When did you decide it was time to see a therapist? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Sophia Rearen

07-09-2009, 06:20 AM

Hi all,
I think it's time for me to see a therapist? In a nut shell, here is what is going on. I am consumed about wanting to be a woman. All my free time thoughts are regarding these feelings. I met a ft ts girl and she has shook up my world. My sexual identity has been shaken up. I have no idea of who or what I want. My sex drive has plummeted in recent weeks. Finanically, things are a mess. This economy sucks! I know I should be doing more work to support the family, yet on the other hand I am consumed about being Sophia.
I guess what is happening is, it is just too much for this girl to process and it is time to talk with a therapist?
When did you decide to seek help?

Louistoalana

07-09-2009, 07:07 AM

My thoughts were consumed by similar feelings about beigng a woman. Despite the fact I felt that because I am young I am going through a phase, I decided to go and see a counsellor at my university and also attended a TS group in Leeds. I only got to visit the conselling office and group once but it certainly helped, I wish I had started earlier so that I could have developed into Alana at an earlier stage.

However the stage I am at is that my two identities (male and female) are split down the middle, I identify as both. The difference is that in male mode my thoughts are about being a woman nearly all the time, other concerns are up on the shelf financial concerns (as a student I understand what it is like to have a questionable bank balance), academic performance and really any other ambition

Jennifer Marie P.

07-09-2009, 07:27 AM

I decided when I made the decision to be a woman and made sure I was making the right decision and ehen I made the decision there was no turning back . I love being Jennifer and now work as a woman.

07-09-2009, 07:51 AM

me too My thoughts were consumed by similar feelings about becoming a woman. but for me i knew i should have been born a woman as young as 5 or 6. but i was too scared to be myself. dressing in secret doing the same thing as everyone else here. i was married for 21 years until she found out but the truth is for me it hurt so much to live my lie after we broke up i went to my doctor and talked with him after that i think it was 3 months and i was full time. i was going crazy it was down to either suicide or transition i left it way too late lucky for me god was with me.

i went through the doubt why me i feel like a woman but I'm a guy ? can i do the change what about my wife my children my job my fear of losing everything this week it's great to be a guy to the next wishing i would wake up a woman to what family or friends would think ?

I'm not proud of living a lie not telling my wife and trying to be something I'm not " a guy" but today i am thankful for everything and in 6 weeks i go for my srs.

go find a gender specialist have an honest talk with them they can help you find your path sis.

StaceyJane

07-09-2009, 08:33 AM

Remember, it's okay to see a therapist and not transition. Seeing a therapist doesn't mean that you have to start the process. I saw a therapist for a while. I'm still not transitioning but I feel much better about myself.

LisaM

07-09-2009, 08:36 AM

Sophia,

I began to see a therapist when I was consumed like you are with being a woman and it was disturbing the rest of my life. Now sounds like a good time and I find it helpful even once every 3 or 4 months to keep the costs down.

Angel.Marie76

07-09-2009, 08:42 AM

Having underdressed for years, and experimented on Hallows and other holidays here and there, when I finally was accepted by my current g/f and basically assisted into sinking in the first anchors of Angel's external existence, THAT'S when it was time for me to see professional assistance.

Granted, I had other motives for seeing a therapist too, which, while still for the greater good for myself, was squarely aimed at a CYA maneuver in regards to the court systems and custody of my son. Having battled for years and tens of thousands of dollars down the drain, I was making sure that the next steps I took were not only in my but also in my son's best interests (or at least properly managed to aide in his acceptance.) As soon as I came to the realization that I was more comfortable with Angel in the outside real world than the male self, I had the gut-check - WTF??!?! Why now??? Can I do this? Am I ready?? Where do I begin?? After doing some research I found a therapist in the relative area who specializes in GID, and it's been great since. She's been very supportive, and has even connected with my son's therapist and offered so many other things in support.

3/4 of a year into GID therapy, and I can say that I'm becoming very comfortable in 'my new skin' as my friends have been saying. Do I think therapists are a 'miracle gift' from the gods, not really.. however in these situations as Angel comes into her own more every day, there are plentiful reasons to have a shoulder to cry on that has the 'been there, done that' mentality and some good points of reference.

Therapists are there to listen and often help you think about and deal with the things that perhaps you don't necessarily want to deal with every day. Some therapists are better than others, so make sure you find one you're ultimately comfortable with.

LAST thought: To concur with someone else's thought - it is true, it's fine to go see a therapist and not have to FEEL like you /need/ to transition once you have talked or started talking. Mine continually brings up the possibility of me being a lifetime CDer and never going so far as hormones and so forth.. I presume to make sure that I'm thinking this option through completely. I like that she does that, it shows objective thought..

Sharon

07-09-2009, 09:06 AM

I was consumed as well, frightfully so. However, I was positive a therapist would be of no use to me since I had myself all figured out, or so I thought. No, I initially sought a therapist simply because she and her letter diagnosing me as TS was an unavoidable cog in my need to start hormones and have eventual surgery.

The thing is, though, that even after she provided me with the letter that gave me with what I wanted --which took only a couple sessions, by the way -- I continued to see her for another year or so because I ended up not having figured myself out all, at least not honestly or consciously.

M/F Dakota

07-09-2009, 09:20 AM

I have seen a therapist for years. Mostly do deal with other issues, but she is helping with this as well.

If you are considering going all the way to SRS, you may need to brush up on the standards of care, and the requirements (there is lots of therapy involved) that must be met before any reputable surgon will preform the operation.

BreenaDion

07-09-2009, 10:35 AM

Yes Dakota, thats where iam headed. Seams Sophia an I parallel in these same issues. I have an appointment with a dr that deals with GLBT issues 7/14/09 and I told my last counselor I am Female. I had to get myself off antidepressents, seams they was blocking Bree from appairing. After the chemical left my brain I have been transitioning in over time it seams. So much emotions an crying oh my. I never fealt this way before and so girly at times I become so vulnerable. Sex drive is almost gone and I even stopped makin seamen. I dont get hard only with real intimacy with my wife. After I admitted I was female , I paused, stood still in my mind for couple of days wondering about this validation. So after much confusion my path is clear to me , all my troubles maken it to this point I have never been so focused an determined as what I am an what I have to do. I am Female . I am Happy I am female. I will not NOT look backwards. I will stay steadfast in my resolve of this situation.

Today 7/9/09 I am chemical free. I need HRT to continue my journey.

I coined a new phrase in spades last nite to a partner GG i was playing with . " If you fight the good fight you need to travel "

Thus my journey continues miles away.

Do you need to fight the good fight Sophia. Only you can answer that question. AS any good therapist will tell you " be sure that you are true to yourself".

Good luck love Bree :love:

GypsyKaren

07-09-2009, 01:49 PM

Sophia, you've answered your own question, so go find someone you feel comfortable with and start talking.

Karen :g3:

Mariah

07-09-2009, 04:44 PM

I had a complete psychotic brake down. *^_^* After that if just kind of came out, two years(apr) later it's starting to help.

Mariah

Kristen Kelly

07-09-2009, 07:24 PM

Before I became a member here was seeing a therapist for depression, I decided I was going to Kick my habit of dressing and had done so for 18 months. During that time I had gained 45 pounds was unhappy with my marriage, work and my life. I didn't think my denial was my reason for my unhappiness so I got help. Took 6 weeks to hit my source of unhappiness. I started dressing again and hated how I looked, lost 42 pounds in 8 months. Met some friends here started going out, while always trying to improve my look. That was 4 years ago, I still attend a monthly TS group session, but my best therapy is being out with my friends, in the real world, being seen as I wish people to see me, living my life as I should without a fear of what others think.

Manda

07-09-2009, 08:41 PM

I to thought I had everything worked out but now everything is just getting overwhelming. Im constantly thinking of being Manda that its driving me crazy. I really need to see someone but in this mid-west town there isnt alot of options not to mention costs. Would love to find a group but with no luck around here. Im not sure srs is for me but I do need therapy to get my head straight. I so want to be Manda

Kimberly Marie Kelly

07-09-2009, 08:59 PM

I've been seeing someone in Malvern PA area who is an excellent gender therapist. Her name is Dr Maureen Osborne, she is fantastic. Go to this site and look under the Mental health link.
http://www.drchristinemcginn.com/
You couldn't do better. Several people from this site go to her and in fact I''m undergoing hormone therapy thru Dr Christine McGinn. Also highly recommended by me..

I started when my HR mamager asked me if I'm transitioning, that started me thinking who I am and what I want in my life. And that was where I started and I have come very far since then. From 6 month's ago to now I've gone from 1 person who knows me to well over 12 now, all who have accepted me as Kimberly. I have also met many sisters as well and I'm gaining new friends.. Go for it.. Kimberly :battingeyelashes::battingeyelashes:

kerrianna

07-09-2009, 10:06 PM

I went to see a therapist who specializes in gender therapy when I realized I had no answers myself, no one else had any, and I was getting myself wound around in circles. Basically when I had no other choice.

My primary focus when I first saw her was to try and understand what was happening to me, why this had bubbled up after I had successfully (or so I thought) kept the lid on it for most of my life.

I had no intention of transitioning, although I never ruled that out. It just didn't seem do-able, I just thought it was for other people, not me.

But she helped me understand how my life had gone, and gave me some idea of where I stood and some options.
Initially we focussed on my depression and all the other baggage I have dragged through my life. It was really important for me to deal with the whole picture.

She had been invaluable for guiding me with regards to HRT and other options. A good therapist will always let you lead the way - they're there to guide and support you, to help you make sense of things and lend their expertise about what you might expect or should expect.

Just because you go and see a therapist does not mean you are on the road to transition. And transitioning doesn't always mean SRS. Lots of women have transitioned non-op. If it's what is right for you, you will know it, one day if not today. You never know where you'll go.

I hope you find someone good to see. It will help, if only to know you are doing something about this.

Kaitlyn Michele

07-10-2009, 08:35 AM

Hey Kerianna!!! You stole my story!! LOL....my "arc" was exactly the same and my therapist patiently waited for me to figure things out...that's real important because many therapists with less experience will decide for you and tell you "what you are", sometimes after a very short time..Many moons ago, this happened to me and I just believed her and it led to 20+yrs of confusion etc..

sophia...if your quality of life is poor and/or getting worse and you feel helpless to stop it...it's always a good time to hire a pro, even if it's just to cry on their shoulder...in our case, it can be more complicated and that's why getting someone who has seen many gender conflicted people.

donna h

07-10-2009, 09:50 AM

After many years of dressing causing problems for me, my loving and understanding wife and our marriage I started seeing a gender therapist in May. M y wife and I went together and I went alone. Then she went alone, after 6 sessions much progress has been made and we finally have some boundaries and respect each others feelings.These therapy sessions have improved our lives immensely, Im happy,she understands the need as well as can be expected and our marriage is improving each day.IMHO therapy with a gender therapist is a God send the sooner the better.Work is still needed but things are getting better thanx to therapy.

Manda

07-10-2009, 05:42 PM

Well after reading the posts on this forum Ive decided its time. I really dont know what to expect or if it will help. I do know Im excited about the prospect and oh so nervous. Now I have to find someone that is willing to talk with me. Ive pretty much made up my mind it will be a Female not sure I could talk with a Male about this.Maybe that is narrow minded on my part but thats the way I feel. I just hope I can find someone around here that is willing to deal with me. Hope for the best. Thank all you wonderful people that helped me to decide to do this. Nervously Yours Manda

CharleneT

07-11-2009, 03:36 PM

When I started to see suicide as a legitimate option in my life. Especially when I started to figure out how to do it and not ruin the life insurance ....

kayesimone

07-11-2009, 03:46 PM

sounds like you have a lot going on!
Anytime is a good time to see a therapist...not to whine, but to allow someone to objectively listen and help prioritize our energies...hang in there,
the stars are shining, you just can't see them for the clouds!

Suzy Harrison

07-12-2009, 10:09 AM

For me, the only reason I went to see a therapist was to get his okay to start hormone treatment.

I felt totally satisfied that I wanted to be female and told him so. I don't think I gained anything from the experience, but it was a means to an end for me. That was a year ago and have never felt the need to go back.

TxKimberly

07-12-2009, 10:55 AM

MelissaSue

07-12-2009, 06:14 PM

I am consumed about wanting to be a woman. All my free time thoughts are regarding these feelings....My sex drive has plummeted in recent weeks. Financially, things are a mess....I know I should be doing more work to support the family, yet on the other hand I am consumed about being Sophia.
There are a lot of good reasons why someone should see a therapist, as documented by others here. There are a lot of good reasons why people don't need (or can't see) a therapist, too. I suppose that one of the most important times to see someone professionally is when you can't function adequately on a daily basis because of (whatever the reason). Some here are getting along fine with their crossdressing, transitioning, etc. I really envy them. Others, like you (and me), are not. I totally identify with your struggles right now, Sophia, with the possible exception that those thoughts invade more than just my free time. I started talking with a therapist about it all (especially the anxiety that had been building as a result) in the last year, and it has made a world of difference. Take care.

Stephanie-L

07-12-2009, 10:21 PM

I went to a therapist not to deal with my TG/TS issues, but to deal with the problems they are causing in my marriage. My therapist did help me accept myself a bit better, though I think I would have gotten to that point on my own. I find that reading these forums and chatting with some of the girls here help me as much as anything in that area. As to dealing with the problems in my marriage, it came down to either accept things as they are (wife is very anti-trans), or get a divorce. At the moment I am keeping quiet, but the D word is still in the back of my mind........Stephanie

Suzy Harrison

07-13-2009, 03:05 AM

I never saw the point to a therapist. In my opinion, you are just paying someone an incredible fortune just to get you to admit things you already know to yourself. For me it's simple, I just look in the mirror and tell myself:
"Matt, you are one screwed up individual. You wasted much of your life being shy and drinking too damn much. Your all screwed up about your own gender. Your an under achiever that should have retired from the military but didn't, should have devoted the time and effort needed to get a college degree but didn't, should have done something significant with your life but didn't. Probably the only reason your wife stays with you is because she has just as many issues." I could go on, but the point is that I'm quite capable of determining my own personality flaws and hang ups, and don't need to pay anyone else to help me find and accept them.

.. Matthew .....Also, you're a kind and loving father and husband, great at your job, a lovely personality, would go out of your way to help someone, a good friend - and you make a great looking female - so you don 't need to see a therapist !.

One other thing - a lot of people here would swap their life for yours in an instant - so you haven't done too badly.

Your only fault? - you're too hard on yourself ...

See you in September
:hugs: Suzy

Deb The Brunette

07-15-2009, 07:25 AM

but the point is that I'm quite capable of determining my own personality flaws and hang ups, and don't need to pay anyone else to help me find and accept them.

Snap

.

pamela_a

07-15-2009, 11:02 AM

Well Suzy has summed up what I had to say to Kimberly.

To the thread. I had seen a therapist on and off for a few years for family issues..some related to dressing. Last April I decided I couldn't continue living a lie and started seeing a gender therapist which, for me, is what was needed. I'm transitioning now and will hopefully be starting HRT next week. For me it was the right decision and course.

-Pam-

07-15-2009, 12:06 PM

.. Matthew .....Also, you're a kind and loving father and husband, great at your job, a lovely personality, would go out of your way to help someone, a good friend - and you make a great looking female - so you don 't need to see a therapist !.

One other thing - a lot of people here would swap their life for yours in an instant - so you haven't done too badly.

Your only fault? - you're too hard on yourself ...

See you in September
:hugs: Suzy

snap...as well Suzy said it best you're too hard on yourself sis you a great husband great father great friend to all who know you you look great and your talented too

Suzy Harrison

07-16-2009, 10:03 AM

Pamela:

....Well Suzy has summed up what I had to say to Kimberly......

MJ:

........Suzy said it best ......

So there !

celeste26

07-17-2009, 12:31 AM

Therapist story:

A therapist who was about to retire wanted to go back and find out just what it was he did for those who succeeded with therapy so he interviewed them and the most common reason for success was the people got tired of paying and chose to finally do something about their situation. It really wasn't anything in particular that he had done, except listened.

Everyone else just wanted excuses for being the way they were, or justifying the issues they had.

Therapy is work, maybe the most important work a person can do for themselves. So how valuable are you to yourself??

Lisa Golightly

07-17-2009, 01:13 AM

*sigh* Although I mention it I don't really talk about it... It still makes me shudder a bit...

I guess I had become blind to everything apart from alcohol and self-harm... and in a fit of absolute despair I stabbed myself in the leg with a knife...

I just watched as the blood welled and spilled and didn't stop... I passed out. Whether for seconds or minutes I don't know. When I woke the blood was still going and I felt faint but I managed to get myself to casualty where a lot of awkward questions were asked... I basically fended them off, but you could tell by the things said they knew it was me... I guess a few other wounds and scars were visible...

Anyways he did the 'would you like to talk to someone bit' and I said no, and after they told me how lucky I'd been not to hit an artery I guess I felt very small, frightened, and alone. I couldn't shake the feeling off even though I tried to drink it away... and so that's when I went to my GP and said 'Please help me...'.

Been a hard road made harder by myself... I kind of had to deal with the self harm and alcohol abuse before I could even begin with my transsexuality...

I guess I could just see for the first time that I'd reached the end... I was a danger to myself and I didn't want to die... I just wanted to feel I had the right to live...

Ooo I don't like these early morning confessions... I must stop doing them...

Joan Merrie

07-17-2009, 06:54 AM

I went, because I felt it was time. I needed explanations about my self. I had been self medicating HRT, for a year all ready, and I felt that I was slowly killing my self. Had thoughts of offing my self also, My family deserves better, so off I went on my search, found a great Dr. in Atlanta, We had a long session, then came the time when, reality slapped me in the face. I told her I'm self medicating HRT. She asked will you stop for a while, I said no way. so she said you are trans, I'm writing your letter for hrt, Make an appointment with this DR.
I've had many great sessions with her, and she has helped me immensely. So those of you that think, they are just after your $, how wrong can you be. A good therapist, will not tell you what you want to hear. They will ask you questions, to make you dig deeper in your gray matter, than you ever have before. :hugs::love:

Teresa Macaw

07-17-2009, 08:33 PM

I can really relate, that is going on a lot with me too. Am in the process of finding a good councilor too, hard to do. Lucky I have no wife just lots of kids. Let us know how it goes, we are here for you!

TxKimberly

07-17-2009, 08:42 PM

*. . .
Ooo I don't like these early morning confessions... I must stop doing them...

Nah, that's part of the purpose of this place, to listen to midnight confessions from those that need to talk to someone who has a clue what their life is like.

Donnadcd

07-18-2009, 07:11 AM

Even through I was probably heading that direction, it was when my wife found out. She demanded I seek help (she is TOTALLY against any thought of transitioning and thinks this will make me stop).

First, I went to a psychiatrist. He was quick to say I was depressed and put me on meds. All that did was put me into a fog.

I've met with a gender therapist - but she's not in my insurance plan. Money is tight, so that has to take a back seat for now.

My goal is to transition. It's all I can think about. The therapist will only validate that for me.

Hopefully I can start sooner than later.