WWW back when i was in highschool in the late 80's, I really think my life would have been diffent. I likely would have come "out" back then.
I to share the "I felt so alone" feelings, and feared what ohters might think.

[Toni_Lynn]

I think that in most ways it has been great to have the 'net as a resource on CDing. I recall that back in the early 70s all I had was Dr David Ruben's book 'Everything You Always Want to Know About Sex ...', scholarly documents in the local college library, and my own self-awareness that I was truly not weird. I can tell you that of the 3, only my own self-awareness has proven correct. The book was so full of crapola about gay men dressed in drag as the dominant feature of CDing that it left me totally confused, and the books in the library made me feel like a candidate for electro-shock.

On the downside about the influence of the 'net, I feel that it has diluted the whole CD/ TG experience. Had it been available back then, I would have been totally sick to my stomach about being a CDer because of the preponderance of ******* sex sites and out and out sexual activity on display. The bottom line is that while there's a lot of stuff out there, I feel like most of it is rubbish. All I can rely on is my own heart

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Jaclyn NM]

Rebecca, I'm very much like you, in that I love my wife and children, and wouldn't trade them for the world, but I also think that if I knew how many other men had my desire to wear womens clothing, and openly chose to do so, my life might have taken a different turn. In fact I often wonder, "what if". I often think, I would have chosen not to marry, and instead lived openly dressed as a female. But as often as I think that, I remember what I have, and realize how lucky I am. It is truly a tough question, but thank you for posting it, so I know that I'm not the only one who sometimes thinks that way.