Is it the 'what' or the 'why' ?

[helenr]

I have wondered for many years about the usually negative reaction females have to crossdressing. I believe there is more enlightenment about the concept of a 'transgendered person' and therefore more tolerance of that segment. But I think that most women aren't so keen about crossdressing otherwise heterosexual males. I wonder if there is the vague fear/concern that along with the clothes and makeup will come a desire to 'experiment' to see how it is like to be a female in a relationship--that this may be the core of the disapproval. what do others think?

[sometimes_miss]

Women are mostly concerned when it's someone they're romantically connected to that's experimenting with donning the female role. They rely on us for protection and financial support; even those who are able to support themselves always have it in the back of their mind that you are 'taking care of' them. By taking the feminine, traditionally more submissive role IN ANY WAY, you make them uneasy because deep down inside, they suddenly see you to be not as stable anymore, and your ability to 'take care' of them becomes in question.

[TSchapes]

I will tell you though that as I tell more and more people about Tracy, it isn't women or men that have a problem with it. It's our SO's! I've told a number of women that are very accepting of it, but I bet if their own SO's came out as transgendered it would rock their world!

I think it has to do with, "What will the neighbors think? What will my family think?", pure and simple.

-Tracy

[PennyH]

When my wife found out, she wasnt interested in why or what, just that id let her down, now were separating after 15 years.

[mklinden2010]

>>>I wonder if there is the vague fear/concern that along with the clothes and makeup will come a desire to 'experiment' to see how it is like to be a female in a relationship--that this may be the core of the disapproval. what do others think?

First, I agree with Tracey about the, "What will the neighbors think?" aspect.

Second, I think much of the rest of it is the, "What about me?" set of concerns....


I don't think it's a "vague" fear or concern. I think it's a very real and sensible fear and/or concern.

Having been through this at least three times (I'm older than I used to be), the red flags that pop up are the same big ones over and over:

"Are you gay? Do you want to have sex with men? Have you been doing other stuff? Do you want to be a woman? Are you telling me this to break up with me?"

If you see someone walking in the middle of the street with a hunting rifle, you have a set of questions, and reactions, based on YOUR main priorities in life. Think about that scene for a second - a guy walking down a city street carrying a hunting rifle... Visualize it... Think about your reaction.... Then, as you get more information (It's a parade, dummy!) you may feel a little silly later. But, better safe than sorry, right?

In the long run, I think the "core" of their reaction ("disapproval" is probably assuming too much, really) is that the introduction of anything "new" in a relationship always changes things - sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. And, it's not always easy to see how this topic, unlike a new car that shows up in the garage, is a "good" thing. Later, as they get more information, crossdressing, etc., may be realized as a good thing - as perhaps, part of the entire, "a-relationship-with-you" package.

Again, from "their" point of view, there's little reason to think this new information is going to be a "good" thing when the first shoe gets dropped... And, it's not at all unreasonable for there to be resistance or objections to this new wrinkle - especially if the CDer has been completely secretive about this aspect of themselves until they get around to, "having a talk," with their SO. Which, all by itself, begs the, "Why tell me now?" worry.

The make-up and clothing part of all this, in my experience, turns out to be a minor "time burner" in their universe. They've been doing the clothes and make-up for years and your efforts are likely to be more humorous than dangerous.

As for the experimenting with other things - in the long run most people wind up preferring knowing what they're dealing with than not. If you want to "experiment," just go ahead and say it and let them deal with a known than an unknown.

It's always amused me that women will eventually ask, "Why would you want to have sex with men? They smell bad, they don't listen, they take forever to grow up..."

If I point out, "Yes, but you do!" they respond, "Yeah, but that's just the way it is for me. If there were other choices, I might pick something else. But, you know, if you want to have a house, kids, and all that..."

People, women and men, just want to have a good life. Getting that takes all kinds of work, education, practice, and adjustments.

We don't always love the process, and we sure don't like it when something or someone comes along to mess with our plans...

When people say, "I didn't expect this!" or, "I didn't sign up for this!" they're not saying, "Nooooo waaaay!" every time. Very often all they're saying is, "So, how is this supposed to work, genius?"

Then, it's on you to answer the question and put things back on a good track - not the same track, that's in the past - but an "at least as good as track." Which is only fair, you brought it up...

To get along easily in life, never bring up a problem without having a solution (or, two) to propose right along with it...

[helenr]

excellent, thoughtful replies. you are all correct! I believe that even a super open minded female would panic if it is 'her man' that want to wear panties, paint his toenails pink, etc. too many implications, inferences, incorrect assumptions. such a dilemma.

[Sarah_GG]

I consider myself to be a supporting SO of a CDing partner. I like it, I really do. But, I'm very lucky because my SO has been up front from fairly early on in our relationship. He does talk about his feminine desires, and he doesn't keep any secrets from me and I therefore understand exactly where he is on the TG spectrum and how that affects our relationship. We do talk about his/my/our fantasies and desires and I have no worry or fear because he is totally honest.

If I was in a relationship where my SO was hiding things from me and if, in my quest to find out more, I read posts on this website about "wanting to be taken like a woman" I might be worried. It is very often the unknown that SOs of CDs worry about. This worry - or fear - may give the impression that they're not supportive.

This is especially true where SOs have discovered their partners' CDing accidentally. If this is all it is - dressing - then why is it hidden from me?

Most people hate secrets within a relationship, whatever their predilection, gender or sexual orientation.

[Sarah_GG]

excellent, thoughtful replies. you are all correct! I believe that even a super open minded female would panic if it is 'her man' that want to wear panties, paint his toenails pink, etc. too many implications, inferences, incorrect assumptions. such a dilemma.

Not necessarily true. Communication is the key. :)