The urge to purge

[sandyb40c]

Over a month ago I sat down and opened my secret stash of femme clothing and counted up my receipts for purchases over the past 8 months or so and discovered I had spent approximately $700.00. Last year I decided to start keeping the receipts as I have no real idea of how much I spend on my CD stuff. I was pretty stunned to tell you the truth. I only have one very large suitcase of clothes to show for over 30 years of dressing.

At this point I was getting the annual urge to purge (which is one reason why I only have this one large case, the others being I'm in the closet and we move around a lot with work, etc.) and it really struck me how stupid I have been over the years with all the purging I have done. The regret that has followed after a purge has usually led to a large shopping spree to try to replenish what I have lost.

So I quickly got the receipts back in the case with the clothes, locked it up and put it in a hard to reach place, covered it up and left the house. With the urge to purge dying down I was able to return to the house with the knowledge that the stuff was locked away somewhere for when the urge to dress again would return.

Today I recovered my case from its hiding place and opened it up and was so glad to see everything still there and in its place. I didn't have much of an urge to dress today, but I also had no urge to purge either. I did sort some of the stuff into different outfits and have a plan for a trip I will be taking in September.

What all this means is that I may have found a way to avoid all the unneccesary purging from the past as well as the large shopping sprees that ensued.

I guess that a lot of the problems would get less if I just found a way to tell the missus.

Anyone else face similar times in their life?

[Darlene Dippy]

It hits me in waves, hot and cold. But never felt the 'down' that leads to purging.

Is the purging driven by negative vibs/lack of support from others? Or by how you feel about yourself? - Question not judgement.

Bigger shopping sprees! Now I understand purging.

Thanks Sandra

It helps sometimes (well just a little) to smile at difficulties.:)

:hugs:
Darlene

[Tracy_Victoria]

I found out many years ago, purging was not the answer. ie it better just to put your stuff out of the way and return to it if you wish in time.

I believe this has helped my dressing as I now only dressed when the urge takes me, and I know the stuff is always there if I need it. ie I don't say, I need to dress today, just for the sake of doing so. I know my stuff is waiting, ready for me, be it in a week a month, or like it will be shortly 2 months, due to small peoples holidays.

[Deborah Jane]

I've only purged twice in my life, both times i lost things that were next to impossible to replace. :sad:
Now when the dressing urge goes, i just pack everything away and leave it until the urge to dress returns [which it always does]

[Chrissie P]

Sometimes it is a good idea to purge the carry on bag of clothes to make room, but the basics like undies and jewelry... NO WAY.

I had to purge once for health reasons and I so miss the undies, the nightgown and jewelry. Some things cannot be replaced.

[Sarah Renee]

Hi Sandra,
I have only purged one time and I will never do it again. I am still mad at myself for doing that. The only consolation I have is that I gave all my stuff to the girls in my Support Group. This was about 10 years ago and I purged because I thought I met a nice girl. I am happy for you that you have found a way to avoid purging.

[Jessica Who]

Sandra, I just wrote an article on this, titled "How to Beat the Urge to Purge" on Wednesday, you can read it here:

http://www.jessica-who.com/2009/07/beat-urge-purge/

Basically, purging is a financial drain, but it can also be emotionally damaging. I purged some of my early photos and thus can never recover them. If I could tell myself then what I now know it would've been very helpful.

[TGMarla]

I never have the urge to do the uber-purge. There are items that I will not do away with. I'm not going to toss my wigs, or my boobies. I have several pairs of shoes and some real nice boots that are not going anywhere. And I have some dresses that are just treasures to me. No way am I getting rid of them. I will, however, now and again, get rid of some outfits that just didn't work out for me. But the ever growing wardrobe still seems to barely stay under control. I won't purge, but I will endeavor to cut back a little.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Sandra-

What size do you wear? What? Oh no reason, just wondering, that's all.

Okay, like probably nearly everyone here I have purged so many times it's not even funny. Now that I'm out to my wife and everyone else who matters, it's no longer an issue and hasn't been for years and years, but way back in the past I tossed so many clothes that I wish I had back now. Some of them were just way cute though they might be a little dated now. No wait...they'd be "vintage", yeah...that's it. Vintage.

Anyway, as some of the other girls have said, if the reason you're purging is fear of your stash being found there are basically two options. One is coming out, sometimes not actually a viable option for any number of reasons, the other is to secure it somewhere like a rented storage place and give yourself some time to think it over before you toss precious and irreplaceable items into some dumpster in an alley somewhere.

Good luck...and remember...floss before you toss. I have no idea what that means.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[donna anne]

I have spent a ton of money in my life on cd stuff. I have finally learned not to be an impulse buyer. I dont get the nerve up to go shopping and then buy the first thing I lay my hands on, only to get it home and regret it . I still am not entirely comfortable walking around the womens department looking for stuff and have never tried anything on in the store but I have stopped buying the first thing I lay my hands on. Now, I have thrown away stuff that I bought impulsevly but I have never purged. I think that will make you feel even worse after you ahve had time to calm down

[kellycan27]

I purged.. every stitch of drab clothing I owned. Haven't regretted it for a second. I'd do it all over if I had to.

[Cathytg]

Isn't that odd! So many of us - myself included - have purged and still dress later. It is one thing to have done it and quite another to understand why it was done.

There have been several purges in my life and I can look back and wonder about who I really am. I guess that I had events conspire to set up the purges. My first took place when I moved from Dayton, Ohio back into my folks house for the summer. Other times involved my marriage and the birth of our first child. But I think they all involved a desire to simplify my life and to just get away from the hiding and the self-imposed shame of it all. In each case, I was "starting over" in my life and I thought I would do better without the dressing. How foolish that was! It wasn't the clothes or the dressing; it was the me that needed to begin again. I guess the purging was simply my very private statement to the world that I was going to be a new man.

[mistyluna]

I feel so guilty - recently I spent over £100 for an outfit from M&S - more than my wife would spend.

Its hidden in the garage and I'm scared that it will be found. I almost want to purge and throw it out - yet the idea of wasting so much money seems sinful

[Carole Cross]

I have purged most of my male clothes and the rest will be going eventually. As for the other clothes, no way am I going to purge those, until I buy new clothes to replace them. :heehee:

[Georgia Rose]

The urge to purge is brought on because you don't want someone close to you to find out about your CDing.

The answer is to come clean to that special person so you never have to purge again.

Legal disclaimer: Can't guarantee the reaction of the other party but quite often i think it is better than you imagine it will be.

[Vicky_Scot]

I have never purged.......I guess this is uncommonm.

Xx Vicky xX

[Christineblake113]

I have the usual story, that is having purged a few times in my life and regretted it later. I keep my female clothes hidden away and recently got to a point where I had maxed out my hiding place. At that point I considered purging selected items that I rarely wore.

Instead I found a better solution. I just packed up those few things and stored them in the attic. A good enough hiding spot in my case. While not easy to access, if I ever want those things back I can get them.

Christine

[iwearstockings]

i have purged a few times and I wish that I never had done it. Actually I think purging might be part of the acceptance process some of us go through, but Ill never find a pair of janet reger rose pink silk french knickers again( they're a bit eighties!) I wonder what happened to them? Maybe they ended up on a landfill container shipped to china..
Actually, now I am a bit more militant about my collection. There are boots and my pvc clothes that I would fight tooth and nail to protect!! No more purging for me!

[Jessica Who]

Actually I think purging might be part of the acceptance process some of us go through,

So true, well said

[kayesimone]

I know what you mean about the cost of purging, i regret the time i did!
Sometimes life is a bit busy to fully dress, but just pack it away.
I am a lot more selective now and just thin out my closet now and then.

[sherryleigh]

Good Grief! Purging is a bad subject for me. Right now I have a pretty extensive wardrobe.......the urge to purge is always present. Thankfully I haven't purged lately....it's not just the expense it's...I don't really know but it's painful. It's one thing to throw out clothes that don't fit it's another to throw out everything, which I've done in the past. Maybe as I'm getting older and wiser,not likely but possible I suppose, I DO NOT WANT TO PURGE ANYMORE! The urge to purge isn't as strong as it used to be and I find myself being more drawn to the feminine lifestyle than ever before. I've recently became single again and am considering a lifestyle change, who knows maybe I can actually be happy and comfortable for once in my life.

[Carly D.]

MY BUDGET FOR CROSS DRESSING IS:: Actually it changes from month to month, year to year.. there was a point in time a few years ago where I couldn't find a pair of shoes to suit my taste.. either I was into shoes that weren't being made or they were making shoes that I didn't want to wear.. anyway the sheer number of pantyhose that I had in the early years of my buying my own clothing alone stunned me at what I must have spent.. as well as shoes.. and truth is when I get the urge to buy more often than not i get something I really don't need.. but three bras or four.. five.. six? seven? stop when I've got enough.. same as shoes.. I did buy the last pair of shoes that I got while wearing my booties in the payless where I have bought most of my shoes from, kinda a prize for wearing in this store.. and they are a pair of shoes like I already have only black and wide width.


AS FAR AS PURGING::: DON'T DO IT!! ok do do it but be smart about it.. if you have purged everything before and thought "well that's the end of that phase" only to have the cross dressing urge return, then just remember that and don't throw everything away.. put some clothes in a paper bag and set it somewhere and when the urge to purge hits toss that bag of clothes.. usually clothing you don't wear very much anymore anyway.. I've read others entries here about just putting the clothes away somewhere and when the urge to dress up hits then there it will be.. I agree.. put your clothes somewhere where you can find it later then grab it and wear it.. simple.. and I am as well in a two month lull from wearing.. I don't know why.. I do wear a bra regularly and shoes too but not head to toe dress up... hmm... whas rong wiss me??

[Veronica Lacey]

Have purged twice in my life, both times being as a teen while dealing with the guilt. After that I realized that I was throwing away a lot of cash which simply doubled the guilt. Decided it was better to keep what I bought and perhaps only suffer guilt the one time, yes? Is this "CD logic"?

Now the clothing takes up half my wardrobe space. If necessary I do what you do, Sandra, which is secure the clothing some place should I ever feel the need to distance myself for a while. Then it's like Christmas or a lottery winning when I open up the 2 suitcases and see it all again :)

[Blaire]

I have never purged.......I guess this is uncommonm.

Xx Vicky xX

I'm wracking my memory to remember if I have or not. I do remember a small box ages ago disappearing, but I'm sure I didn't toss it, so I'll have to call it a "no".

Mind, I don't throw anything away. I keep having to buy bigger houses to keep up with my stuff :)

I have on occasion packed my CD stash away and stuffed it into a dark hidden corner in the house and buried it in other junk. The last time was just a couple months ago. Shortly thereafter, I had my life's epiphany about my "label", and suspect it'll never happen again.

[RikkiHauser]

I've purged countless times over the years. Mostly due to my confusion about crossdressing. I stopped purging once I realized that straight guys do this too. :) I would also purge when I got the fear of my "stash" being found. But now that I am living by myself again, I have one closet for my guy clothes and one for my girl clothes.

[sandyb40c]

Thanks to everyone who took time to share their purging experiences. It's always good to know that i'm not alone. i'm just back from a couple of weeks away and am just catching up on things again. My time away helped me put some things in perspective. I know I have to share my dressing with my wife at some time, but I'm not sure I can just now. I'm dressed in some casual tuff just now and very comfortable. I'm also breaking in some new shoes I managed to get whilst on holiday. My urge to purge has disappeared for the time being. I think the break helped with that.

A big thank you to Jessica for your article on purging. It came at the right time. Thanks everyone for making this forum a really supportive community.

[CD Susan]

I have purged three times in my life, the last one being over 20 years ago. I did this in the belief that this would stop me from dressing and I could kick this "bad habit" of mine. This was during a period in my life when I was not accepting of being a cd and wanted to quit doing it. Of course the purges did not do any good and I always returned to dressing after only a short stay away from it.

That was a long time ago and I now accept the fact that I am a cd and will always be one. I am comfortable with this and now know that I will never purge my feminine things again. I love being a crossdresser and would not ever want to change even if it was possible.