Ever wish you were 'normal' and free of guilt?

[helenr]

I was listening to something on National Public Radio this morning and heard a story about a couple. Nothing exotic, just that they had paid off a 30 year mortgage which, apparently, is almost unheard of today. In any event, this couple seems such a pair-he -or she- could finish the other's thought. got along nicely. I reflected on how it might be not to have to hide clothes, crossdressing, avoiding any 'evidence' that would link me to this strong attraction. I do think I was hardwired in utero so I am not mad at myself,etc--just it would be so less stressful not to have secrets, feel guilt. how about you?

[Joanne f]

Hey i am normal it is the rest of you that i am worried about :lol2:

[Suzy Harrison]

I agree totally.

Now that I've gone time and everyone knows all about me I feel very happy. I used to be guilty about hiding this from my closest friends - but now they all know and support me.

For me everything is now in the open, I have no secrets...

[docrobbysherry]

And CERTAINLY wouldn't wish to be it, WHATEVER it is!:heehee:

But, I WOULD love a relationship like the one u described, Helen!:)

It would be like "heaven on earth"!:D

[Patty-Fay]

Absolutely. Sometimes.

It is a complication, that's for sure. But it's also a refuge when things are going bad. I become someone else, someone pretty and feminine; carefree and secure.

Over the many years I've had this "hobby," I have abandoned crossdressing a lot of times. Sometimes for months, sometimes for years. This was because of the guilt and desire to be "normal" (as defined by the social norm).

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Should gays feel guilty for not being born straight? Should Blacks feel guilty for not being born white? Should women feel guilty for not being born men? It is those who harbour prejudice who should feel guilty not those who are the targets of that prejudice. Punish the criminal not his victim.

[Christina Horton]

I am normal and have NO gulit. Nuf said.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Well, I think I am normal. I paid off my mortgage 10 years back and I don't have to hide my clothes or myself who ever I may happen to be. Although I did once got called wiered because I admitted that I loved Maddona butI didn't feel guilty about that either.

[sissystephanie]

I am normal and have NO gulit. Nuf said.

I almost totally agree! Since I do have a gullet, I can't completely agree!:heehee: However, I certainly don't have any GUILT!!! Why should I, or anybody else who is a CD? Unless you are hiding it from your wife or SO!

:hugs::hugs:

[tabby1975]

I believe society tries and tells us what is normal. Everyone on this earth is unique is one way or more. I have guilt but its in the past and that is where it stays is in the past. I just try to be who I really am.

[Carole Cross]

hiding my 'secret' from friends and family all of my life has certainly held me back in terms of quality of life. i have always had very low confidence which has meant that I have not been able to have a meaningful career and social life.

Since coming out to my family in March, my confidence has improved and I feel much happier within myself. The answer to your question is yes, it would have been a lot less stressful if I had a 'normal' life but I didn't and will probably regret not coming out sooner but i can't change that.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Yawn. Anybody can be normal, where's the fun in that?

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Miranda-E]

I am not mad at myself,etc--just it would be so less stressful not to have secrets, feel guilt. how about you?

Secrets and guilt are easy to get rid of, stop hiding and just drop them.

[CD Susan]

I for one certainly have no guilt over my crossdressing. It is just the way that I am and I have accepted that. I have no idea what normal is, all I know is I am glad that I am a crossdresser and would not want to be any other way.

[Phyliss]

..... I reflected on how it might be not to have to hide clothes, crossdressing, avoiding any 'evidence' that would link me.... it would be so less stressful not to have secrets, feel guilt. how about you?


Which is one of the main reasons I came out to my wife, got tired of all the hiding. Now, I just haven't found a good reason to bother telling all the people I know, but if they should ever ask why I seem "different" I'll tell them.

P.S. When I was in the hospital to have my scruples surgically removed I had them take out my guilt too. Glad I did, feel better for it.

[BabyPink]

I do know what you mean, Helen. Although we may argue about what 'normal' is, there is a sense of balance and peace that comes with not hiding who you are and not having any guilt. I still sometimes feel guilty about dressing up, but the feeling is slowly but surely fading.

[Miranda09]

Don't know about normal, but I certainly don't feel any guilt. I've worked too hard for that. :)

[Jaclyn NM]

I think I am pretty normal in most ways. I've been married to my wife for 35 years, I have three grown children (all college graduates), two grandchildren, and one more on the way. I recently retired from a company I worked for thirty-three years. I have about ten years left on my mortgage, and could pay it off now, but I have such a low rate, that it doesn't make sense to do so. I also just happen to have a dressing hobby that most of society doesn't seem to understand, but who cares, I certainly don't.

[GaleWarning]

Should gays feel guilty for not being born straight? Should Blacks feel guilty for not being born white? Should women feel guilty for not being born men? It is those who harbour prejudice who should feel guilty not those who are the targets of that prejudice. Punish the criminal not his victim.

Amen, Paula.
It is a sad fact that in our politically correct world, the rights of the criminal are considered more important than those of the victim. Here in NZ, parents are made to feel guilty about chastising their kids. Pakeha are made to feel guilty about not being Maori ... It is the politicians who should be feeling guilty, but they never will.
Why not?
Have you ever met an honest politician?
I know quite a few on a personal level ... I'm still searching.


I feel the stirrings of a new thread coming on ... gotta work, though.

[trannie T]

I may not be completely "normal," but do not consider myself to be very abnormal. While there are many things I should feel guilty about, what I enjoy wearing is not one of them.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Yawn. Anybody can be normal, where's the fun in that?

Hugs...Joni Mari

Exactly!! I couldn't imagine how dull and boring life would be if I were 100% male with no femme alter ego to keep under control.:devil:

[dutch-anita]

I am (feel) normal and have no guilt, I don't want to be a "normal" guy, I love to be a cd and have that special feeling a "normal" guy does not have. (and yes my gg loves it too) i think "normal" guy's are missing a lot of fun. I don't want to change back to a "normal" life, not in a million years

[Hali]

I really want to know what the psychologists/psychiatrists define as normal this days cos being normal for a guy this days is not about going to the pub and get drunk or wrestle with other guys cos girls do that too...........or is it going hunting with the guys or dressing in jeans and "masculine" tops. I think in a few years pple will wonder "what defines a man".

[tricia_uktv]

No, I do not wish to be normal. Life is far more fun the way I am. And I am now free of guilt, but it takes time.

[AmandaM]

I wish I was 100% man or woman and not in-between.

[victoriamwilliams1]

No guilt here, I feel perfectly normal in either mode:)

[Patricia Jane]

My wife knows of my dressing and is supportive. In fact for my birthday she bought me a lovely pair of white pants, matching top, wonderful necklace and earings. I feel so Lucky. I told her years ago about my cross dressing and she has always been supportive. :love:

[Susancd]

I am perfectly happy being who I am, I was born this way and have no problem with it!

[helenr]

thanks for the helpful, thoughtful comments. I have to be careful I don't paint everyone with a wide brush -inferring others feel the nagging strain I do. One aspect of crossdressing I observe relates to when a spouse clearly knows of the interest, tolerates, but doesn't want it 'in her face'. maybe I will use this for another new topic. best to all, helen

[Empress Lainie]

Oh yes, my wish is to have been a normal born woman.
But I never had any guilt trips about anything.

[Lisa Golightly]

Don't have secrets... don't have guilt... don't have a mortgage.

[RachelZ]

I'm glad I'm a CD, because I feel like its made me a better man and adds more depth to my personality. Besides how would you describe a "normal" person? I don't believe I've ever met one...

[dawnmarrie1961]

There are a lot worse things a person could feel "guilty" about like cheating on your taxes, robbing a bank,blowing up a building ,to name a few.

You aren't planning on doing any of those things are you?
No.
Good. Then stop feeling "Guilty". You don't have any reason to.
They are just "clothes".
Just really nice looking "clothes."
Clothes are meant to be worn. That is their purpose.

[VikkiVixen7188]

Abnormal and Guilt free.

[AlannahNorth]

Well, life certainly would be less stressful without secrets. Within only the past few years did I come to accept my preferences as normal for myself. Now I know that there are a lot of other people out there just like I am - so what is normal anyways? I know of so many 'normal' people that slide into 'abnormal' once you start chipping away at the finish coat of paint. It seems to be a rather thin veneer.

Mortgage? Up to my ears - but that is going to change soon.

Guilty? Of pushing the envelope, being myself, daring to explore my 'other side' certainly. If that's something to be guilty about then there's enough evidence to put me up against a wall and shoot me. I don't feel guilty anymore - I know that now I understand myself.

Secrets - well - the secrets are there because of a lack of understanding by the majority. Too bad for the majority...

[Veronica Lacey]

One aspect of crossdressing I observe relates to when a spouse clearly knows of the interest, tolerates, but doesn't want it 'in her face'.

This is the situation for me. Not a bad one but a bit double edged. I tend to feel that it would not take much more to make it all perfect if she would just be okay with me dressing in front of her. I do not need to dress publicly to feel okay just privately.

As for guilt, well, perhaps a little when I consider how much I enjoy sexual activities in either mode. What can I say? :o

[I AM Medoro]

I have been a crossdresser all my life so far. Hiding and sneeking around. Trying to live as that macho man that society expects. I am still having a little trouble dealing with my female persona. I love being in dresses or skirts,they feel great and very normal. My wife found out some years ago and has no trouble at all with my femme side. In fact she says I am much more sensative and helpful as a girl. We can share a lot better now.
If I could only go out in to the world dressed either way it would complete my life and make me very happy.
Well the world is not ready for crossdressers yet, too bad...

MEDORO.:daydreaming::love:

[JulieK1980]

I don't feel the least bit guilty about having a mortgage.... :)

[nancyish]

Dear friends ,Normal is a setting on the washing machine.It is for general use but there are also settings for "casual' and "Gentle" ,which by coincidence sounds like me.I may not fit in the "norm"but do we really know what's going on inside closed doors of people who are sexually repressed? Nancy,sorry i spelled normal wrong,does that make me a something else?

[Dressing Jill]

I am guilt free. I have no shame.

I love who I am. I really love my life.

I paid my mortgage off 15yrs ago.

[DianneW]

Theres that word again, NORMAL, would someone please explain to me what it means?

[Kristen Kelly]

I agree totally.
Now that I've gone time and everyone knows all about me I feel very happy. I used to be guilty about hiding this from my closest friends - but now they all know and support me.
For me everything is now in the open, I have no secrets...


I agree with Suzy, when I accepted myself it was the turning point in my life. I am proud of who I am and show it. The confidence I have in myself shows through, it has affected me in life totally, with relationships I have nothing to hide, with work I am no longer the timid person that sits in a meeting with nothing to say. I have been at my job of 17 years but the last 2 years my voice is now a prominate one at meeting. When you are happy with yourself it affects more than just yourself, it affects those that know you and love you.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I AM normal and live very guilt free. :)

I understand what you mean in the use of the word "normal", but I'm not the one with the problem - society has the problem, not me. ;) Society once had a problem with women voting and blacks drinking out of the same drinking fountain as whites. Maybe women and blacks are (or were) not "normal" as well? Not picking on you for your use of the word "normal", but I AM picking on those who would call us not-normal for being who we are.

I live a very normal life - work, take care of business, exercise, deal with life's issues day to day, have a loving wife, etc.

There was only guilt in my life before accepting myself as I am. I'm good now though. No guilt, no confusion, and plenty of happiness in my life. There's room for improvement, but we've all got goals to reach in life.

You know - it really saddens me to hear about those who live with constant guilt for being themselves. It's so senseless to exist that way... I completely understand it as I was there myself not too long ago, but looking back - it was such a terrible waste in my life to be that way. I hope and pray that my sisters who live with guilt every day, simply for being themselves, can find their way to a life filled with more happiness and less guilt. Life is way too short.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Fredrick: Would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Fredrick: I will *not* be angry!
Igor: Abby Someone.
Fredrick: Abby Someone. Abby Who?
Igor: Abby Normal.
Fredrick: Abby Normal.
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.


Courtesy of Mel Brooks from the movie "Young Frankenstein". And by the way, that's pronounced Fronk-en-steen.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Celeste]

When you realize there's nothing to be ashamed of to begin with,there's no fuel for the guilty feelings.

I like to think that all aspects of my personality make me who I am today.Cding is one of those attributes and I never have to feel abnormal or guilty about the qualities I value.

[Laura_Stephens]

Almost every day I wish that I was either 100% male or 100% female. It would soooooooo much easier than the life that I live today.

[Kristen Kelly]

Almost every day I wish that I was either 100% male or 100% female. It would soooooooo much easier than the life that I live today.

Half empty or half full, this is not a curse but a blessing, I would not want to be a guy not knowing what I know. My insite into what women have to go thru in live being a women has made me a better human being. Gone are the days of stereotype gender, the man being the provider, hunter, defender, there are some strong women in the world, and some of us that just want to be seen as women.

[Hope]

I AM normal. I AM free of guilt. It's the rest of the world that needs to get it's act together.

[helenr]

I was scolded by one member, so I better be careful about using terms like 'normal'. I express only how I view my own situation-not wish to judge others or paint them with a wide brush. I think, though, that most inferred what I was driving at and have some similar thoughts.

[Jenny Brown]

Half empty or half full, this is not a curse but a blessing

Blessing? Yes, of course it is. That's why there's so much shame, and why so many hide their cd-ing and also why so many marriages end in divorce.:doh:

[JOJO44]

Which is one of the main reasons I came out to my wife, got tired of all the hiding. Now, I just haven't found a good reason to bother telling all the people I know, but if they should ever ask why I seem "different" I'll tell them.

P.S. When I was in the hospital to have my scruples surgically removed I had them take out my guilt too. Glad I did, feel better for it.

Love your attitude!

Wish I looked half as good as some of the ladies here:daydreaming:


:love: & :hugs:
Jo

[Deborah Jane]

I've never been normal, it sounds boring

And

I don't do guilt, it sounds like hard work

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I passed guilt years ago. I'm a CD. Happy, and I'm normal in my opinion.

[love heels]

I am normal and free of guilt i love my two lives, i get amazing satisfaction from dressing as a woman it makes me fell sooo sexy. I also love being a man i think i have it better than most "normal" people, i just wish i looked more like a woman when dressed without comprimising the male side. Oh well we cant have every thing !:)

[wetlook crossdresser]

I am a crossdresser but I feel no guilt about this because it is not a criminal offense in this continent to start with and I am hurting no one because of my fashion choices. Why should I feel ashamed? It does not matter what I say, do, or how I behave, I know I cannot please everyone and there will always be someone out there who will be annoyed by this. I am not going to hide in a closet because of this nor do I feel ashamed of myself. As for what is considered normal, why be normal? It sounds too conforming. I am not mentally ill either. So peace be with you and practice it in a dress!:D

[Jenny Brown]

What is normal?
A male who doesn't want to wear female clothing. That is normal.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

A male who doesn't want to wear female clothing. That is normal.

Well if I see anybody like that hanging around here, I'll chase 'em off with a stick.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Kaz]

I was listening to something on National Public Radio this morning and heard a story about a couple. Nothing exotic, just that they had paid off a 30 year mortgage which, apparently, is almost unheard of today. In any event, this couple seems such a pair-he -or she- could finish the other's thought. got along nicely. I reflected on how it might be not to have to hide clothes, crossdressing, avoiding any 'evidence' that would link me to this strong attraction. I do think I was hardwired in utero so I am not mad at myself,etc--just it would be so less stressful not to have secrets, feel guilt. how about you?

Hi Helen, just caught this one...

Thought I'd go back to the source. I totally agree, but here's the deal... there are very few elements in life where this can happen. We choose to deal with people and we make choices about how we behave based on the relationship we wish (at any point in time) to have with them. There is an idealised view of mankind that I dream of, though I suspect it was never really true, where at least on a partner basis, which is what I think you were alluding to, where we have no secrets, tell no lies, etc... and we are there together for life. A commitment that allows for so much...

As a society in the West, and I know it is different in the UK but not that so, life commitment partnerships are plummetting. This is not about crossdressing. But an open CD in a relationship could be the final nail that destroys what is good.

My wife "knows" and I hope "tolerates", but I am not ready to ask her to let me Kaz in her life. There are people on the site for whom this has worked... there are others for whom it has not.

On a personal note... do I want to parade around in front of my wife in girly clothes? Why should I - she didn't sign up for this (I didn't really "know" about this when we met and got married - okay I suspected, but in those days you were expected to grow out of it) - If she tolerates and doesn't want it open I am okay...

But yeah... the dream... maybe we will get there...
maybe now is the time?... the issue for me is "how would I know"?

Bless you, you have made me think a lot about this issue :hugs:

[danacd50]

Normal is generally defined as what the majority believes to be average....and this is a very dynamic state. Something that was abnormal 25 years ago, is today considered normal. The subjective nature of how a culture defines an individual's behavior should not be the foundation of one's feelings about themselves. While I have struggled with this question in the past, it is no longer an issue with me. I believe I am a good person and my wardrobe doesn't factor into my perception of myself.