married CD's who takes the lead in the bedroom?

[Honeygirl]

Hi Everyone,
As some of you may know I am new here and new to CD. I am married and my wife has been amazingly understanding and supportive. She has shopped for underwear, shoes and a skirt for me and has painted my toenails also. However the biggest tension/developing problem is; I know longer wish to be the 'typical dominant male' in the bedroom and my wife does? I can't blame her as this has always been our previous way of lovemaking. However I just don't feel dominant like that and in fact would prefer if she was.

We both love each other to peices and want to work through this. I feel totally guilty all the time because it is me who has changed. We are a little confused in the bedroom about who should or wants to take the lead/dominant role and it is causing tension and a few tears.

Can anyone relate to this? been through this? offer any advise or suggest good internet sites or blogs for us to read through etc?

Any positive help would be appreciated, This is my first proper thread question as so far I have bee welcoming others and making small talk etc, as I have so appreciated all the welcoming comments I recieved when I joined this site just two weeks ago. can I say to all of you who comment in the introduction thread 'THANK YOU! you do not know how much it helps and you make a real difference.

On a separate note if anyone wants to be friends with me please get in touch?love to talk share etc.

Hugs
Honey

[sissystephanie]

Honey,

I told my late wife before we married, and she was totally supportive the entire 49+ years we were together. One thing I stressed to her was that I was always her MAN, no matter what I wore! She laughed at that, and later proved it in the bedroom!

She actually enjoyed being dominant, and I quickly learned that I did too. Of course, she would be properly equipped to play the role!:heehee: It didn't happen every time of course, because my dear wife was truly feminine! But we both learned to enjoy switching roles completely on occasion.

Don't push your wife into doing something she really doesn't want to do! That is a good way to mess up a happy marriage! But if the two of you will try it, I think you will find it is fun to switch roles. Especially if she is properly equipped to be the man! Just take it slow and easy!

BTW, if you want to talk more, feel free to PM me and I will give you my email address.

:hugs::hugs:

[GaleWarning]

Honey, we are equal partners ...
Making love when either or both of us are (partially) dressed en femme is just the same as the "normal" way.
As to who takes the lead ... difficult to say ... again, it just happens.
What is important is that my SO accepts me, no matter how I am dressed.
Equally important, the sex is always fabulous!

[Shelly Preston]

It should be a partnership between you and your wife

I think you need to discuss what you both need
I am sure you can find a solution to keep you both happy but this might mean you need to be more dominat sometimes

I wish you well in your seach for the answer

[Sarah...]

Yes. I can relate. The best thing I can suggest from our experience is to rip up the "rule" book and explore. My Sweetheart is learning to deal with life living with a woman - and is doing ok thank you. More than ok. It is possible. Be in love first. Talk next. Explore after that. The rest will follow.

Ok?

Sarah xxx

[Toni_Lynn]

I told my wife about my CDing shortly after we met. Of course this sudden freedom "to be" is fraught with complications as in the pink fog. So, I was scared the first time we, er, got romantic. But, she was gentle and kind and loving, and the rest is beautiful.

As things evolved, the next step in the journey was my wife asking me, how shall I put this, what I liked to do, er, what would turn me on. Communication is a good thing, because as we talked we asked each other what the limits were, that way we know where our flight of fantasy can take us, and neither of us will eb asked to something that the other objects to.

Needless to say, things are great. We are both madly in love with each other. Hey --- when you have someone as wonderfully sexy as my wife, monogamy rules!

One thing I told my wife when I told her that I was CDer was that I would guarantee that me being a CDer would make it great fun, and what is so cool is that once things get rolling, we seem to connect so well, that over lovemaking becomes great unpredictable fun.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[AmandaM]

She does, for the most part. Then there's the part about Susie Wong's Massage Parlor, and I, I mean Susie, oh, sorry, didn't mean to let the cat out of the bag!

[Sophia de la luz]

Change leads to all experiences we desire but have never had. Change provides wealth dreamed of, and destinations now unknown.

The sexuality my wife and I share always seems to keep shifting into new forms. We have code words for the kinds of experiences we would like to have next. These code words often infer various roles, or typical interactions during that sexual encounter. That way, there are various items on the menu.

Giving our partners what they want is a deeply pleasurable act. Perhaps her interest and willingness to be dominant would increase via experiencing how much you enjoy it.

Playfulness. And reassure her that her being dominant is not going to be the new and permanent thing. Remind her that change is a friend.

[Sheila]

Well Debs and I ain't married ................... but we will be this Oct ....... bedroom time is as the rest of our time as a couple, we work and play tog ;) ..... with us it is a case of what feels good for us we do ..... sometimes she leads other times I lead, others we switch leads :D works for us:)

[Sandra]

Unless you both agree don't always make it one person who takes the lead. Share it, see what happens naturally.

[gwen cd]

Take turns to be the dominant.

[AllieSummers]

Hi Honey,

I know exactly what you are going through. I am fairly new to this too. I only started dressing in full makeup and wig and stuff less than a year ago. I went out dressed for the first time in late January of this year. I came out to my wife about it about 2 months ago.

The biggest issue wives have with this is that they don't want to lose their husband. I hear that over and over again. They have needs that need to be met too. Your job as the husband is to provide for those needs.

Before I came out to my wife we made love/had sex about 2 or 3 times a month. That was it. After I came out we make love probably 3 or 4 times a week. Most of the time I'm in guy mode, some of the time I'm partially dressed and less frequently I'm fully dressed. I only get to fully dress about 3 or 4 times a month.

The roles are different in each situation but I tend to take charge initially in most cases. The way I look at it if I can satisfy her needs upfront then she can satisfy mine. So I usually take charge with the foreplay...but we do a little back and forth so each gets plenty of attention...then I take charge with the actual "bleep"...I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Then once she has been fully satisfied she takes care of me.

I like to be dominated a little so we have some toys that take care of that. It gives me a chance to be the woman in the relationship.

It really works good for both of us.

I think if you are totally opposed to being her husband in the bedroom you are going to face a very tough future. Your wife's needs have to be met. If they aren't then she will go elsewhere for it. You can't expect anything different. You don't want that.

Kisses,

Allie

[gender_blender]

I'm not married nor technically a crossdresser, however I am a "switch" in the bedroom sometimes being submissive and sometimes dominant with my female lovers. My female identity doesn't (nor shouldn't) determine my sexual role. Have fun with it!

[kittypw GG]

Honey,

You need to pull up your big girl panties and muster up the lead at least half the time. She is mustering up the courage to embrace your crossdressing so give back. Why is that so damn hard???? Do you think she is just loving every little moment you crossdress??? Seriously, if you don't you will risk the acceptance she now extends. If someone is never receiving they sort of loose the desire to please any longer. Get it??? I hope you do before you ruin your relationship.

Try really wearing her shoes and rack up some empathy before it's too late.

:hugs:
Kitty
Kitty

[Aeva]

I'm pretty young, and haven't opened up to a lover like that yet, so take what I say with salt.

But, sexuality is pretty flexible (or at least more so in female psychology); talk about it, keep an open mind, and try out new things once in a while. Sex that feels disjoint with what you want or need from it gets tedious, so let it grow into something new with time.

[Honeygirl]

Hi everyone!
I would like to thank you for the replies you have offered. I completely agree with the concensus of opinion which is to be flexible about the roles we take and be honest, open, experiment and continue to be considerate of each other needs. I would like to thank you all for your comments.

I never mean't to give the impression (if it was given) that I am not prepared to ever be dominant again. (forgive me as I said I am new here an this is my very first thread question, I'm learning!) I was trying to briefly outline our
recent situation in order to gain insights from other's who have been in this situation and could offer positive advise. I am very grateful to all of you who
responded in this way.Thank you.

[Toni_Lynn]

I never mean't to give the impression (if it was given) that I am not prepared to ever be dominant again. (forgive me as I said I am new here an this is my very first thread question, I'm learning!)

You asked a great question and I, too, think the responses were great.

There was one thing though that you said that did give me pause for thought though. Understand, I don't mean this to be a criticism of you or anyone. Perhaps its a way of expressing the way things are for my wife and me. Neither of us is 'dominant' as it were when come to making love. Quite frankly the thought of things like domination, submission, and humiliation particularly in an erotic situation makes me physically ill as a result of the abuse I took as a teen because of my CDing. Rather our love making is an act of consecration to each other, a free-will giving to the other with the goal being sharing and giving the the most pleasurable sensations anywhere with and to the one I love.

Again, not a criticism of anything you said, but perhaps a clarification of what your thread means to us.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Cindy J Angel]

I too like her to take the lead sometimes and she dos. but most times i do. if she lets you dress them how much more do you need. That is the question

[suchacutie]

First...you must be partners and unless your CDing is worth more than your marriage a bit of compromise is essential!!!

Ok, now that I got by that, I can't imagine successful intimacy that's not laced with variation and a little surprise. I can't imagine any one "encounter" being all one way! Don't you "go with the flow"? Aren't you both willing to trade back and forth as the moment takes you?

Lastly, IMHO, a supportive spouse needs our help as much as we need theirs. We must agree where the boundries are and it must be clear that our spouses and our marriages come first. I would never even think of denying my spouse the MAN she married. That's our first groundrule. I think the world of my feminine self, but when my wife asks for her man, Tina gets put away asap!

Talk it out, compromise, and if she wants it be a man for heaven's sake! After all, she's supportive of you being feminine! Seems fair to me!

Tina:D

[StephanieH]

I agree with the consensus, don't abandon being a guy all the time or she might get bitter about this, but remember, you can be a dominant while in the femme role too - and that's a whole lot of fun! Take care and God bless! :)

[RachelF]

I think you can be the dominant keeping the femenine role, just imagine your are a very hot girl !!. I agree with others: sex roles can be very flexible and you can mix and match every possibility which will add flavor to the relationship. I also try to satisfy her first and after that she can take care of me. Try to keep things natural do not over elaborate this ... good luck.

Rachel

[AmandaM]

I think you can be the dominant keeping the femenine role, just imagine your are a very hot girl !!. I agree with others: sex roles can be very flexible and you can mix and match every possibility which will add flavor to the relationship. I also try to satisfy her first and after that she can take care of me. Try to keep things natural do not over elaborate this ... good luck.
Rachel

I agree. I have a hard time being dominant now. My wife senses that, and she works with it. Meaning, she doesn't mind being the initiator now. If she didn't, our life would get boring. But inside me, I can't seem to find the dominant streak anymore.