simoneisatg
07-02-2009, 08:54 PM
I wrote months ago about my horrifying experience of being caught by my wife without being caught. It resurfaced some horrible feelings that I'd experienced, both before I outed myself to her 18 months ago, and those we went through at that time.
I was away on business recently, and "behaved" myself. However, when I returned, something was not right with my wife. She has known I dress for some time. She is supportive in the sense that she sees no point in either of us trying to avoid or ignore it, its just part of me and it makes me feel good. But she's never wanted to be part of it.
I asked her what was wrong. She said that its the lack of trust she has in me. Its not the dressing thats the problem but the deception. I have been open and honest with her when she asks me about my dressing, but I've never wanted to force it upon her, and have been waiting for her to ask.
We talked for hours about it. I told her I feel silly, I hate the deception too and feel desperately sad that she doesn't trust me anymore. She told me of her sense of a lack of completeness about our relationship, about her feeling excluded. It was all very positive.
Then she asked how I'd feel if she asked to see what I wear. I told her sphincter laxity comes to mind, and we both laughed. So I showed her. I had a lovely black cocktail dress with a crossover top, a lace blouse and black stockings. I didn't wear them, just showed her. She said she thinks I have nice taste, and that she'd wear that style too. I felt exposed and embarrassed, but relieved and positive too. Its the best I've felt about myself (in this sense), possibly ever. I asked her how she felt too, and she said "included".
I've been prattling on for ages, sorry. But I thought others might be able to hear how it can be alright sometimes. I've been terrified of destroying my marriage and losing the best girl in the world. What I should have done is trust in my relationship and have courage to trust her.
She is the love of my life.
Simone
I was away on business recently, and "behaved" myself. However, when I returned, something was not right with my wife. She has known I dress for some time. She is supportive in the sense that she sees no point in either of us trying to avoid or ignore it, its just part of me and it makes me feel good. But she's never wanted to be part of it.
I asked her what was wrong. She said that its the lack of trust she has in me. Its not the dressing thats the problem but the deception. I have been open and honest with her when she asks me about my dressing, but I've never wanted to force it upon her, and have been waiting for her to ask.
We talked for hours about it. I told her I feel silly, I hate the deception too and feel desperately sad that she doesn't trust me anymore. She told me of her sense of a lack of completeness about our relationship, about her feeling excluded. It was all very positive.
Then she asked how I'd feel if she asked to see what I wear. I told her sphincter laxity comes to mind, and we both laughed. So I showed her. I had a lovely black cocktail dress with a crossover top, a lace blouse and black stockings. I didn't wear them, just showed her. She said she thinks I have nice taste, and that she'd wear that style too. I felt exposed and embarrassed, but relieved and positive too. Its the best I've felt about myself (in this sense), possibly ever. I asked her how she felt too, and she said "included".
I've been prattling on for ages, sorry. But I thought others might be able to hear how it can be alright sometimes. I've been terrified of destroying my marriage and losing the best girl in the world. What I should have done is trust in my relationship and have courage to trust her.
She is the love of my life.
Simone