The sad tale of we older guys

[Kathy_G]

My beloved wife of fifty years died in January this year, so I am now alone in this cruel world. We married young, just before my twenty-first birthday, and she was twenty one; some foureen months older than I. We had a long and happy life together, raising three kids before settling into contented middle age with our children and grandchildren around us. For no apparent reason, our younger daughter died four years ago at age thirty-nine and her mother never really got over that loss. Children aren't supposed to die before their parents.

I hate to admit it, but I have been a CDer (or a fetish CDer) since long before we married. My wife discovered that quirk after thirty years of marriage, through carelessness on my part, and could never accept it. She trashed my stash, only to find another stash a year or so later, when she really 'hit the roof'. To all intents and purposes, that was the end of our marriage; but we did stay together. Back in our day one married for better or for worse, but the 'worse' was not something she could accept. Her husband of thirty years was a bl**dy weirdo. What attraction could he possibly find in women's clothing? And so our intimacy ended. We still loved each other. I certainly couldn't have faced life without her, and I think she had reached the stage where she could turn a blind eye to my idiosyncrasies. I was banished from her bed. Do whatever the h*ll you want, as long as I don't have to bl**dy see it. And she didn't see it. I stopped dressing, although I still longed for the tautness of a bra around my chest and a pair of nylon panties caressing my buttocks. God, I would have given anything if only she could have accepted me for what I was.

Ten years ago she suffered a heart attack and was in hospital for three or four weeks. But we.overcame that and she made an almost full recovery. Then four years ago she had a second massive heart attack. For the first four weeks she was completely comotose in intensive care, then spent a further six months in hospital. Over those seven months, I daily drove the thirty-odd miles to be at her bedside. All thought of CDing was pushed aside. It was towards the end of that period that our daughter died. My beloved wife felt so helpless, being stuck in a hospital.

She was eventually discharged, but had lost the use of her legs. Consequently, she had to be hoisted out of bed on to a commode each morning so she could do her ablutions, then be hoisted into a wheelchair for the rest of the day. But life was good. My wife was home, and I tended to her needs. She was diagnosed as diabetic and then needed insulin injections three times a day in addition to her other medications. During that time a never before experienced closeness developed. We were no longer in a You and I situation. It was 'Us' against the world. No matter what life would throw at us.

We now come back to my CDing. Whilst she was dozing or watching television from her bed of an evening, I would don a skirt with pantyhose and heels to spend an hour or two in my study, catching up with things on my computer; returning to male wear before settling her down for the night, or whenever she called for assistance. I'd then sleep in a nylon nightdress and panties. I know that in doing that I was feeding my own selfish needs, but oh how I wished (as her 'nurse') that I could boldly strut into her bedroom in the morning wearing a skirt and heels. That would however have been a bit too much.

And now she has gone. I can never, ever, 'come out' to her. Whether she would have accepted me in later life I will never know. Recalling her disgust and revulsion in finding my stash twenty years ago, I very much doubt it; but I was still the guy she married.

This has been a l-o-ng posting, and I apologise for that (if anyone bothers to read it). But I may well be typical of guys in our situation. I admire those who have had the courage to come clean with their SOs, and am extremely envious of the few who seem to have SOs who accept us for what we are.

So here I am. Sitting at my computer wearing a satin blouse with a knee length straight skirt, a bra with forms, full-length slip, suspender belt (garter belt) with stockings, and heels, clip-on earrings, a matching necklace and bracelet. And what do I feel? I feel I am a stupid old widower person with little or nothing to live for. My life ended with my wife's death. I look at the photographs of you transformed and gorgeous younger people, and wonder what might have been if I were but forty years younger.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Kathy, I am sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person and I know you miss her dearly. I know she is up there in heaven , unfettered by the all those earthly shackles, looking down on you and smiling. Her eyes are clear of all earthly fog and she sees the beauty of who you really are and that makes her happy. She realizes now how important those clothes were to you and is sorry she threw them away. And she looks forward to reuniting with you in the future. But not now. You've got a lot more life to live. Remember you are never alone so long as you have friends and family to love.:hugs:

[Andy66]

That is so sad. I read somewhere that when you lose or break up with a partner, the amount of time it takes to really get over the loss is about equal to the amount of time you were together. I've found that to be true, for shorter relationships at least. I can only begin to imagine what it must be like in your case. Poor you.

I hope you can find some distraction and maybe a few friends here. You might also have some valuable insight to offer some people.

[AllieSF]

Kathy,

I am with DawnMarie. God works in many mysterious ways, different for each one of us. Now is your time to let Kathy flourish to whatever point you want to take her. Go slow, enjoy, and, by all means, live. I am a very late bloomer in all of this and after a successful bout with cancer a few short years ago, I now plan to live and enjoy life as much as I can. I can honestly say that after a very full and enriching life so far, I am actually happier and more at ease now (while still in the closet and single) than probably any other time of my life. Go for it, you deserve it.

Hugs,

Allie

[Nicki B]

So, what you are saying is that you had good times together and bad times - that you have memories that warm you, and an opportunity now to take the freedom to be the person you want to be?


As long as we're alive, people live on, in us. But you owe it to them and to yourself to live the time you are given to the full? :) Life takes you places you never expected it to - that's what makes it interesting..

[LisaM]

Kathy,

I really feel for your loss. I just lost my father and I understand the conflicting emotions. Time will give you some peace--it generally does.

I had some conflicts with my father and on the night he was buried I had a wonderful dream that helped me (I shared it with my siblings) and my siblings reach a type of peace with him. Try to give it some time--but I agree that the young people today are blessed by the new ways of communication and the steps toward acceptance.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Kathy_G]

[COLOR="Black"[/COLOR]
Hi, Dawn.

Thank you for your response. Although I am a basic believer, and an ordained elder of our Church (albeit now inactive), I am afraid I do not whole-heartedly believe in a 'hereafter' where we gloriously meet our loved ones. I await my own passing because I have nothing left to live for. My wife has gone. I will wear a skirt in secrecy for as long as I can, but I really must rid myself of all this femme stuff before my family discover what 'dad' was really like. Having passed my allotted 'three score years and ten' I ought to be dumping all of that stuff NOW.

I have heard it said that we can live for ten years before the need to cross-dress returns, so now is probably the time to put a stop to it. But after fifty-odd years it's going to be difficult.

[TxKimberly]

I am SO saddened to hear of your wife's passing. My wife and I have been married "only" 22 years, and I just couldn't imagine life with out her. I am so sorry for your loss.

Welcome to the forum. :-)

[mklinden2010]

>>>So here I am. Sitting at my computer wearing a satin blouse with a knee length straight skirt, a bra with forms, full-length slip, suspender belt (garter belt) with stockings, and heels, clip-on earrings, a matching necklace and bracelet. And what do I feel? I feel I am a stupid old widower person with little or nothing to live for. My life ended with my wife's death. I look at the photographs of you transformed and gorgeous younger people, and wonder what might have been if I were but forty years younger.


Been there, did that... Lived anyway... Glad I did.

You sound about like how you should sound at the end of a long chapter in your life. The new chapter hasn't really started yet (you'll see), and it's probably not clear to you yet, but from here on out it's YOUR life, not you and your wife's life. That chapter ended when the, "'til death do us part," clause of the marriage contract kicked in.

So, grieve the passing of time, the passing of long loves, and find something (new) to do every day. You'll make plenty of mistakes and it will take a year (or, two, three, five...) but so long as you take care of yourself and eat, rest, exercise you'll be around to think up and try out new things and you'll be glad you had this extra lap in life.

The past is done. When you let go of more and more of it, you'll find yourself plenty busy and plenty involved in your increasingly improving life. But, you have to let go as you go.

Good luck with that.

Give yourself all the credit in the world for all you have done, and let that give you some confidence to go forward to other things and other people.

[Kathy_G]

I responded to Dawnmarie's initial response before I read all of your other comments. I am truly overwhelmed. I can't imagine that so many people would care about an old git like me.

For the first time in my life I feel welcome. I am not a solitary weirdo, and I thank you for that. Where do I go from here? I don't know. But I am encouraged.

[Sally24]

You should feel really lucky that you found your "Love". Many don't find someone to share their whole life with. I've been married to my soul mate for 31 years and try to imagine what I will do if she passes first. I can't clearly remember a time when we weren't together.............

Hang on to your memories of the good times and enjoy them like classic movies, they never lose their magic!!

[Kristy 56]

Kathy,your story is a remarkable love story. You put her needs before yours right to the end. I love my wife,and she doesn't know about Kristy,but I'm not sure if I could've been as strong as you. I hope that you can find the inner peace that you truly deserve.

[Victoria StJohn]

Kathy, I'm sorry for the lost of your love one and difficult times, these past few years. As time goes on, I'm sure things will become easier, but it will be a challenge. You seem so sensitive and caring, especially looking after your wife all those years and showing your love for her. I only wish I could but into words my thoughts for you at this time. You will find many friends here who will help to keep you strong and giving encouragement for the future. May the sun shine each day for you and keep your future bright. Cheers, VSJ:battingeyelashes::battingeyelashes:

[dawnmarrie1961]

Everyone needs someone or something to cling to in a time of turmoil when the world seems to have taken a turn for the worst and in the distant horizon all we see are dark clouds ahead. For some it is religious belief, what so ever their faith may be, that comforts them. For others it is a return to the behaviors of the past, so long as they are not self destructive, that gives them the strength to carry on. Or a combination of both. Equally important as each serves are certain need.

My wife,thankfully, is still with us. But we realize that we can not be together anymore, for obvious reasons. But the pain that I feel for her loss, although it holds no comparison to yours, is great indeed. Sometimes I question how I will ever make it another day without her. But I do. I have to . Each new day lived is a great gift. Don't waste it.

You may chose to hide that part of you that think is so undesirable and shameful but in the fullness of time all truths are eventually revealed even after we have all been shaken off the mortal coil of life. My father is still alive but if he passes and I find out that I never really knew him at all that would be another hurt I would have a problem dealing with.

I don't know who it was that said these words, "...you must know your father so that you may better know yourself....", OK ,maybe it was Star Wars. But do you get the point?

[Charlena]

Kathy, you took care of your wife when she needed you, and you stayed together because you loved each other. If you could maybe just find one person you could confide in the loneliness might not be so overwelming. My wife of 28 years was in the hospital 16 months ago and I thought she might not come home. But she did and I am very glad for during that time I reliazed how empty the house was. I am here if you want to PM me. Good thoughts to you my friend. You are a truly good person. Charlena

[Dressing Jill]

My tears are flowing down my face. That is so sad. I feel for you.

[Granny Gray]

Grieve your loss, Kathy. Grief is like a mud hole in the road. The only way out of it is THROUGH it. When you have a loss, you must grieve or you never heal from the pain of the loss. Then comes, soon, the day when again the sun shines and the flowers bloom. We "elders" must remember what an old NY Yankee catcher once said and apply it to your life: About a base ball game Casey Stingle once in his inimitable way observed: "It ain't over 'till it's over." Let's let be our life too. Jaye... (Senior Lady!)

[Alicia_cd]

i'm sorry for your loss...

Do you really feel that you have to stop your dressing now though?

Also I sincerely disagree with you when say that we can live for ten years before the need to cross-dress returns, I know I couldn't last that long. :heehee:

[Jessica Who]

Hi Kathy,

You don't have to apologize for a post in which you pour your soul into. It took a lot of courage to share that with us and for that I certainly applaud you. I am truly sorry for the loss of your loved ones.

You will definitely find a support group here on the forums, and perhaps you can find a local one as well. You may think that you have no reason to live, but I can tell you have already made a difference in my life.

By simply reading your story, I am compelled to share it with my CD friends who have not accepted themselves or are suppressing their feelings. Please take care of yourself and I wish you nothing but the best.

Hugs

Jessica

[DinaMature]

A lesson for us all. The ones we love, that love us... can be vitally important and cherished, and yet never fully accept all that we are.
What price is there for the full freedom to be all that WE think we need to be. What is really important in our lives, where is our real happiness?

God bless you, Kathy and may God bless your bride and her memory.

[Kathy_G]

Charlena, your response is particularly meaningful. When Chris (my late wife) was in a coma, we seriously doubted she would survive. And when the dreaded kidney failure kicked in, that seemed to be the final straw. But those phenomenal people in Intensive Care worked their wonders and we then thought 'she's going to make it home'. That truly was a day of Glory. I can really appreciate when you say you came through a similar thing. Medical staff really are wondrous.

On a lighter vein, I thank Sally24, Kristy, and Victoria for your support. I particularly thank TxKimberly for her contribution. The beautiful Kim is an inspiration to so many of us on this board. That she's chucked in her tuppence worth (sorry, 2c-worth on your side of the Pond) is almost beyond belief. The Goddess of cd.com has noted my humble posting.

[suchacutie]

Maybe there are other ways...

You've had a wonderful relationship, and you stood by her (I'm only married 36 years). No one can make it easy for you to grieve the separation. It's part of love: when that love is lost, the better it was the harder the separation.

But we are all still alive. It's time for a new life. Grandma Moses started painting in retirement! The list of people who start second lives when one part of life ends is endless.

As far as the items you need for your feminine side, there may be other ways to handle them, but giving in is not one of them. Before you purge, spend some time thinking. After all, there's no rush at the moment. After all, is there no one who would just smile if they found the items of your feminine self?

Oh, and by the way, it was Yogi Berra who coined, "It ain't over til it's over", I believe, though Casey Stengle was with the Yankees for a long number of years.

Welcome here and I hope you stay with us for a long time to come!

tina

[Misty is Kindafem]

Kathy,

Please stay here for awhile and find comfort in kindred spirits.

I can only imagine what it's like to be alone after so many years but trust me when I say there are worse things than being alone.

It touched me when you mentioned feeling silly because I've felt that way myself. Why we do this is a mystery to all of us but somehow it is a part of who we are that is not going away even after so many years of hiding from your wife and hating yourself.

You're still here.
You still enjoy being pretty.
We're all here for you.

Thank you for reminding me to stop wasting my life being trapped by my own fears.

For the first time in your life, allow yourself the pleasure of indulging your femininity.

You've earned it.

-Misty

[Aubrey Green]

Kathy, I will never know the wonderful existence you had with this woman. Some things are more important than CDing. But I do know of your loss, My dad passed away rather unexpectedly in March. He had 55 years with my mom and from his diagnosis to his passing, was 2 weeks. How can a couple that had been together so long, sum everything up in 2 weeks? We are your extended family and there is always someone here to converse with. My heart truly goes out to you for your losses. :hugs:


:daydreaming:

[April Renee]

This is the best thread I have ever read here. I'm sorry for your loss and inspired by your strength. God bless you and yours.

[Lorileah]

Kathy, accept my sincere sympathy having lost my wife this year also. I was lucky that my wife accepted me no matter what and I too increased dressing the last six months of her life.

You never get over the loss but hopefully you will feel better soon. One thing that may help is for you not to beat yourself up over the dressing part. If it helps there is no reason to stop. Worrying about what will happen if you are discovered in the future is putting undue stress on your health. As they say 100 years from now will anyone care or remember. Ideally you will tell your children so that they can be prepared AND you can relax and enjoy what makes you happiest in this hard time.

I found several good friends here even if I have never met the, personally. They have been here for me and their friendship and caring have helped. Please let us do the same for you. Stay with us.

[sissystephanie]

I responded to Dawnmarie's initial response before I read all of your other comments. I am truly overwhelmed. I can't imagine that so many people would care about an old git like me.

For the first time in my life I feel welcome. I am not a solitary weirdo, and I thank you for that. Where do I go from here? I don't know. But I am encouraged.

Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss and I can truly say I know how you feel! I lost my wife a little over 4 years ago! We did not quite make our 50th, missing it by 5 months. But the worst part was that we had grown up together from about age 9, so had known each other over 60 years. I too felt like my life had come to an end.

But these great people on this forum helped me and we can help you. I always greet newcomers to the Forum by welcoming them "to our family!" That is the way I regard this forum! As part of my family. My wife was totally accepting of my CD activities and even did my wig and my makeup. But I had told her before we were married, so there was no surprises.

You are NOT a weirdo, and you are not "in solitary!" We are all here to help each other in any way that we can. All you have to do is ask! BTW, I am 77!

:hugs:

[ginafaye]

so sorry for your loss kathy, my wife is so suportive of me and my crossdressing as long as we keep it private. As we grow older i often ponder our fate . i know whoevr survives the other would fall into such a depressive funk it would be insufferble........and she has so many more health concerns than i ,ifear iwould just go crazy with grief i feel your sorrow,,,,,,,,,

[Cheshire Gummi]

I don't want to sound like a quixotic fool, but if I could trade your lot, I would do that. Maybe you could have another go at it. I'm 21 and I've spent most of my days hunting for acceptance and easing my pain with drugs. If I could give you my life instead, I would, because maybe you could do something with it that I can't.

I really do wish there was something more I could do for you than just offer words, but if you need someone to listen to you or to talk with who won't judge you, you can contact me.

[luvSophia]

...And now she has gone. I can never, ever, 'come out' to her.
Kathy, you have my condolences and my sympathy over the loss of your wife. While "coming out" to my wife isn't on the list (I was blessed with a wonderfully accepting and supportive wife) there are a LOT of things that I am sorry we'll never be able to do together now.

But I strongly believe that when one door is shut another is opened to us. And though that particular door is firmly closed, there is a window in it through which I can still view and remember the good times we had and the things we did together. And hopefully I, and you, will find the door which has been opened into a new room in our lives.

[Teri Jean]

Kathy you are not alone in that we are alike in so many ways. I too am not the younger person that some are but I too lost my wife a couple years ago in a car accident. To that point I offer my condolences. It seems like she would walk through the door and here I am sitting in a mini-skirt and tank top with makeup posting to you. oooops caught
Although my wife never "caught" me dressed she did know about the panties and thigh high nylons. Our life in the later years was separated in the bedroom also and it was lonely but I loved her and I think she knew that but our romance was over.

The old reality is behind us now and there is a new reality before us to mold into a new norm so although you should never forget the special moments you had with her you have to move forward and make new friends and memories. So girl hike up your skirt and slip on the heels and step out into the new universe and go where no one has gone before. Explore, concure, and if the moment and person is right lay down roots in the new frontier. In other words have fun, love you and huggs around.

Teri

[BarbiB]

I empathize completely and absolutely. Losing the intimacy of marriage to deteriorating health. And then, watching the one you love slide towards the precipice of mortality is the worst emotional experience imaginable. Simultaneously dealing with "the urge" and feelings of guilt about behavior she never tolerated is more than an "ordinary" person could ever imagine.You have my absolute admiration and respect for foregoing your own desires and putting her needs before yours. My wife is ill and I too am dealing with what you endured. You have experienced the worst this life has to offer. Nothing can hurt you as badly from here onwards. I do know that time helps to somewhat ease the pain and wish you the best in the future. It has to get better.

[Charleen]

Kathy, my heart is with you. I lost my wife almost 4 years ago to cancer when she was only 52 and we had been married for 30 years. The pain will slowly ebb.
I hid for those 30 years. I tried to come out to he a few times and did not get a good reaction so I stayed in the closet. Oh well. I figured my marriage was more important than panty hose and beside, I was still and still am who I am regardless of how I am dressed.
Today I have the house to myself so I dress how I please but to be honest I would trade that freedom for one more opportunity to hear my dear say, Good morning love, here's your cup of coffee.

[meri]

Kathy,
You have my condolences too.

You have to realize your life ain't over yet -- unless you want it to be so. Plenty of people have been able to somehow follow their spouses "out" if they put their mind to it. You sound as if you are depressed enough to do so.

At 70 or 71, you can still look forward to many more years. There are many things to do, activities, grandkids, dressing opportunities. You don't have to will yourself into the grave just yet if you don't want to.

You may need a little medical help to lift you out of your fog-- go see a doc and get some help.

Your last 20 years have been difficult and you could have made some better choices. Choose better with the remaining time you have.

[celeste26]

There's been lots of good advice for you and I wont bother to repeat it all but add one little more. Physical activity will be one way to clear your head and get the cobwebs out. No I dont suggest you suddenly become a marathon runner, but taking walks would be good. Just something to get the blood pumping again, and be sure to breathe well. Just be sure to keep the head up and look to the path, dont want you to stumble.

God loves you and wants what's best for you (not always what you might want for yourself though), so keep your mind clear and open and we'll all keep you in our prayers.

[SherriePall]

Kathy -- All I'm going to say is that I am so sorry for your loss.

[Empress Lainie]

Kathy, I am only a few years older than you. You are lucky to have had your wife for so long. I had always wondered when I got married at 23 and my wife was 31 if we would last till our 50th. It would have been Sept 20 this year. Me at 74, she would have been 82.

We were only married for 26 years. She died in 1995 the day after my birthday, and was living with our daughter. She died from colon cancer.
Our daughter for about 5 years devoted herself to her mother although working full time.

I lost my 2nd wife after only 4 years, and she was only 35. It took me 3 long years to come to terms with it and even now I will start crying when I talk about her. That was in 1989. So its been 20 years since then. She died on Sept 21, the day after my first wedding anniversary.
Strange thing about those date juxtapositions.

Like you, I wonder at our age, what's the use in going on. I can't get any work, no matter how well my qualifications match the job, just due to age.

I actually got married again at age 65 when I thought there would never be any more romance or love in my life. We were together for 5 years and friends and lovers for 7 more until my transition which she couldn't handle even though she was a social worker. So I lost her too.

I think you should indulge yourself in your dressing. I am sorry for you that she wasn't able to come to terms with it for you. Maybe there is a crossdressers group where you live. Maybe a social group of older people would help you. For me its dancing and I don't associate with people my age except for two dear friends, both female. Guess that makes me weirder than I was when I thought I was a guy.

[Mitzi]

Kathy...

Your story left me wiping tears from my eyes. No, my wife is very well and alive, and will probably outlive me.

But much of your story sounded exactly like mine. An often discordant marriage of over 50 years, discovery of my CDing after 30, leading to separate bedrooms. I'd often thought of moving out, but just couldn't.

But reading your story, I knew that's exactly how I'd feel if she were to pass away...

Mitzi

[Granny Gray]

I did think Casy Stingle was the voice behind the mangled words of baseball. Now, someone has said it was Yogi Berra. Both had long careers in the pin stripes. Frankly I'm not sure who said what, both were famous for murdering the "American" language. The truth of the point however, remains. As Dr. F. Kubler-Ross wrote in her book: "On Death and Dieing" grief is a process we all experience when a loss happens. The greater we sense loss, the greater the grief. And Kathy, be sure the ladies on this forum are sincere in their expressions of caring and encouragement. People, for all our failings, really do CARE.

[MarcellaMcNul]

I can't remember being as touch by a post and all of it's responses.

I offer my condolences and echo what other's have said about this forum being like a family that forgets it's squabbles and disagreements when another member is found to be in need.

I will share for what's worth my experience with my own family members. My mother's sisters were both in close,long term "life" marriages and after their husbands died, each mentioned to me that they were now "Just waiting to die" themselves.

What I consider to be important enough about that to post is that time very definately tempered those feelings and each of them continued on into the new chapter in thier lives (as was mentioned earlier) and by my observations they developed activities that were fulfilling and even happy.

I believe that if it was possible for them then is possible for the rest of us.

Best wishes.

Marcella

[Mary Morgan]

So Kathy, Sounds like you have lost your best friend and perhaps your way. I lost my first wife age 49 after 28 years of marriage and two children. I felt very much as you do and emersed myself in wine, food, loneliness and regret. Friends tried hard to help me get through and after about a year, I finally decided to try to move on. She is still a big part of my life and always will be. I must tell you I belief your wife is with you, she knows how you feel and how you are dressed, and she wants you to be happy. she made a big investment in you and you owe it to her to pick yourself up and enjoy your life until you are together again. I re-married about three years later and have a new chapter in my life. I doesn't replace anything, it just adds to it. Surround yourself with people, go out to dinner, dress to the nines and live your life. If you need a friend to chat with I'm here. Hugs, Mary

[Vieja]

Kathy, I have always felt that words are inadequate when someone has suffered the loss of a loved one but what else is there that one can offer. Grief will eventually fade and you will probably only remember the good things in your lives together. Take time now to cry a bit and dwell on fond memories then pick up the pieces and get on with your life.

Vieja

[Nicki B]

For the first time in my life I feel welcome. I am not a solitary weirdo, and I thank you for that. Where do I go from here? I don't know. But I am encouraged.

IT TAKES TIME... but the scars do heal over - trust me.

For those that have never been there, it can be hard to understand - but it IS much better to have loved, wholly and truly, than never to have known that. I know others who aren't driven to look for anyone else, because what they had once still sustains them.. Kathy, it can do you, too.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Kathy, I know from where you come from, my wife and I buried her son(he was 44) two years ago and she will never get over that. She also has found my "stash" and has demanded that I see a therapist!!!! I have briefly talked to one and was told that "I have accepted my inner self and am experiencing outward relief" I am in my sixties and have been dressing in various degrees for over 50 years (even if I wanted to I wouldn't want to or even consider stopping) We do move on in our lives and we come into contact w/people we haven't met,or seen; IE: sisters here. We all have a common thread here can pour out our feelings and ask for advice. Welcome sister!!!!!

Mollyanne

[Lisa LIckorice]

Kathy,
Reading your post broke my heart! It's so hard to lose someone so close. I can't imagine the pain that you feel, but she will live on through your memories. If I could be any help to you, please let me know. In my regular day job I'm a bereavement counselor.
Again, my condolences.
Lisa

[Carol A]

Kathy,
Don't feel old because of age, I am 70 now married for 46 years still dress everyday but not as pretty as I was at a younger age.

I feel your hurt because I know one day soon I will also face loosing my wife. Sweetheart life goes on and you are still full of life and spirit so use it to be happy and enjoy what you have left.
My picture was taken last fall before going out to dinner, enjoy and have fun. :love:

[TGMarla]

Kathy, first of all, welcome to the forum. It's as my late father-in-law always said to me: "Y'know...getting old sucks!" He was a character, and passed away before his time, certainly before we were ready to let him go.

Right now, you may feel that you have little or nothing left to live for, but that's far from the truth. This is simply the next chapter for you, and you have not yet found out what it's about. Don't brood too much. Try to remember that your dear wife would not want to see you so unhappy. And life is so fleeting. You may as well try to enjoy your time now, as it will not be long - a blink of eternity's eye - before we're all gone.

For one thing, now you can crossdress to your heart's content. You need not be house-bound if you choose to go out, and you can really do whatever you want to. You've earned it. Grief is a very blunt instrument that leaves its mark forever. We never "get over" the loss of our loved ones. We just learn to live with the loss. You will, too.

So chin up, dear. Young and pretty isn't everything. Remember what Kathy Bates said in "Fried Green Tomatoes" (and I'm paraphrasing): "You may be young and pretty, but I'm older and have more insurance!" Anyway, I thought it was funny. Good flick. Watch it sometime. It's about how a woman learns to just deal with things despite growing older.

And we're always here, too, if you need to talk. So hang in there, and try to find a flow for yourself. You'll wind up surprising yourself once you find your feet again. And those feet can wear heels whenever you want to.

:hugs: :love: Hugs and flowers ..... hey, they help! :D

[ginafaye]

just about lost my wife,this weekend asma atack at a resturant paramedics had to respond and a fast ride to the hospital it wasreally scary this time

[Joanne f]

Kathy,
I am so sorry to hear what your wife and you have gone though over your life together and now what you are going through on your own .
Someone once told me that there are good times in your life and there are bad times but it seams some times some get all the bad times and some get all the good times .
I know it is hard but try to think positive and of the good times and make the rest of your life a bit happier and if you need to chat at any times feel free to PM me .
Oh and welcome .

[Teri Jean]

Kathy, Dawn could not have put it better and I agree. I lost my wife two years ago and I know in my heart she is smiling, laughing and crying as I stumble walk and run in this life. She may not have understood or accepted but now she can see things much more clear.

So sweetheart, get dressed and put on your makeup and step out in the world and have fun. You will know what to do and go but know this you have all of us as support.

Teri