Fragile and insecure....

[Deborah Jane]

Despite the fact that i accept my femme side.
Despite the fact that my SO [Sheila] is fully accepting of who i am [more'so than i am myself]
And despite the fact that i have support from some people i have told off the the forum.
Today i found myself back in an area of self doubt!

I overheard something that made me think twice about myself, it made me wonder whether accepting myself could actually be creating more problems than it's worth.
It seriously made me think about whether allowing my femme side to evolve would create more problems than it would resolve.

As a guy i'm very much an alpha male, i've earned respect from my peers and am fully accepted in my role in society.

In my femme role as Debs, i am/will be regarded by some as inferior in some way. I will be open to abuse and derision, i will be taking a role in society i am totally unused too.
I have started to question myself whether i'm ready for that now or maybe in the future.

As a guy i'm completely secure in who i am and my abilities in most given situations.

As a "woman" i am totally unsure of myself and how i would deal with things.

It's worth mentioning.....I wasn't presenting as Debs when it happened, i was in full guy presentation and overheard something that made me think twice about my c/ding

[dawnmarrie1961]

Welcome to your "woman hood", Deb, and all the insecurity ,self doubt and struggles that go with it!
But remember this. Just like being a strong man, you can also be a strong woman too.

[Evelyn74]

Deb, Stay strong sister. I would hug you if it made you feel better.

[TGMarla]

For what it's worth, Deborah Jane, my dear.....I accept you too. Anyone who would ever put you down as a woman, well, they're surface dwellers. No depth. They don't know you.

Here have a hug and some flowers.

:hugs:

:love:

[TSchapes]

as to what you could have heard?

I'm not an alpha male, but well respected within my profession and I do have a certain amount of confidence. That does not leave when I become Tracy. Nor would I allow anyone to treat me with disrespect. And so far, I have not had anyone treat me badly when I've been out as Tracy.

So why would you feel that you would have to succumb to someone else's idea of where women should be in the pecking order of things?

Or am I just missing something...

Maybe it's like my wife says, " I just want you to listen, you don't have to fix anything!"

Love, Tracy

[Kate Simmons]

I was quite the opposite Debs. While seemingly self assured as Rich most of my life, I really was not, despite the things I did by necessity. For myself it actually took really getting into(and more or less living) my femme side to gain self assurance and confidence. In a sense I had to become a "woman" in order to become a man. Now that I have balanced and integrated all of the feelings my self assurance is intact regardless of how I choose to present myself. I guess we all approach things in different ways my friend according to what works best for us.:)

[sterling12]

Shapes kind of was thinking the same way as myself. Who says you can't be an "alpha-femme?" I think a lot of CD's "play" at being docile and submissive, cause' they think that is what a girl/woman is supposed to be. This is also what makes GG's laugh at us, women come in all varieties....just like men.

As far as your "choice," in whether or not to accept your femme side. I don't think it's a case of "you is...or you isn't." For the overwhelming majority, it's not a choice, that femme persona is an intrinsic part of you. Whether you choose to fight those inner demons or accept, is of course a choice. But, for a lot of people, and can't imagine that you would be much different, the "choice" to not accept one-half of yourself just makes you crazy! You can sublimate it for a while, maybe even years, but eventually it seems to always come back and bite you in your bumm.

Now if you want to go through life feeling "unfulfilled," and always feeling like you have missed something, it's your choice. Maybe for you, the choice to self-accept has more negatives than positives. You won't make me believe that it would be a better choice, but you can certainly give it a try.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[sissystephanie]

I too wonder what it was that you heard that has left you feeling so "frail and insecure?" Care to tell us?

I am pretty sure that those who know me in my male persona would say that I am an "alpha" male. But I also consider myself to be an "alpha" female when I dress as Stephanie. Mind you, I have no desire to actually be a female, I just like to dress as one. When I dress in Stephanie's clothes, I feel feminine and believe I act that way. But with no feeling of frailty or insecurity! I know who I an and what I am! I am a Crossdresser, and proud to show off my pretty clothes!:)

[AmandaM]

I dress for me. The world is cruel. But, I don't have to play their game.

[Alice B]

You will in time find security in your female side and have a far better start than most of us by having such an accepting partner. I am very much an alpha male, have always been so and am very accepted and seen as such. Yet, once I realized that I liked to dress it just came to reaching an understanding as to why I do and establishing guidelines. It took some time and the journey has been fun and is not over. Nor will it be for you, but the best part is the journey.

[Misty is Kindafem]

Debbie,

I am NOT an alpha male but I did have a hard time letting go of whatever false machismo I developed while running from Misty. For me, the most difficult thing to accept was the hard fact that I was indeed the "sissy" they always called me.

I know your situation is different, but I also thought that accepting myself would be more trouble than it's worth. It's not. I will NEVER come out at work because I'm a leader there and literally dozens of men (hello!) and one woman count on me to keep us working, but I'm making new friends and I realized my life can change significantly without being "out".

There are women with very strong personalities who are very direct and aggressive so don't think you have to be a gentle flower just because you put on a dress. It's your own struggle to accept all of yourself that is causing you discomfort. It's hard to admit it. To really admit that you wish you were a ball breaking bitch instead of a man's man. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but never forget that much of your insecurity is and has always been rooted in the fear that the truth will one day be discovered. Find it sweetie, embrace it and own it. You don't have to tell anybody else, but you have to be at least, and at last, honest with yourself.

By the way, about 80% of the guys that work for me are "alpha" males and even though any of them could kick my ass, they're all kittens when they're in my office. I guess I'm just too adorable ;-)

-Misty

[Miranda09]

Why take a stereotypical role as a female? Why not just carry your assertive male self into your female self? Don't limit your personalty. Be who you are and assert it. :)

[GaleWarning]

I'm wondering if you misheard what was said, or mistakenly supposed that it referred to you.
Can you be certain on these two points?
Perhaps you are too sensitive, Debs?

[kathrynjanos]

Well, let me just say how I feel - because I can't really tell you how you should feel - about this kind of situation. Basically, I don't give a damn about what others think really. I'm very much my own person, and too bad for you if you don't like it. I don't know if this helps you, but maybe you can find something to improve your confidence in being who you are.

For me, oddly enough, it was doing karaoke. When I thought I could never do a certain song, no matter how much I liked it, I just decided to try it. After getting some overwhelming support from the crowd, my confidence shot up. And if I screw up, I shrug it off like the first time Joba Chamberlain gave up a home run.

[Deborah Jane]

Sheila, her son, her sister, her sisters b/f and myself were on our way out for the evening, as said earlier i was fully presenting as my guy self.

As we passed a group of young lads [Sheilas nieghbours], there were cat calls of....."Deborah, Debbie, Debs", etc.
As i looked at Sheila i knew what i thought was true....It was aimed at me, she later confirmed they probably knew about me!!

I only moved to this area 4 days ago, having left everything in my life behind including my kids.
I'm particularly fragile right now, it wouldn't take much to set me off and this has!

BTW....Even alpha males have insecurities, mine were caused by something that happened to me in my past......It messed my life up then, i spent a lifetime dealing with it and in so doing turned myself into something that wasn't me, but it helped me to survive
[I've been in therapy because of it and thought i'd got my demons behind me.....Looks like i was wrong]

[Lisa Golightly]

Often the most sensitive of people like to don the armour of the alpha male to deflect criticism from others... I tried it, but it was too heavy for me and... well... I'm more of a teddy bear kid really.

Kids are always a problem when it comes to difference. They like to exert their independence and individuality by joining in groups where they feel safe to show how strong an individual they are by denying their own freedom.

In some ways now it's out you are afforded greater freedom if you want it, but it is a freedom that is won with determination and sheer bloody mindedness. You need to confront the jibes or smile at them because if they see they're getting to you then there's nothing more vicious than a child with power.

Lisa x

[Shelly Preston]

Some people are just so small minded

They should learn to live and let live :Angry3:

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

As we passed a group of young lads [Sheilas nieghbours], there were cat calls of....."Deborah, Debbie, Debs", etc.
As i looked at Sheila i knew what i thought was true....It was aimed at me, she later confirmed they probably knew about me!!

Very interesting. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing I'm expecting as more people find out about me. I have some neighbors that I expect to do this very thing should they find out.

My childhood was filled with this kind of thing though. Not cat calls, just people who constantly made it clear how much I was disliked. At school or in public, where ever I was seen, I would get called out to in very derogatory ways - laughed at, made fun of, pushed around, beat up, etc. I was not an alpha-male - I was an insecure, awkward kid who didn't fit in and grew up constantly being reminded of how much I didn't fit in.

I'm still not an alpha-male (in guy mode), but I don't exactly sit back and let anyone treat me like dirt anymore.

How to deal with people making fun of my feminine side though. I guess I could always just keep Gabrielle hidden or perhaps put her away forever and conform to society's unforgiving gender rules. I'd be a miserable f*ck to do so, but no one would pick on me about it.

Of course, I know I can't do that. I fully expect to be revisiting my past at some point, in terms of being the butt of jokes to the local a$$holes. It is not something I'll just take like I did in the past though. It will stink being just one against many, but I'll have my respect somehow. I won't stay silent. I don't know what will happen, but I can't just stop being me because of a$$holes.

There is no easy solution to this and I have no idea what the outcome will be. I only know that I, too, will face what you've already had a taste of. I also know that I'm not one to be pushed around anymore. I had my fill of manipulative bullies many years ago.

Good luck to you, Debs. Wish me luck, too. I'm not sure when my day will come. I'm not looking forward to this, but it IS in my future. I only know it will not dominate my life. I'm not ashamed of who I am and those who would torment me will find that out.

[Sheila]

right now I strongly suspect that my daughter has told a neighbour (with whom I was very friendly with until I split with my ex last year ), and she has told her kids, who have told the neighbours kids, .................

Now my daughter was accepting and encouraging of Debs when she was living here, but we recently had a huge fall out, and I know that this ex friend (who was heavily involved in my daughter and my fallout), has been drinking with my daughter and another friend who was involved in the fall out, I strongly suspect that after a few bevvies we have been discussed .............. they will regret this, this I promise, none of them are squeeky clean :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

[Bobbi Em]

Yeap, that's gotta hurt...HUGS!!...On the other hand, holding your head high, smiling instead of cowering. Kid's will be kids, and teens are good at what they do.

But living well is the best revenge, and even though it may take a while, this may be one small way of making the world a better place as you get to know your new neighbors, and they get to know you.

And who knows, there may even be someone in that "pack" who needs you as Deb.

Bobbi

[Tracey Corset]

Hi Debs, I'm sorry this has happened to you as i have been following your progress with Sheila with lots of affection for you both, i live down south, probably near to where you were and my wife is from Manchester, she took the decision to come down here with her 2 children then aged 5 and 7 to move in with me and it was a very big step as she too left behind family, That was 11 years ago,i think you are feeling a bit insecure at the moment and thats fully understandable, its a very big decision the older you get, the prize for you is the lovely Sheila and your future together, I am sure you will get through this, we are all behind you both, good luck
Tracey

[Sam-antha]

Keep going as you have started. You are you. The kids just think that they have a new toy. I know that sounds crude but such things do not last with them. They do not know the hurt and they forget. You will go on, more confident, braver and better than before, cos something of worth has been gained ;
Self respect for yourself as Debs, a thing that is necessary and great, but so taken for granted until tested, as you have been tested.

~Samm

[shesadvl]

:hugs: to debs n sheila... well you to are living life for you 2, as shelly said some people have small minds they should live and let live,.. kids dont think outside the square when it comes to other peoples lives....
best form of action is NOT to react....just go about your lives as you are...

debs
BTW....Even alpha males have insecurities, mine were caused by something that happened to me in my past......It messed my life up then, i spent a lifetime dealing with it and in so doing turned myself into something that wasn't me, but it helped me to survive
[I've been in therapy because of it and thought i'd got my demons behind me.....Looks like i was wrong

dont let the remarks that these... that dont know any better shake you,...You have come a long way from your comment above , as I am sure...dont let them rock your new boat.... you are both to strong for that.

Keep smiling keep walking forward and ignore them....as ignorance shows how small they are.... by ignoring them will give you bliss...:battingeyelashes:

[Kelsy]

Debs,

I envy the fact that you have a secure alpha male persona! I'm basically insecure and full of self doubt no matter what mode I am in. I only partially fit into the male world and I am somewhat less of a female. It is a struggle but I am what I am. Chin up girl!!!:)

Kelsy

[janelle]

Hey Deb, I don't know if this will help you or not, but when I first came out, there where several things I had to do or go to. I heard many people laugh & saw them stare at me Iwanted to get back in my cave & never come out again. Even at work it was that way & yes, they all seemed to think because I changed I knew nothing anymore. That soon changed as they saw I was devoted to being me, in fact, now everyone asks me to help with their problems.
Its hard to change ones feelings or worries with so much that we have to go thu, but you have something I did not, you spouse. Trust her, let her help, believe in yourself & say the hell with those that don't understand. I found that most that comment really are not sure of who they are, think about that.

Guess what I am trying to say is my life was somewhat like yours. I knew who I was inside & wanted to fix it. Was the hassles & all that went with it worth it....YES, but it started with me. If you don't believe in yourself than no one will. Remember, kids are mean no matter what. People you work with will soon see that everything you are now is the same its just the shell(outside that has changed. I looked at it as most mom's always have to be strong for the family & thats what I did except it was for me.

Good luck sweetie, I am here if you wish to chat.

Hugs N Kisses to you dear,
Janelle

[Di]

Well do not let them WIN by getting to you. That is what they wanted to do, DO NOT LET THEM. Sounds like a bunch of uneducated bullys.Fueled by drink.
You are doing nothing wrong
Be proud of yourself
Turn to Sheila
Ignore them
Do not let them win by getting to you that was what they wanted to do.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::h ugs:

[Sandra]

Ok hun I know this is bloody hard for you but you've got to get that confidence back and say fck the lot of them, don't let them win Debs and don't let them see that if bothers you, because if you do then they will do it more. Keep your head held high and ignore them.

We'll chat more when you and Sheila get here.

:hugs: :hugs:

[Samantha B L]

Debs,I'm very sorry this has to come up and mar the life that you and Sheila have been trying to establish. But after all,you don't even know these characters and whether or not you dress is none of their business! Really sorry,hun.

[raksha GG]

Debs, Di speaks a lot of sense. As a size 32 lady, I get a lot of sniggers and jeering - they can only drag you down if you let them. Don't give them the power!

:love:

[TGMarla]

Well, Deborah, this is unfortunate, but really not the end of the world. Hold your head high and be greater than the little punks who can only make themselves feel better by attempting to belittle others around them. If it happens again, Alpha-Male, confront them. "Is there a problem here? Is there something that one of you....any of you....have to say to me?" It's a form of light bullying, and those who bully most often back down when confronted. They feel they have power in numbers, but they really are only a bunch of punks. Cowards who hide behind numbers to mask their own insecurities. For all we know, one or two of them are going to wind up experimenting with ladies' attire before long anyway. You have nothing at all to be ashamed of. Be strong.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Debs,

I'm so sorry you are having this problem. I know when I first moved to the US to be with my SO I felt a little vulnerable in my new surroundings. Having additional "issues" to deal with like this is not helping you settle into your new life.

Having said that, I agree with Di and Sandra. Ok, the situation is not of your doing but this is where you have gotta dig deep, stand fast, and get that confidence back. Look to Sheila for support and advice, (she is your security) and try to take on the attitude of "so what? .. sticks and stones etc etc". If you do get people cat calling or trying to take the pi$$ try and tap into that alpha male side and ignore it or look them straight in the eye and let them know (or try to make them think) that you don't care.

Coming out is a little bit risky. I think my wife's sister has told a bunch a people that we told her not to. There are some things in life you can't control but you can somewhat control how it effects you. The love you have with Sheila should help keep you strong. Good luck.

Hugs
Rachel

[sissystephanie]

Deborah, the next time you hear something like that, do this! Just turn to them and in your best Alpha Male voice say, "Yeah, that's me! You have a problem with that?" I bet that will shut them up quickly if you are half the Alpha Male I think you are!

You are you, and no one can change that! Let the rest of the world you don't give a D*** for their opinions! That is the way I operate and it has worked for many years.

:hugs::hugs:

[trisha59]

With your recent move and everything else that is connected to that I imagine that your stress meter is quite high. As great as it is moving in with Sheila you still probably feel a little bit like a guest. Your still looking for your comfort level. I think as this happens your confidence will grow and soon, if this happens again, you will give them a little of that Deborah wit we see here.

[Angel.Marie76]

Debs hun, it took an unmeasurable amount of strength, I can see, to make any steps forward that you have already made, and will take endless leagues of strength and fortitude to continue on. I can easily declare that I've not been the target of ridicule so openly at this time, but it is obvious to me that those days are sooner to come than perhaps I am ready for. Being out in the world as your femme self is something that you have to /want/ to do for yourself, and with that should stand the idea that it is that drive to bring Debs out into the open that should help strengthen your resolve to stand strong.

I have never been an alpha male in my life, always the target of ridicule as a 'girly' child and non-conforming adult. Walking through a herd of roughnecks any day will always bring taunting, even as I still present as male most of the time. It's fairly simple to guess that, if I were even slightly dressed, my courage wavers as I merely walk out my house door, never mind if and/or when I'm put in obviously uncomfortable situations just operating within life day to day. Having an SO or friend present always helps layer bricks down to help rebuilt that wall of confidence, and every smile and positive interaction I get fortifies the mortar exponentially.

Every time you look in the mirror remember that, regardless of what facade is present at the time, YOU are at the core of that image.. and no passing sting or targeted lance should be given the right to pierce so deeply that it damages the glow within.

STRENGTH! Easy to say, so very hard to hold onto, no matter where you are, we're there in spirit with you. :hugs:

[Rachel05]

It's a very strange thing because I consider myself to be an alpha male too and for years my cross dressing was tough for me but recent acceptance of it has helped me discuss some of the demons in my past too, most of mine are in my childhood and early teens and I never discuss them ever, but recently with a really close friend of mine they have been seeing the light of day very slowly, it does make me feel a little low when I discuss them but but it's like I have now accepted who I am and not the person I have been trying to be all those years - if that makes sense!!

[Tamara Croft]

They'll get bored of it, I wouldn't take any notice of them. They are kids, kids say mean things all the time, but seriously, they'll stop... If they don't, you report them for harrassment, you do this legally, you keep a diary etc etc... don't let them win by shouting back, just ignore them, and keep a log of everything they say. You and Sheila will get through this, getting revenge isn't going to work, you have to do this the right way, even if it is hard and you feel like giving them all a good hiding... although the daughter isn't too big for one :Angry3: doing that to her mum... :censor:

[DemonicDaughter]

I only moved to this area 4 days ago, having left everything in my life behind including my kids.
I'm particularly fragile right now, it wouldn't take much to set me off and this has!

BTW....Even alpha males have insecurities, mine were caused by something that happened to me in my past......It messed my life up then, i spent a lifetime dealing with it and in so doing turned myself into something that wasn't me, but it helped me to survive
[I've been in therapy because of it and thought i'd got my demons behind me.....Looks like i was wrong]

Debs,

As you know, I moved across the country to be with Bre. Unlike you and Sheila, we didn't get the opportunity to visit numerous times (only once previously). I left my family, friends and all that I was familiar with to be with the woman I love. I'd do it again in a heartbeat as I'm sure, so would you.

Whether or not you crossdress, someone would find something to pick on about you and/or Sheila just because you are there. People find even the slightest sensitive subject and will just keep digging in until you break. It could be anything... your looks, your intelligence, your home, your job, your whatever.

They know picking on that is going to upset you. They know it will upset Sheila.

What they don't know, is that's life. So what if you crossdress? Who does it hurt? What's the "worse" that could come of it; you nick their skirts from the clothes line?

I say **** 'em. If they haven't the intellect to at least attempt to understand then they aren't worth your worry.

They aren't important. Their opinion doesn't effect your daily life nor your relationship with Sheila, your friends nor your family. You have people who love you as you are.

I think you are a beautiful person and hope you never let anyone take that away from you.

:love:
DD

[tanya1976]

I also live in the north of England and, while I don't worry about most adults finding out, I would be concerned if the kids did. I don't know your specific area but I know in mine, your standard urban inner city, you are singled out if you are even the slightest bit different. I can't imagine what the response to a crossdresser would be. As to how to handle it, it's hard to say. Violence is liable to get you in trouble and escalate the situation. Unfortunate I know. There's a few little s*&@! around here I would've liked to have cracked on more than one occasion. As much as it grates perhaps a dignified silence is the best response. In my experience if the kids think they are getting to you they carry on, if they don't it'll probably die down. Although you still end up carrying the anger...Good luck anyway. Sorry to say, but it really is 'grim up north' sometimes.

[ReineD]

Debs, I'm sorry this happened to you without warning, and so soon after you moved. That makes it even worse. :hugs:

I don't believe there is anything more disarming than facing a situation like this head on. If it ever happens again, would it be possible for you to excuse yourself from the group, walk up to the boys alone (you don't want it to feel confrontational) with an open expression on your face, extend your hand to them, and ask if they have any questions? Tell them that you are, in fact, transgendered and this is not something that is widely understood. Go on to explain that it is stigmatized because people don't understand it. Assure them it is not a sickness or a perversion, and that it takes a great deal of courage for someone to express a gender other than their birth. And then wait for their questions. Even if they do not ask questions, your actions will stop their heckling, and you would have shown Jack a valuable life lesson.

IMO people do behave like this because they haven't thought beyond the box they grew up in. Who knows, you may not convince them all that it is OK to CD, but you may convince one. I guarantee you that if you approach it this way, you will have gained their respect, no matter what they think about the CDing.
:love:

[Nicki B]

Today i found myself back in an area of self doubt!

Debs - IMHO, you've only been not doubting yourself for a relatively short time? It's not surprising if you can be rocked..


As we passed a group of young lads [Sheilas nieghbours], there were cat calls of....."Deborah, Debbie, Debs", etc.
As i looked at Sheila i knew what i thought was true....It was aimed at me, she later confirmed they probably knew about me!!

Someone is going out of their way to make life unpleasant for you both. You can either confront it, or run away - but Yorkshire folk aren't easy to change.

You definitely need reinforcements - and pick your battlegrounds carefully..

[Sandra]

You definitely need reinforcements - and pick your battlegrounds carefully..


But surely this would just make the matter worse, yes she needs reinforcement which she has in Sheila already and her family, but battlegrounds... is just going to give the people in question more ammunition for a war.

[Sheila]

We are at Sandra and Nigellas, needless to say the support we are getting is as usual wholehearted and amazing, those two have an super abundance of knowledge, love & incredible amount of common sense, so thank you both, yet again you have come up trumphs when needed :hugs:

To all of you here, many, many thanks for your overwhelming love and support, because of your words Debs herself has emerged tonight in all her finary :) & talking about pushing her bounderies, she feels she has something to prove, if not to the world, at least to herself :straightface:


Tamara you could well be right :D

She is feeling a little better tonight:)

[SouthernBelle.GG]

Debs and Sheila, I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened. :hugs::hugs:

Debs, you have just as much a right to be who you are as anybody else. Don't forget that ever. These kids are being jerks because they lack understanding and caring. Hold your head high. :hugs::hugs:

[kellycan27]

I feel much more confident and self assured as a woman than I ever did in my male role. As a male I just seemed to be more or less invisable.....staying on the sidelines rather than the join in. Now you can't shut me up or keep me out..lol
That isn't to say that I dont have my moments of self doubt as we all do, but I find that they are fewer and father apart than ever before. Keep the faith, and just ignore the ignorant types...
:hugs:
Kelly

[Lorileah]

First :hugs: for the second half of the Pop-Tart package

You bring up a point that makes a great argument about why this isn't always a choice for us. Why would we want to put ourselves through all this? We would never choose to be derided or mocked as a choice of lifestyle. If we were to choose we would be the one who all the people in town looked up to, the aspiration of the world. Things like that aren't choices either. Remember "some people are born to greatness others have it thrust upon them."? (some longhaired Englishman said that I believe).

So anyway, you work with what you have. It sounds like the "lads" were seeing how you would react. Most likely they will tire of it soon and go about stealing hubcaps off the Bentleys in your neighborhood. Congratulations you've been chided and teased, just 40 years later than the girls on the playground. Take your cue from WWSD (What would Sheila do), you cannot have a greater role model than that. You are the new kid in town. Like the song says, they'll move on and not even know your around soon enough.

Ok now chest bump and gimme five on the down low. Is that enough macho bonding for today? Great....let's get a drink

[Sam-antha]

Debs, Tamara has said the sort of thing that I tried to say when I likened the happening to "toy".
I did not manage to add in the fact that they grow fed up and forget about their "toys". Tamara did
~Samm
Ps I mean that Tamara did say it, I did not mean that she tired of her toys.
~S~

[Deedee Dupree]

Hi Deborah,

To continue a previous conversation...

We have been talking about integrating the male and female into a viable whole.
And Arianna has pointed out that the process of getting in touch with, developing and integrating the Male and Female aspects functions as a cross- validation. I'll add that In the end, the whole is stronger. (this is not a model for TX as I understand it)

I have said elsewhere, ".....In my experience, I have not given up one single practical masculine trait by [developing and] allowing Her to exist. I have merely added to my options to express myself....."

This is a time to stand your ground, for your Alpha male to come to the fore. Time for your buddy/him , the one who brought both of you this far, to step up to bat. "<smile>Don't worry Sweetie, just relax a little while, I'll take care of this".

As to what course to take, you and Sheila will figure out what is best, as you have all the required information at hand to make that determination.

This event can be seen as a practical exercise... an opportunity to validate and develop an integrated self with fully functional separate parts. It's possible, and for me was the only way.

I have mentioned to you that I am a faux alpha male, but I didn't get this far without being tough as nails, and I don't think you did either. If I was in your situation, as I hate bullies, my attitude would be, "What we have here are some punks that need an attitude correction", and I would handle it the same way I would if I happened to be on the street in drab and saw some bullies picking on a CD/TG.

So stand your ground with the right attitude and deal with the circumstances as required. And then give Debs a present!

dd

[Deborah Jane]

Thanks to everybody for your advice and thoughts :)

Sheila and I have come this far together and we ain't stepping down now!!!!

We have both just been out around an estate [with me presenting as Debs]....We walked about a quarter of a mile and during our walk saw two groups of kids, neither group took the slightest notice of us :)

Onwards and upwards :) Debs

[Jonianne]

Yea!

Debs and Sheila, hang in there together and keep your heads up. You will be fine.

[TGMarla]

I'm glad you're doing better. We all have our moments. Hopefully, they pass.

[Lorileah]

We have both just been out around an estate

Debs

See I Knew there were Bentleys there :) Sheila's a duchess or something isn't she?

[Rachaelb64]

Listen, Debs moving into a new area ain't easy and lets face it being a southerner moving into Brass Band Country ain't going to be easy whether your a CDer or not.

Just take the horns and bull it out, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger
:)

Rach x

[Rachel Morley]

We have both just been out around an estate [with me presenting as Debs]....We walked about a quarter of a mile and during our walk saw two groups of kids, neither group took the slightest notice of us.
Excellent news! :) YGG! I am so pleased that you were able to have the courage to face this head on and come out of it winning! :clap:

[Sheila]

we are going out to the nearest town 9from where we are staying this weekend) this aft.fingers crossed for us ans wish her well please:):)

[MJ]

As we passed a group of young lads [Sheilas nieghbours], there were cat calls of....."Deborah, Debbie, Debs", etc.
As i looked at Sheila i knew what i thought was true....It was aimed at me, she later confirmed they probably knew about me!!


you just have to be yourself stand strong try not to show fear as then the lads will leave you alone.

after 5 years i lost count of the cat calls. at least they call you by your name. I've been called far worse and to my face.

next time sis if they call you then go say hi do the guy thing. however you greet i don't know. just get to know them.

right now they have no understanding. case in point rent " To Wong foo "
all the best sis BTW i guess you can't hide now so be yourself :hugs:

[letsdance GG]

we are going out to the nearest town 9from where we are staying this weekend) this aft.fingers crossed for us ans wish her well please:):)




Fingers, toes and legs are crossed for you both. And of course along with that are best wishes that all goes smoothly. Neither of you need, nor deserve, any more trouble :hugs: