Fear of losing the Male edge

[Jeanna]

Lately I've been noticing my self getting to be so much more feminine in my thoughts and actions. My wife has noticed that my legs are smoother and my eye brows are plucked and my nails (all 20) are nicer kept than hers! Just the other day I offered advice on makeup to her she agreed and tried it., yet I haven't come clean with her and I know she won't handle it, I can't help but notice myself becoming what I think I should be,Jeanna. I'm not talking SRS here but what I am saying is that I'm scarred that if I go too far, the male side will no longer be able to dominate. That could really mess up my life.
Concerned,
Jeanna

[Kathi Lake]

Jenna,

No need to be either scared or scarred. You are who you are. The sooner you admit this to yourself, the sooner you can (and should) admit this to others. There is no shame in being who you are. Act like it! :)

Kathi

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...I'm not talking SRS here but what I am saying is that I'm scarred that if I go too far, the male side will no longer be able to dominate. That could really mess up my life.

Does the male really need to dominate your life? Can't the male dominate when necessary, and take a back seat when it's Jeanna-time?

My male and female sides are kept very separate. My man-side is mostly an act I put on to fit in - something I'm accustomed to doing so it's natural to some extent, but I'm always aware of it and make sure I behave manly enough in the presence of others. In fact, I have a hard time turning that part of me off in the presence of others.

I hope you're not afraid to be your true self because of how society deals with this kind of thing. I've read so many stories about people who end up feeling guilty, confused, worried, and even hate themselves because of the social stigma attached to being transgendered. I was once there myself.

Remember - it is society that has the problem, NOT you. You need to be able to function within it, but do not let that stop you from exploring your life as you truly are.

Maybe just try to maintain your masculine self with conscious effort when in guy-mode. That's how I do it. Alone, I'm more relaxed. En femme, I feel really good about myself. In guy-mode though, I'm as masculine as I'm expected to be - from mannerisms to speech patterns to the way I walk, etc. It's very convincing. No one has suspected a thing since I really got it down well some 15 or so years ago.

Be who you need to be when you need to be it. And then be you you truly are and who you choose to be when time allows.

Good luck with things, Jeanna. :)

[Kittykitty]

Completely understand how you feel. So sorry sweetie.
Hope she can come to accept you for your complete self. Just remember to go at a realistic pace and to always communicate. DO YOUR RESEARCH before you tell her. She'll go through a lot of emotions before she can even know how she really feels, so be patient and believe in your love.

On the guy vs girls domination, i feel the same way. My girl mode is bleeding all over my guy mode and guy mode is slowly meeeeeellllltinnnngggg....

My whole life, I had to use "shields" to protect the way I walked, talked, the way i moved, stood, acted... a few of the Hockey girls in here know especially.... you don't want to look too interested in the Hose, Garters and Girdles (all real names of Hockey equipment!) LOL!

So, I would say to be aware of those actions/words/looks/etc.. that are gender specific and if you NEED to maintain your guy side make sure you're catching yourself on those key points.

For instance, with me, I can't help but do the limp-wrist-dangle. you know what i mean? Every girl in the world does it all day long, and noone thinks twice. BUT if you do it once in "guy mode" well... you're 'gay' forever according to your buddies. SO about 1,000 times a day, i have to catch myself doing it, and stiffen my wrist before it goes limp.

Sounds so silly until you realize the full ramifications, eh? Well, it IS silly. Such a shame we have to care, but I guess, for now, we do.

To sum it up... tear down the walls, but leave the shields.

Best of luck with the Mrs. There IS a section on here for the wives, if it would help. :hugs:

[Aubrey Green]

I'm thinking that if your eyebrows are shaped and nails are better kept then hers, and if your giving her makeup tips. She already has a pretty good idea.
:daydreaming:

[Scotty]

Welcome to my life...
There are times I stop and look, very briefly, and wonder if I am doing the right thing....sometimes I see that I was pre-disposed to be in a male body.

But when I get out of the shower and see myself and/or slip into something femme, even short shorts as I'm wearing now - I just feel right.

It's just about finding the balance...and when my neighbor girl (She's 21) saw me in my sh orts I just told her I was comfortable as it's hot out today...she was like "Hey that's cool"....

Just go slow and be yourself

[mklinden2010]

Geez...

So be an intelligent, forceful, practical, productive woman.

Lots of THEM manage life just fine - while dancing backwards in heels, long gowns, tight hose - and thinking about dinner.

[Marcia Blue]

You can have male and female side (most people do). Neither needs to totally dominate. Try just being yourself.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Jeanna, What you choose to define as male and female side of your self have always been one and the same. Like the Yin & Yang like symbol of this web site over time they mix and merge until a balance is reached. Each side's existence is necessary for the other to survive. One is no more important than the other .Both sides are equally dominant. Together they are YOU!

[Melissa Rose]

Jeanna, I totally agree with others that your male side does not have to dominate. Your female side does not have to dominate either. Somewhere within you is a balance of the two that should be able to peacefully and comfortably co-exist. It may take time and be a slow process, but you will find that place even though it may be painful or confusing at the moment. Your wife may surprise you with how much of your female side she will accept. You know there will always be acceptance, hugs and love for you here.

[Carly D.]

That will never happen unless you decide to be 24/7 female.. but being in that form isn't bad in my books.. you have to just be who you are.. seems simple, but you really should just stop trying to be your fem self and worrying about are you too fem.. and stop being your male self and worrying about are you too male.. and just be your you self.. (that makes absolutely no sense at all)..

[AlannahNorth]

Jeanna,

I tend to agree with the responses you have so far. The one thing that will give you the most trouble (in the long run) is if you are not true to yourself. Take your time - it's a process, and if you tune in to yourself and listen, you will come to know where you are, where the right balance is. I don't think you'll really lose anything you truly value. Be true to yourself.

[Jeanna]

I really appreciate the feed back on this. I love the fact that there are understanding people here. I love being myself and it's more Jeanna than J but I'm worried about what's coming, that's all.

[GaleWarning]

Geez...

So be an intelligent, forceful, practical, productive woman.

Lots of THEM manage life just fine - while dancing backwards in heels, long gowns, tight hose - and thinking about dinner.

Geez ...

I would suggest you simply be an intelligent, practical productive PERSON.

There is no need to think that you have to choose to be either a male or a female, as though they were mutually exclusive.

Just be yourself and do the things you enjoy doing without suffering any guilt or even bothering to engage in deep navel contemplating.

Why worry about what is coming? Do what is right for you and your wife.

[Melissa Rose]

Jeana dear, it is completely understandable about being fearful of what may be coming. We often imagine the worse when it is most likely not going to be that bad. Many have said, and I agree, to take things slowly and at a comfortable pace since you are still coming to grips with everything. If you were fairly clear and sure about your path and journey, I would say quickly rip the band-aid off and go for it. IMHO, I don't believe you are ready for that at this time. Trust your heart, trust your gut and balance them with a good dose of common sense and reflection. If you do that, you will come out of this fine. :hugs:

[Kristen-Gaye]

As males we feel we need to be in charge ALL the time. I have discovered in recent times that I can be just as happy to take a backseat, to be a little submissive if you like. I agree with what's been said. Don't be afraid to be who you are. :2c:

[NathalieX66]

After watching Brock Lesnar take the UFC title, I would assume nobody on the planet has the "male edge" anymore :devil:
....but then again (and I can't speak for those in the transmen forum below), I would also assume that none of us are planning to take steroids antime soon either.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Jeanna, Inside you ,and all around you, is the strength to weather the impending storm. You need only summon the courage to use it. In the end you will prevail. Be relentless. Never give up. In the end YOU will be the one left standing.

[TheNewDanielle]

Personally I like to keep a balance. I'm still really new to this so my take that for what it is, but I love being a guy during the day, I work in a pretty "guy" intensive atmosphere. I do my 10-12 mile runs I work out, I play sports with my kids fix the cars and do the house work but once the kids are in bed I enjoy Danielle being able to come out. I have a SO who if it were up to her would let me run around the house in a thong and a corset all day if I wanted too, but it's not.

Basicly I think crossdressing, like anything else, has to find it's niche' in your life. You do it because it makes you happy, or excited or makes you feel like you for a time period (everyone's is different) and there's no one who can tell you what that is, you have to decide for yourself what you want to do and what you want to get out of it. Me I'm an average Joe 16 hours out of the day, but I'm one sexy B1@ blank blank blak for 6 hours a night. Enjoy it, don't pressure yourself to be someone your not or do something you don't want to over do. If something is truelly enjoyable to you, you should never feel like you HAVE to do it i.e dress or keep your male half dominant. Hope this made sense I did have a few drinks tonight lol.

[Joanie_Shakti]

Jeanna, as mentioned above, we all have masculine and feminine traits, they are inherent in both males and females. I have been hot and oold with my crossdressing throughout my life and have really been embracing it this year. Though I often fantasize about being a girl in disguise at work, I am shooting for a balance of energies. I'm a meditator and have found these images of Shiva and his consort, Parvati, blended into one being as my inspiration in embracing my female half and achieving a balance of energies.

[Cheshire Gummi]

The Death of a Masculine
A play in one Act by Fran

Act 1, Scene 3

[The heroic Dr. Punchmeat enters with a confident stride. The "Patient" lies on a gurney, his face smeared with makeup, his body half-covered with a cocktail dress. A pump dangles helplessly off his right foot.

Dr. Punchmeat: What have we got?

Nurse Sweatercows: This man is losing his masculinity!

Patient: This room is just dreadful! Look at those walls! Eggshell White? Is it the 80's again? And for gods sakes, who do I have to kill to get a foot massage around here?

Dr. Punchmeat: It's worse than I thought! Quickly, turn on Sports Center! We need some dark lager in here! And some pork! Get this man fifty ccs of minced deli ham NOW!!

Nurse Breastivich: Doctor, we're losing him!

Dr. Punchmeat: Not this one! Not today!! Get me ten copies of Hustler, STAT!

Nurse Sweatercows: Doctor, it's too dangerous! In his condition, the Flynt treatment could cause a cascade of feminization, and...!

Dr. Punchmeat: Damn it, Sweatercows, don't you see!? If this man doesn't get stabilized and start craving football and DD cups again, he may forever be... I can't let that happen! I swore to the Man God that I wouldn't let it happen again on my watch!

Nurse Breastivich: Doctor, look! He's fem-lining!

Patient: Ugh... must... cross-stitch... kittens... playing with toilet paper!

Dr. Punchmeat: [Shakes his fists] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Quickly! Someone get me a copy of the first season of The Sopranos! Clear!

[Punchmeat slams the DVDs into the Patients chest]

Patient: UGH! Hey! Is that the first season of Sex and the City!?

Dr. Punchmeat: God, no! I lost another one! Another OOONNNE!!!

[Dr. Punchmeat collapses]

Aaaaaand scene.

*bows*

Thank you. Thank you very much. You're lovely!

[Gerard]

I found that by no longer trying to separate them, I became a much more relaxed and whole person. In some aspects I even became more male by integrating the male and female parts of my persona instead of trying to keep them separate.
I'm now much more confident and able to take steps in my life.

I'm not you though, nor do I know you very well.

In the end you have to be true to yourself or you will go crazy.