Afraid to say..

[DizzyRose]

Does anyone else here get really afraid to tell someone they're transsexual? I've lived full time for about 5 years now (recently turned 21) and I'm always a bit afraid to tell someone about that part of myself. My looks and voice are well feminine enough that nobody even questions me about my gender.. But when getting to know someone personally, I always feel I am kind of.. deceiving them, if I don't tell them. One of the reasons I mainly prefer meeting people online first (despite shyness and such). It allows me to feel more comfortable with telling someone, where they couldn't actually react negatively right in front of me.. I think that would be rather hard for me to deal with.

[Veronica_Jean]

Rose,

Every one of us feels exactly the same. We constantly struggle with who to tell, when to tell, are we being dishonest with them, with ourselves, etc. None of us wants to be rejected, hurt (physically or mentally), made fun of, or any of dozens of reactions we can, or have received from others in the past.

The difference for you is that you have passed so well for a while and most of us had to work hard to get there, if we ever do.

In the end however, we should be honest and if you are in a casual friendship, or an acquaintance then who cares. IF it becomes a serious relationship or a close friendship, then it is a lot different. If they are true friends, or boy/girl friends, they will stay. Otherwise you don't need them in your life anyway.

Veronica

[natasha]

There is only 3 people who know that I am transsexual, my wife, therapist, and dr. Wife accepts, therapist and dr. agree. (Not counting the wonderful goup of girls here)

Truthfully, in my opinion, as long as you are happy as who you are the heck with everyone else. I finally made the decision to be who I knew was inside, and couldnt be happier with my decision. Granted I dont dress in public as I am, I do know that underneath and inside things are right with the wiring.

[DizzyRose]

Rose,

Every one of us feels exactly the same. We constantly struggle with who to tell, when to tell, are we being dishonest with them, with ourselves, etc. None of us wants to be rejected, hurt (physically or mentally), made fun of, or any of dozens of reactions we can, or have received from others in the past.

The difference for you is that you have passed so well for a while and most of us had to work hard to get there, if we ever do.

In the end however, we should be honest and if you are in a casual friendship, or an acquaintance then who cares. IF it becomes a serious relationship or a close friendship, then it is a lot different. If they are true friends, or boy/girl friends, they will stay. Otherwise you don't need them in your life anyway.

Veronica

Yes, I completely understand. I feel a bit bad when I meet a girl who.. doesn't pass as well. As I know she is likely going to meet with some people who are rude, or (God forbid) threatening. I guess I have been pretty fortunate so far in that the majority of the people I have told have been quite accepting and understanding. I currently have a boyfriend who is completely fine and comfortable with me, which still amazes me a bit.. I spent quite a while assuming I wouldn't be able to find anyone in a romantic sense as a trans-girl.

[kellycan27]

I don't have a problem telling someone if it's relevant.... say a potential employer or date. Other than that I don't see any reason,it's not that Iam ashamed... it just isn't any of their business. I am the person that they are looking at and dealing with presently, what does the past have anything to do with who I am now?

[DizzyRose]

I don't have a problem telling someone if it's relevant.... say a potential employer or date. Other than that I don't see any reason,it's not that Iam ashamed... it just isn't any of their business. I am the person that they are looking at and dealing with presently, what does the past have anything to do with who I am now?

Actually I did not tell my current employer about this. I really didn't feel they needed to know. Even though they copied my ID I still don't believe they are aware. I'm not sure if you are REQUIRED to tell an employer, and honestly I can't quite see why you should have to. To me that seems to open the door for job discrimination. And in reality you can't really prove anything if they just don't call you for an interview after telling them..

[Veronica_Jean]

Rose,

Sometimes this information could show up on a background investigation, depending on the depth and kind. Otherwise, I am not sure there is a legal basis for not telling. Then again I am not a lawyer either, so I may just be ignorant.

Veronica

[CindyLouWho]

Before I posted on this forum I've never told anyone but my wife and that was after being married for 3 years. I've had numerous guy friends and none of them even suspected as I have no homosexual tendencies and am far from feminine in appearance. I've also had a lot of girlfriends and I may have shown up on some their gaydar, but I was not exactly what they were looking for. I've never been in analysis or therapy (maybe I should have tried it, but I'm glad I never did as I think it just confuses things). I've never come out to anyone in my family because even though I love them, I don't feel I owe them that. I have to admit however that it is extremely satisfying to essentially come out to the whole world by means of this forum.