OK, but not in my face

[helenr]

I wonder if others too find that even though your wife knows of your interest in crossdressing, they would prefer not too much candor. I mean that the old argument that if you are going to do something, do it in front of the other person. I have realized that it is too stressful for my wife to , say, wear a skirt at home-both the unrealistic fear of a stranger coming to the door, but just the discomfort she feels with this attire. I truly salute any whose spouses are positive and encourage moderate crossdressing, but I truly suspect that most wives would prefer not to do anything like encouragement. what do others think?

[Mya Summers]

My wife is still not to comfortable w/my CD'ing, thus I only do it when she is in bed as well as my kids. She does sometimes ask me why I do it, and I just reply that I feel relaxed and comfortable when I do it.

[jennCD]

After 2 years of my wife knowing about Jenn, we are at a point where it is not spoken of, alluded to or even awkwardly avoided. It's simply non existent as far as our relationship goes.

The reality is that, in hindsight, there was not a single positive thing that came out of telling her. Sure, it was a wonderful relief after 40+ years of holding it in to be able to finally say it all, especially to the woman I love... but looking back at the progression over the years, I would have to admit that we both wish I had just kept it as solely my burden.

The last thing I said to her when we last spoke about me being transgendered was "I'd never felt ashamed in my life... until after I told you about me."

:)
jenn

[PaulaJaneThomas]

The wonderful GGs here who accept and support their man's transgendism are the exception rather than the rule IME. Women in general don't have a problem with cross-dressing unless it's their husband or boyfriend and then it's a case of "I want nothing to with it" or, in some cases, the end of the relationship.

[Veronica Lacey]

My wife will tolerate mild forms of dressing (dark colours but no skirts, nylons, heels, garters, bras or forms) and usually only under strict situations but otherwise, yes, it's non-existent in our house unless she is out.

Being on this side of the issue I can understand to a degree her not wanting to engage it. I would much rather see her wearing a skirt and heels than sandals, track pants and jeans. Would never want to see her in a suit and tie! Yet, this still does not stop me from wishing she could accept me more than she does. As I do not emulate feminine walks, wear wigs or makeup (I will wear forms, however) and have no inkling to be a woman I tend to think that it's not a big deal to accept it. But obviously it is and given my position in life who would I be to argue with her that she should just get over it?

A catch 22 indeed.

[Joanne f]

My personal point of view is that just a skirt (providing that it is a suitable one) does not change you that much if at all , after all they do make them for men, and yes it is it is a biased point of view (or is it) and yes it can be looked upon as the thin end of the wedge but wedges have to be driven in so it is up to the driver how far it will go .
Many moons ago the only way that i could wear a skirt in the house when my wife was there was to be in another room , then one evening my wife came into the room that i was in and said "this is silly being in separate rooms just because you have a skirt on i want you to come in with me " so i got over my embarrassment just enough to go in with her and my wife must have done the same and hey presto it worked .
But i must add just in case that your wife reads this , it does not mean that your helenr will end up like me (thank god) :D

[Barbara918]

"Women in general don't have a problem with cross-dressing unless it's their husband or boyfriend and then it's a case of "I want nothing to with it" or, in some cases, the end of the relationship."

Too true. Many years ago I had a very dear GG friend who encouraged ny CDing. (Fact is, she was a self-confessed "fag hag" [her words].) One day I asked her, "Suppose we weren't just friends; suppose we were romantically involved. How would you feel about my CDing then?" There was a very long pause, after which she said rather ashamedly, "Honestly, I just don't know."

[Leanne2]

It's don't ask, don't tell at our house. I wish more than anything that my wife could come to understand that I was born this way. I love her so much but it saddens my heart that we can't share this part of my personality. Leanne

[Jacquilynne]

The wonderful GGs here who accept and support their man's transgendism are the exception rather than the rule IME. Women in general don't have a problem with cross-dressing unless it's their husband or boyfriend and then it's a case of "I want nothing to with it" or, in some cases, the end of the relationship.


Wow, so true. . .There is such a spectrum of different opinions. . .some SO's seem accepting, some seem tolerating just don't want to see it "in their face", finally, some well . . . seem accepting until you find they were just tolerating your dressing as the hatch an escape plan to leave!

Sadly, in my case the last scenario was true. :( I will spare you all from the gory details but if you would like to hear more you can just look up my past posts and you will more horrible details. . .

I'll will say that its been 4 months to the day that she left me :( changing my life forever!! I truly miss her and our 4 children a great deal, and it saddens me that our distance is better than a thousand miles apart. No calls, no communication and already a few major holidays missed!

I thought of all that while watching a beautiful fireworks show at a local church event . . .:(

All this is to say. . . I feel you are correct in reality most SOs would rather not know that their husband presents as a woman even in secret! See they married a man and being deeply emotional women their perceptions of the husband and man they married wanting in some way to be a woman WILL change the way they look at you forever and this IMO can NEVER be erased!

That is why those who have an accepting SO's should hold on to her for dear life and find ways every day to tell her how much you love her and appreciate her . . . as this kind of unconditional love and acceptance in a relationship is rare!

As has been also touched on . . I too now wonder if it would have been best to bear my burden alone. Honesty in a marriage is indeed best at what cost!

And in my experience honesty can be costly!!

This bring up another point for more discussion:

If we feel we can't be honest and open about our secrets to our SO's and if we have to hide our secrets in guilt does that not make what we are engaging in morally wrong? Like sinning against one's conscience. And conversely does it make it right if we are "in their faces" and openly flaunting what once was our secret?

[TGMarla]

Mine's that way. She's rather traditional when it comes to gender, and prefers that her husband be a man. I kinda wish I felt the same way.....


.....but I don't! :D


So she doesn't give me her support, I don't dress when she's around, and she doesn't hound me about it.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I can dress in front of my wife whenever I want. She loves me as I am. Seeing Gabrielle doesn't weird her out or make her feel like she's lost her husband. She knows exactly who and what I am.

She does worry about her family finding out... as do I to some extent. It could actually get dangerous for me if word spread to her (macho) nephews. She also worries how I'd handle it if other people found out. But she's cool with it, and even enjoys it most of the time.

It's understandable that many women don't care for this kind of thing, and very unfortunate that many cd's end up with women do would rather not be a part of it. I got lucky in my case, and count my blessings every day. Not just because she's accepting of my cding, but because she's an amazing wife on many levels, and I never take her for granted.

[PretzelGirl]

I can fully empathize with any wives/gf that don't want to see it. Sometimes things outside of our normal experiences are things we don't want to deal with. I think there are a lot of things at play but we all like our comfort zones in life and a person has a right to stay in their's.

Then there are the adventurers like Gabriella's wife. From all we read, she seems like a very accepting woman and ready to let Gabriella explore herself.

I am lucky to have a wife like that also. Dressing in front of her is no problem. She has her boundaries and I respect them because I get so much more back (in both a normal relationship mode and support for my dressing). And over time, her boundaries have changed as her comfort level has changed. Just as relationships evolve over time, so can a SO's view of your crossdressing. This is normal for relationships without crossdressing, it is just that we have that extra activity that impacts our relationship with our SOs.

[helenr]

thanks for the thoughtful posts. no upsetting, argumentative comments. it is such a dilemma we face. Kudos to the ones who have tolerating and accepting wives. One of my (many) fantasies -like something you fall asleep with-is dating a woman, asking if I can 'confess' my crossdressing, that she accepts, maybe even approves. but this is just a dream. I sure wish I had known that this drive wasn't dormant when I married 27 years ago. was for a while, but like a cancer (to put it in the meanest terms) it can recur and it sure did.
best of wishes to the other sensitive gurls who are in our dilemma. helen

[PaulaJaneThomas]

but like a cancer (to put it in the meanest terms) it can recur and it sure did.

I'll be diplomatic and say that's a wholly inappropriate metaphor. Where there is a real cancer is in a society which denies us our basic human rights to explore our gender issues from an early age openly and without fear of retribution.

[jessica millen]

yeah, i agree to most of the posts. i told my wife well before we married, and she was accepting at first. hell, she even bought me some make up and a pair of shoes (not very nive shoes, though!) but as time went on, it was all brushed unde the mat. no mention, except for the very very rare occasion, then nothing. even to an extent she was astounded to realize that i still had a suitcase full of womens clothes in the garage.
i think the main thing i realize now, after my recent seperation, is that most women, as was stated earlier, have no real problem with crossdressing, as long as its not their man. i, over the years, got to see a side of my wife that made me think that she didnt find me manly enough. even more frustrating is that her uncle is gay, and she began to set the seeds of doubt in her own head over my sexuality over the past few years. unfortunately, once a woman believes something, youre on a hiding to nothing - no matter how many times i tried to explain that i wasnt gay, didnt want to have a sex-change or wear skirts round the house 24/7, i could see the doubt there.
she still brings it up as a main reason for our split, although i beg to differ.
gabrielle has the perfect cd-ers wife. long may they last.

[Jaclyn NM]

When I told my wife, she was initially okay with it, and sheven bought me some panties, and thigh high stockings. But after seeing me dressed on a couple of occassions, she began to cool on the idea, and then said she didn't want to see me dressed anymore. She knows I have my female clothing and wear it when she's out of the house, but she doesn't even want to talk about it anymore. We've been married for thirty-five years, and I love her more than ever, and she is usually a very loving and understanding woman, but she has had a number of stressful things happen (her father recently passed away after a long illness, and her mother has alzheimers, and she helps care for her). Therefore I'm not going to push things, but will wait, and hope she comes back around a little.

[KimberlyJo]

I'll be diplomatic and say that's a wholly inappropriate metaphor. Where there is a real cancer is in a society which denies us our basic human rights to explore our gender issues from an early age openly and without fear of retribution.

This is precisely how I feel about it as well, well said Paula.

My SO is tolerant to an extent, she doesn't like to discuss it much and certainly has little to no interest in actually participating in it with me. But she does help me find clothes and makeup and stuff sometimes in the store so I hope that someday she'll be willing to be more involved :) I'm just going to be patient and hold onto my hope :)

[Marissa Anne]

I don't know what to expect yet...it's been about a month. So far my wife is mostly concerned bout the prospect of me going out in public and the risk it has to our careers and lifestyle.

She doesn't want me to bring it up all the time because she feels that it's kind of taking over our topics of conversation, so I've backed off. But I told her that there is a male and a female persona and I'm not giving up either of them.

I can't say I'm not worried: I am. But I'd be more concerned about having to go back in the closet. I won't do that. I'm not going backwards. I'm all for supporting her, and her rights in our relationship, but that's a two-way street. It can't be any other way.

Marissa Anne

[Angie G]

I get to fully dress at home 5 days a week with my wife right here. Though she sees it talks about it we go shopping for Angie I know there is a certain % of her that wishes it would go away. But she loves me and knows it apart of me and who I am. and I thank god for her.:hugs:
Angie

[DAVIDA]

Jean sees me dressed every day. I don't ever get tired of it and she knows that!:D

[Sarah Renee]

Hi Helen,
I also am not fortunate enough to have an understanding partner. She knows and she says she doesn't care as long as she doesn't have to see it, which is sad for her because there is a side to me that she will never get to know. I am also a parent and that makes it even harder because I have to hide it from my child. I keep most of my things locked up in the attic but I do I have one drawer for Sarah's clothes that I can get to when I am home alone. I do not like the situation but what can you do. I really miss not being able to get dressed up as often as I used to.

[helenr]

My bout with skin cancer and radiation the beginning of this year tended to ally my wife more with me. I sense that she doesn't fret so much about the crossdressing underneath-she can clearly see my feet that are encased in pantyhose and I assume she doesn't care that much. I truly can't tell if this is possibly a recognition that I may not live a bunch of years -due to the cancer which I think is gone completely, but you never know...-or just a change of heart and actual empathy towards me. Clearly, this stressful radiation ordeal made me more dependent on her, more appreciative--the daily organic vegetable juicing,etc--and I became a nicer person. when you get one of the 'reality checks' in life and learn you aren't superman-or superwoman-it humbles one.
anyway, I think all of you have it right--the general 'turn off' as crossdressing surely isn't 'masculine' and it takes a special woman to see past the stereotyping we are imprinted with from birth. regards, helen

[Intertwined]

My wife knowing has only polarized the situation.

I am not to dress in front of her.

When I dress out, try and not let people see me, especially anyone she knows. (have not figured out how to dress out, and not be seen yet)

Don’t talk or joke about it.

Make sure nothing is left out that she might see.

I am not to wear even Male clothing in front of her that is pink, or could be considered borderline.

No jewelry of any type to be worn in front of her except my wedding ring.

Before she knew, I could wear male shirts with flower prints, I still have several. I could wear jewelry and sandals.

" Joanne F ", I own several skirts that are made for men, mostly gothic stuff, can't wear that in front of her either, can't even wear my kilt, she says thats crossdressing...?

[battybattybats]

While too much exposure will certainly be too much to deal with and acceptance if it comes will be gradual how can people get used to something if they are not exposed to it?

One treatment for (many, not all) allergies is lots of carefully controlled small exposures, whereas totally removing the allergen from a persons environment can turna mild allergy into a deadly one as they become progressively more sensitive to it when there is none around them at all.

Certainly for people overcoming sexism and racism or things like arachnophobia gradual exposure sometimes works.

[Andy66]

This is soooo interesting. Reading a few GG threads earlier, almost all the wives/gfs said they didn't mind the dressing, but were hurt because they felt they had been lied to and not trusted (in cases where it took the CDs a long time to come out). Now reading the husbands' point of view, it amazes me how very differently two people can see the same situation. I'm glad I had a chance to read this because we could all use a helluva lot more brutally honest, constructive communication just like this.

This is my point of view as a GG: I like crossdressers and really admire a person who is brave enough to come out. On the other hand, I might get bored of it if that's all my SO ever wanted to do or talk about. This was only a problem once, many years ago when I had a transsexual friend/gf/crush/something who always wanted to go out in matching dresses. I'm really a jeans and t-shirt person, so it got to be a drag (no pun intended) having to get all dressed up just to spend time with her.
That's all. It's not that I didn't want to see her dressed up - she was beautiful. It's just that I wanted to be myself too.

You all seem like wonderful people. I hope you can make your relationships work or meet someone compatible who can appreciate you.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Since i came out to my wife we had the don't ask don't tell situation which is so common here.


This is soooo interesting. Reading a few GG threads earlier, almost all the wives/gfs said they didn't mind the dressing, but were hurt because they felt they had been lied to and not trusted (in cases where it took the CDs a long time to come out).

Recently communications between the wife and I have escalated (in the best way possible) to the point where I see exactly what Anne66 is saying. It took ages for me to understand that.

It's still "OK but not in my face", which is fine with me. Recently my wife joined here, which is a totally good thing = more understanding both ways.

Cheers

Tash :)

[Misty G]

My wife is very supportive and ask me to dress when ever we are alone. Has no problems if I want dress up with make-up, wig and go all out or just put on something comfortable with the wig and make-up. Sometimes I look pretty scruffy and will still put on something nice and soft.

But then again she always says she married both of us. as she knew well in advance

[ReineD]

I'd like to offer an explanations for a GG's change of heart. I've seen this topic come up over and over again, and I understand why CDs are concerned. What I am about to say will not apply to everyone. I am not an expert, but I have communicated with many GGs and I've read many threads in the M2F. The following is only my :2c: It will be lengthy because I'm covering several different scenarios.

Before I begin, I would like to suggest that it is difficult for anyone, TG, non-TG, and everyone else in between the GM gender spectrum, to fully understand what may motivate another GM's behavior who is at a different level in this continuum. In other words, a CD who is bigendered may feel he behaves like a non-TG in guy mode. But, he may not know or may not wish to know that he does not behave the same way. The CD has been who he is his entire life, so how can he know how it feels to be otherwise? This does not mean he is 'less' than a man (I've heard this so many times :(). He is simply on a different plane. This is why I think many CDs have difficulty understanding their SO's attitudes, since SOs for the most part tend to use an amalgamation of what they know about and have experienced with non-TGs as their benchmark for comparison in any relationship. And how can GGs not do otherwise? Everything GGs know about GMs. they've learned from their fathers, brothers, friends, and past relationships, presumably individuals who did not CDress.

First scenario, telling at the beginning of a relationship:
For those of you who have told hetero GGs in the very beginning and your GGs were immediately accepting, you likely have said you identified as hetero men who enjoyed expressing a female side. Most of us GGs can understand this concept, and it is easy to accept while we are in the throes of new love, when our new lover can do no wrong, But it is very rare a GG will at this point in her understanding be able to know how much deeper being TG can be.

So if the CD is the type who does identify as a man and enjoys doing guy things, if he does embrace a man's role in the relationship and in the bedroom (even if sometimes they switch roles), and he has no issues with balancing guy/femme modes; if he also enjoys (and is not reluctant about) doing things with the GG in guy mode, then it is likely the GG will not later on 'change her mind'. Her SO has not become someone different than he has told her.

But if the GG realizes with time that her SO (who told her he is a hetero identifying male) in fact does not enjoy taking on a man's role in the relationship (almost as if he is passively rebelling against the idea), or there are issues in the bedroom which cause her to feel as if her presence is not necessary for him to satisfy himself, and if the GG feels he would much rather spend his discretionary income on his wardrobe and femme outings and most of his leisure time on being femme rather than yes, items for her and both of them or on outings for both, or if there are aspects of being CD or a fetish that he considers private and does not wish to share with her, then the GG may feel as if she fell in love with an illusion. This is when the GG realizes that being femme is much deeper than just a facet of her partner's personality, even though he assures her he does not wish to transition or take hormones. At this point, depending on the GG's own background, personality, and her love for her SO, she may get over this bump and she will successfully redefine her own role as the woman in the relationship. She will be willing to give up or share the feminine role she has always known, and they will survive as a couple. If she cannot do this, she will leave and although it seems as if she had a change of heart, this is not the case since her CD SO has changed, or he is different than she initially perceived or was told. Or, another way this disillusioned GG might cope is by refusing to acknowledge that the femme gender identification runs deeper than she initially was told. She will stop seeing this as a fun thing to do, and she will stay in the relationship if her CD SO becomes OK with her not taking part. Obviously this is not a good situation since it is fertile ground for everyone to grow resentments.

If a TG in a new relationship tells his hetero GG he does identify as a woman and he wishes to take on or share the woman's role either most times or some times, and he wishes to spend a large part of his resources and leisure time en femme, then the GG who understands and accepts this in the beginning will likely not change her mind. She will have known what to expect.

Second scenario, telling after being married:
The TG who tells his wife some years after marriage: In a sense, :hiding: I do see one advantage (from the GGs perspective) in this. The GG knows beyond a shadow of a doubt who her husband is. He HAS been her husband, perhaps a father, and unless his behavior changes drastically, the GG will know that her place in the marriage as the woman is not threatened. The disadvantage obviously is the GG's sense of betrayal over having been lied to. But, if the marriage has no unresolved other issues and the GG is open minded, the marriage should survive, especially if her husband does not wish to modify his role and he knows how to maintain a balance between guy/femme modes.

If over time the husband changes as described in the first scenario and communication is poor, then the GG's attitude about her relationship will change as well. Sometimes it is hard for a TG to be aware when he changes especially if he is in a pink fog, even though it is apparent to others. Hence the surprise some TGs may feel if the wife decides she cannot live with the changes. But then there are GGs who are flexible enough to be able to adapt to their husbands' changing gender roles. The importance here is to be direct and honest, and for both to have good communication skills.

But, if there are long-standing issues in the marriage, either because both partners were unable to deal with the CDing head on and instead have swept it under the carpet focusing on other things, and if because of this they have not learned to communicate, there has always been this elephant in the room, or if there are other non-CD related issues, then the CDing may become the final straw and the relationship will fail. This is not surprising.

AND LAST,
If a new relationship or a longer term marriage is good and there are no other issues, there are GGs who will try to be involved and discover they simply cannot be with a man presenting as a woman. But again, if the relationship has no other issues, this GG is likely to acknowledge her partner's right to express who he is, but she chooses to exercise her own right not to be involved.


Below are some quotes that illustrate the scenarios I've suggested above:

but as time went on, it was all brushed unde the mat. no mention, except for the very very rare occasion, then nothing. even to an extent she was astounded to realize that i still had a suitcase full of womens clothes in the garage..

i, over the years, got to see a side of my wife that made me think that she didnt find me manly enough.

See they married a man and being deeply emotional women their perceptions of the husband and man they married wanting in some way to be a woman WILL change the way they look at you forever and this IMO can NEVER be erased!

When I told my wife, she was initially okay with it, and sheven bought me some panties, and thigh high stockings. But after seeing me dressed on a couple of occassions, she began to cool on the idea, and then said she didn't want to see me dressed anymore.

For many older marriages, it may be difficult (but not impossible) to remedy not having been honest with yourselves in the beginning, therefore not having been able to be honest with your wives. I am not casting blame, since I understand how difficult it has been to out yourselves in our society in the past, especially before the internet helped you discover you were not alone.

But, for some older marriages and younger or newer relationships, batty has a great point:


While too much exposure will certainly be too much to deal with and acceptance if it comes will be gradual how can people get used to something if they are not exposed to it?

It is so important to begin taking steps to accept yourselves, know yourselves and what you want, be honest with yourselves and your wives, and reach some initial agreement as to how the CDing might play out in your relationships, then grow from there.

Sorry everyone for such a long post, but I wanted to cover all the different scenarios.

[shannonFL]

Wow. ReineD, thanks, for your wisdom, clarity, empathy, thoughtfulness.

[Georgia Rose]

My wife is comfortable with my CDing as long as it is not the centre of attention. We don't discuss it that much anymore but she does expect that at least once a week I'll dress in front of her. She generally plans our social life and I'll sometimes plan to dress on a particular day to be told that someone is coming for dinner or we are going somewhere. That is just something I have to accept.

All my stuff is fairly open and I keep dresses, skirts, blouses in my cupboard with my male clothes. No comments except when I recently left a pair of shoes out on my shoe rack. She felt that was being a bit too open.

I can also understand why many GGs are unaccepting. As we say in Australia it is the NIMBY syndrome. (Anything is ok provided it is not in my backyard).

[Blaire]

I was a CDer before I married, and my wife saw me in bra and panties many times before we married. She accepts that it's part of me. She doesn't run for the bathroom or make me do the same.

She even participates on the of so very rare occasion. Nothing active, just thoughtful. Matching gowns on an anniversary, my first bought-padded bra, and other little surprises.

[xd-tigger]

My wife love the fact I crossdress, she actively encourages me to do so and has bought me a couple of skirts too.

[Annamarie B]

Oh, sorry, I saw the title of this thread and thought it was about something a bit racier!:devil:

[The Gas Man Cometh]

While too much exposure will certainly be too much to deal with and acceptance if it comes will be gradual how can people get used to something if they are not exposed to it?

One treatment for (many, not all) allergies is lots of carefully controlled small exposures, whereas totally removing the allergen from a persons environment can turna mild allergy into a deadly one as they become progressively more sensitive to it when there is none around them at all.

Certainly for people overcoming sexism and racism or things like arachnophobia gradual exposure sometimes works.

I ended up saying to hell with Serena's blabbering at me over Infantilism and just went ahead and stirred her up on purpose. "I wore a diaper to work." She go BOOM!

Sadly we couldn't stay together over her bigotry and internalised babyphobia.

But I'd gotten sick of her crap, and just went all out teasing her with it. Probably not the best idea but therapeutic for me.

[Satrana]

Certainly for people overcoming sexism and racism or things like arachnophobia gradual exposure sometimes works.

Not just sometimes, almost always IF your heart is in it. If you are feeling coerced then it will not work. People who previously would drop dead at the sight of a spider or snake can comfortably hold them after a few weeks of exposure. So gradual exposure and a willingness to overcome fear and the two ingredients to success.

[Philipa Jane]

Hi to all who have replied to this subject.
Sorry Philipa here.
I told my SO on Friday last and initially thought her reaction was cool.She asked how it made me feel to be dressed but may not have realised right away that it was not just under wear.I picked up on this and elaborated on how dressed I was.She still seemed ok with the idea.
Nothing was said all day Saturday,not really avoiding the subject just letting sleeping dogs lie so to speak.
I went off to work {nightshift} and had a busy night but with all the unspoken issues still running through my mind.I managed about 2 to 3 hours sleep before giving in and getting up to go to the pc and type up a loving letter expressing my desire to set my boundaries.This was to take me out of the unknown area we had left me in.Some things were asking permission and others were more of a future wish list.I will list them for you to get some feed back in case I went too far too fast.
Do I have permission to bring my clothes etc into the house?
Do I have permission to borrow clothes?

We are similar size{12} and it seemed fair to ask now that she knew and may have objected.

Can I wear what I want when I want?
Will you help with clothes and colour choices?
Will you shop with me or for me for some items?
At some stage would you like to see me dressed?
Would you be prepared to make me up or show me how?

I know how but I am not that good at it,more practice needed.
I put the page breaks in this time to help show my thoughts to you.On Friday I was asked if I went out in public,I thought see meant fully dressed so the answer was no.however I often go to the supermarket in lingerie under street clothes
And now we get to Sunday.I had to go to the gym for a 2 hour workout to get rid of the tension and surplus energy this not knowing was creating.
When I got home and we talked face to face and the tears started to fall I knew then that her Friday reaction was too good to be true.the first 2 items on the list are acceptable but the others not yet. Read if ever.
Why do our SO's assume we have changed?
I am a good cook, I clean,do the laundry,ironing and look after the house maintenance.And now she knows of my other side.
I still love her to bits I am still the same person it's just that I want to dress now and then.
So in a long winded answer to you Helenr yes she feels discomfort in my wearing a dress and no to any support in the near future.I will respect this and carry on as before and not flaunt my dressing.
ps My toe nails are now red and the false nails get the treatment tomorrow.
Philipa

[Shelly Preston]

There is a lot to cope with for an SO
It takes time to adjust to all this NEW information

You may say you have not changed but that is not the major problem. Its the fact she it just learning something about the person she thought she knew

Take things slow and just go along at her pace answering questions when she asks and give her time

[AndreaCD1963]

I suppose I'm a lucky girl ... I told my current SO about Andrea before we got too serious, and she didn't even flinch. Now we are together, and it's a total non-issue - with the one rule that her kids never see or find out. I can accept that (they'll get their exposure to life soon enough). My SO even comes home sometimes when I've been home alone for the evening and says "hmmm, thought I'd come home and find Andrea here" I underdress all the time (alwasy femme panties, can't remember when I last work male boxers), and she does the laundry, so she knows what I'm wearing. My toe nails are always painted (we keep that hidden from the kids too) - and I sleep in nighties whenever the kids are away over night - and I wear a bra and forms full time when the kids are away (even if that's the only sign of my femme side). And never a flinch from her - I've even asked her why she puts up with a "weirdo like me" - and she replies "you're not weird, you're just you". I couldn't ask for better :-)

[Stephanie Heplby]

My wife jumped into my crossdressing with both feet. If anything, she is upset when I choose not to dress in the evenings; she has trouble with the changing back and forth and she misses the softer side of me.

In fact, my wife would probably feel deprived if she were not able to have my feminine side available to her.

[Ranma]

My wife seems to enjoy my dressing up. She will actually bring me clothes that she thinks i will like as a surprise.

[julie0110]

Guess I am one of the lucky ones. I had been cross dressing since a child and it was always my fantasy to dress in lacy underwear whilst making love. After many failed romances I found someone willing to let me do so. It was just a bit of "Kinky" fun in the bedroom.

Over the years we bought identical matching underwear, then sleepwear and even identical bikini's. Eventually the children came along. her sex drive waned and the urge to crossdress became stronger and stronger. It reached the stage were I was wearing panties daily and more "risque" nightwear.

About 2 years ago I was off work for nearly six months with stress related illnesses. Our sex life was almost non-existant. Cross dressing was the only alternative. I then bought my first pair of shoes, wig and summer dress. It was on a warm summers night, The kids were in bed, when I asked her if i could wear my special clothes.

She asked what they were (I guess she knew). I said I would show her. I disappeared into the bedroom, Put on my special clothes and came back down stairs and sat next to her.

At first it was stony silence but after a short while she told me that she liked my dress. This was the turning point in our relationship.

She told me that she knew this day was coming, but had not expected it to take so long. I explained why I cross dressed which she understood. We chatted about it for sometime and laid down the ground rules. The only concern she had was being caught by the children.

Since then she has been wholly supportive towards my crossdressing. She comments on my looks, gives me advice on make up and style and just lets me be Julie.

I feel so sorry for the girls that are not accepted by their partners and can feel the pain and sorrow that they must be experiencing. As I said, I must be one of the lucky ones

Love and hugs to you all

Julie

X X X

[WandaRae2009]

Its nice to know that there are many others out there with similar situations. Wives that know, are tolerant to a point, do not participate. Mine has made be promise never to put a picture on the web for fear that someone we know will find out.

[Pauline Lauren]

This has been a very interesting thread to read, particularly as regards the different reactions that CD's have received from their SO's when their CDing is brought up. My situation is somewhat unique, as it arose from two separate discussion with my GF (we have lived together for 2-1/2 years) regarding my dressing that occurred roughly 6months apart. This is kind of long, but I hope you will wade through it because it is sort of an "OK but not in my face" response.

The first discussion occurred last December, when I got to the point that I could not in good conscience continue to just dress in femme items in secret and continue to hide that aspect of myself. At that point, I disclosed to her that I did like to wear some feminine items, although at that point my interest had primarily in lingerie and other "underthings" (such as panties and camisoles). I actually did not use terms such as "crossdresser" or "TV" in the discussion, as at the time I thought they would be inflamatory terms. At the time of that discussion, I truly believed that was as far as my interest in dressing would ever go, so I figured, if she was ok with my wearing these things around the house, in private, either when she was there or not, then everything would be OK. She was fine with this, and since then around the house, I have primarily been dressed in those sorts of garments, usually with a pair of sweats or shorts, depending on the weather. Generally I sleep in femme nightwear of some sort. I have checked a number of times since then with her to be sure what I was wearing was ok and not making her uncomfortable, and she consistently answered that she was fine with it.

I must add here though that it was most definitely more tolerance than encouragement, she made it clear that while she did not mind that I did this, it was not a particular turn on or interest of hers to see me like that. Basically, this was the "OK" part of "OK, but not in my face" response.

In this case however, it is not her that changed but rather myself. Over time, I discovered that my crossdressing needs went a lot deeper and were more involved than I had realized and that my SO and I had originally discussed. I really began to feel more and more that I wanted to have make up, complete feminine outfits, heels, a wig...in short everything I would need to go out somewhere en femme. And that I wanted to do just that at some point. Basically that I was in fact a crossdresser and not just a guy that liked the feeling of women's lingerie.

After a great deal of building up my own courage, and getting the invaluable input and support of some members of my absolutely wonderful support group, the River City Gems, I had a second discussion about my crossdressing with my GF. This was about a month ago now. It was a much more nerve wracking discussion that the first, since, in her mind, the things that we discussed the first time were not items, that in her mind, affected her image of my masculinity. The idea of me presenting in more feminine outerwear, make up, wigs and/or shoes, is definitely harder for her to process, and this is where the "but not in my face" part of our current agreement comes into play.

Basically, these other items, beyond what I had been doing previously (wigs, make up, shoes, skirts, dresses etc) I can buy them, have them in the house, but can only wear them here if she is sleeping or out. She also has said that I can go out to my CD social events en femme, but has asked that if I do, I take advantage of the opportunity to dress at the event and not at home. It was, however, a calm positive discussion, during which I answered her questions and explained where I was coming from as best I could. She did indicate that over time she might feel more comfortable to seeing me in a more completely feminine outfit, but for the time being she would rather not see it, even though she knows I am doing it.

Overall, I think she is really being quite reasonable about this, especially considering that is isn't really her "thing" as she put it. I considering myself one of the lucky ones who's SO is at least accepting of what I like, even if she is not comfortable seeing all of it. I do not mind limiting how fully I dress around her, since it makes her more comfortable with me and I really do respect her feelings on this.

From what I have read here, these sorts of discussions can often go far worse. My heart goes out to those of you who have experienced rejection and pain after going through the anxiety and fear of disclosing your feminine side to your SO. Of course, I hope that over time she becomes more accepting of my dressing, but if she does not desire that I can certainly understand it!

So yeah, "OK, but not in my face" probably applies to the agreement between my GF and I. I am sorry this is long, but it was a complex of series of events that led up to a somewhat complex agreement LOL. But at least she is open minded enough to accomodate my needs to the extent she is comfortable with it, and I really love her for being willing to do so!

>>>hugs<<<
Pauline