"Pardon me darl' " Passing or Acceptance?

[battybattybats]

Finishing my shopping at the supermarket, manouvering my trolley over to the courtesy phone to call for a taxi I was almost walked into by a council-worker in his dayglo green vest and workgear. Middle-aged or so I'd guess with weathered face and beard and all the aspects one would associate with a road-working 'Aussie bloke' stereotype.

He imediately stepped aside looking me full in the face and saying "Pardon me Darl'." in a gentle voice with a warm smile then placing a hand gently on my arm. I responded with a soft 'no worries' and a smile and then we were both gone our seperate ways.

Was I passing? Well it's always possible he needed glasses badly and wasn't wearing them I guess but despite my eyeliner and lipstick I wore no foundation and had clear beardshadow so it's unlikely. I was dressed in my mixed-gender style. The light was good, he looked me full in the face before speaking.

Well passing for a moment or just being treated with positive respect and acceptance either way it's good and raised my mood from good to great :D

[kimmy p]

Either way being able to be yourself sounds like a good thing to me.

[Seamus_Jameson]

Awesome! Go you! :)

[TxKimberly]

Either way you look at it, life is good!

[Kathi Lake]

Onya, Batty! Feels good, doesn't it? It amazes me where acceptance comes from sometimes.

Kathi

[Sara Jessica]

Echoing a previously stated sentiment, either way the feeling is priceless. We don't have the chance to poll those who perceive us to find out what it is they see, we can only go with whatever feeling that is left behind from our interactions with the world.

[Lisa Golightly]

Hehehehehe... I've kind of got called 'love' or a derivative for most of my life. Even when I presented as a boy with short hair. Thing is for years I'd not disguise their mistake so a very male 'cheers mate' would be their reward... Awwwwww...

I think there is something more than the clothes, hair or makeup in the mix... Something people pick up about you... that enables them to see a gender you're either not portraying or only semi portraying....

Tis interesting and yes it always makes me cheerful though there were times in the past during my worst transsexual crises when I was trying so hard to be a boy that being seen as a girl made me both angry and feel utterly defeated.

[Nicole Erin]

I am going to have to go with you were passing.

I mean he could be accepting of things but I think mostly passing

[Intertwined]

He imediately stepped aside looking me full in the face and saying "Pardon me Darl'." in a gentle voice with a warm smile then placing a hand gently on my arm.

Here is what I find interesting, and Batty, please correct me if I am wrong..!

I have been to Australia; Perth, Garden Island, Hobart, from my encounters, the men are very . . . ah? " Manly " the word I am looking for escapes me.

Also, from what I saw, atleast compared to what I am used to in the USA, Aussie men, treat women like crap.

So, passing or not, that was VERY cool how he treated you.

[battybattybats]

Here is what I find interesting, and Batty, please correct me if I am wrong..!

I have been to Australia; Perth, Garden Island, Hobart, from my encounters, the men are very . . . ah? " Manly " the word I am looking for escapes me.

Plenty of them are. The metrosexual revolution is starting to change that amongst some and the Emo effeminacy is growing amongst the younger guys but the ultra-macho does remain and this guy by appearance certainly fits that definition.


Also, from what I saw, atleast compared to what I am used to in the USA, Aussie men, treat women like crap.

All too often true but thankfully again change is growing.


So, passing or not, that was VERY cool how he treated you.

Good point! Very Good Point!

[Presh GG]

I have had the pleasure of traveling solo thru Australia and N.Z.
I am GG, And thruout my working life I had winters off to travel [ Tea had to work so I went alone.] I was Always treated with great respect by everyone I met. Do you get what you give ?

Way to go Batty. What a wonderful day !!!
And many , many more

springtime gg

[docrobbysherry]

U have a strength of character that is to be MUCH admired!:thumbsup:

I certainly do, anyway!:hugs:

[Intertwined]

Do you get what you give ?

springtime gg

At the time, I was in the Navy, and Full Male mode, it was just what I observed.

Maybe I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time, keep in mind, I went where ever my shipmates went, mostly hard core pubs.

So.... " I appologize to the Australian Male population " for my stupidity...!

[Deedee Dupree]

I think there is something more than the clothes, hair or makeup in the mix... Something people pick up about you... that enables them to see a gender you're either not portraying or only semi portraying....



Nice story Batty, whatever the reason. What Lisa said rings a bell. That "something extra"... it's more than confidence, maybe it's being at peace with oneself, the person inside shining through.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I am going to have to go with you were passing.

I mean he could be accepting of things but I think mostly passing
I am going to have to agree with Nicole, men are to visual....if they see a women then you are a women, he only accepted you as a woman......but as far as acceptance if he was able to read you it may have been a different out come......but he didn't so you pass.

LA CINDY LOVE

[denise413]

Sounds like you were passing to me! Regardless, his response clearly indicated that he accepted his brief interaction with you at face value and without stereotypes, labels, categories, questions, etc. in his mind. Additionally, it sounds as if you also were very confident when out and about and I have heard from others as well as experienced myself that confidence goes a long way in terms of how other people see you. Keep it up and you go girl! :hugs:

[Kayla Shadows]

Sometimes its not always passing but a genuinely decent person that respects the gender you identify as.Those are always great.Not everybody dislikes people like us

[The Gas Man Cometh]

Maybe he was a transguy himself? Or secretly a crossdresser too? Or a transwoman who's done nothing to transition yet?

Ya never know.

[Misty is Kindafem]

Well darlin,

I work in a real masculine type of business and even though I'm a pathetic semi closeted nutless wonder, the gorillas still sometimes refer to me as sweetheart, ...to my face!

I get along well with everybody and it's all in fun, but I think these macho guys just feel at least a little dominant when they're in the presence of super cool special chicks like us. Personally I love it, (like you did) when a man is able to sense my femininity even if he can't see it.

-Misty

[dawnmarrie1961]

Bats, you just experienced a "normal" interact between two people passing in the street. The gentlemen was treating you with respect just as would anybody else. You're reading to much into it by worrying about "passing" now. I don't think you were worried about that when you were walking down the street. No. You were just trying to get from point A to point B just like everyone else. It is often the less effort that is put into the act of "passing" that gains the best results. You indicated in your post when you said "I wore no foundation and had clear beard shadow so it's unlikely. I was dressed in my mixed-gender style." You mixed-gender style is a more natural look.. Go with it.

[Kate Lynn]

Hi Batty,I no longer try to pass,when I was much younger I used to,and did a fine job doing it too,but now it's just low rise jeans and heels for me,I see no point in passing at this stage in life,just turned 60.

[tricia_uktv]

Yay, I'd take that as a compliment. But I had a long discussion with some t-girls last week. We decided that:
"Chick with a dick" was good
"**** in a frock" was bad
So who knows?

Putting his hand on your arm was a lovely touch though

[battybattybats]

Bats, you just experienced a "normal" interact between two people passing in the street. The gentlemen was treating you with respect just as would anybody else. You're reading to much into it by worrying about "passing" now.

But I wasn't dressed to pass, nor trying to at all. I was in mixed-gender-expression. And I'm not worried about whether I was passing, I'm interested in whether he was referring to me as female because thats what he saw me as in that moment because I seemed to be a GG to him at that moment or because he had no issues with me being TG. Either is good for me :) but the later is more important in many ways.

And it matches the recent poll that found 85% of Australians support protecting us from discrimination.

UPDATE:
Something interesting happened when I went shopping this week. After finishing my shopping in the early evening I called a taxi and moved outside to the well-lit collection point. My CFS has been flaring up and I've been pretty busy so I didn't fuss much with my appearance, no eyemakeup at all just some purple lipstick. As I was waiting I noticed two peoples voices loudly discussing something just round the corner from the shopping centre entrance where people often smoke next to the liquor store.

They were discussing something work related about someone they were clearly displeased with using a lot of 'blue' and angry language. While I wasn't listening in they were rather loud so some overhearing was inevitable and I stood there feelling a little intimidated and concerned but mostly just being thankful that these days I have little to do with such posturing macho behaviour.

The taxi turned up and the driver started helping me get my shopping into the boot. The two men called out to him by name, he replied back. One said "Any chance we could get a ride?" he replied "I could call you in another cab" followed by "How far you taking this fellah?" the taxi driver looked at me saying much more quietly "where are we heading too?" and I quietly told him my address. He then called out to them "Not that far" and the guy called back "We'll wait for you then" the taxi driver laughed and said "Nah, the guys might think that's cheating, I'll just call in another cab for you".

At this point my shopping was in the boot of the car and it was closed and I started pushing the trolley to the drop-point when I looked up and saw.... the bearded workman!

"I'll get that for you dahl" he said with a soft voice and warm smile! I let him take the end of the trolley and let go the handle "There you go sweetie" he said! I managed to get out a soft shy "Thanks very much" and I think I might have been blushing a little. Then I was in the taxi and away!

Now it was the mans friend who'd called me a fellah but the likelihood of my passing is pretty minimal now. He might have been drinking sure but he didn't seem that drunk.

So if i wasn't passing as seems the most likely case by far I still got 'Dahl' twice and now 'Sweetie' added and chivalric behaviour from a rural, rough, middle-aged, bearded, swearing, smoking, macho-aussie-bloke, council worker who likely spent his day pouring concrete and tarmac.

WOW! There's tolerance and then there's acceptance and then there's 'Sweetie'!!!!

[The Gas Man Cometh]

Batty, you'll find that many of those sorts of 'blokes' are quite sweet and shy and sensitive like any young girl or woman CAN be.

The macho act is just an act, I promise you. I work with these types all day every day. You're more likely to get sneered at by some metrosexual know-it-all snob wearing the latest fashions.