I failed at quitting crossdressing...

[KateSpade83]

OK, I admit defeat... I FAILED at quitting crossdressing! What keeps me addicted now? I love admiring my crossdressed dolled up beauty in front of a full length mirror! I love wearing a skirt suit and feeling like a chic professional woman... I love wearing my cheerleader outfits and feeling like an Alpha Chick! I love my schoolgirl outfits and feeling like a naughty little cute schoolgirl! I love wearing a 1 pc swimsuit and wishing I had a beautiful hourgalss figure + boobs to stare at! And then my sexuality only often works crossdressed when I go solo...

But I'm a straight guy into women!

So why do you fail at quitting crossdressing when you quit and came back?

Luckily, at my latest Feb 09 purge, - I think I recovered everything!

And my clothes collection is ULTRABAD and it keeps me addicted! I think I have over $20,000 of womens clothes! TOO PAINFUL TO PURGE!

I tell God if he wants me to quit [or try my best to quit] bless me with a beautiful woman that "lights up my heart" and that fits my size 4 to 6 clothes and bless me with a good income to keep her! So... there's no need for me to purge!

I'm so lucky I'm a size 4 to 6!

[Kathi Lake]

No one likes a quitter or a failure, so keep on keeping on!

:)

Kathi

[Pauline Lauren]

Kate....
As one who has tried to purge a number of times and being unable to maintain it a number of times, I finally made a realization that helped me to stop doing that to myself. It isn't a matter of "failing to quit" or "failing to overcome" something unless it is being unable to overcome what is an integral part of yourself. It is not a failure to feel the need to be true to onesself, particularly if it is in a way that doesn't hurt anyone. So I would suggest, enjoy it to the extent that you can within the limitations of your situation, and never think of it as "failing" anything.

Oh and your clothes collection must be to die for! :)

>>>huggs<<<
Pauline

[Mirani]

Kate, its NOT an addiction. It is who you are.

Enjoy being you

[CD Susan]

Kate, I don't think you "failed" at anything other than understanding that it is virtually impossible to quit crossdressing. Being a crossdresser is something that we are born with and it is hard wired into our brain even before birth. The urge to start cd'ing manifests itself at different times for each individual. Speaking from my own experience I knew at age 5 that I was a crossdresser even though I did not know what the term was to define how I felt at the time. This feeling has never left me some 56 years later. Sure I tried to quit several times just as you recently tried. I went through the purges like you did but I was not so fortunate to recover my cd items as you were so I had to start all over again. I have come to the realization, and I hope you have too, that this is a part of us that will never go away. There is no point in fighting it and thinking that we can quit like giving up a bad habit such as smoking or over eating. What we are blessed/inflicted with is much more complex than that so there is no point in trying to overcome it. I hope you have come to this same realization as I have and will accept it as being part of who you are and that it is not a bad thing. I feel fortunate to be blessed with this and would not want to be any other way. I hope that you also will come to feel this way and lead a happy and fulfilling life. Good luck to you.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Throwing away clothes isn't going to change your gender identity. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender identity.

[Alexandria9919]

I can't count the number of times I tried to quit cding. I threw away so many pretty things over the years. I have come to the realization that this is who I am. My wife accepts it so I have support now. Still havent come out to my own family and kind of doubt I actually ever will. But what the wife and I have is really great. I am blessed to have a wife who accepts me for who I am:love:

[Joanne f]

It is not failure, it is gaining the recognition of what you are , that is a positive not a negative, be happy :)

[Deborah Jane]

I tell God if he wants me to quit [or try my best to quit] bless me with a beautiful woman that "lights up my heart" and that fits my size 4 to 6 clothes and bless me with a good income to keep her! So... there's no need for me to purge!



Maybe God don't want you to quit, maybe you are who you are for a reason and you have to find your own woman, who knows??

You can't keep blaming God for your situation Kate

Your crossdressing is part of who you are whether you like it or not!!

I doubt whether God gives a :censor: what you wear!!

[Violetgray]

OK, I admit defeat... I FAILED at quitting crossdressing!

Well I could've told you that!

That wagon ride was too bumpy anyway...

[LilSissyStevie]

Kate, God answers every prayer. Sometimes the answer is NO!
:love:

[carhill2mn]

You have just learned a hard lesson that nearly all of us CDs have also learned. I heard a GW who was very supportive of CD's once give advice to a CD that said she was going to quit: leave your things with me and then you can have them back when you realize that you need them again!

[TxKimberly]

Kate, its NOT an addiction. It is who you are.

Enjoy being you

Yeah, and for God's sake, go eat something!
(Size 6!!)

[Miss Rachel]

To deny yourself a part of what makes you who you are is in essence stripping away part of the beauty that defines you. Regardless of what anyone else in the world thinks... when you look into the mirror what you are wearing is as irrelevant as what your neighbor had for breakfast. The only thing that truly matters is that you like what you see looking back at you.
Happiness is one of the few things in this world that money cannot buy (It can only buy the illusion of it), so if CDing makes you happy then keep on keepin on and let the world love you as you are and for who you are not as they would make you.

Live on your feet making yourself as happy as life will allow
or
Die on your knees in servitude to a world that ridicules anything they are too ignorant to understand.

P.S. I also wear a 6 so next time your..... hehehe just kidding.

xoxoxo
Miss Rachel

[Niya W]

Kate, God answers every prayer. Sometimes the answer is NO!
:love:

God gives you what you need not what you want. Like LilSissyStevie God answers every prayer;just some times it's not the answer you were looking for or wanted .

[cdbethany]

just wondering kate,why are you trying to quit?
ive tried 3 times and have never lasted more than 4 days.i tried to quit once cause of a very bad experience,again because i almost got caught and the final time out of anger when i recieved over 30 negative moments on my youtube accounts.
each time bethany was soon coming out to play and now im happy being dressed and unless something drastic changes i dont intend to quit.
dont just quit cold turkey and purge your clothes,next time if you do feel like giving it up box up your clothes and move them where there out of sight but where you can still get to them.how many days do you usually go without dressing,mine is 4.if i was to quit again id try to do without for 4 days then if i make it to 4 let bethany out to play(i do realise i make my fem alter ego sound like a slasher movie killer)then try for 5 days and keep increasing the number of days.thats just me but im happy and if there is no real reason for quitting, why do it.
hope this is helpful

love and kisses
bethany xxxxx

[joandher]

Hi Kate Why stop what you enjoy doing as long as it doesnt hurt anybody else
you will find later on in life that, its too short to worry about ,enjoy every minute girl,remeber God made you in his image :love:
J-JAY

[fratv]

I stopped for some years but then restarted. I felt guilty somehow, but finally realized there was nothing wrong with it.

[sissystephanie]

Kate, don't blame God, thank Him for giving you that divine body!

[Amy07]

Hello Kate!
I am going through what you are doing right now. A great thing becomes something you don't really want to do. Do not purge. I didn't yet, and have no intention to do so. I have in the past and regretted it terribly.
What do you do next? Amy is still trying to figure that one out.

[Angelofsomekind]

I tried to stop many times when I was younger. I never purged though. I always figured if I was really going to stop I should have the clothes there so they are available, and If I don't wear them when I have access to them, then I really have stopped. Of course it never worked, and I'm glad it didn't. I don't think I would be happy with myself if I did stop. It is a part of who we are.

[cd_jamie]

I sent about $10,000 worth of stuff to good will on my last purge it hurt but I did it..... now I wish I had it all back. I had really had the urge to dress lately.. I always found it to be relaxing to not be in guy mode

[MsSamanthaErica]

You did not FAIL... the urge just didn't leave you. It's like saying you can't care or love because you had a bad experience, etc.

We don't want you to leave our comfortable realm. I have tried to move away as well, I am here now and there's no going back. Just let yourself realize that before you think you failed, you succeeded... in keeping us happy you're here!

[KateSpade83]

cdbethany - I quit because I had a mental episode or maybe it really was reality that crossdressing is cursed by demons. So I almost regretfully purged my Houston clothes... was on the verge but I begged God - I don't have to purge because my GIGANTIC collection of size 4 to 6 clothes can fit a pretty woman my size! So no need to purge when I quit but how do I quit when the clothes are always around? - Just gotta have a good woman!

Unemployed now... I dress as often as I want!

Mom my donated my Chicago clothes to an ultra cheap $5 church thrift store that didn't have much business so I recovered my clothes 10 days later!

I can't afford to purge my ULTRA BIG & Beautiful collection of clothes! 120+ skirt suits, 60+ swim suits... lotsa dresses, blouses, skirts, 6 cheerleader outfits, schoolgirl uniforms, + awesome lingerie!

[dawnmarrie1961]

The only one who has failed is those who have never tired. Winners never quit and quitters never lose! Don't feel so bad about having spent so much money I clothes. I'm certain you would have felt far worse using that money on the surgery only to change you mind later. "Oh my gosh what have I done!" Everything happens for a reason. Every type of behavior has an underlying reason for existing. In order to truly purge yourself you first need to find out what the reason is for your cross dressing. What fundamental need does it serve. That requires a type of research that only you can perform. Because only you "know"you. You have to find the answer out for yourself. Just as we all do. Then once you have the answer. Then you can make an informed choice as to what the next step needs to be. Do you do forward? Or do you step back?

Be safe. Be smart.

[Dressing Jill]

I would rather dare greatly than to be with those timid souls who do nothing.

Purging is part of being a CD. Enjoy the shopping trip.

[Jolene]

I sent about $10,000 worth of stuff to good will on my last purge it hurt but I did it..... now I wish I had it all back. I had really had the urge to dress lately.. I always found it to be relaxing to not be in guy mode

It is no wonder why I have been finding so many nice things at the Goodwill store lately Jamie. I had to throw that in. I do wonder why I dress but realize it will always be a part of me. :)

[Jaclyn NM]

My crossdressing is an integral part of who I am, and I can no more change it than I could change my eye color or my height. Once I learned to accept this simple concept, I stopped trying to quit, and life has been so much nicer (and needless to say, less expensive). My advice is to accept who and what you are, and don't try to change what you can't. Your life will be much more enjoyable.

[NathalieX66]

I started amassing a secret collection of female clothes by the age of 16. i was a nosy kid before then, who used to probe my parents' closets, and my neighbor's closet and drawers looking for money, cigarettes, drugs...guns...women's clothing...anything naughty. By the time I was Playing in an alternative rock band akin to Siouxie & the Banshees when I was 23 gave me the courage to wear makeup on a stage.

I thought I was beyond all of that once I finished college and embarked on a career.....like I was a mature adult or something. I
I am too much of a maverick in my own right. I think I am happy in my own skin that dressing up now seems like a blast.

[Kelsy]

Wheww!! bet you're glad your finished with that little experiment , eh?!!

:hugs:Kelsy

[Celeste]

Every now and then I wonder ,"what will I do with all my clothes when I meet someone who is my match" then I quickly answer myself...if they can't accept that I have a pastime of enjoying another side of myself,we just weren't meant to be.

For me ,ideally it would be best to share this,so thats going to require an accepting partner.

[Angie G]

Give it up? Don't even EVER try Kate it just doesn't work. And your a 4-6 size I'd kill for that hun.:hugs:
Angie

[nancyish]

Been there,tried quiting,I told my wife i would stop dressing if i could buy all the men's clothes i want.There are lots of nice nylon shorts and real nice nylon underware 4 men, BUT,I would rather wear a plain pair of cotton granny panties any day.This is the(sad?)truth.If someone could explain this they could also explain me. Nancy

[Lainie]

...often many times.
Some say no one ever quits, but how would we know? Many say the activity is progressive. It has been for me, but I hear that many plateau for decades, having reached a level of satisfaction.
Don' beat yourself up. Keep trying to make your life better, wherever that takes you.
and by the way, it's not just about you. What are you doing for other people? That's a big part of satisfaction in life.

[Marisa_M]

Why should we quit what we love?:daydreaming:

[leotard fan]

...just be who you want to be! don´t hide yourself from you and your desires. don´t lose time in be what the others want. be yourself, how do you feel great and have lots of fun! why give up who i´m and what i like to be and dress? keep on!

[TJ Tresa]

Kate, I to have tried many many timmes to stop dressing, I have thrown many things away and wish I still had them. Any way I now have a loving wife who not only knows of my CDing but encourages it. She tells me that I a good girl friend and a loving wife, as well as a great husband. She has the best of both worlds and so do I.
I hope you find someone who is a accepting as I have

[nancyish]

Dear Tresa,your words give us all hope,thx 4 posting and encouraging us all to press on.Nancy

[KateSpade83]

My verge of quitting crossdressing was TERRIBLE! I was having a full blown paranoid episode when I packed up and moved from Houston to Chicago! Like if I drove past a cemetery then my 9 big boxes of womens clothes would snatch up ALL of the evil spirits / ghosts from the cemetary and then they would possess me to commit road suicide or crash. Then I felt I would meet Satan on the road and he would kill me! I almost dumped my load of ALL of my Houston clothes but it would have taken too much time to unload them to a church. I was looking at ALL of the churches I drove by to donate or see God but I passed them up only to go to a strict Roman Catholic church when I was 120 miles into my drive! When I finally got to a Roman Catholic church only the chapel was open so I had my session with God there! I asked him to bless me on my journey and to keep the devil and Satan away, as I felt I heard the voices of demons that were possessing my clothes! They were talking about how to do me while I was driving! And I almost had a bad accident with a trailer big rig in the middle of nowhere! The whole drive home was a big mental episode, for both my Dodge Grand Caravan and my Honda Civic!

And looking back at my big mental episode concerning that crossdressing is cursed by demons - I don't know what to think of it because I wasn't taking my Geodon but even reality itself and people interactions were "spooky" so how could it have been paranoia!?

I ask God now to just accept me as a faulty crossdresser, as mostly I do it to enjoy my beauty and for shopping trips to enjoy going out as a woman. I just guess HE doesn't like it that I masturbate that way though... but that's my sexuality.

Now I guess I will never purge and I think this is an incurable fault in me. The only problem is society hates crossdressers and I suffer intolerance and discrimination.

All I need is a good paying job that will last 5 years or more and a good looking wife that lights up my heart and that will fit my clothes but God doesn't give that to me. I need both of these... And my last NASA job made me very happy and my heart broke when I got laid off.

[boardpuppy]

I understand your feelings and your discussions with God....I have had a couple of those myself. When you get the answers pls pass them along, they will be every enlighting.

Hugs,
Alice

[Olivia]

Kate, although we all take different paths on this crossdressing journey, many of the experiences are the same. Quitting, purging, even denial, most of us have been through them. Rights of passage for our lifestyle I guess. So, as so many others have pointed out, I don't think this is something one can quit. As Susan said, it's "hard-wired" into our brains. It's not wrong; it doesn't hurt you. It is who you are. Enjoy it, and know that, yes, it is possible to find a wife who will love you and support your crossdressing! They are out there hon. Take care of yourself, Olivia.

PS. Does anyone even know of a crossdresser who actually did quit dressing? Just curious if such an example exists? O

[Gerard]

I think the first thing I learned from this forum, and the main reason I decided to join, is that it's not something any of us can quit. For better or worse, it's part of who we are.
Part of it might be an addiction, although I think it has mainly to do with how our brains were wired either before we were born, or when we grew up into puberty.

And even if it's an addiction, compared to most things, like drugs, alcohol or tobacco, it has very little to no negative side effects. Only thing, is you need a bit more wardrobe space and buy clothes a bit more often. Compared to cigarettes it's cheap and healthy!

One thing I learned here, is that quitting and purging does not work, better to accept it.

[Missy]

welcome to the club
i have quit many time and gone back to cding
it is a big part of my life that i have to learn to accept it

[NickyNamNam]

Had you been born a woman a hundred years ago and been a tomboy wearing mens clothes, you would've been considered a sinner to. Do you think God judges all the women who today wears mens clothing and act masculine?

You just happen to be born in a time and place where who you are isn't fully accepted by society. Has nothing to do with being a sinner or faulty. Don't hate yourself, hate the norms. They change over time anyway and I'm sure God is above things like following silly trends humans make up.

You're A-Okay as you are :)

[carolynn2fem]

welcome to the club
i have quit many time and gone back to cding
it is a big part of my life that i have to learn to accept it

>>>WHEN IN STRESS WEAR A DRESS
BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF IT ALL YOU GOT

I realize this is Your signiture but Strees causes me to wear a dress (cd triger)

[carysmarie]

Your fellings for cd'ing will never go away and you can't fail at who you feel u should be or want to be, it's taken me years to find the right woman that i could open up too, but i have now and i'm sure you will too. Keep your chin up and a smile on your face and u'll be fine :)

Carysmarie

x

[Jessica Who]

Sounds like an epic win to me, I love being a crossdresser and I wouldn't change it for anything, it is part of what makes me unique and special :)

[gerdaberlin]

hmmmmmmmmm, since you are as active as I am in cding, isnt there a chance to join a group in one of those big cities that you commute? this might 1st of all get you off this spiritual conversation and into more grounded interpersonal contacts. and be careful with " dressing whenever I want" (my interpretation) but instead lay off the clothes for some weeks and open yourself to a GG that DOESNT necessarily fit into your clothes, but that you can truly like and perhaps even enjoy being a man with! the fun for us is we can SWITCH identities and luckily dont get hung on one of them!

[Ras]

why do you think yoiur a failure? it has been written about many times that we cannot just "quit" dressing no matter how much we say we can or try to. So accept it, enjoy it and hopefuuly you find someone you can shar it with that love participating in it.

[Jeanna]

Hey, the common theme here is that we can't quit. I don't believe it's an option for everytime that I've purged, the urge to dress just dowm right takes over. Dressing for me is not a sexual fetish but it is and always be me! I've accepted the fact that I can't quit,got on this forum and improved my look,made friends and I'm a lot happier now.


P.S please don't purge,,you have the largest wardrobe I've ever heard of.

Hugs,,,Jeanna