Psychology of the male/female boundary

[Crysten]

This was going to be a post on the "what's the longest you've been dressed" thread, but it took another turn, and I thought it was interesting enough for it's own thread. Scary delving into your own head sometimes, isn't it.

-----

Last summer, every minute for 6 weeks, when I wasn't at work, I was fully enfemme. I think the longest stretch during that time was about 5 days (took some time off work to do it). Kids were away at grandparents house for the summer, and my wife was super cool about it.

Something I just thought of--last summer was the longest stretch ever for me personally dressing enfemme as much as possible. One thing I noticed during that time (and since) -- the longer I was enfemme, the harder it became to not act totally feminine. Like, my internal controls were breaking down, and my female self was freeing herself from the psychological male bonds within me.

At first, this was a bit disturbiing - "am I losing control here?" sort of thing. And this hasn't gone away, either. Seems like when those barriers are down, they stay down. The girl comes closer to the surface, and she refuses to be caged. I wonder what psychology is behind this. I have no idea. A year later, even though I'm not dressing as much as I was then, my inner girl is still MUCH closer to the surface than she was before last summer.

This seems to be the case even when I'm not dressed at all now. Well, I wear panties 24/7, so MOSTLY not dressed. Is this a natural consequence of being a crossdresser? Or is this a stage (or evolution) of a transgender person? I never considered myself (and still don't consider myself) a transsexual. But if my female side, which has definitely gotten stronger, continues to get stronger, then what?

Truely, I have no idea.

Crysten

[DinaMature]

To offer my take:

Just late last year I came to grips with my CD nature. It was early December when I joined this forum, frantically seeking some direction and validation with this new found nature. During the winter spanning '08 to '09, I too spent days at a time completely enfemme.
I hated tasks that took me away from the safety of my house and that forced me back into drab.
Time passed, life intervened and my crossdressing went from most of the time to half n half to part time.

Having spelled all that out, I understand completely what you describe- as I spent more time wrapped in the female side of myself, I became more womanly in my carriage and gestures. And it wasn't an excercise or experiment, rather more of an evolution. The change came very spontaneously.
And now, certainly more drab than fem, much of that change remains. I feel my feminine self as a constant presence, guiding much of what I do.

For myself, I think it's my two halves becoming more incorporated, better operating as a unit. I do not foresee ever being in a position to transition- but rather than feeling like I'm being denied a true nature, I feel I'm more whole now than I was for the many years previous.

[deja true]

I'm more in line with Dina's way of thnking here. Rather than there being a "knocking down" of the masculine wall, there is rather a building up or, more aptly, a release from self compelled and/or socially mandated repression of a part of our personalities.

I don't think I've lost any of my "male-ness". But I have enhanced my "person-ness" by opening myself up to a repressed femininity. Just as Mr. Uber-Macho can become a better person by being a little more sensitive and not so obnoxiously hyper-masculine, so can Miss Ultra-Femme profit from becoming a little more self-reliant and a little less dainty.

Confident Person-hood and self-esteem are the goals, not just the veneer of femininity or masclinity. Those gender overlays can help us feel more comfortable with our internal selves, but they're just the method, not the ultimate goal. It may be that the bravest of us all are those who need to strive for a genderless expression, thereby defying all convention. (The angels are genderless beings remember ... and who's closer to the godhead of perfection than the angels?)

;)

[Sophia de la luz]

I find this inquiry fascinating. How it is that the feminine parts assert themselves, how the masculine parts can give them a turn. I have had fears of being overwhelmed in a way that maybe I wouldn't recognize myself anymore.
The clothing has become something fun. As I slowly get used to the experience of a strong feminine side, my confidence and naturalness in the experience goes up, too. Sex with my wife has changed a lot over the last year. She's is available for a mutuability of roles that has made sexuality a wonderful vehicle for allowing the feminine a wonderful chance to express herself and her lust. This in turn, has really helped in making the feminine traits more dominant in other times.
The psychology of it all is very fascinating.

[GaleWarning]

My personality is androgynous. I can talk rugby with the guys and lingerie with the ladies.

The way I look at it, it is others who have the problem. They have the expectations. I choose to meet those expectations by not crossdressing in public (well, I am always under-dressed, but they don't know that!), because I realize that it is they who would be more likely NOT to be able to handle the situation, and I who would suffer adversely, as a consequence.

In the workplace, it is too easy to be judged "unsuitable" by external appearance only. How many bosses and work colleagues judge their staff solely on their ability to do the job well? Very few, where I am!

[DawnRodgers]

There is no question that my feminiune side is closer to the surface and I am more comfortable and secure in being Dawn. When fully outfitted I am more happy and so into being a woman. Love sitting at the desk, my nylons rubbimg together as I type on the computer, see my red tipped fingers flying over the keyboard, feeling my mascaraed eyelashes as my eyes blink, see a lipstick mark on my drinking glass and thinking how happy I would be if I could look and dress this way every day of my life. Secure in my femininity. I often find myself, in group environments, hanging with the gals, enjoying their company and conversations. The guys in the living room, watching sports, being macho with each other and thinking how stupid they sound and how glad I'm not with them or like them. I would love to trade places with any of the woman, willing to live out my life as one of them doing everything a woman does, has to do or wants to do - wishing I were one of them.

[Ms Mira]

I don't have much experience dressing, but I can completely empathize with what you are saying. Earlier this year, I had a Mistress and started dressing more, putting myself into a more submissive frame of mind each day. I have to admit that coercing that femme part of my personality out was a very sexy part of the process and was fun. At the same time, it was impossible to escape that frame of mind even when I wasn't dressed at all, and to be honest, it made me wonder what kind of sacrifices I would have to make in order to integrate dressing into my life.

[Fab Karen]

Regardless of how dressed, I'm me. Get a 100 people to define feminine things. Masculine things. You aren't likely to get uniform answers ( unless you visit a backwoods town where the confederate flag is flown on a govt. building ).

[tricia_uktv]

Interesting stuff. What I have tried to do is not specifically build up my feminine side as to remove the social conditioning in my masculine side. That way my natural self should come through. I actually didn't mind if it is masculine or femine (but secretly knew it was feminine). What I don't do is try to add any feminine specific layers onto myself, so I won't go over the top in gesture or speech. I think I just want to find out my true self and I think I am getting there. She's quite a nice girl actually :)

[dawnmarrie1961]

The psychology is not unique to you. The more a type of behavior is re-enforced the more it becomes common place or second nature.This is a slippery slope to be on because as one accelerates towards a certain type of behavior the harder it is to break away or change it without a drastic intervention or purge.

Not all roads lead to a sex change, they just appear to be running parallel with it. And even if you think you are on "that" road. The nice thing about "roads" is that there is always a "crossover" ( I like that word "CROSSOVER" it seems so appropriate here.:heehee:) up there a few miles ahead that you can use to make a u-turn,if you wish, and go in the other direction.

Nothing is ever written in stone. You decide. It's all about choice.

[charlie]

I think DawnMarie has gotten to the real answer. "The more a type of behavior is re-enforced the more it becomes common place or second nature.This is a slippery slope to be on because as one accelerates towards a certain type of behavior the harder it is to break away or change it without a drastic intervention or purge." I find myself sitting differently, walking differently and even playing pool differently then the way I did things last year. The more I dress and go out, the more I portray myself as a female.

[PhyllisB]

I have a very understanding wife who let's me dress up and play or just do everyday things around the house. She told me just last night how happier I seemed to be while en femm. Told me I just floated around the house and got more done during the day. WOW! This just blew me away. I must say that I do feel more content and at times more confidant or just a higher sense of self-worth. I too find it hard to stop the feminine movements after even a day or two straight. My wife will have the chance to play role reversal for an entire week the first time during the first week of August. I have purchased a strap-on for her and we went shopping yesterday for my new outfit to wear. Oh yes one more thing…I will be getting my legs waxed for the first time…OUCH… This will be the longest period straight I will have been dressed en femm and have been dressing since I was 13 years of age. I don’t fight the urges to dress up any longer I just go with the flow and enjoy life the way I want. Wishing you all a fabulous life!:daydreaming:

[dawnmarrie1961]

I think DawnMarie has gotten to the real answer. "The more a type of behavior is re-enforced the more it becomes common place or second nature.This is a slippery slope to be on because as one accelerates towards a certain type of behavior the harder it is to break away or change it without a drastic intervention or purge." I find myself sitting differently, walking differently and even playing pool differently then the way I did things last year. The more I dress and go out, the more I portray myself as a female.

I was just playing around with my test tubes and had one of those eureka moments.

[VictoriaP]

I love Fab Karen's motto.....GENDER IS A STATE OF MIND"I think that says it.....but not all. A long time ago(longer than I want to remember) when in college I had an older male friend who was committed to the idea of the dual nature in all of us, i.e., female and male, good/evil, etc. I revealed to him that I loved to "dress up" (even then!)
and he was not surprised, or put off; he just put his arms around me and said, "of course you do, you are as female as you are male, although not many men ever come to understand that". My entire life I have been at peace with this concept, whether watching football with male friends, or putting on make-up as Victoria. The failing is in our society, when we cannot fully express our female side without incurring derision.

[Rachel Morley]

Is this a natural consequence of being a crossdresser? Or is this a stage (or evolution) of a transgender person? I never considered myself (and still don't consider myself) a transsexual. But if my female side, which has definitely gotten stronger, continues to get stronger, then what?
I'm with you all the way. Over the years my dressing has gotten more prevalent and I dress more often and for longer periods. If we are going away somewhere (like SF Pride weekend last month) I will dress fully en femme the whole trip with no boy clothes available to me. I essentially become "temporary full time". The consequences of this (slippery slope?) is that it is now very normal for me to be dressed and stay dressed. If I don't spend some time (say at least a couple of times a week) en femme it seems "wrong" to me. My boy self has always been fairly girly, but I think I'm becoming more girly in my mannerisms and attitude at work etc. You how they say guys are supposed to think about sex every 6 minutes? ... well my thoughts aren't about sex, they always seem to be about being transgendered. Like thinking about my TS friends' surgeries, or what clothes I'll be wearing out to our next TG social or party, or some other TG related thing to do with my laser hair removal etc, etc. It does seem to be somewhat escalating, but I'm not worried about it one bit :)


The more a type of behavior is re-enforced the more it becomes common place or second nature.
Indeed! .... "act the way you want to be and soon you will be the way you act!" :)

[GaleWarning]

You how they say guys are supposed to think about sex every 6 minutes? ... well my thoughts aren't about sex, they always seem to be about being transgendered. Like thinking about my TS friends' surgeries, or what clothes I'll be wearing out to our next TG social or party, or some other TG related thing to do with my laser hair removal etc, etc. It does seem to be somewhat escalating, but I'm not worried about it one bit :)


Indeed! .... "act the way you want to be and soon you will be the way you act!" :)

I know what you mean, Rachel. I used to think about sex every six minutes, too, but these days, I only think about it every 12 minutes.
I must be becoming more girly than I thought!
:D

[BreenaDion]

My take is your not a transgender. Just a basic CD gettting a bigger trill.

I have transgenered starting a few months ago, and in the working process to go forward with SRS is my goal. If you have transitioned like I am going threw, girl freind you will definitely know it .

Have fun with the cding an good luck

For when your mind starts to transition, girl you will know it!

Love Bree:love:

[sometimes_miss]

Crysten, it's the ""am I losing control here?" that concerns you, and it's also the thing that you use to limit your time where you 'allow' yourself to feel female. So when you have no reason to limit yourself, it worries you that you want to stay dressed more than you think appropriate.

My only advice would be to 'let it go'. Be 'the man' when you have to be. But allow your 'inner babe' to express herself as much as she wants, because apparently 'she' isn't getting enough time for you to feel comfortable when you have to crossdress back into being the guy!

[Satrana]

I think there are two processes at work here. When you are able to cd regularly especially over extended periods so it feels normal, the bonds of masculinity, which are based on fear, are forever broken and the prison your femininity has been caged up in lies in rubble. When you feminine side emerges into the daylight it blossoms like a flower.

It is not a question of your feminine side taking over, rather it is your personality reaching its full potential after years of one side of it being repressed. And as you noted once it is out and flowering, you no longer need to CD in order to access it because the male bonds of fear no longer inhibit you from feeling feminine even when you are en drab.

The masculine/feminine boundaries are artificial and exist only in society not inside your head. The more whole and complete you are as a person, the more other people will like you. The fear of expressing femininity whilst en drab isolates CDs from society. We feel we must always be in control to ensure nobody ever gets an inkling what we are. This limits us, this damages our relationships. Be happy to free yourself of this unwarranted burden and enjoy your greater potential.

[Ralph]

There's a boundary?

[dawnmarrie1961]

There's a boundary?

Answer: (Simple) Only the boundary that we , ourselves,in our minds construct.

[Crysten]

Answer: (Simple) Only the boundary that we , ourselves,in our minds construct.

For me, this is absolutely true. For years and years, even though I dressed regularly (at last two or three times a week) I suppose I never felt exactly feminine, or acted feminine, while doing so. For whatever reason, my mind must have partitioned off the feminine part of me, and fairly completely too. Then last year, I stayed enfemme so long, that (and this is true) I could actually FEEL the barriers coming down. Disconcerting at best. I would dress in front of my wife regularly, but never really acted the part. Just a guy in drag. Then, I began to find it impossible to continue acting as a guy in drag, and really could not prevent the femininity from coming thru. Funny my wife never said anything to me, but I'm SURE she noticed. Before, I probably would have defined myself as 75% male, 25% female......now I'm not sure, maybe 50/50. What's makes this difficult is that with my kids around, even though the girl is here more than ever, she's back under wraps :sad: and only comes out when I can get them all out of the house.

Crysten