Does Anyone Dress in fron of their Teenage Daughter?

[AllieSummers]

I'm sure that many of you are aware of my quest to come out to my family...

Wife...CHECK
Two close friends...CHECK
Daughter (22)...CHECK
Her Fiance (23)...CHECK
Daughter (14)...NOT YET

So far everything is going good. Out of everyone, my wife probably had the hardest time with it. She has come along and is embracing it. Everyone else was pretty easy.

The last on the list is my 14 years old daughter. I really want to tell her. I really need to tell her if I hope to dress around the house.

I think she is going to be the hardest to tell from a variety of different angles. First, she is most likely to freak-out. She is pretty emotional (she is a teenager). Second, she is the only one that hasn't really fully grown up yet. Third, she is probably the one that I would feel the most uncomfortable dressing in front of.

So I question whether or not to tell her. Will it scar her for life if she knows that her daddy dresses in women's clothes? If she accepts it will it be appropriate to dress in front of her in the first place? Will she accept the idea but reject the reality?

We have a VERY CLOSE relationship. I know she loves me a lot. We talk about everything together. But she is my baby.

I'm so scarred I don't know what to do.

HELP!!!!

Kisses,

Allie

[Miranda-E]

You have the choice of raising her to realize people or different or to be close minded. I dress in front of my 16 year old stepson.

[Sandra]

Only you know your daughter.

We told ours at the age of 14 she's now 19, and was surprised when she said "yeah I had an idea" Nigella had been so carefull but she'd still got the idea from somewhere.

She is fine about her dad and her boyfriend is also ok with Nigella. Kids know more than they let on.

I hope, should you tell her that things go ok and just remember that she has her sister to turn too.

[sandra-leigh]

So I question whether or not to tell her. Will it scar her for life if she knows that her daddy dresses in women's clothes?

I've never had children, not likely to now (unfortunately), and I never spent much of my adult time around children. So you should take what I say below as being potentially out of touch with reality.


When you ask "Will it scar her for life if she knows that her daddy dresses in women's clothes", what I thought of immediately was, "Would it scar her for life if you took her to a naturist (nudist) camp with you?"

The immediate answer that most North Americans would have to that question would be a revolted "That would be perverted! Shame on you for even thinking of it! She would be psychically scarred, thrown off her feed, See Things No Child Should See, become a tramp, take up drugs, question authority, and pick her nose! Don't even THINK about it!"

But what do the studies of exactly that (naturist) situation say? Answer: that most children take to the situation very readily, learn to accept body diversity, learn to judge people for who they are and the way they treat others rather than the way they dress, and are (statistically) measurably more stable and less neurotic for having disposed of the idea that the human body is a shameful secret that must be hidden at all cost. But yes, the part about questioning authority does tend to come true -- questioning whether what they are being told "by everyone" is really true, and learning to make informed decisions of their own.


Will it scar her for life to know her daddy wears womens clothes? Not out of the question, it is true, but my opinion is that on the whole, it is more likely to shape her into a better rounded person who judges people for who they are instead of being locked in to "You are male, you -have- to act this way" type of thinking.

But you really have to make the decision yourself; we can't make it for you.


The one thing I can suggest is that perhaps you could have your wife ask your daughter about how your daughter feels about her own body. If your daughter is in a stage of feeling like she hates her body, then -probably- this isn't a good point in her life for such a revelation, I would guess. But if your daughter is pretty satisfied with her own body, then I don't think she would be upset by your dressing. (And if she does turn out to be uncomfortable with her own body, then the details of how so might be of interest... e.g., if she's upset because her breasts are too small, then introducing her to "enhancers" or breast-forms might be appropriate, and would be a natural lead-in to how you also feel that yours are too small and <etc.>)

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

My personal take is the younger, the better. I think that if kids grow up with this, it would be normal to them (as it SHOULD be considered normal).

Freak out or not, your daughter loves you and will get over any initial shock rather quickly, I imagine. She has the other members in your family to discuss this with in addition to you.

Her father isn't changing or anything - he's only about to introduce her to the more attractive side of his life. :)

I think the best way to minimize the chance of her freaking out is to display full confidence and pride in who you are. Let her know you're about to share with her a beautiful gift you posses. Do NOT tell her like it is anything you're ashamed of in any way, or like it is something she might freak out over. HOW you tell your daughter will affect how well she takes it, at least to some extent.

I think it will work out just fine. Your family sounds like a really loving bunch. Isn't it time your youngest one is allowed to know her father completely?

Good luck, Allie. :)

[alexis GG]

My soon to be teenage daughter knows all about Az... I told both my kids when we split up last year (my son is 15). yeah I kinda told em out of spite, which I deeply regret now....... but it also boosted Az's confidence too, at least they didn't judge him. they both totally accepted that their future step-dad cd'ed..... a while before that I took them shopping and in the car was a magazine. Well my daughter came across a story about a bloke that cd'ed so we all had a discussion about it, which i think helped them to understand about Az.
My daughter now is itching to see Az's clothes, if only to see if he has a good taste in clothes LOL.
Maybe leaving a magazine with a similar article lying about could help... kids are kids they ask questions... it could be the ice breaker you need........

[Rachaelb64]

I told my daughter who is 15, mind she sort of knew due to the fall out from my the break of my marriage. However, I still sat down and explained everything to her.

She has seen pictures of me dressed as Rachael but has no desire to see me dressed, that her choice, one that I respect. She may someday decide she wants to she Rachael.

With both my children, my son 17, daughter 15, I have explain to them about my crossdressing, both have seen pictures. As of yet neither wants to see me dressed, apart from son who has 'caught' unexpected a few times and who is uncomfortable about me being dressed. Mind you he does phone now when he's coming round to my apartment :)

Talk to your daughter and let her make the decision whether she sees you dressed or not, respect them as a person they are.

:) Rach x

[Joan Merrie]

Yes have for years, She is 17, what was hard was telling her that I am going to transition. But she said, yea I kind of thought you might. We even share some outfits. when we are out she calls me mj, Mama Joan.
My advice is above all else is, let her know you are still her dad, and you love her no matter what.:hugs:

[Diane_2902]

I have a 19 year old daughter and 18 year old son and 8 year old daughter
that i am dress in frunt of.

[lisa marseau]

You know your daughter better then anyone. Kids are sharper then we give them credit for. Your daughter likely goes to school where there are cd's or tg's. I have two teenage daughters and they both have guys in their school that crossdress. Talk to her.Talk to her. Just take it easy.
Best of luck

[Angie G]

I really wish I could help you Allie my little girl is in her 30's and still has no idea hun.:hugs:
Angie

[MJ]

yes my daughter is 16 and she lives with me. and as I'm full time she see daddy-mom all the time. there have never been any issues we go out together her friends sleep over no big deal. unless you make it a big deal that is...

[dilane]

It depends on whether you see your highest duty as:

1. Being able to be yourself whenever you want.

or

2. Being the best father to your daughter as she navigates the early teen years.

The two aren't necessarily mutually exculsive, but I'd say 14 is a tender age to lay this on her. You did acknowledge that this is a critical or unstable time for her.

One of my best friends (who is post-op and totally passable, whatever that's worth) told her daughter at about that age, and things did not go well over the next couple of years. Self injury, suicide attempt, drugs, etc. However, this was in conjunction with a divorce, so it was a worse situation for her than a stable homelife would be.

I think you know the best answer.

-- Diane

[ubokvt]

As many have said, you know your daughter best, but you have two great resources that know your daugter better than any one here, and do have a real say in what happens in your family. Tell your wife and daughter what you are planning and ask them for guidance and insight. If they think its time, ask for what might be the best way to tell her. And really LISTEN TO THEM.

By the way I have a 15 year old daughter who found out at 14. She had an idea but would have just as soon not known for sure, and she is not ready to see me dressed around the house. Its kinda don't ask don't tell.

[Lori Robins]

I am in a similar situation and its great to read the advice here. I live in a brady bunch situation except my kids don't live at home. I am restricted in my activities in that the kids at home don't know (that I know of anyway) and my wife won't let me tell them. She calls me selfish for wanting to and that why should I stuff up their lives for my habit. they are 11 and 16 yo girls and an 18yo boy.
I think that the best ones to know how to deal with it are the parents, so it would really but up to you as all the others have said. Try talking to your other kids and see if she has any ideas,if the younger one knows, how they might handle it.
My wife knows her kids the best and she does not want them to know so thats how it is.
Good Luck

[Ralph]

My daughter has known since she was maybe 14 or 15. I sat her down and had a talk with her to preempt any concern she might have that I'm gay. Still, I rarely dress in front of her because she's uncomfortable about it. Well... I sort of do and I sort of don't. I at least try to wear something pants-like when I know she's around, even if it's just nylon pajama pants thrown on over the bottom half of my nightgown. Lately it's been so warm I wear only a one-piece ladies swimsuit but I throw shorts on over that. I don't know if I should even bother since (a) it's obvious that nothing I have on comes from the men's department even if pants are involved, (b) she knows anyway, and (c) sometimes she's caught me out when I thought she was in bed and I could just grab a bite in the kitchen or go to the bathroom in my nightgown. So I guess the only person I'm fooling is myself.

{edit later} Dilane, I understand your point about "that's a young age to be laying that on her" but I guess that depends on how much she has already figured out on her own. In my case, my kids had seen me in frilly stuff all their lives and when I told them, they were at the age when they were starting to create categories for sexuality. I wanted to make sure they knew what I was and was not, and that they should not be ashamed of asking any questions if they wanted to know something. I also wanted to catch them early enough to prevent any mindset of "different is bad" from developing.

[Bobbi Em]

One thing that I'm sure you already know, is that teenagers hate to be embarrassed. My kids used to hate going to the mall with me. "Da-aad, you're dressed all (Forrest) Gumpy!!"

But they also don't like to be left out of things. She loves you. You know this. I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes.

I suspect, from your others Posts, that you'll be just fine.

Best

Bobbi