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View Full Version : Anybody feel you MUST quit your job?



Chrissycd
07-10-2005, 10:55 PM
Every time I even think about work, I get totally depressed, and it has nothing to do w/ the usual mainstream discontent so many people feel about their jobs. There is NO WAY I feel that I could transition where I currently work. SO, I either keep the job, and feel absolutely miserable b/c I am not able to be ME, or I quit and throw myself out there into the precarious job search situation that all ts girls find themselves in these days. Let's face it, right? It's difficult enough to find a decent position anywhere these days. Well, it's even more unlikely for a tgirl like me.
BUT, there is still the fact that it's time for Chrissy to come out. I can't keep doing this, living this life like an imposter and a fake. It's killing my spirit more and more every day. My therapist feels that I should stay with it another year since I'm "early" in my transition, but she's thinking practically and I'm thinking emotionally. Sometimes practicality just DOES NOT matter.
I am just feeling very desperate about it, yet, money and security DO matter. Do any of you girls who are transitioning feel as trapped as I do? What have you done about it? I want so badly to move on, but I'm afraid to do so. Thoughts?
AAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
:(
Chrissy

LouiseCassell
07-10-2005, 11:10 PM
Why do you feel that you would not be able to transition in your current workplace?

Chrissycd
07-10-2005, 11:17 PM
town, full of people w/ small worlds and beliefs. The position is a very public one. They would not accept me, and I do not have the emotional Will to put up w/ the fight it would require. Beyond that, I don't really even LIKE the position anyway. It just wouldn't even be close to being worth it.

LouiseCassell
07-10-2005, 11:23 PM
ok, good enough reasons then! :-(

So you plan to move into a new area to live as well then - its not jut your job you will be changing?

Sierra
07-10-2005, 11:32 PM
Hi and hope you find the strength to live as you wish to.It doesnt make sense to give in on the amount of info you give us[to me].Are you in a public office,like mayor or councilman?For me boob growth gets to much to hide and slowly everyone figures out and not a lot is said to my face.Sure a lot of jokes must fly with us trannies being nuts ...so what they get over it ans so do I. Your estabished now why start over its too bad and who needs those that cant be nice. ;)

Julie
07-10-2005, 11:51 PM
I appreciate what you're saying. I work construction and have 30 years in. Besides the obvious problems I could encounter on the job, there's things like pension that I had to consider also. I could never handle the harassment I'd get on the job and it would be brutal! But if I left now I'd take a serious hit in my pension benefits. In three years that would be dramatically reduced and in three more years I'd get maximum benefits. So that's a strong argument to stay put.

Even though I've put transitioning on hold for know, I have no idea when and if there will come a time when I can no longer do this. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

You can't deny your feelings forever or the dam will burst and could cause a lot more damage.

emmicd
07-11-2005, 12:02 AM
If you were to change jobs and you plan to transition to your true gender obviously which is female as you indicte, how will you inform a prospective new employer of your situation?

Would you indicate your plan of transitioning fully to becoming a woman at the interview or after you secured the job and given it some thought?

I wish you achieve your dream of becoming the girl you truly are and you find the job that will enable you to grow as a woman!

My heart goes out to you. You certainly have given me good advice. I wish you well in your journey and hope you make all the right choices!

Emmi

Chrissycd
07-11-2005, 12:40 AM
and I think you know, Julie, once we reach a certain point in our transition emotionally, there is nothing, and I mean nothing that can keep that dam from collapsing entirely.
I'm not out to my Dad, but he knows I want to quit my job. He worked where he did for many years b/c he felt he had to, not b/c he wanted to, so he understands. Still, he and others fear for me b/c financial disaster is only a missed mortgage payment away...
This really has me at the end of my rope. I was thinking if I quit, maybe I could get a housemate to defray expenses, but who wants that at age 40?
If I quit, I would go full time as Chrissy b/c I'm lucky enough to be able to pull it off well, I'm told. I'd just have to hope that I could find a liberal employer who sees me, and not their own fears. I might even be courageous enough to open a business of my own. I have no lack of confidence when in Chrissy mode b/c I'm just so ridiculously happy!!!
My therapist says, oh, but you need to go about this methodically, maintain your income a little longer, keep your health insurance a little longer (god knows why - they don't cover jack didley anyway). Ug, I just dread it. Julie, it must be awful for you, too, but wow, three more years and that's it? I've got at least twenty more years ahead of me in this field b-4 I could retire w/ any comfort.
I'm sorry, I probably should just shut up and quit whining. I've really come to a deadend though, and I just had to ask.
Chrissy
ps - thanks Emmi
pss - Any sugardaddies out there?

Khriss
07-11-2005, 01:58 AM
yup- - but I own "the company" - so I deal with expectations of my-male- personna,, and- hang in-till-,,,, likely forever--

Tristen Cox
07-11-2005, 04:26 AM
I just dread the daily bs of guys expecting me to live up to there expectations, you can't have an ache of pain no matter what cause they think you're a wuss. You shouldn't be sick you should be willing to except "well you're young you can lift it". What if I don't want to? What if I hurt, what if I break a nail or get cut or I am sick? They never give a crap, oh but they'll send you home so they don't have to pay you, AND make you feel guilty about it for weeks after.

Pardon me but I am so sick and f:censor:ing tired of the macho crap! My name ain't Billy or Joe and I wasn't born in Alabama as a redneck. Maybe I like my body and don't want to destroy ot just to earn a losey buck and fit in with assholes.

I know one thing, I will NEVER try to live up to their way of thinking again. I do my job well, I work hard, I get paid, I go home. They want anything else - too bad.

Oh did I type that? :eek:

mand
07-11-2005, 05:00 AM
I feel so trapped, it's all getting a little too much to cope with.
Fianacial independence is a constant nagging factor, I am soely reliant on my wife bringing in a wage, so if I go ahead with full transition and we end up seperating what then?
The kind of work I have always done in the past is in very male dominated enviorments such as Building and Demolition, there is no way that a TS would ever get a job in those jobs never mind survive in it. Also there is the fact that I wouldn't even consider wanting to work in them anymore, those jobs were my atempt at trying to fit in as a man.
If I stay as I am now there is a real chance that life would carry on like this indefinately, me being suppoted by a wife who tollerates more than accepts, she gets to persue a career she enjoys and does not have to worry at all about the domestic situation, thats my concern.
Don't get me wrong I do fit in to the role I am in now very well, it does seem to be in my nature, and I do make a pretty good job of it ensuring that the smooth running of the household and the comfort and the needs of the family are always met.
However I do so long to have my own independence, not to be reliant on others, and prehaps most importantly to be able to become the person that I am inside.
Like I said there are times I feel so trapped it becomes unbearable.

love mand xxx

Jonien
07-11-2005, 05:11 AM
I've been wanting to change my work for a long time now as my work involves visiting jo public in there home to do maintanance work as a carpenter mostly although I do other repairs as well,
although my company would have no choice thay would have to exept it but thay can make it hard and then you may be putting yourself at risk not knowing the person you are visiting.
so I do not have a choice as I am starting HRT and GRS is planed but not for about two years but this needs a good cash flo.
But finding other forms of employment Just dos not seem to be there.
I have been a girl now for so long but never trained in girlie type of work Im will be 62 next month and that dos't help so i'm stuck but I can't put my life on hold I have gone to far forward

sorry to ramble on but this question has hit hard and been playing on my mind for so long :chained:

Stlalice
07-11-2005, 05:21 AM
Chrissy,

I wish I had an easy answer for you but I don't. I know exactly how both you and Tristen feel about this. I've put in too many years on my current job to just walk away - its in an industrial setting - and I'm only a few years from being able to take early retirement. The working conditions and hours frankly s**k bigtime and my fellow workers aren't anything to crow about either. That said, why do I stay ? In a nutshell - financial security. I'm hanging in there for the pension and medical coverage that will be mine on retirement. As somebody once said "You don't have to like what you do - you just have to do it." I've seen far too many transfolk end up homeless and broke to chance ending up that way if I can avoid it. Guess you could say that I'm paying for my longterm freedom with the short term pain. You are also right about the job prospects where hiring out as a transgirl are concerned. One trans friend of mine who lives up your way has had a hell of a time getting and keeping employment - and she is fully post op. Much as I hate to say it your therapist is probably right - take it slow and hang in there as long as you can. Feel free to PM if you want to talk or vent - I just wish I could give you better news/advice. :(

jenny bishop
07-11-2005, 05:24 AM
I am in the process of quitting my job not through a transition at work but feel it is through me enjoying crossdressing so much that when I get every chance to change i do so.
I am quitting work because when I get there I get butterflys in my smomach feeling that this is a mans job i am doing and go all light headed, i have been told I might be going through a stage in my life but at 33 guess not.
I thought it maybe a change in hormones a I do enjoy being a woman and have thought maybe its because of this.
Has anyone experienced this kind of thing before?
Thanks Jenny

Chrissycd
07-11-2005, 11:41 AM
I am not alone in this frustration. Right now, one of the other big things to me is just that slogging along while eyeing a retirement en femme means that I won't get to enjoy my life until it's damn near entirely overwith. It's too often that I hear about some family friend who worked their whole life and keeled over a week after retiring. I refuse to wait that long -- I do know that much.
Why is it so difficult for the employers out there to just see the potential of the person?
Tristen -- you crack me up! :D
Chrissy

Khriss
07-11-2005, 12:00 PM
-godd- I 'm thinking of- trying to find,,, "It's a Man's World", ala -James Brown-- soo, attitudes might change??- eeeventualy?? (hopefull-withstrings)-hmm-xx"K"

Emily Ann Brown
07-11-2005, 03:43 PM
Wow, this thread hits so close to home and I'm not even wanting to go full time female. I just can't stand my job or my bosses any longer. I have no benefits to speak of, and with the reductions in pay over the last 2 years there is no reason to hang around. Why do I ? 12 more years is a long time to struggle. The wife and I did our travelling when we were younger. I'm so glad I did. We couldn't now if we wanted to. I have been trying to figure out what would make me happy for the next 12 years. My only idea so far isn't workable (unless one of you knows of a company that puts people out to stud). I think I will be in business for myself totally within 2 years (have a small part time one now). I just set small "cope" goals and then set new ones when those expire. Currently I'm "hanging on until Christmas" when I'm gonna tell everyone to kiss my big fat clean-shaven a#*.

Emily Ann

Rachel_740
07-11-2005, 04:00 PM
town, full of people w/ small worlds and beliefs. The position is a very public one. They would not accept me, and I do not have the emotional Will to put up w/ the fight it would require. Beyond that, I don't really even LIKE the position anyway. It just wouldn't even be close to being worth it.

Chrissy,

I was very pleasantly surprised at not having any hassle, either at work or outside (although I'd been living as a girl outside work for some time) when I transitioned. I work in a factory of some 850 people. I don't live in the town I work in though - I've only recently started going to that town recently other than for work, but thats for completely different reasons.

The way I approached transitioning in work is that I called a meeting with my manager and the personnel manager (all very mysterious - I didn't give either of them any clues as to what I wanted to meet about). I announced that I was planning to transition and the three of us went on chatting for some 45 minutes. That was about 3 months before I actually transitioned, and at the time I had an idea of when I would actually transition but it was fairly open. From that time, the 3 of us had regular meetings to discuss the way to approach the situation, in particular how it should be communicated - we decided fairly early that me just turning up en femme one day would not be a good idea. The way my transtion was announced was that about 10 days before I was going to change I had a series of meetings with the guys in my department because I felt that they should be told first-hand by myself - no rumours or anything like that! The rest of the factory was informed by the factory management being told in their daily meetings, and it was then communicated down throught the ranks from there.

Since I transitioned I have had a few more meetings with my manager and personnel.

I consider I have been extremely lucky in that although I know not everyone is happy about me transitioning - some of the women apparently made comments like they would be going to the loo before they left home in future and not using the works loos (I don't think so, with most of them being on 12 hour shifts), I have had no trouble from anyone. On the plus side, I have found a number of new friends, particularly some of the women.

I take the attitude (some would perhaps argue selfishly) that I am just being me and if anyone has a problem with that it is THEIR problem to sort out, not my problem.

I have one question for you as well Chrissy. When the chips are down, do you really think it would be easier to leave your present job, transition, then get another job en femme (pretty much straight away, when if you look anything like me you could be read for quite some time after transition). I asked myself that question (among others) many times before I decided the easiest way would be to stay in my current job until I'd transitioned, had the op and settled down into a life as a 'real' woman (as real as I'll ever be).

I transitioned 6 months ago tomorrow, and I am now getting to the position where I am having people see me as female. Within my work environment I am still regularly seen as 'him' and people still use 'his' name, but I've been there over well over 10 years and there are people there I've know for 25 years or more, so I don't expect them to ever see me as female - if they do it's a bonus.

Anne

Julie
07-11-2005, 05:15 PM
Julie, it must be awful for you, too, but wow, three more years and that's it? I've got at least twenty more years ahead of me in this field b-4 I could retire w/ any comfort.
Chrissy

Maybe you have 20 more years before you could retire but you also have 20 more years you could enjoy living life as a woman. Now who's jealous!

My age and the odds of me making a successful transition (as in 'Would I be happy with the results?') played a big part in sidelining my transition. Be thankful you are young enough where you aren't so established in a male role that transitioning could create huge problems with people you've known 10, 20, 30 or even 40 years. Also, provided you haven't gone grey prematurely, laser will most likely be the only hair removal treatment you'll need. And from what I understand about electrolysis, you should be thankful you won't need that. :eek:

There's a lot of pluses for you that I don't have. Just because I can retire in three years (but I'll wait the six for full benefits) doesn't mean my dilemma will be over. I'll most likely go to my grave having never transitioned because the more I learn the less I like what the outcome will be. That's life and we have to learn to accept it. :strugglin

Chrissycd
07-11-2005, 07:00 PM
I think I'd be much happier in a new career. Is that going to be a piece of cake? Doubt it. So, really it's, do I want to stay in my position which I really have no interest in anymore and cope w/ all of the bs that will come w/ transitioning there, or do I want to take a risk and hope that it pays off. That's what's so tough about this. The one angle that exists that I think may be my saving grace is that I am trained in a few areas that strongly lend themselves to running my own freelance sort of business. Then, the only problem is, will I be successful selling my wares? There's only one way to find out...
To put a little bit of a conclusion onto my own conflict here, I must say that I do expect to follow my therapist's advice and put in one more year, for a few reasons: I'll have time to do some of the basics like removing my beard (which I started today!). I'll have time to network and organize myself to find other work or form my own business, otherwise it will be like jumping off a bridge w/o a bungee. Lastly, it'll just give me a more gradual, safe landing when I do go full time. Logically, I know that's what I need to do. I just have to suck it up a little longer, even though I feel like I can't hold it anymore.
Chrissy
ps - Julie, I d/n mean to suggest that I thought you have it any easier than me. I know you have a full plate, too.

Julie
07-11-2005, 10:50 PM
A TS friend of mine who is now full time has her own business. It's just her and no employees. Her customers are usually considered macho types but she has had pretty good success in keeping most of them through her transition. They just want a good job done and as long as her transitioning didn't affect that, she would keep the account.

Chrissy, when you said you really don't have much interest in your present job it reminded me of something I heard. I was helping my TS friend move and she had a post op friend over to help too. Well, she is talking to the post op friend about tools and woodworking and the post op girl says, "Don't worry. It won't be long before you lose interest in all this stuff (meaning tools and typically guy things). I used to be like you but I just lost interest." I think about that a lot. Transitioning does more than change your body, it changes you too.

I'm such a tool nut I'd be surprised if I lost interest but if I did there would be no doubt about how much one can change.

MarieTS
07-13-2005, 01:43 AM
Chrissy, I personally believe that the employment issue is the most difficult barrier to transitioning. I also believe your therapist is right about delaying your transition. Now please here me out as to why...
I can only speak for myself here, but I know that I can't stay where I am during my metamorphis. There are just too many complications. It seems like you feel the same way about your own situation for obvious reasons. The secret to becoming fully adjusted is to start anew somewhere else. An entirely new locale, new job, etc.
What I suggest you do during the next year or two is to spend time getting trained/certified in the areas of interest you wish to work in following your transition. Obviously it will be a totally different career path. So take the time NOW to gain some knowledge and expertise in that area and do some planning for your post-op move. This will also buy you some time to conserve funds for your transition and relocation.
You've come this far-- don't become so impulsive that what could finally be be your dream-come-true generates into a nightmare.
You can do this. Just hang in there a bit longer. You'll be glad you did.
In an earlier post you mentioned you were starting your mones. I'm happy for you! Now just let your estrogen and anti-androgens do their thing and rid you of that male-like impulsiveness and allow a womanly maturation process to guide you down the path to happiness at the right pace. ;)
Good luck. We are ALL with you!

Chrissycd
07-13-2005, 05:32 PM
Marie. I DO need to lay the proper foundation for this to happen w/o becoming a train wreck, and I have to be more patient. I just hate living in boy mode, and having to be "him" all of the time at work. Can I get an "AMEN"?
Being male brings certain expectations for behavior and personal exchanges that are just making me cringe w/ the more time that I have to force them out of me. This is just going to come down to a mind over matter struggle. There have been several instances in the past year where I slip into Chrissy mode, and I just don't care what anyone might think. My supervisor has even suggested that others I work w/ are beginning to express discomfort w/ some of the things I've said or done (such as putting my hand on their shoulder when I talk to them and things like that). It just comes out! I don't WANT to make anyone uncomfortable. Sometimes, I've even called coworkers "dear" and "honey" too! I'm not trying to come onto anyone; it's just that I communicate more thoughtfully and sincerely as Chrissy than "that guy" does. I think that in some ways it would be helpful to come out at work so everyone can finally figure out what this is all about. But, that's not going to happen there.
When I do leave, luckily, I don't live in the town where I work, so I would like to be able to continue living where I do, or in the area at least, and just begin a new career path.
Julie, your anecdote about your friend who lost interest in "guy" things should be a heading for a new thread. It would be interesting to hear all such stories. I used to be a football FREAK, getting all angry and letting it ruin my day if my team d/n win on Sundays. Now, I could give a rip about stupid football. I hardly even know who's playing or winning or whatever anymore. Same for many other such things. They just don't have any importance at all anymore. Now, I feel bad for laughing out loud at my sister years ago when she sat down one Sunday intent on finding out what was so great about football and asking "what's a first down?" Nowadays, I can see no point at all in knowing what a stupid first down is...
:p
Chrissy

maine_cd
07-14-2005, 03:18 AM
i have for along time wanted to just leave my life here and go where i could go further in my cd pursuits
god help us all

evafunk
07-14-2005, 06:57 AM
sammy. its such an internal conflict. eva.