Question for those who have transitioned at work

[pamela_a]

How long before you transitioned did you start talking to your employer? I'm probably not going to completely transition for just over a year but I want to make sure I give them enough time.

Thanks.

-Pam-

[dawnmarrie1961]

Fortunately for me I was a self-employed computer technician. The only people I had to explain anything to were my clients.Which was pretty easy, most of the time. I'd just say "...and what does the fact that I'm wearing a bra have to do with the windows operating system?" That pretty much shut them up.

Then I moved to corporate America. During my interview I would be completely honest. State my correct gender. Tell them that, "This is not going to be a problem because I will not allow it to be a problem." When asked if I needed any special considerations ,IE bathroom privileges,or to be called only by my feminine name, I told them "No. Just treat me like a human being."

[janelle]

Hi Pamala, what I did was to start wearing nail polish(clear but high gloss) & then added a little eye make up & then prufume in a six month time period. I then told them & I happened to have just received my letter stating I should be using the ladies room. Thats when I called HR & said we needed to talk. Ok I did that thu our union steward. We meet & all went fine.
Good luck sweetie keep us posted on how it goes.

Hugs,
Janelle

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Started wearing feminine pull on pants, then added blouses, then jewelry, then makeup, then nail polish, wearing ankle boots with heels over the last 9 month's now. Growing hair longer.

I just spoke with my HR Manager this past Tuesday of my intent to transition and that I have started Hormone replacement therapy. We talked and formulated a general plan that when my breast's become noticeable and I need to wear a brassiere, that's when I will officially transition and my immediate managers will be told about Kimberly.. I expect by end of year that would happen, gives my HR dept around 4-7 months to develop training for employee's and management.

She did comment that my wearing feminine clothes and adding a little more each month to my appearance, has given the fellow associates time to see me, to accept me slowly, rather than give them a big shock all at once. She said when I develop breast's, start wearing a wig and wear a dress it won't be as big a shock. She said it was a good move on my part..

I figure, change your appearance slowly, when you start Hormones, inform the company of your intent to transition, this gives them time for developing training for all staff as needed. Also gives you time to develop your womanly assets.. :battingeyelashes:

[pamela_a]

Thank you. It looks like I've been following the most used method. I stopped wearing male clothing a number of years ago and, although I haven't started HRT yet, I was blessed with C/D cup breasts (depending on the bra) so I've been wearing a bra daily for a couple of years now. I've even started carrying my purse regularly, so I guess there won't be any surprise. The good thing is nobody at work has treated me any differently and our corporate non-discrimination policy now includes gender identity.

Thanks again for you input.

-Pam-

[Suzy Harrison]

I told my HR manager a full year before I transitioned.

During that year I used the time to start hormone treatment and to have laser hair removal. At no time did I start to wear anything feminine to work.

The reason I did it this way was to give the company and myself time to prepare before we told the staff and customers.

I always made sure I kept my HR manager fully up to date with events - and soon we became very good friends - which helped as well.

Come the day of my outing everything worked like clockwork - as did my first day at work as a female.

I've just completed my 3rd week as a full time female and everything has been wonderful. Everyone I've met has been really considerate and kind. I think preparation is everything.

[Frances]

I waited until a year into the job before telling them that I had been in therapy and that transition was a firm possibility. I wanted to make sure that my work probation was over and that I had proven my worth as an employee.

Almost a year later, I asked to amend the company rules to include gender identity in the non discrimination clauses, and to write a letter to the employees telling them about my transsexualism and my eventual transition, so that they could get used to the idea and to include them in the process. The company also wrote a letter supporting me.

About six months after that, I started working full time as woman (may 4th of this year), and every thing has been fine since then. The company wrote another message to the employees to let them know that I would use the women's bathroom, and that I should be referred to as Caroline.

So, one year in I informed HR and my main supervisor.
One year later I informed my co-workers (a few of them knew already).
Six months later I started working full-time as Caroline

It was a slow process, but I changed physically in sync with all these announcements, and nobody was shocked or put off when the big change came.

Caroline

[Veronica_Jean]

Hi,

I have informed my employer too and I plan to go full time in about a year. They are working with me to make sure that transition is where I am going and trying to prepare for telling my coworkers and the customer (I work on-site). Since they may be splitting the team due to lack of office space, telling them early is a definite advantage in my case.

I had to tell security anyway once I started therapy. So telling my supervisor, then HR and a few levels of management above me was no big deal.

Veronica

[Anna the Dub]

I will be transitioning next year. My employers are fully aware of what is going on. My facial and body changes are quite noticeable now, and I have to admit that I have started to wear exclusively female clothing, but fairly androgynous stuff, basically tops and trousers, with flat shoes. Only thing stopping me from changing over immediately is the excessive beard growth, but it is going...slowly. Electrolysis is slow.

[Jennifer in CO]

VERY long story short -

backdate May 1979 - My work found out during a chemical spill that a co-worker and I were involved in. A manager rushes us off to the showers and starts stripping us only to find my tight tee shirt then my white (naturally filling) bra underneath. All I remember now about it was they actually treated me as a female past that point (privacy). Had a talk about it with the HR rep during the next week while I was off. Her only comment I'll remember forever... "welcome to the dark side"... When I returned to work the next week the owner of the company had already addressed the employees with a "if you can't deal with it, there's the door" attitude.

Now the funny parts...

HR asked me to not wear a bra as long as I presented as male. A pair of perky, pointy teenager-type breasts on display under my shirts the first week prompted a trip back to HR. "Maybe you should wear a bra" she said in a quite dry tone. So, as Kimberly did it above, over the next two weeks or so I quit wearing male shirts. Over the next 2 weeks or so I quit wearing male pants. I wore a skirt for the first time also by accident when a co-worker (who wasn't my favorite person) walked by me at lunch and proceeded to "accidently" dump his coke on my lap. None of the guys offered me pants but several gals offered me their "spare" skirt so I wore one. A couple of days later I wore one from home. Shortly after this I had my first "feminine" hairstyle. By October I looked like any other female on the staff and by Christmas was treated like one. I continued to live/work as a female till I left there 4 years later...and started the road back...but thats another story.

Jenn

[Angel.Marie76]

Wow.. sounds like a lot of positive output here about coming out at work. I too am working to join the boat of transitioning at work, and besides simple glamour adjustments, have only been going through laser at this point for the beard removal. I've been wearing my nails longer now, with a nude to seminude gloss almost every day for about the past year, and in the past 6 mo took my hair down and left it down, had it highlighted and layered (I keep my shades in my hair as a cheater's headband to keep the hair back, so I've swapped in a pair of designer ones here and there). For some time before my beard was on the way out I was wearing a very light to translucent powder and some lip gloss a few days a week.. women's slacks have been coming and going as well. Unfortunately, as male I have to wear a tie every day, so it's been hard to find nice shirts that have a compatible collar, but underdressing has been constant.

A few people at work know now that I'm TG, and one (who's an admin assist) came up to me the other day and we just chatted for quite some time (oh, I mentioned this somewhere else) before she asked when I might or do I plan to come out to work.. the quick answer was that I suspect that some day I may not have much choice BUT to come out to work. I perhaps do not wish to rush the issue, and actually felt like I would wait until I was on hormones and development of physical changes began before I thought I might bring it up in HR. At the same time however, I am already a 'unique individual' by many coworker's definition.. so as the uniqueness becomes more prevalent, then the more closer by outing will be. Regardless, this woman's opinion was that she felt administration and other employees would likely be more accepting than I give them credit for.. though with some complainers.. either way, she said she'd be pulling for me.

[BreenaDion]

Guess im in the minority. Im disabled an cant work for any length of time so no employer for my , its a blessing in a way .I have been on my journey last few months an just today ask to be on hormone treatment. Im ready :)

[BlondeAngela]

I had my own business, so I didn't have that problem.

Soon after I transitioned though, I sold my business, then got further feminization, not only estrogen and anti-androgens, and laser and electrolysis hair removal on face and chest, but also facial feminization surgery, and breast implants to enhance my estrogen grown breasts.

I am now living essentially a housewife's lifestyle, as the beautiful feminine wife of a handsome masculine man (and stepmom to his young son, as well as a mom to my two daughters who are in college). I am loving it, being a lady!

[Jennifer Marie P.]

I told my HR manager a year ago and she knew that I was a TG so it wasnt that hard and she recepted ny decision and I work mostly with women it was easy.

[shirley1]

i went full time a few months ago now, my employer has been very supportive indeed. I just went into work on the first day and took it from there really, I wear normal office wear type clothes for the average female, trousers some days skirts other days, always a wig and makeup.

I started on hormones August 11th last year, so almost a year now, although I had my dose upped in January this year, I could still pass quite easily as a male unfortunately, I could have gone a lot longer before telling them, but well I told HR or personnel as we call it in Britain back in December 2008, I was off work sick at the time, went back late January 2009, and went full time April, I did end up off sick again for 8 weeks and then went back again, so summarising hormones 4 months, told work, 4 months later went full time, I rushed it a bit I guess due to severe GID problems, I would of waited longer but was struggling with co workers identifying me as male, so I pushed my transition through quicker than I could have done.

I would say to anyone though if you can hold on for as long as possible do so, give the hormones time to work, get more confidence at being full time outside of work, the trouble is when GID hits hard its hard not to give into it.

[joanlynn28]

I told my employer about 6 months before I transitioned at work, at the time my HR people told me that they noticed the changes that were happening to me. Also the rumors going around the plant about me were well know to me and others. HR's reaction was that they just want their employees to be happy and as long as they work hard everything is okay, or so I thought. Anyway when I took a week off to attend to court for my legal name change meetings were held in my absence about my transition and that I was to be treated like any of woman within the company. The rumors about me probable started because I was only living part time, outside of work I was leaving as a female which was about two years prior to going full time at work. Anyway two years later after my transition I got fired for aledgedly striking another employee(someone who consently referred to me as him or he instead of her or she) so be carefull out there, my company could not fire me for being transgender so they got me on a petty charge of violating a couple of company rules. And don't anyone tell be about taking legal action about it, every lawyer I have talked to the first thing they want is money to retain their services which basically would consist of a letter to my employer telling them how unfairly they are treating me. I should have paid more attention to my situation, when a company starts using words like being inclusive and diversity that is a warning sign to watch out. Unfortunately I became another victim of transphobia in the workplace.

[pamela_a]

Thank you all.

I need to update this post now though.

The past few years I've been changing my appearance and attire to female. I already fill out my bras so waiting for that is not an issue. Last week I started HRT and had a meeting with HR to discuss my transition at work. I have prepared an announcement which HR is reviewing and I've spoken with my manager (who now sends me emails addressed to Pam).

As my appearance has changed over the past few years I can honestly say I've not noticed a difference in how I'm treated by anyone. The people at work who I have confided in have all been supportive or at least neutral.

I have another meeting with HR next Friday to make sure we have everything covered. If we do I hope to send the announcement out the following week and start working as Pam. I've already told a couple of my customers they may be talking to Pam next time they called and I've received good responses from them.

I want to thank everyone here for your support, insight, and most of all for the inspiration of those who showed me it can be done.

Thank you all again.

Hugs

-Pam-

[Teri Jean]

Pam this post is so relevent as I start my journey as well. Being I work for a University there is quite a support system in place but the conservative envirorment is not going to be accepting. So with a little over a year and half before retirement the gradual transition will be the best for me. Take care and I wish you luck.

Huggs Teri

[Angel.Marie76]

I hope you won't object to a little word from someone who hasn't had this experience and never will, but who has read the autobiographies of Jan Morris and Stephanie-Ann Lloyd.

Jan decided to transition over a period of years, Stephanie-Ann took the entire leap in one weekend (having prepared her boss beforehand). Stephanie-Ann met disaster because some work colleague told the local newspaper (I lived in that town, I know that paper well) which made a big story of it. The workplace couldn't cope with the publicity and she lost her job.

And that's where the gradual transition wins hands down -- No newspaper is going to carry a story like: Shock revelation, man has long hair! or Sales boss in 3/4-inch heel drama! The slower the changes, the less there is for anybody to make a big fuss over.

I wanted to chime in on this statement (and another too). I agree that a gradual change is certainly the more fluid way to go (as far as I'm concerned), but of course, each person's journey is their own. There is definitely a LOT of fear had by many that coming out at work might mean termination, and that it's a significant concern. As one might imagine - everything is relative to the energy around you.

I continue to go out more and more outside of work, one day, night, morning or evening at a time, basically venturing closer and closer to the business and life around my local city. I agree with Shirley1 in respect to the strength related to being out as close to F/T as possible BEFORE going through the effort to come out to the office. Getting out more and more, and thickening the skin quite a bit is something I've been needing to do, and every day I get out the happier I am in doing so AND the more confident I am the next time. I am quite certain that I will come nose to nose with intolerance in my workplace in some respects. My best defense in that scenario is experience and understanding - it's much easier to snap in general public and run away than it is to loose it with a coworker and have to recover somehow. Knowing I have support here already is a comfort indeed.

Besides, even as I get out more and more (and I may be repetitive in saying this), word of my existence outside of the office may bleed back into HR anyway. IMHO, if I'm presenting as an outstanding member of the Trans community outside of the office, I'd want them to know. If I can keep my personal life under control and separated from the office until the point at where /my office/ opens the inquiry in regards to my gender presentation, then they're bringing my personal life into play, I'm not shoving it down their throats. The only way I might change that is if I start working towards the finality of starting HRT (which is in the investigation stage at this time).. then I'll have different plan ready and waiting for the right execution time.

Last thought - Saw an interesting book link sent to a Trans group I'm a member of on Facebook - "The complete guide to Transgender in the workplace" by Vanessa Sherida (http://www.amazon.com/dp/0313365849). I haven't looked into the details of it, but it's written for the HR Department viewpoint. Whether it's good or bad is irrelevant at this point, there are probably many more books, articles, and 'sensitivity training guides' for HR folks about. It's just nice to see that it's getting mainstreamed well.

I'll clam up now. ;)