Told my Aunt and Uncle

[TxKimberly]

So this fourth of July we had my wifes aunt and uncle came up from San Antonio to celebrate with us. These folks had lives very much like my wife and I. They had retired from the US Army, we all had similar pasts, similar histories, and so we get along very well and generally have a good time together. Well, about a year ago we spent thanksgiving at their home and toward the end of the evening things got a little bit uncomfortable. After a bit of prompting, my wifes aunt finally came out with it - she had been told by my mother in law that I was a cross dresser. My mother in law had in fact stayed with us for several months a few years back, but I had been very careful to be sure she had never seen anything to do with cross dressing, and to this day I still have no idea what she may have seen. Obviously she HAD seen something or this conversation wouldn't be taking place. Personally I am not at all ashamed of who or what I am, but I have a wife and I have children, so the decision and the consequences are not mine alone. I glanced at my wife hoping for some indication if it was all right with her for me to talk to them. I've been married 22 years now, and after that much time with someone, words aren't always needed. In this case, the look in my wifes eyes made it clear she did NOT want me to share everything with them. Even at that, had they point blank asked me, I would have told them the truth. But given my wifes look, and the fact that they had not bluntly asked me, I did not offer anything up.
Well, since that dinner a year or so ago, they had brought it up two or three more times. Each time I wanted to trust them, but didn't want to go against my wifes wishes. These are really good people. These are the kind of folks that would literally give you the shirt off of their backs, or the last slice of bread they owned if you were hungry, and I was fairly sure they would be all right with it. Once again though, my wife feared that this would change things, that it would change the way they feel about us, that it would change the way they treat us, and that they may be uncomfortable around me. It's not an unfounded fear - this HAS happened to us before.
Well, on the fourth they brought it up again. I told them how disappointed I was that my Mother in law and I had started off great friends, but some where along the line she had decided she didn't care for me. My aunt looked right at me and said "It was the cross dressing." She said it very calmly, simply stating the fact while not endorsing or agreeing with my mother in laws attitude or actions. I'd have to be honest, I wasn't really shocked it had been brought up again - I had pretty much expected it to since it seems to come up pretty much every time we met these days. I excused myself and went inside to speak with my wife who was feeding our newborn.
"Babe, this is ridicules. It's been brought up again, this time simply stated as a fact. They are not just hinting anymore. Can I be honest with them?" My wife looked at me long and hard.
"I don't want it to change things Matthew. If you tell them, and it changes things, I'm going to be very upset with you!" she said.
"Clearly they have made up their minds that I am. Now our only choice is, do you want them to base their opinions on what your mother may have told them, or on the truth? We can only imagine the conclusions they might draw on their own if we don't give them the truth."
"Go ahead," she said "but if it changes things I'm going to be mad as hell at you!"

So, I walked back out to the porch where we had been chatting.
"Well guys, I've got to be honest with you, I have no idea what she could have seen or when she saw it, but she didn't lie to you, I AM a cross dresser." They both looked at me like 'yeah, so what?' Clearly this wasn't a huge surprise to them. Her uncle looked at me and said "We really don't give a shit what you guys do in your bedroom." I started to laugh and assured them that what I was had nothing to do with the bedroom. My wife has absolutely no interest in me that way while cross dressed. It was VERY late, we had all drank more than our fair share, so we didn't spend as long as you might expect chatting about it. I did try to explain that it had little or nothing to do with sex, and far more to do with the fact that every man I had ever met growing up had been garbage. My own father spent all of his time drunk, beating both, his many wives and his children. The many step fathers that followed him in my life weren't a hell of a lot better. On the flip side, every woman in my life was strong, proud, and responsible. More or less, I had grown up feeling ashamed to be male and wishing that I was more like my grandmother, mother, and my big sister. I showed them a couple of pics so that they wouldn't have nightmares trying to picture what I looked like, and we spoke just a little longer about it. They promised me that it means very little to them, and that our relationship was 100 safe. Hopefully that opinion will remain when they get back home, because even though it was clear they knew, I will never forgive myself if I've ruined our friendship. I think we're good though. It's funny, if you want to stick with the stereo types, you might hesitate to tell this to a retired NCO, thinking there was not way that they would accept this from someone. On the contrary though, after a life in the military, you see many cultures, many people, and I think learn some tolerance for people that might be a bit different. Of course, it doesn't hurt at all that my aunt and uncle are just cool as hell either!

OH! Almost forgot to mention that it turns out one of their neighbors in San Antonio is TG. So if your name is Jennifer, you live in San Antonio, we may have folks in common! lol

[dressed2chill]

My family & I have a don't ask don't tell policy. I know they know, but they don't want to deal with it & they insinuate that they do not approve so...I don't bring it up and they don't either.

I'm a closet TG & have been so for almost all my life. I would like to transition someday but not just yet.:thumbsup:

[Miranda09]

Interesting story Kimberly and thanks for sharing. I'm sure it was a hard decision to discuss this with them, but as you said, it's best they hear the facts from you rather than from your mother-in-law. They sound like good people so I'm sure nothing will change in your relationship with them. You handled it quite well :)

[matrioshka]

I'm glad it went well for you. How is your wife taking it?

Kat

[Greymancd]

Wow Kimberly, a wonderful story and I hope your friendship continues as strong as in the past. It is nice to find people cool with it. I think one of my sons and step-sons could handle it well but my wife does not want it out of the house. Good luck to you.

[Dressing Jill]

Looks like some sanity in Texas. Thanks for sharing

[ColleenCD]

Kimberly,

I don't post much these days but I do try to stay up with the site. You handled a tricky situation with grace, class, and elegance. Clearly you need to stay within the boundaries agreed upon with your wife, yet your instincts proved right by wanting to trust your wife's Aunt and Uncle. So glad to hear they want to maintain your relationship. BTW: I would not be surprised if your Mother In Law also revisits this issue with your wife.

Anyway, nicely done Kimberly. You always impress me.

Colleen

[TJ Tresa]

Good story, I think that it is best you came out to them and let them here it form you instead of you mother-inlaw. Speaking of which, did I read that your CDing is why the two of you no longer get along, and that you didn't know that she knew. Maybe that is why she is ill with you is because you didn't confid in her and she found out by someother means. I think you should confront her and see how she feel try to patch things up a bit before she outs to everyone. Good luck either way.

[Tanya C]

Great story Kimberly. You probably have strenghtened your friendship with your aunt and uncle by letting them in on a part of your life that is very special and important. And because they care about you they will most likely regard crossdressing in a more favorable way.

Tanya

[Kathi Lake]

Phew! I'm sure this has been both a "load off" and a "load on." A load off, because now someone else knows about you - not just has heard about it - but knows. They no longer have to wonder about what you do and what it means, because you trusted them enough to tell them.

I understand your wife's reluctance. Were I in her shoes (and, knowing how cute your shoes are, I imagine hers are pretty cute too), I would also be a bit cautious. I'm sure that one of her biggest fears is how you will be seen and treated once "the secret" is out.

Glad you had a great Fourth. Sorry the fireworks were not quite what you were expecting, but looking at our nation's history, sometimes an unexpected bombshell is the start of something great.

Kathi

[Mya Summers]

Great story, sounds like everything went smoothly:thumbsup:. I'm sure they won't look at you any differently.

[Joann Smith]

Great Post ...as usual Kimberly....Think it was a wise decision to gage your wifes comfort level before comming clean with your aunt and uncle....But it is my guess that you relationship with them will change....the question is will it be for the better or for the worse.....and alot is gonna depend on how you and your wife handle the fact that they know from this point forward....


Joann

[Georgia Rose]

A very interesting post. I could be that the aunt & uncle felt that your relationship was so strong that you should feel you could be honest with them but were not being so. It sounds like the sort of relationship that could endure a few shocks. Now it is out in the open it will be interesting how things develop. Hopefully for both you and your wife's sake it will all be positive. You never know you might now have an advocate (or 2) who can help deal with the mother-in-law.

[DinaMature]

"I did try to explain that it had little or nothing to do with sex, and far more to do with the fact that every man I had ever met growing up had been garbage. My own father spent all of his time drunk, beating both, his many wives and his children. The many step fathers that followed him in my life weren't a hell of a lot better. On the flip side, every woman in my life was strong, proud, and responsible. More or less, I had grown up feeling ashamed to be male and wishing that I was more like my grandmother, mother, and my big sister."

Kimberly, I can really relate to this part of your account - - - much of my background reads much the same. There are detailed differances but the bottom line is that the male role models in my life were garbage as well.
I think this is important to bring this up in the forums... so many are apparently genetically formed with their dispositions, while a seeming minority of us went through formative changes while growing up that created the CD we are today.
Personally, I don't anticipate having this revealing, confessional conversation with anyone so close to me. Having said that, I would hope my people would be as realistic and accepting as your aunt and uncle have been.
Perhaps, with your own maturity and steady life's path, you've shown in many ways that being a CD doesn't change in anyway the person they all ready know you to be.
All the best to you; again, each of us should have such good people in our lives.

(BTW.... I enjoy your singing videos... what a great way to expand yourself)


Good story, I think that it is best you came out to them and let them here it form you instead of you mother-inlaw. Speaking of which, did I read that your CDing is why the two of you no longer get along, and that you didn't know that she knew. Maybe that is why she is ill with you is because you didn't confid in her and she found out by someother means. I think you should confront her and see how she feel try to patch things up a bit before she outs to everyone. Good luck either way.

Yes, I suspect the MIL may well prove to be an ongoing issue. Good luck with this... talk about a ticking bomb.

Having no clue as to her disposition or background, I will bet it's not automatic that things can be smoothed over with her.
There are folks who live in their predefined world and anyone who violates the rules of that world are forever on the 'outs'.
Southern Culture on the Skids.... 'nuff said

[Sara Jessica]

I'm glad things worked out so well for you Kimberly. And you did the right thing, having 100% empathy for what your wife thinks about the whole thing. Our SO's often suffer alone out of choice, embarassment, whatever (gosh knows mine does), having her involved in the decision making process was so very important. How's she doing with it after the fact???

[Chari]

Kimberly, Thanx for posting another of your interesting adventures! IMO, I have always had suspicions when someone accuses you of something - they may have a "little secret" too, probably greater than yours! Can you imagine your Uncle Cding & wearing high heels & a short skirt, or your MIL in black vinyl as a dominatrix? LOL Although you told the truth, it is doubtful that all of your family/friends will now change their attitude about your CDing. You are & continue to be a very special, thoughtful, caring indivdual on the inside, who happens to like different packaging! Thanx again for sharing.

[TxKimberly]

Thanks y'all!
Yeah, as regards the Mother In law - forget it. I have no desire to reach out to her in any way these days. What it all boils down to, is that despite the fact that we took her into our home when no one else would have her, she returned that favor by telling our family something that she thought would tear apart our friendship. It's a question of intent - she knowingly told AT LEAST our aunt and uncle something she thought would damage our relationship. I doubt very much it stops with my aunt and uncle as well, she has almost certainly told others. I have no desire to reach out to someone who would so casually cause harm to her own daughter and grandchildren.

[Di]

Kimberly, a wonderful story and I know your friendship, relationship will stay the same with them....they know you as a person and they sound pretty darn cool as well.

[LisaM]

Kimberly,

What a story. I can relate so much to the dynamics between you and your wife. My wife and I have similar conversations where she insists that my issues remain private---and I agree with her.

Yet your situation required a response and you handled it beautifully. I hope your relationship with your relatives remains the same or even better.

[SherriePall]

Kim -- There could have been real fireworks on the Fourth had it not gone well. I'm glad it went all right. Hope it continues that way. BTW, any reactions to your pics?

[Lauren Richards]

Kim,
Too bad about your mother-in-law. I suspect your aunt and uncle know that her attitude and behaviour toward you reflect more poorly on her than on you. You have shown yourself to be caring and thoughtful toward others, have respected your wife and family, and just happen to like putting on a dress. I wouldn't be surprised at all if this brings you closer to your aunt and uncle as you have honored them with trust.

Lauren

[suchacutie]

Kimberly, first of all thank you for sharing this. Many of us who share our feminine selves with our supportive wives do NOT do it as a bedroom issue but as a sense of self. Your mother-in-law clearly has some problem with that sense of self. I understand that she might just be in that group who thinks our bigenderism is sinful and wants you away from her daughter, but there might be another answer. If this is a new direction for her, it might be a medical issue, and only the tip of the iceburg, so to speak. Has your wife seen other changes in her mother's actions/attitudes? I understand that neither of you might be currently pleased with her, but if this is a medical issue she might have no control, and it may be soluble. It could be as little as a serious depression.

For sure, you have reminded all of us who share our feminine selves with only our wives that more than a little diligence is in order. Lastly, if you MIL was in your house for a long period of time, she could have found absolutely anything!

my heartfelt best

tina

[stephaniedoes]

Kimberly, every time i read something of yours i feel a strenght in which words are hard to put. I am very proud of you in your way of handling things. I think you have a great thing going on and would hate to see someone ruin it for you. the way you put stuff into words is so cool, just about the only male part i am stupidly happy with is the abilty to look at the picture in the instructions of a manual and be able to put it together, your words certainly turn the pages for me. have you ever thought about writing? you should.. and hows that beautiful new baby doin? steph...:battingeyelashes:

[CharleneT]

I *hope* that it works out, both so your wife doesn't bury your body in the land-fill and so the ill effects of your MinL are neutralized. She must be a miserable person to want to harm her own out of spite or whatever. I think it was smart to talk to your relatives, as you said they clearly knew and I believe the more open you are with people in a situation like that, the better in the long run. Apparently your MinL is nosy and peeks in other people's closets....sad.... Keep your chin up and be yourself, that will in the end be important: as your relatives see that you are the same person they loved before, they will continue to do so. BOY oh BOY**, that's a rock and a hard place. It sounds like you handled it very well though. Good luck !!

Charlene
p.s. ** GIRL oh GIRL just doesn't sound right

[Jessica Who]

Hi Kimberly, great post. I am super excited that your aunt and uncle were cool with it, and I too hope that it stays that way. Something tells me that it will.

You showed a lot of poise and courage, I am very happy for you :)

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Kimberley

I dont think you will have to worry about your relationship with them
The obviously knew and felt they we able to be honest with you about your mother in law

All you seem to had done is confirmed what they knew combined with a little bit of education

You handled it with dignity as always :hugs:

[divamissz]

I hope that this continues to work out for the best. At least, they didn't reject you out of hand. And I think your wife got the best reaction she could have.

xoxo

[Suzy Harrison]

Nice post Kim - but there is still an unanswered question here:

Why have the Aunt and Uncle brought the subject up so many times? - why is it of such an interest to them?

It might just be their personalities - but I am left wondering a little. Could there be some other reason?

[Ms Mira]

A situation handled perfectly! I hope if I ever encounter a similar situation, I can handle it with as much dignity and poise.

It's easy to say that if you tell someone you're a CD/TV/TG and they no longer talk to you, they're not really your friend. But in reality, it's so much more complex than that.

[Leslie Langford]

Thank you for sharing, Kimberly - a most inspiring story for those of us who still believe that revealing that we are crossdressers to those close to us will
somehow unleash the Four Horsemen of the Acopalypse and rain death and destruction upon our worlds.

Sure, there will always be bigots, racists, sexists, homophobes, skinhead neo-Nazis, fundamentalist holy rollers and the like for us to be wary of and contend with, but fortunately, their numbers are declining as the world becomes a smaller place and people become better educated about (and more accepting of) diversity of all kinds.

No doubt, the risks of "coming out" can be very unpredictable and each one of us has to consider the pros and cons of doing so relative to our own unique personal situations. Speaking from my own experience having increasingly cracked open the doors of my CD closet over the last few years, I have come to realize yet again the validity of the old truism that when you "assume", you make an "ass" of "u" and "me". And as in the case of your wife's aunt and uncle, things don't always turn out the way you expect them to.

In my own family, besides my wife, only my grown, married son knows. I will always regret the unfortunate, unexpected circumstances under which he found out, and being the hard-driving, professionally successful and truly "macho" red-blooded male that he is, I fully iexpected that this revelation would irreparably harm our relationship. Quite the contrary, he ended up being very understanding, supportive, and accepting, albeit with the proviso that he never wanted to see me as my "female" self so as not to detract from the image of the strong, masculine male role model that I had always presented to him, and in whose footsteps he had always followed.

It's been 3 years now, and true to my son's word, he appears to have kept this information totally to himself. It has never come up again in any conversation, and our relationship continues to be no different than what it had been prior to "The Day". I will always be his father (and soon-to-be a grandfather), he will always be my son, and the bond between us is so strong that such an unexpected surprise to him after so many years cannot break it.

I am both proud and in awe of my son, and I guess it demonstrates yet again that even "perverted" crossdressers such as ourselves don't owe anyone any apologies for being who/what we are, nor does it necessarily impact our ability to be fully functioning and contributing members of society, including raising "traditional" families that anyone would be proud of.

[gennee]

It turned out much better than you thought. Thanks for sharing, Kim. I believe the friendship is solid and you handled everything quite well.

Gennee
:hugs:

[JulieC]

It's unfortunate that your MIL has acted in the way she has. Of course, you can't control her, only your response to her. I think you've handled that wonderfully.

I also think you handled the situation with your aunt/uncle in law as well as it could be handled. Deferring to your wife at every opportunity was a smart move. Also noting to her that it was past the point of questioning, and now it was a matter of how they would know about it, not that they knew about it. Brilliant move, and bravo to you.

In my family, nobody knows but my wife. It will stay that way. My MIL wouldn't care, and would probably start buying femme clothes for me. But, she has never met a secret she could keep...not out of vindictiveness, just sheer lack of ability to keep a secret. The rest of my relatives...*shrug*

[Teri Jean]

Kimberly,
Girl you have me in tears, it was wonderful to hear and I hope things work out well for you both. In general I have a simular feeling about the men I have encountered throughout my life and that is in some ways the need to dress. I did have a wonderful father who loved us kids but the years of growing up and life after the military solidified my need to dress and be myself. Let us know how it goes and give your wonderful wife a hug and kiss.

Keli

[Carin]

Hi Kim.

How's life with the new baby. I hope all are well. :love:



Nice post Kim - but there is still an unanswered question here:

Why have the Aunt and Uncle brought the subject up so many times? - why is it of such an interest to them?

It might just be their personalities - but I am left wondering a little. Could there be some other reason?


This caught my attention too, and I have a thought, but of course not speaking for the Texans.

I think this is about character. The kind of character that we all know Kim and his wife have, and maybe the aunt/uncle recognise too. Recognizing that character in Kim and his wife, they dis-armed the bomb. A secret only has power as long as it is a secret. It is possible that the Aunt and Uncle were totally diffusing the power of the MIL by rendering the secret worthless. I know your wife was/may still be a bit worried about this Kim, but I think the aunt knew what she was doing in pushing this, and was going to push it all the way until it became a non-issue. They pushed it for you guys.

[TGMarla]

I'm glad that this episode all turned out well so far. But it just goes to show you that crossdressing is a big deal for some people. I mean, it's not like you told them that you're left-handed or something. But as for your mother-in-law, it seems that people form their entire opinions of you based only on the fact that you crossdress. A hundred great qualities, but then, you crossdress, and that's a deal-breaker. So all those here who were suggesting that it's all in our heads and can be dealt with by attitude alone, well, that's ridiculous. The greatest obsticle that we encounter is the opinions that others have of us based on that fact and that fact alone. Most often, their opinions about that fact are already set in stone. So let's stop all the nonsense about it all being in our heads. It's in everybody's heads.

[Bootsiegalore]

Thanks y'all!
- she knowingly told AT LEAST our aunt and uncle something she thought would damage our relationship. I doubt very much it stops with my aunt and uncle as well, she has almost certainly told others. I have no desire to reach out to someone who would so casually cause harm to her own daughter and grandchildren.

Kimberly,

I have some relatives which also "LIVE" to "Sh*t Disturb" so to speak. All they ever try to do is drive wedges or piss other's off.... so and so thinks you are a "bitch" sort of stuff..... Because of this a wedge was drawn between my wife and her brother becaus of my mother in law meddling with the brother's wife. (brother was my best friend in high school) as a result we did not talk for 9 years. He was my age. (46) fortunately he squealched his wife and made amends with his sister (my wife) and we were friends for about 6 months before cancer took him away.

So YES! I know EXACTLY what you describe!

Tara W