The suspense of going out in public

[Diane Elizabeth]

I have had the fantasy of going out in public completely dressed. I have only gone out as an adrogenist so far. Fear has kept me in so far. So I am taking baby steps. I get the feeling of like a little kid opening Christmas gifts. When all the gifts are opened then what. I think of the Peggy Lee song "Is this All There Is?" I may have misquoted the title, but the old tymers here should remember it from the sixties.
And then what happens. I tell myself there is more and that I can do it again. But will it be the same? Who knows. I hope not that the "Thrill Is Gone". That would be a pity. Well first things first. Have to get out and about some day. Dy len

[Patty-Fay]

If you've never left your home while dressed, I suggest the first thing to do is to drive around while dressed. Do it after dark, but not too late. Carefully obey all traffic laws.

If you are a little daring, drive to a building complex - the sort where there are doctors and dentist offices. Go while all are closed, and get out of the car and walk around a bit. Don't stray far from the car, and don't do it too late. People driving by will see a lady walking around.

If/when you are extra daring, drive to a strip center with open stores. Park your car, get out and walk around a bit. You're sure to be seen from a distance by people driving by - but won't likely be scrutinized.

[Tanya C]

Don't forget to bring adequate identification and a cell phone just in case.

[carhill2mn]

I doubt that you will feel like "is that all there is". You are much more likely to feel such a rush that you will anxiously look forward to the next time. The great thing is that there are a "whole world" of experiences out there waiting for you.

[Lora Olivia]

INHO I would pass at going to a business complex when closed, a nice park in the evening sounds much safer to me. My first time out my SO took me for a ride...went for a walk in the park...second time we went for dinner and a movie, prime time on a saturday evening....knees knocked the whole time. Now it is like second nature

[Ruth]

Can I just respectfully disagree with Patty-Fay's idea about going out after dark.
I suggest you go out in broad daylight in a public and fairly busy place. Shopping centers are good (and you can do some shopping too).
But a lone woman wandering the streets after dark is vulnerable.
People may 'make' you in a busy public place, but that's not the end of the world. Far worse things are possible in dark and deserted locations

[EVESPANDEX]

My first time out (besides going out in the wilds) was a carnival. Have been en femme a couple of times now, and in a few weeks will be going out to the carnival in a tutu! Several thousand people all looking at me; fantastic. I recomend it as an experience because no one cares. It was soon after the second time I told a close gg friend, was shaking like a leaf, but she was great and we've even been shopping together a couple of times.:daydreaming:

[sissystephanie]

If you have read many posts from either myself, or Intertwined, you know we go out dressed all the time. But with a twist! Both of us will look pretty much like a woman from the neck down, but definitely a man from the neck up! No wig and very little, or none, makeup. In my case it is because I am terrible, both with fixing a wig and with makeup. My darling late wife used to do it for me, but now it is just me!:sad:

The major point here is that you will be amazed at how little attention is paid to you. Unless you do dress to attract attention, which some CD's do! I walk around crowded malls, go to the P.O. and other places, and hardly draw a second look from most people. If I do get a second look, it is usually accompanied by a smile! The thing that counts is your attitude! If you have good self-confidence in yourself, you will be fine. I know who I am and what I am. I really don't care what others think about the way I dress!! Unless of course they want to compliment me!!:heehee:

Adopt that attitude, and go where you wish. It is a big world out there, and your clothing choices should not restrict it!!:hugs:

[Jaclyn NM]

Can I just respectfully disagree with Patty-Fay's idea about going out after dark.
I suggest you go out in broad daylight in a public and fairly busy place. Shopping centers are good (and you can do some shopping too).
But a lone woman wandering the streets after dark is vulnerable.
People may 'make' you in a busy public place, but that's not the end of the world. Far worse things are possible in dark and deserted locations

I agree with Ruth. The first time I went out was in broad daylight, and I went to shopping malls. The experience was wonderful, and it did not diminish on subsequent outings. You will thoroughly enjoy yourself, and most people will probably not give you a second glance, as long as you dress conservatively. But don't put yourself in danger by going out late at night by youself.

[Phyliss]

I have had the fantasy of going out in public.. Fear has kept me in so far.... I think of the Peggy Lee song "Is this All There Is?"... And then what happens. I tell myself there is more and that I can do it again....will it be the same? Dy len


There is only one "first time out" BUT....
There is also only one "first time going to dinner"
There is also only one "first time going to the movies"
There is also only one "first time going shopping"
There is also only one "first time getting to meet other girls"
There is also only one,.... well, you get the idea

No matter, that you "went out" once there are so many things to do, it'll take a year or more to do them all.

Get out and get busy girl

[Jennifer Marie P.]

The first time out go dressed with a GG friend and your confidence will rise for the next time.

[Sam-antha]

First, keep the after dark for another time. If you are too scared of daylight, and there is no need to be, try dusk-time or even daylight, with an umbrella when it is raining.
Go where there are people, not necessarily close up, but nearby. The business complex is likely to be empty except for the security cameras and the onlooing camera operators/guards.

Little by little is good in that it extends the pleasures of the first times.
As far as total exposure, close up, in daylight is concerned, it is not the first time that counts. It is the next time and I assure you that there will never be enough of the next time events

~Samm

[Diane Elizabeth]

Thank you for all the advice. I will need to pick and choose which of it would fit me best. I have to build my confidence first. Though I am married, my SO has shown no interest in my cd other than to tell me to be careful that my panties didn't show when I was at ball practice. It would be hard to explain to an eleven year old. I really need to work on my make up and voice. Dy len

[charlie]

Hello Dylen!
The easiest and safest way that I could think of was going out my first time to a gay nightclub/bar. I was not only accepted, but made a few friends and told and received stories. Even there some guys will make comments, but for the most part it will be a confidence building night out. From there I have goner out to lots of other venues, but the gay club first was a great start. Start with a place that will either pay no attention to you or embrace you! The hardest part was getting out of the car in the parking lot.

[Ms Mira]

If you feel like you're ready for it, you should just do it and not worry about 'is this all there is?' I'm sure you'll figure out something to do afterwards. I find that the people who have the best experiences in life just go and do whatever it is they want to, then re-evaluate and figure out what want they want to do next, and then they just go and do it.

[Stephanie Heplby]

Perhaps what Patty-Fay meant is to go out in lower-light conditions, but not necessarily in some lonely back alley. I personally recommend low-light for those who are particularly nervous, and (at the same time) heartily endorse public places for the safety they add. One thing we need to learn is how much men can be predators, sadly.

Others have said it before, but the hardest steps are those taken out your own front door. Just a week or so ago, I stepped out the front door in a dense neighborhood in broad daylight and nearly had a heart attack. And then the neighbors drove by... I definitely prefer the evening light in winter months!

Slightly related, for a first time out in the United States, I recommend the oft-given advice to try Halloween. Others will not be nearly as surprised or even interested, but you get to be you. (As an added bonus, it will be dark!)

I have been out for several years on Halloween and yet, leaving the house on a non-costume day was just as nerve-causing, so it only goes away slowly (for me, anyway).

Anyway, in general, I go for late evening events like dinner, where I feel happier about my appearance.

[Stephanie Heplby]

At the risk of responding too much to this thread, I just wanted to second the notion of the "queer community"; they tend to be more accepting of CDers, since we are the "T" in "GLBT".

Also, from a practical point of view, if you are particularly nervous, consider the restrooms / lavatories in your outing plans. If possible, look for a restaurant or location with either unisex lavs or single-occupancy / one-holers. This eliminates an entire universe of uncomfortable situations.

Remember, some GGs may feel very threatened to realize that there is a genetic male in their midst in a public loo. You don't want that. Conversely, some GMs may feel very threatened to see a man in a dress in their midst in a public loo. You don't want that either.

[Sonia Greene]

I knew so many Tg girls had done the walk before me.....

I was determined not to be chicken.

I walked the length of a small town, and back, calling in a 2 shops on the way, and taking or buying things.

Remember LOTS of girls have done it. Act (as best yu are able) female, looking the part.
You'll be fine.

Off you go!
Sonia

[Intertwined]

If you have read many posts from either myself, or Intertwined, you know we go out dressed all the time. But with a twist! Both of us will look pretty much like a woman from the neck down, but definitely a man from the neck up!

The major point here is that you will be amazed at how little attention is paid to you. Unless you do dress to attract attention

Thank You Stephanie, I've said it before, and I will say it again, "It does not matter what others think about You ! It's what you think about yourself that counts ! "

[sterling12]

Actually your first time out I imagine you will get "The Rush," but that will only make you long for further adrenaline highs. Your "immersion" into your femme persona is still ahead for you.

Somewhere around your fifth or tenth time out, you will start to feel very comfortable with whom you are. The clothes will feel "right." Your mood will be "right." Your perceptions of people and things going on around you will feel "right." That is probably the ultimate high! You get the realization of, "this is me...it's where I belong." I think that's why A LOT OF US ARE ADDICTED, our brains crave the feeling and nothing seems to replace it.

I envy you, it's the start of so many great adventures, if you let it happen! Learn to be tolerant of others when your out there. Learn to be open and accepting. Learn to be ready for the next new idea.

You will have to face some situations that force ambivalence. Example? Can't imagine there's not a Gurl out there who hasn't sooner or later faced a "hit on." You probably will feel flattered, repulsed, and a tad curious(?) all at the same time. learn to consider such things as just a part of your femme-self "growing up." It's scary, but it's all part of The process.

Relax, when you come out The Other End, you will probably be a more complete person, and that ain't bad!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[TGMarla]

Don't forget your purse. And if you're worried about anyone walking by and blurting out, "Hey, that's so and so....!", a pair of sunglasses helps a great deal.

Now get on your heels and get out there! :thumbsup:

[StaceyJane]

My first time I just went from my house into my car, drove around the neighbourhood and back. Lately I've driven much, much farther. I've still only been out by my house or in an area where no one was around but the wonderful feeling of being out is still there.

[MichelleP]

Going out dressed, a whole new world will begin to open up for you. I doubt you will feel like "is that all there is?"

Good Luck and Be Safe

Michelle

[Nancy Richards]

My first time out was on a business trip, I had a good selection of clothes along. Got dress, makeup, wig, & heals. I drove around the parking lot of the lodging complex, exited the car and return to my room. The next time was two evenings later, this time I drove to a fast food resturant, ordered and return to my room. But not making business trips has eliminated any more outings like those.:)

[Jeanna]

Don't forget your "Earth quake bag",,you know just in case drab clothes and don't forget shoes you can run in lol!!:)

[dawnmarrie1961]

Dylen,

Old Tymers? We prefer the word vintage or matured individuals. Or just plain old farts.
I remember the song.



"I remember when i was a girl
Our house caught on fire
And i'll never forget the look on my father's face
As he gathered me in his arms
And raced to the burning building out on the pavement
And i stood there shivering
And watched the whole world go up in flames
And when it was all over
I said to myself
Is that all there is to a fire?
Is that all there is?

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

And when i was twelve years old
My daddy took me to the circus
The greatest show on earth
And there were clowns
And elephants
Dancing bears,
And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads
And as i sat there watching
I had the feeling that something was missing
I don't know what
But when it was all over
I said to myself
Is that all there is to the circus?

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

And then i fell in love
With the most wonderful boy in the world
We'd take long walks down by the river
Or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes
We were so very much in love
And then one day
He went away
And i'd thought i'd die
But i didn't
And when i didn't
I said to myself
Is that all there is to love ?

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep-

I know what you must be saying to yourselves
If that's the way she feels about it
Then why doesn't she just end it all?
Oh no. not me. i'm not ready for that final disappointment
Cause i know just as well as i'm standing here talking to you
That when that final moment comes
And i'm breathing my last breath
I know what i'll be saying to myself
Is that all there is?

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is"

but... i can't dance.

and this is all there is
and ever will be...
... an existence
without life.

"Is That All There Is?" written by Jerry Leiber (lyrics) and Mike Stoller (music). The song was made famous in a recording by Peggy


As for the thrill being gone? All I can say in answer to that is " You ain't seen nothing yet!!!"
Your are in for a lot of firsts. Than amazing thing is that every day that passes brings something new and amazing that you never expected. That is the wonderment of life. Enjoy it!

[Megan70]

Don't forget to bring adequate identification and a cell phone just in case......

and a male "bail out " bag for beginners for emergency quick change back to with bum around male clothes , socks and shoes, baby oil and cleanex for temporary quick makeup remover. All starter CDs venturing public should carry this in the back seat ubtil they feel confident they don't need it.

[CharleneT]

You may find it easier to join a local Tri-Ess group and go out with them. I will mention that a group of CD's tends to get read pretty quick, but there is safety and confidence in numbers. Especially the later - more experienced ladies can help you feel ok about how it is going. Might try just a walk in a residential neighborhood. The most important thing is to feel relaxed, know you'll be fine and enjoy yourself.

[CD Susan]

What an interesting thread this is! I have read every post in this thread and feel compelled to add my:2c: worth. I started going out dressed en femme in public just 15 months ago even though I have been a cd for the past 50 or so years! I wasted the most of my life by hiding in the closet and I deeply regret doing that. Since I left that comfort of the closet I have become a completely different person. I routinely go out dressed any place I want to and enjoy every minute of it. Nobody has ever said anything negative to me while I have been out dressed and I have to think that why was I so afraid to go out dressed for all those years? I am so glad that I made the leap to going out and will never regret doing this. My only regret is that I cid not do this many years ago when I was still young. I am making up for lost time now and will be going out again for yet another Susan adventure tomorrro.

[Marcia Blue]

My first time out was in the daylight. Even if you just drive around that would be my recommendation. No one bothered me or seemed to care.

[Renee Demarea]

What ever makes sense to you night or day,its a first step besides if you dont you will never know. Go For It...........:)

[jeanine38]

For my first and only time out I went to a gay-friendly coffee shop. I was scared to death getting out of the car and walking in.

No one batted an eye. It was a blast and I very quickly relaxed and enjoyed my coffee and book just like everyone else. I walked out and around the block with new confidence.