Coming out to my wife this evening, wish me luck.

[Danielle Austin]

So my wife and son have been visiting her family for the past week or so. (They have wisely escaped the Texas summer for more reasonable July weather of Wisconsin.) I've spent much of my free time this past week discovering myself:

** I painted my toes for the first time.
** I posted my first message to this board with a few pictures, after I got my first pair of shoes and a wig. I was amazed by the warm and heartfelt welcome I so quickly received from everybody here.
** I've read for hours and hours about who we are.
** I now know that gender and sex are both very real. I know what "gender dysphoric" means.
** I've taken multiple gender identity tests. (It turns out I pretty much right down the middle --"class three Androgynous")
** Danielle finally told me her name.
** I realized that Danielle doesn't really need a name. She and I are the same person. Of course it IS a beautiful name, so I think I'll keep it.

** I've relived dozens and dozens of deep memories, from childhood, adolescence, and into my adult life.
-- I finally understand why I spent a couple of years in therapy in elementary school. In all thoses visits, I can't rememeber a single conversation about gender indentity. I just knew that I was sad and alone.
-- I understand my childhood migraines.
-- I understand why I only dated a few women in my life, and why each time I grew close to a woman we formed an emotional bond that was very strong and very confusing.

** I've cried, a lot.....
** I've smiled, a lot.... I've never known how to really smile; simply relax and smile. I think I'm learning. It feels really good.

After 37 years of looking at a puzzle, but never really trying to actually put the pieces together, I'm finally putting things together. I credit this community with helping me through such a profound journey. Thank You!

Tonight I'm going to take a long walk with my wife and share my story. I'm so scared, but I know I'm ready. Wish me luck.

Danielle

[rebecca_morris_75]

Sounds like you've had a good week reflecting and discovering yourself :)

I wish you the best of luck!!

[Sandra]

Just make sure you are prepared for what she has to say, all the questions which have to be answered honestly, because if you don't she's bound to find out later and want to know why you wasn't honest. If there is something that you really don't know the answer to then say so don't say what you think she wants to hear.

Don't expect it to be a bed of roses, and remember if she is ok with everything, then that's not the green light for you to go ahead and do everything all of the time. You may find that she wants boundarries, try to compromise with these but don't push toi much.

Take it at her pace and as usual talk, talk, talk and then talk some more.

Also let her know about this forum and the FAB forum

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[suzanne]

Welcome, sister!

Isn't it wonderful fitting together all those jigsaw pieces that used to make no sense and finally seeing the picture it makes? I hope your SO embraces Danielle. As has been stated here so many times, go SLOW and let your SO absorb the news at her own pace. Hugs and good luck!

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Danielle

Good luck for tonight :hugs:

Please read the link in my signature it may have something in there you have not considered

[LisaM]

Danielle,

Good luck! I have been where you are and I remember I was pretty prepared. I had a few books for my SO describing gender idenity issues. I had already been seeing a therapist but I suggested that my SO visit a therapist who was competent in gender issues so she could understand the condition. Finally, I bared my soul completely (and it wasn't easy--I told her everything that I had done in my life).

She reacted with confusion and some anger but learned from what I gave her and in the end we were saved by our mutual love. Be prepared to give her time and show her your love!

[AllieSummers]

Good luck Danielle. We'll all be pulling for you. Just be honest and open and let your emotions show. If she can feel your emotions she should empathise with you.

Let me know if you need to chat. I'm another Texas girl.

Kisses,

Allie

[Melissa Rose]

Danielle, good luck with tonight and I hope it goes extremely well. Give your wife time to accept and understand it even if she fully accepts and welcomes Danielle. It is a huge step, but one that should help you better embrace and heal yourself. We will be there with you in spirit. :hugs:

[sandra-leigh]

Good luck and best wishes!

[DianneW]

Just take it slow, v e r y slow. Even a strong marriage that has survived numerous catastrophes over the years can be damaged by revealing this secret about yourself. Go back thru the archives & read some of the posts about this subject then make your decision. I wish you the best of luck.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Best of luck, Danielle, to you and your wife and the rest of your family as well. I can't offer any advice to add to what the other girls have already said, except to emphasize complete honesty and to be ready to bare your soul and be asked questions that are going to make you think really hard about who you are and what you truly want in your life and your relationship.

If your marriage survives the initial disclosure there will still be hard sledding (yeah, no snow in Texas, you know what I mean). Some spouses try to deal with it and decide after awhile they just can't no matter how hard they try, some say they're okay with it and are on the phone with a divorce lawyer the next day and in a month or two you will come home from work to a bare house and the papers stuck to the wall with the scissors that were used to cut up all your girl clothes. Be prepared for any eventuality, hopefully you will be one of the lucky ones.

Hugs and good wishes...Joni Mari

[tanya-uk]

Wishing you lots of luck. Hope everything goes well. :) xxx

[CD Susan]

Good luck Danielle. I hope everything goes well for you.

[Brooke Ashley]

Good luck, hope all goes well!

[joannemarie barker]

good luck hun,hope it goes as well as possible :)

[leotard fan]

all good luck too you!! i admire you!

[Trycia]

Danielle, I do hope all goes smoothly for you & her.

[Lorileah]

I dunno if "Hi dear how was the trip? Everyone well? You look rested. By the way I wore girl stuff all week while you were gone." is the best approach. But I wish you the best luck and I hope that everything works out as planned or even better.

[Carole Cross]

Good luck Danielle. I know how you must feel right now after coming out to my family recently. The important thing after coming out is to keep the communication going and anwer any questions as truthfully and honestly as you can.
Your wife may need some time to take it all in and I hope that she will react positively and I wish you the best of luck. :hugs:

[Sarah Doepner]

Dannielle,

Remember there will be a reaction that my not be what you expect. You have spent 37 years attempting to figure out the puzzle and only recently figured out an important part of it. Your wife hasn't even been looking at that particular puzzle so it will take some time to get her attention on the parts that will help her understand what you are getting at.

Try to help her see that your focus is keeping your relationship strong while meeting needs you have been struggling with. Give her time, time and then a bit more time and your ears open. You will want to explain your situation but it is more important to be ready to answer all her questions first. And her questions will very likely be very different from what you expect. Take a deep breath and good luck to both of you.

[Aubrey Green]

Best of luck Danielle! We are all behind you and only wish for you the best outcome. Keep honesty on the forefront. :daydreaming:

[Roxi Loh]

Best of luck Danielle. Be open and honest and tell her you love her. Be careful not to become angry if it does not go the way you have planned. Remain calm, this takes time to digest. Her first reaction will probably not be the same as later reactions. I will keep you and your wife in my thoughts and prayers.

[leggylisa]

i really wish you well :hugs:

["Mary"]

Good luck, I'm pulling for you. I wish all the best for your family. I hope I'm wrong, but since all this seems very sudden, I fear she is going to be wicked PO'd. Don't walk anywhere there are broken bottles or pointy sticks nearby.

[iwearstockings]

good luck.

[Jeanna]

You are very brave. Good luck.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Just remember the ball will be in her court go slow she will probably
take the lead you will be in for a lot of questions some of which you may
not have answers too she will probably set boundrys which you will
want to stay within just remember don't rock the boat because
you may be thrown OVERBOARD.
.
.....................................thanks and good luck
.................................................. .....................ORCHID

[Kristy 56]

Good luck tonight Danielle ! Keeping my fingers crossed for you .feel like I'm following in your footsteps,but it's going to be awhile to be at this stage.

[susanCD123]

The best of luck, my thoughts are with you. Be strong, and know we are with you! I think we all want to hear a positive outcome for you.

[Andy66]

Not much to add, other than I'm impressed and proud of you. Good luck.

[Bethany38]

Danielle,
I wish you all the very best of luck. I hope everything goes well tonight. Be ready for a whole lot of talking with your wife. Please let us know how all of this turns out.


Always Bethany

[Kittykitty]

Good luck sweetie!
Couple thoughts came to mind. First, don't mind her first reaction. None of us can help how we react to a suprise. Give her time to think it through so she can figure out how she really MIGHT feel. It is a process and there are stages to that process.

Next, make sure you play to the emotional level. She's not going to be sympathetic to the nuts and bolts at first. Tell her how it feels to hold it inside and how it feels to let it out. Most women are going to think you're letting out a fetish, make sure she understands that gender id issues and fetishes are two different things. When I told my wife, I thought I was getting through to her, she told me later all she heard was "ok, my husband wants to wear my panties.. cool!"

Ultimately, my wife has been very cool. She's even a member on here somewhere. BUT, we work on it all the time and I give her room to adjust. Marriages can last, but you have to give her room to grow with you.

Sending you the best of wishes, please do tell us how it goes!!! :hugs:
:love:

[Leslie Langford]

This a HUGE step, Danielle - and like the others, I hope you've done all your homework before dropping this bombshell.

If you need some additional back-up resources, follow the attached links which might provide you with some much-needed fall-back depending on how things went tonight:

http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/

http://www.yvonnesplace.net/index2.html

Good luck :hugs:!

[Rachel Morley]

Good luck, be prepared to listen as well as talk, and above all whatever happens ... remain calm and supportive toward her :hugs:

[cara]

The truth will set you free. Good Luck!
Cara

[Marcia Blue]

Good Luck Danielle, My thoughts and prayer are with you and yours.

[Samantha Girl]

I wish you well Danielle, sounds like you are right where you need to be. Take it slow and you'll do fine ;)

[DianeDeBris]

Hi Danielle -- it's about 10:15 Texas time just now, so my guess is that there are still a lot of tears, smiles, hugs, confusion and numbness -- hope you know that hundreds of us are pulling for you tonight -- and eager to hear your news when you're able to discuss it --

Hugs -- Diane

[Wrenchette]

The best to you and yours Danielle.:hugs:

[ProudFutureMrs]

I wish you the best of luck!
I agree with the other, take caution in how you approach it. You know your relationship best but the situation definitely warrants just a bit more care in the delivery. My SO came out to me after a week of being home alone. I know him/her well and we have no security/trust issues but because she was revealing that apparently I "didn't" know her as well as I thought....it led to thoughts of "what else might you have not told me..."

GOOD luck to you. Keep us posted. :hugs:

[Gabie]

as everyone else said, GOOD LUCK :D !

[Cheshire Gummi]

Hmm... I think this is a little late, but you have my support! Bravery and honesty!

If all else fails, there's always humor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wRkzCW5qI

[Mya Summers]

Well it's Thursday night errrr early Friday Morning here in IL, I hope that everything went well, but I'm sure that there are still alot of questions being asked still..Good Luck Hun

[Evelyn]

Hi Danielle,

I really hope everything went well for you both, and that some level of understanding was reached. I've been there, so I know how you must be feeling.

Best wishes to you and your wife from across the pond (UK)

Hugs
Evelyn xx

[MissConstrued]

I dunno if "Hi dear how was the trip? Everyone well? You look rested. By the way I wore girl stuff all week while you were gone." is the best approach.


I was thinking a note on the front door with "Follow the rose petals... there's a transvestite in the kitchen making you dinner."

[karynspanties]

Well, how did it go?

[Joni Marie Cruz]

What Karyn said, honey. How did things go? It's a huge step and we're all behind you.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[TJ Tresa]

Daneille I wish yo the best and I hope your wife will be accepting. Go slow, don't force the issue on her, let her come to it in her own time and terms. Good Luck.

[Laci6]

Best wishes to you and all the happiness you BOTH deserve!!!!! :)

[Kittykitty]

I was thinking a note on the front door with "Follow the rose petals... there's a transvestite in the kitchen making you dinner."

Don't forget romantic music.... the sound of vacuming seems to do it for most gg's! LOL!

[karynspanties]

Well, no reply......I guess it did not go too well. Who would have guessed?

[TxKimberly]

Hey, even if you couldn't get the courage up to have that talk, we would still like to know what happened? I think a lot of us have tried and failed to do such things, and even that is worth letting us know.

[Rachel Morley]

Oh dear, I'm not sure the phrase "no news is good news" applies here does it? :sad:

[LaceyMay]

I have learned the hard way that I am not alone in this world when it comes to my TG self. The trick is to reach out and keep that connection alive.
I am never alone anymore, unless i choose to be.

I sincerely hope you reach out to the community again. We are here for you, when you are ready to accept our embrace.

Hugs

Lacey May :)

[Jeanna]

I hope that you didn't get thrown out on your heels.:sad:

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hmmm, I sent Danielle a personal message yesterday evening as I'm sure some other girls probably did as well. So far no reply. I'm guessing things didn't go well at all.

Danielle, dear, if you can, please let us know how you are. You know you have the support of all of us here in the group.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[SusanCACD]

I am on pins and needles to, I really hope the best for her, being like this is so lonely....

Susan

[TxKimberly]

Hmmm, I sent Danielle a personal message yesterday evening as I'm sure some other girls probably did as well. So far no reply. I'm guessing things didn't go well at all.

Danielle, dear, if you can, please let us know how you are. You know you have the support of all of us here in the group.

Hugs...Joni Mari

Nah, dont assume the worst. Maybe things went very well and their too darn busy going through the closet to be on the internet. :-)

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Nah, dont assume the worst. Maybe things went very well and their too darn busy going through the closet to be on the internet. :-)

Kimberly, thank you for putting a positive spin on things. You are such a sweetheart. I so hope things are going well for her, for Danielle and her wife. These things are the hardest in the world. People can grow apart for all sorts of reasons, but coming out as TG is so potentially devastating to a relationship. My heart goes out to her and to everyone else in the same situation.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[kellycan27]

Nah, dont assume the worst. Maybe things went very well and their too darn busy going through the closet to be on the internet. :-)

From your lips to God's ear. I so hope that things are going well.

[telima]

good luck to both of you. hope she is understanding.

[Pauline Lauren]

Good luck Danielle, having gone through this experience myself a few weeks ago, I know how hard it is to take that step. Let us know how it went, even if you decided to wait, or it didn't go as well as you had hoped, please let us know. It is at times like those that the support that you will receive here can be of real encouragement!

>>>hugs<<<
Pauline

[madison lee]

I'm starting to get a little bit worried. Has ANYONE heard from Danielle? Can anyone call her or text her to see if shes allright?

[Danielle Austin]

Sorry for no reply these past few days. I have been out of town and away from my computer. Yes, I told my wife on Thursday night. Her reaction was more negative than I would have hoped, but not wholly unexpected.

On one level, I feel better for having told her, but she is hurting and is confused. So, it will take time to work things out. I quickly realized that Danielle is not so important right now. My next steps now are reaffirming my love for my wife, something which had been very difficult for me to express previously, given such deep internal conflict for so so long.

We are taking baby steps, but at least they are steps. I hope through all this we will find ourselves in a better place, but I know it will take a long time. Sadly, I don't see her really ever embracing anything about my feminine side.

So, was it the right thing to tell her? I think so.

[Mya Summers]

Welcome back :hugs:. Yes u did the right thing by telling her. It will be tough for her and you at first but more so for her. If you would have kept it held in and she found out by finding your stash of clothes it would be a bad thing and she definitely would have lost all trust more than likely. But it's good that you told, take the baby steps you talked about and one day introduce her to this site so that she can talk w/other SO's and get more input on things... Best of luck :hugs:

[Andy66]

Give her lots of time. I'm guessing a few weeks? It's too early to tell how she will feel after she has read up on crossdressing, thought about it, and asked you lots of questions.

I think you did the right thing. The truth is always right.

[Philipa Jane]

Saw your post and had to talk to you.
I told my partner three days ago now,she had no idea about my other inner self.Yes I was caught in the act and felt it was better to have it out in the open and this may have worked for me.
She had other thoughts on the issue after two nights sleep but here is the key.We talked about it and I assured her I had not changed, just that she now knows more about me than before.
By the way we have been a couple for 37 years and I see no reason for this to change.
We love each other as I am sure you do too.
We just need to find common ground.
Philipa West Australia

[Melissa Rose]

Danielle, even though her reaction was more negative than you would have hoped, it was the right thing to tell her. It would have eaten you up inside over time and very likely affected your behavior in a negative manner. Also, it allowed you to do it when and where you ready instead of it being forced upon you.

It is hard and will take some time to sort out. Perhaps keep in mind how you would react and think if the situation was reversed. Give your wife all of the consideration, respect and time to find her way as you would want and need in her situation. I hope it all works out and you both gain peace and more love when it is all through. BIG Hug.

[Shelly Preston]

Danielle

I think you have done the right thing
It will take her time to digest everything and it wont be easy for her. With time and patience you may be surprised where this will lead. There is no quick solution to this and you are right to take baby steps.

For you trying not to go too quick will be the hardest thing
She may want to join this site so she can talk with others like herself who have had to cope the same situation. :hugs:

[TxKimberly]

. . . So, was it the right thing to tell her? I think so.

If it was tearing you up inside, then yes, it was the right thing. Give her time - she may never really embrace it, but she may at least accept that it is part of you.
Oh - and I congratulate you on your courage and honesty with her. It's a hard thing to do. . .

[Olivia]

Yes, I think you did the right thing Danielle. I've never been in your exact situation, I told my wife Jackie long before we got married, sometime in the mid-70s. But, I did come out to our two children and maybe that's somewhat analogous. Living with that secret can be debilitating I know. Although it was difficult to do, letting your wife know about this other part of you was best. She has loved you, she still loves you and with some time and thought, I hope she realizes that you are still you. You're the same person she has loved all this while, and she will want you to be happy and feel complete.

Please don't gauge her acceptance by her reaction now. She needs to think about it a while but in the end, I'm betting that she understands that "this" hasn't really changed who you are or how much you love her. Hang in there hun! You did right. O

[LisaM]

Danielle,

I feel you did the right thing. You needed to be honest with her and you were.

Give her time to learn more. Point her in the right direction when and if she asks to learn more. Don't push her--let her come to you.

:hugs:

[madison lee]

Give her time and space. Continue to remind her of how much you love and cherish her. That is an important part of this. Let her initiate any discussions about Danielle and cross dressing. She will need that sense of being in control of her life, so let her go at her own pace. Remember that we are here for you and will be hoping and praying for you.

hugs and kisses,
Madison

[WandaRae2009]

Coming out to my wife was for the best, even though it has added another extremely stressful item to our relationship. I has been over a year, and she is still getting use to it. We have our ups and downs, but now I don't feel as guilty for keeping such a secret. We can only hope that over time, she will become more acceptable and understanding. We met with a therapist I found through a local support group. she was a great help in getting us both throuh the first few months. I think it helpd for crossdressing to be explained by a professional.

[jamie kaye]

Danielle, you are so brave. I have been married 39 years and crossdressing even longer. But I don't know how to tell my wife and daughter. I feel like such a coward and yet here I sit dressed and wishing I could dress full time or at least every day. I turely hope all goes well for you. Maybe someday I will be able to do the same. Jamie

[Pauline Lauren]

Yes Danielle, despite the fact that the results were not as positive as you had hoped, honesty really is the best way to go with that. As one of the members of my support group told me when I was going through the same agonizing internal debate, you have to give yourself and her the choice to decide what to do with full knowledge of the situation. It is a part of you, and it won't go away, and if you are not honest, whatever you build with her will be built on "pillars of sand".

I just went through this a month ago, and I know it is a very very scary and difficult thing to discuss. I admire your courage and bravery for going through with it, I know before my recent discussion with my SO, I was feeling like I might hyperventilate for a few minutes my nerves were so bad. Even after taking a tranquilizer for them. So a million hugs to you for doing the right thing, even if it was the hardest path to follow. I hope over time she will become more accepting and that things will go well for the both of you, but at least now you aren't hiding a huge secret that could have come out down the road under much worse circumstances than these.

All my supporting thoughts and >>>hugs<<<
Pauline

[joandher]

Danielle if you think about it ,its taken you many many years to come to terms about it,and tell her, you just cant expect her to embrace it in hours, be ready to answer all her questions,and there will be many,but you MUST answer them 100% truthfully, you wont get a second chance to decieve her,
and in my humble opinion dont bring up the subject let her do all the running at what ever speed she wants to, (baby steps one at a time) dont rush it

i commend you on your honesty

BIG HUGGS TO YOU BOTH
J-JAY:love:

[StaceyJane]

Danielle, You are a lot braver than me. I think you did the right thing. Now at least you can move on with your life and not have this secret to hide.


Stacey

[Jessica Who]

Good for you, Danielle. I hope that you and your wife work together to find a balance that works for both of you.