I no longer consider myself a crossdresser

[DaphneGrey]

I have been

[Louistoalana]

Why would you get hate pm's for that? It's great to hear that you are so, well fluid :)

[Kathi Lake]

Daphne, you know what and who you are inside. Many others (the ones who care/dare to look) do as well. No hate PMs necessary. No matter how you choose to label yourself, we love ya!

Kathi

[DaphneGrey]

Daphne, you know what and who you are inside. Many others (the ones who care/dare to look) do as well. No hate PMs necessary. No matter how you choose to label yourself, we love ya!

Kathi

Thanks Kathi

I love you too.

[TGMarla]

Hey, they only call it "crossdressing" because of our genetic makeup. I've been wearing chick clothing so long, it doesn't feel like crossdressing to me anymore, either. It's just the clothing I prefer. It's everybody else that has a problem with it. I get where you're coming from. It seems you may have reached a plateau where your bi-gendered nature is finally at peace. I hope your trails are smooth.

[Niya W]

You are who you are. If people cant except that then screw em. We all are not the same. There are exactly hard and fast rules about how people fall into the TG spectrum.

[Billijo49504]

Daphne, I wish I was as lucky as you are. At least you have yourself figured out, I'm still a work in progress. I can't see why you would get hate mail for anything you wrote. That's the nice thing about this site. We are all at different levels of transgenderism. I'm so happy for you....:hugs:...BJ

[SherriePall]

Daphne -- Sorry to hear that you have gotten hate PM's. I thought we were all family here -- in the same boat, so to speak. We may be on different decks, doing different chores or just relaxing, but we are all on the same boat.
I do say good for you that you have "found" yourself -- the real you. Amazing that your friend had it all figured out.
That care.

[sandra-leigh]

I guess you could say Although I definately do crossdress, I really do not Identify with what seems to be the heterosexual crossdressing mainstreem.

I consider myself gender fluid or bi gender or even genderqueer.

I consider it unfortunate that this site does not have a section for those who are not gender polarized -- those of us who suspect or feel that cross-dresser is not an adequate term for them, but who do not consider themselves transsexual.

If you look back at my threads and postings, you will see that I have been struggling with this issue for some time. Somehow I know that I am in-between. I don't know how I know, I don't have a road-map, I don't have a goal, I'm just confused. See my thread from last night about how yesterday I came out to my GP as being transgendered... I crossdress too, but transgendered is how I have come to think of myself.

I have to go, I have an appointment!

[Marissa]

Dahne, so good to hear that you reached a level of acceptance by friends. and that you have came to terms of who you are... no one can make negative rebuttles for sharing your feelings.. if they do, then maybe they don't belong on this site.

Now I know also that you stand up for your beliefs...and at time very passionately :D... and for that.. this girl "Thanks you".

Its people such as yourself who make changes in the world, to not just lay quiet.. so don't change that or let others get to you..

Hugs,

[suchacutie]

Your ability to slide fluidly through the gender barrier, regardless of dress, is soooo impressive. Those of us who enjoy both of our gender selves can only be envious of your incredible success! We only hope that in the long run we can all be as successful!

tina

[Miranda09]

Be true to yourself Daphne and that's all that matters. We still love you. :) That was a very astute observation your friend made of you as well. Stay happy..........

[sissystephanie]

Be true to yourself Daphne and that's all that matters. We still love you. :) That was a very astute observation your friend made of you as well. Stay happy..........

VEry well said, Miranda! Daphne, I also am sad to hear that you have received "hate PM's" after expressing your own views. I guess we all like to think that those on this forum are intelligent enough to know that everyone has a right to express their own feelings or views. But unfortunately, there are those few whose brain power apparently is limited, especially in the area of acceptance of other views! As Miranda said, just stay true to yourself!!

:hugs::hugs:

[Sammy777]

As you have found out - its not the clothes that make the woman but what is inside that really counts.
Your friends saw that and now you do too. Congrats.
And no matter where your road leads always remember to just have fun and enjoy the trip. :D

[Tamara Croft]

I don't mean to offend anyone, but everytime I write something concerning crossddessing that does not fit the popular description I get a ton of hate pm's. This is just how I feel.Oh you're not allowed to post anything that goes against everyone elses beliefs... like asking people why they lie... and if you're getting hate PM's, you should tell a member of staff... and those that are sending them, cut it out!!!

[deja true]

Hey, Jersey Girl, I've been following you since you first posted...

and you've yet to say anything I'd disgree with or think does not fit into the generally accepted "live and let live" creed that the vast majority of us espouse.

Good Lord! I wanna hear different viewpoints and philosophies about what all this means. Maybe it'll help me out of the wonderful chaotic confusion that rules me now!

Somebody pisses you again, just let us know! We got friends, knowwadImean?

:D

[Violetgray]

Hello Daphne,

Of course you have the right the identify however you see fit, but I'm just curious..

How does being a crossdresser differ from the description of yourself that you just gave? Personally, I believe that crossdressing is a physical act, and that someone who does it is a crossdresser. This of course, can encompass quite a variety of people, all over the gender spectrum. I think that you have certain ideas about what it means to be a crossdresser, and you feel that to distance yourself from these traits is to distance yourself from being a crossdresser. I believe that the only thing that you need to be a crossdresser is to crossdress. The one exception being that you are a TS (a woman inside, if not outside), in which case you are dressing as your intended gender.

I mean all this in the most objective way possible. I'd hate for you to feel like I'm attacking you, I just disagree with the ideas as they are presented.

[ReineD]

I consider it unfortunate that this site does not have a section for those who are not gender polarized -- those of us who suspect or feel that cross-dresser is not an adequate term for them, but who do not consider themselves transsexual.

Tess, I believe you've described the majority of the people here. We don't need a special section. The forum IS the place for people who are not gender polarized. ;)

-----------------------------------------

Daphne .. congratulations on your insight! :hugs: I don't understand why so many people would send you hate mail. Just about everyone here would identify themselves differently than their neighbor. If there is one "popular description" of TG, I wonder what it is. :strugglin

Just a head's up though, and I'm sure some of the more seasoned TGs will confirm this, but IMO your description of yourself will change many times as you continue to grow and experience different things, as will your style, personality, what you want, etc.

My best friend's husband is a TG who came out to her maybe 12 years ago. My friend is very supportive, their kids are too, and so is their entire church community, with which they are very involved. Over time, as she became more solid with who she was and accepted herself, my friend's husband ran the gamut from being ultra involved and wanting to transition and take hormones, to just wanting to be her guy self for some years, to being happy just switching back and forth, and back around full cycle again. She has changed names and redefined herself many times.

I don't know if every TG goes through this, but I imagine so to some degree, just as gender-polarized people do change and stretch as we mature and settle into ourselves.
:hugs:

[Ruth]

I agree with Violetgray. If you are a genetic male, and you wear women's clothes, you are crossdressing. But this only describes what you do, not what you are.
You will have found that there are an assortment of people on this site who do the crossdressing thing for an assortment of reasons. We are none of us simply crossdressers.
It saddens me if there are people here who attack you for trying to define yourself in your own terms, but don't let them get to you. You are what you are, and it sounds like you are realising your own true nature in a very good and profound way.
I hope you continue to find happiness in self-knowledge.
Love,
Ruth

[Jaydee]

Daphne,
I can only concur with most of the previous posts. Your post was heartfelt and touching. Congratulations on another step towards self understanding and self acceptance. I believe that crossdressing is just a physical manifestation of an inner need. We are all occupying our own spot on the gender specturm, and crossdress for any number of reasons.

I am sorry to hear that you have received hate pm's. We are all on a journey to self understanding. I think of this forum as sort of a journal of that journey. I would hope that we could all be understanding and accepting of our fellow travelers, even if we may not agree with them or share their position on the spectrum.

Hugs
Jaydee

[Rachaelb64]

Your just being true to yourself :)

[dawnmarrie1961]

As Jaydee says "crossdressing is just a physical manifestation of an inner need. " What's inside you is going to present itself on the outside anyway, no matter how you dress.

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah, been there, done that. I'm just a person nowadays.:)

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Daphne-

Long time. Good for you, girl, in whatever you do. I have to agree with what several of the other girl's said, crossdressing is the physical expression, how you feel about yourself inside is what matters. Even if you never put on another stitch of women's clothing you would still be who you are. Speaking only for myself, I'm not a huge fan of labels and categories but they do come in handy sometimes. Truly, it's about yourself, how you feel and how you choose to express it. You go, girl.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Violetgray]

To try and answer your question.

First of all I stated in my post that I do crossdress. I am just trying to express my feminine nature more accurately. The gender variant spectrum is quite broad as you know. Daphne is who I am plain and simple, I do not crossdress as a hobby I crossdress because I am a transgendered woman.

O.k., so by this you mean you are a woman in a man's body?




I feel no need to broadcast my sexuality, or deny that sexuality and gender are linked in some way. As I have stated I am perfectly comfortable in the presence of men and like the respectful attention of gentlemen. I have a wonderful marriage and family, have always been and plan to remain 100% faithful. Does that make me Gay? I don't think so, I think it is linked to my gender.

Ohhh I see... wait, what?


I simply want people to know the real me.

So from now on I am Just Daphne. no labels!

I have spent a good portion of my life socializing with different sub culture people all my life. The one thing I have noticed from one group to the next. Bikers,Punks,Goths,crossdressers,intellectuals, etc. Although they appear non conformist to what (normal society) would call the main stream. They tend to be ultra conformist unto themselves.

The case with many crossdressers for example.

I am not gay!! / My sexuality is much more complicated than that.
I am a man who likes to dress for fashion reasons only. / I am not, I am a transgendered woman or more accurately a bi gender woman and I dress that way to present to the world my inner feminine desires.
I have no sexual reaction when dressing /

Um, these sound more like things that many cd's here have in common, rather than some kind of conformity. Forgive me if I'm being obtuse, but what does the point of conformity have to do with the subject? (I'm pretty sure I must be missing the obvious here, please enlighten)


I do I will be the first and one of the few to admit that dressing, particularly transforming can be a very erotic and sensual act. I find that often In the early stages of my transformation process, my male side can be quite aroused. Once my brain toggles female, that condition goes away.


I am not a crossdresser quite simply because Daphne is a girl. Her clothes belong to her she went to the store tried them on found what she likes. They fit they hang in her closet with her shoes and make up. She has her own personality her own life and her own hobbies. She is no more a crossdresser than her wife is.


So in other words, when you change into Daphne, you mentally change genders? So is this someone that you are, or someone you become in "Daphne" mode?

I'm not sure how to take this. I think that if changing one's mental gender was that simple, then people wouldn't have to lose jobs, marriages, family ties, and friends just to live a lifestyle that wouldn't make them totally miserable.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I think I understand where your coming from Daphne....

For me the dressing femme is to bring out the female in me....and I consider myself as bi gender person as well...that I have a female side and a male side.

I dress male for my male side and female for female side....simple enough.
There are times I want and enjoy being male and visa versa.

The other nite Stephanie went out in public to a gay club...while early on there were few people there, I felt extremely ackward...out of place and standing out like a sore thumb...not part of the "gay envioroment" in the club although there were only a few there.... I was "just a freak at the show" and definately a guy dressed as a girl. The only reason I didn't bolt is I was waiting for another CDer whom I met a few nits ago to show up. I wanted her to ememt Stephanie....Once she got there I got comfortbable...guess I needed her support which was OK for em being new at this.

However, from that point on things changed...some of her friends (males) came in & I got introduced as Stephanie... refered to a a female and then met a TG girl who accepted me right up for being a girl and talked to em about dressing being a female etc for about 20 minutes.... checked out as "fressh meat" by a guy who has been following the girl I was with an then met two lesbian girls who were friends of the girl I was with. One of them early on in talking to me said "oh your going to love being a girl"...and all of these things were making me quickly feel OK being there...not a freak and accepted as a girl. There were several other comments as well about my appearence that I was looking like acting as a female....I was finding myself fitting in very nicely as Stephanie....

The final highlight of the nite was when I stood up the girl who told me I was going to love being a girl said to me oh you have such skinny legs and you look great in those jeans...any girl would die for legs like yours....I was really taken back that a feature of mine would be so approved by a female...she told me turn turn around and then complimented me on my butt..saying she wished she had one like mine....then she proceeded to grab my cheeks with both hands and give me a good feel. At that point i felt like I was a female and nothing else. When my CD friend asked me to go to the bathroom with her and we went ...in the ladies room i was feeling probably the most female I had been so far in the year and a half that I've been dressing...here I was "in the inner sanctum of femaledom"...as a female.

The bottom line here is others and not just Cders were accepting me as a female so why shouldn't I. So I look forward to the next time I go out there I will be going there as Stephanie and with a whole new level o confidence, acceptence and it's all waht you feel inside....and if you feel female, then others will as well....

Good luck....

Stephanie....