whether CD or TS, why do some purge/detransition on finding a lover?

[Nicole Erin]

OK so I am not sure the best place, didn't want to put it in loved ones...

yeah so -
A CD will purge, or a TS will go back to living as a man...
...when they find a lover.
I don't get that. It is like they are so hardcore CD or TS before but then when their princess comes along, they want to be a man again all the sudden, and never do anything feminine, they are now manly men...

And then to make it worse, as soon as the relationship ends, suddenly they are TS'ing or CD'ing again.
What if it is a TS who has really gone far down the TS path? Wouldn't it be kind of hard to "man up [in several ways]" all the sudden?

I know this is not all TS or CD, but I have seen at least a few follow this pattern. What gives?

[Tasha T]

I've noticed that when I meet women I like they bring out the masculine side of me full force and I suddenly get embarrassed/ashamed that I am a transgendered person. It's like I don't want them to know about that part of me, not only because I think they'll reject me for it, but also because I'm not feeling the T feelings at that moment. Of course as soon as the relationship ends the enhanced masculinity fades and it's back to being T full force.

The best example I can give is after one date with a woman I really liked, I purged EVERYTHING female related that I owned. I literally took thousands of dollars of stuff to the dumpster and said that's it, I'm done with this part of me forever. I didn't want to have to tell her or anyone else in the future about that part of me, and I thought I could start with a clean slate. Of course things didn't work out that way. The relationship immediately tanked because of an unrelated issue and 2 1/2 months later I was back online re-buying all the stuff I had thrown away. It was a costly mistake.

Since then I've been working on accepting myself for who I am and I no longer purge.

[LisaM]

I consider myself TS and I am married for 24 years. I have always struggled with this condition and I have never felt that I was more of a man because I was in a relationship with a women.

I do not understand the feelings that you are describing. I think there are many different types of 'T' people. I had very few relationships with women and it didn't change my gender issues.

I think there are plenty of 'T' people who fit the description that you have made--at the same time there are others that don't.

[sometimes_miss]

I used to throw everything away whenever I got into a relationship, because I was able to do without the crossdressing while I was involved with someone; and, I could do without for a few months afterward as well. Since my divorce, I haven't had that option. Would I purge again? I don't know.

[Sallee]

I think that we believe the CDing will end when we become involved with a GF or at least we hope it will although I think most of us know it won't.
We should just long term store our stuff when the purge urge hits

[CD Susan]

Nicole, I have not experienced what you are talking about here. I consider myself cd and not ts and have never had a relationship with a GG since my divorce 15 years ago that would have caused me to purge all my fem clothing and related items. I have had purges during my long history of being a cd but they came about for different reasons. I have learned that purges are never the answer to ending the desire to cd. This just does not work and is such a waste. The urge to cd never goes away permanently only temporarily so purging is not the smart thing to do. I know that I will never do something as stupid as this again.

[Lisa Golightly]

Erm... Can't say that it changed me... True my last girlfriend before hormones brought out the boy in me (gosh) for a little bit but it didn't stop me dressing... in fact the dressing is what turned her on, or at least originally attracted her to me...

I guess I was a bit more male about her, or what I considered to be male, but I wasn't very good and she knew it... lol :)

As a TS my interest in boys made it very easy and the more I liked a certain boy the more femme I became. I'll admit my interest has been peaked by a girl recently, but unlike days of old when it was a male response this can only be described as a very lesbian response. I have no interest in trying to be a boy and I am quite physically incapable now. Love feels natural now the appendage is dead. The boy stuff ruined every relationship I ever had in all honesty.

So pre hormones... yes I got all boyish and thought manly things which I was totally inept at performing and on hormones I just think and feel like a girl. I'm who I am, and it is for them to accept that really... If they can. But I'm a damn sight happier.

I'd consider any TS who stopped hormones for a new beau not to be a true TS. I wouldn't stop for anyone.

Lisa x

[JulieK1980]

Its interesting that this thread started.. lol I was just pondering why that happens. I know in the past I would often purge everytime I'd get a new girlfriend, but even after I came out about it, and started telling any girl that I'd possibly date ahead of time, I noticed the urge really drops off in the begining of the relationship. Its like there is a little extra testosterone flowing through me. It fades in time of course and within a couple of months I'm right back to dressing every chance I get... But there is definitely a lag for me in the desire to dress in the early stages of relationship..

[jennCD]

I guess for me it's the same, but in the opposite respects.
I would never consider taking any steps to advance the idea of finding the "real me" now since it would in effect take away the love I spent decades trying to find in a partner.

I've dealt with not feeling completely "right" in my own skin since I was a child. I can do that for another 40 years I suppose... but being alone, well, that would be a future I couldn't imagine, so I can understand the idea of sacraficing yourself for something you love.

:)
jenn

[Elle44]

I tried coming out to my first real love as an adult in 1967, I was just out of the Army, bought a house, lived with girl and after 2 years told her of my secret of dressing enfemme. LOL we tried making love with me dressed in lingerie, it was a disaster and I was rejected until I took my femme wear off. We lasted another 3 years and during the time I would venture out, sneaking, dressed to the 10's and having a ball. Yea I was broken hearted when she found that out and split. I turned to alcohol to try to cope with my loss and to deal with my urge to dress.

Dishonesty with the one we love is not a healthy relationship and it won't last, even if we throw everything away, which I have done, all my feminine attire, nothing left. One day, if you really are CD, the urge comes on like a bat out of h---, and we put on a pair of panties or a slip or a nightgown and the dishonesty starts all over again.

In my 65 years I found out it's best to be honest, we don't expect less from the one we love, wife, girlfriend, specific other, we almost demand they be honest with us. It's a real heart breaker later, cause we will get found out. Because if you really are CD, it will come back, count on that. Our partners in life expect and deserve us to be honest.

Just my opinion and more importantly experience!

[Gerard]

If there is anything I learned on this forum over the past months, it's that it doesn't go away and in the end anyone who is intimate with you will find out.

[Kayla Shadows]

We chatted about this and I did a little more thinking about myself.Even though I am in a very different state of mind than doing something like this,in the past I have.I guess I just thought that if I got rid of my things,maybe I could try and be "normal".Try and forget about it because if I don't I will always be alone.At the time that thought probably scared me a lot.I didn't know anybody like us girls either.To me I was just a weirdo who didn't know why I do the things I do.From my first thoughts,my current gender expression is just what I've always felt..and I know its not going away.If its in the stars to be alone and not know love,then I will still be the person I am.The only thing I ever needed to do to be normal is stop being somebody else and accept who I am.

*hugs*

May we all find peace within ourselves in this world

[denise-x]

I have never had that problem. Every woman I ever went with knew my true self. I had been in a long term relationship with a gg for over 13 years. She knew I was more fem then guy. We went out as two women, and, we lived a wonderful lesbian life.

I have had more acceptance from women than men. I look at men the same as any female would. I know who I am and I don't intend to to be any thing else. Just my :2c:

Love and Hugs

[Elle44]

We chatted about this and I did a little more thinking about myself.Even though I am in a very different state of mind than doing something like this,in the past I have.I guess I just thought that if I got rid of my things,maybe I could try and be "normal".Try and forget about it because if I don't I will always be alone.At the time that thought probably scared me a lot.I didn't know anybody like us girls either.To me I was just a weirdo who didn't know why I do the things I do.From my first thoughts,my current gender expression is just what I've always felt..and I know its not going away.If its in the stars to be alone and not know love,then I will still be the person I am.The only thing I ever needed to do to be normal is stop being somebody else and accept who I am.

*hugs*

May we all find peace within ourselves in this world

Kayla you're young don't ever give up. I've met 2 GG women in the last 25 years that when I told them, about a month in the relationships, they encouraged me to dress and be myself and we loved it, to be able to go shopping and have similar tastes and have a grilfriend/boyfriend all in one. What girl doesn't love after Christmas sales. I've been told also that when it comes to sex, making love, they really do have the best of both worlds, also for doing "honey do" lists around the house on Saturdays, and they feel secure if they need the male in you, believe it we can't be beat.

I've been alone now for the past couple of years. Yea I get lonely, lonesome, but I joined a TG dating site about 2 weeks ago. Had 2 dates already, and like most legitmate adults, friends first. And I was honest, right up front with my TG personality. I have about 20 responses, from both men and women, some right in town or within 50 miles.

Let yourself evolve into your being, and soon you will be as comfortable and confident with others as you are when you are alone behind closed doors and dressed in all your beauty. A big Hug for you! Elle :hugs: