Is This a Choice?

[TSchapes]

Because I showed up in drab at my last LGBT meeting from work, I was informed by a Gay member that my dressing was a choice. I was taken aback by this, because I don't feel I have any more choice in being a CD then he does in being gay. And I don't think me controlling when and where I choose to engage society with my other side is called a choice. My brain is still telling me I'm different...:sad:

I do think that the LGBT group is tenuous at best. We are all linked by a common sexual thread. But the G & L does get the T and even the TS doesn't get the CD. And yet, I believe we need each other.

Anyone else have these types of interactions? Any thoughts on this? I don't want to start a word war here, but I am hurt by this. I'm a big girl and will continue to push for an inclusive TG agenda, but sheesh! I'm having a hard time educating my Gay and Lesbian comrades.

Sorry for the rant..

Love, Tracy

[Elly E]

Eh, I think we have a natural desire to do this. Its nothing that can be controlled. I'm more on the wanting to become a woman end of things, but I do believe crossdressing is something that you're with just the same as being gay, lesbian, or whatever other label we decide to put on people for loving freely next.

[Kathi Lake]

I totally agree. The one time I went to a transgender support meeting, I was one of the few "mere" crossdressers there. I got the "choice" thing too. Truthfully, I get much more support from my friends here - and you're from all over the spectrum! I don't see anyone putting on airs or saying one group is better than another. Then again, I'm kind of a Pollyanna that way. Maybe it does go on, but I just pass it by.

Tracy, can I ask you a question? What, exactly, do you need a support group for? Do you have problems with dressing? Do you need someone to talk to who understands? I find that most of the support I need comes from inside. Once I accepted that what I was doing was fine, my need for support went away.

Kathi

[Jenny Brown]

Because I showed up in drab at my last LGBT meeting from work, I was informed by a Gay member that my dressing was a choice.
It's a choice unless someone is forcing you to CD at gunpoint.:heehee:

[Carolanna]

As the former president of a support group, I believe they stiffle personal growth. It's just the trading your tiny little closet for a larger one. During my tenure (which lasted for eight years) I attempted to offer as many opportunites for my sisters to go beyond the motel room door. Even strength in numbers couldn't convince the timid to venture out.

I beilieve it's my choice to live the way I do and I'm glad that no one else decides for me.

[AmandaM]

Gays can be so stupid, and as ignorant as anyone else. I have the choice to be a basketcase on meds the rest of my life, or to express my female side. Some choice.

[Ashley PS]

Because I showed up in drab at my last LGBT meeting from work, I was informed by a Gay member that my dressing was a choice.

Wow that would be the last thing I would expect to hear from a gay person--maybe from anyone. Hurtful. Absurd if nothing else.

[Empress Lainie]

I'm completely TS, but regarding the support group, I think it helps to have people you know that like you are different from the run of mill normal "straight" hetero m and f's.

We discuss such things as how a company is supportive of transexuals, or not, and the good and bad things that happened to us over the week.
I miss them when I for some reason I miss a week. The group has given courage to some people to start their own transition. There is a joke that they converted me in just one meeting!

One thing we have found is that the tri-ess is not very friendly to the TS's, and they have even quit letting us know where they meet each week. I have however had a few good friends from tri-ess. They seem to want to just have CD's there, not TS's too.

I felt like I had truly come home at the very first meeting I went to, and that was the day I realized my persona is truly completely female, and went to 24/7 the next day.

For nearly a year we gave our facilitator a hard time about her crossdressing and wearing pants, so until we finally relented and told her she could wear pants again, she only wore skirts on our meeting days. We still joke about it occasionally.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

It's a choice unless someone is forcing you to CD at gunpoint.:heehee:

It isn't the outer expression, it's the inner feeling. You can be gay and never have sex with a man. How does being CD but dressing in drab make it somehow more of a choice?

-Joni Mari

[Melanie R]

The only "choice" is whether you crossdress or not. Regardless of the clothing you wear most of us are persons who have a large feminine component to our personas that desire to express our femininity through dressing in feminine attire. I frequently will say that when I am in male drab and presenting as a man that is my real crossdressing.

[TSchapes]

Tracy, can I ask you a question? What, exactly, do you need a support group for? Do you have problems with dressing? Do you need someone to talk to who understands? I find that most of the support I need comes from inside. Once I accepted that what I was doing was fine, my need for support went away.

Kathi

Oh, this is not a support group per se. This is an ERNG group, Enterprise Resource Network Group or some just call them ERGs. A number of larger corporations like AT&T, Ford, GM, Lucent, etc. have these. For example Lucent has a group called "Equal!", here is their organization's description:
EQUAL! is an educational and support group that addresses workplace environment issues affecting employees who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered or who have family, friends or colleagues who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered.

So the up side is I'm participating in a corporate sponsored group that helps support education about LGBT issues, and we do outreach events to the LGBT community. Like we sponsored a booth at the Motor City Pride Festival last month. I work for a bank that has it's name on our baseball stadium here in Detroit (Sorry I'm being coy here, I don't want them to do a search on their corporate name and get a hit here on CD.com!:o).

I am out to a large number of people at work and I want to help the gay community (my son is Gay btw) so this group is a good fit. It's just that it can be so frustrating. And like you say, I'm just a mere cross-dresser. I get grief from the TS that's in the group too, like I'm some lady-in-waiting. :brolleyes:

Oh well, I'm just letting off steam. No one told me that this path of outing myself at work was going to be easy. It's part of the journey I've mapped out for myself. And I just hope that it will be worth it, if not for me, then for those that will follow....

So it's all good.

-Tracy

[BreenaDion]

im with you on this TSchapes, that the labels are all wrong ..

Gay an lesbians should be labeled together.

Cross dressers are a sperate an different entity.

TS an TG are similar with one difference.." the Knife "

transgender is a subculture of G+L unless they go under the Knife then there a subculture of straight.

Transsexual are then called straight for they are called " Fixed "

thats my take whats your ?

Love Bree :love:

[Aubrey Green]

It doesn't matter if it is at work, a movie, a PTA meeting, or anyother type of get together. There is one in every crowd. Apparently an expert, that knows the inner workings of everyones mind in the room. Think of it this way, they wouldn't be there if they didn't have some issues of their own. Even a professional, presiding over the meeting, would never address in a room full of people. Laugh it off and see it for what it is. A thousand people could look at a Picasso and love, but one person will hate it, and that is what everyone remembers.


:daydreaming:

[Miranda09]

Tracy, I think there are some in that "support" group that need a little educating themselves!! Actually, I wish more straight people would visit this site and see what we're all about.

[suchacutie]

We all make choices within what our circumstances allow. Unless we are fabulously wealthy, we live within our means, and that requires choices, some of which are not pleasant.

What we don't have a choice about is how our brain was initially established. We can only work with what we have. Thus, even if I were not able to wear a stitch of female clothes or makeup or the like for whatever reason life may throw at me, that doesn't make me any less transgendered. I am what I am. What my circumstances allow me to do about it is another issue altogether.

Part of the problem here is the completely inadaquate understanding in the general public (gay and straight) of what it means to be transgendered. I constantly hear that all TV/TS/TG are gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay, but the perception of a large part of this community is simply wrong. When we start from so far back in the educational spectrum, is it any wonder that we are viewed so errantly by most?

tina

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Tina-

I so agree with you. I have a brother who's gay and we love each other dearly, he knows all about me and we, him and his SO of over 15 years, have gone out together many times, me as my girlself, of course. But he just cannot wrap his head around why I want to dress and present myself as a woman. He and I, and his partner, have had long discussions about it, some drunk, some sober. The closest they can come to getting it is friends of their's who are gay and are female impersonators. Not the same but at least he tries. And I guess that's all we can do ourselves, just try.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Cheshire Gummi]

Everything is a choice. Wearing clothes is a choice. Bathing is a choice. Eating is a choice. Living is a choice. It's the feelings that drive us to do these things that we do not choose, which is why we choose to dress as we do and act as we do. However, I seriously doubt that was his point.

To hear someone in the community that's supposed to accept us pass judgment on one of us only goes to illustrate a point that I've become increasingly aware of over the past 4 years or so. The gay community is becoming more and more about exclusivity than acceptance, i.e. it's not enough that you feel differently, it's how different you really are. Like there's some way to quantify being an outcast.

Well... I don't know. Everything has to pass eventually. Maybe the queer community at large has outlived its usefulness. I, for one, have had quite enough of hearing about how I'm "faking" because I'm not completely straight or completely gay.

That's my pocket sense anyway.

[Linda Laman]

How would your gay "friend" know? Did he choose to be gay? I don't think so, no more than we choose to cross dress. It is a permanent part of our make-up (please excuse the pun!) and will always be so. It may evolve, but it won't go away.

Years ago gays had to act as if they were straight to escape mocking villification or even prosecution. In the acceptance stakes they are way ahead of us.

[trannie T]

I do not haveto breathe, it is my choice.

[Lorileah]

Gets back to riding coat tails. I have said before we are the unrecognized stepsisters and brothers of the G&L movement. Many see us as people who use their agenda but don't think we fit the criteria for inclusion unless we are willing to transition. It is semantics. But we (yes Jenny I said we...if you don't want to be in stay out) need to assert our own agenda in conjunction with the G&L community. For 40 years we have been content to follow along and see what happens. What happened is the G&L community have made a good case that they are born that way but we are still seen as a choice and a perversion at that. That is why we were excluded from the last ENDA. Gays thought we would be a hindrance.

I would expect this type of reaction in a bar but in a group that is trying to change things, I am amazed. But it is an idea that has been planted over the years and unfortunately many gays are buying into it.

Explain to him that your outside appearance does not change who you are. When he wears a suit does that make him anything different?

[ReineD]

but I am hurt by this.

The world is filled with people who are unable to think outside of their boxes, even if they themselves have experienced bigotry. I wonder if it is a question of IQ. But, you know it is not a choice, as do many others. Please don't let someone else's ignorance get you down and instead look at the interaction as an opportunity to educate them. And if they do not wish to learn, just smile and walk away.
:hugs:




Cross dressers are a sperate an different entity.

TS an TG are similar with one difference.." the Knife "

thats my take whats your ?

Transgender (TG) is an umbrella term that covers everyone who diverges in some way from their birth gender. It includes TS, TM, CD, TV, Drag Kings & Queens, Genderqueer, Androgine, and any other terms I haven't mentioned.

In terms of "the Knife", the generally accepted terms are non-op, pre-op, or post-op TS. And once someone has had GRS, they are considered to be their post-operative gender with no more reference to their birth gender.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Tracy, as with all types of human behavior there is always an element of choice involved.. There may be a genetic predisposition toward a certain type of behavior but that doesn't mean that it is inevitable. Behavior can be suppressed and kept in check either through medication, therapy or good old fashion self determination. It may never go away but it can be controlled. People that say they don't have a choice are just trying to stick the blame on something or someone else. They are whiner's and complainers who just want to play the role of the victim. I wouldn't give them the time of day. OK. Maybe I'm being to harsh on them. The time is 1:48 AM Central Time.

[GaleWarning]

A year or so ago, I toyed with the idea of going to a TG meeting. I contacted the person who (so I was told) organised these get-togethers.

He/she told me that the meetings had been discontinued.
Why?
He/she had been stabbed in the back too many times by members of the TG community.

I no longer have any desire to socialise with any "sister".

[Before anyone starts flaming me, I am simply telling a factually accurate story.]

[PaulaJaneThomas]

He sounds like an idiot. Ignore him.

[GaleWarning]

No Paula. What he/she told me, obviously had happened. He/she made a choice based on his/her experience of the local TG community.
Why should one ignore a truth?

[BarbiB]

Sounds more like a case of ... "My dog is better than yours"

[Fab Karen]

Ask him if he or any other gay people he knows choose where/when to openly display their sexuality. If so, say,"then by the same argument you gave about me, your being gay is a CHOICE."

[Shelly Preston]

It's a choice unless someone is forcing you to CD at gunpoint.:heehee:

Yes its a choice - tell me your joking ?

Have you any idea how many Crossdresser's have tried to give up and cant !!!

Its part of who we are.

There are those who suffer even more because they don't like the idea of dressing.


I guess we need to make this clear to the gay community too.

[Frédérique]

Actually, I wish more straight people would visit this site and see what we're all about.

This is excellent advice. Ignorance is definitely not bliss! There are a lot of shades of grey here, in our community, and in the gay & lesbian community, but we tend to be lumped together…


Ignore him.

More excellent advice…


What he/she told me, obviously had happened. He/she made a choice based on his/her experience of the local TG community.

Then his/her experience must have been shallow, incomplete, and tainted by laziness and/or prejudice. If you can’t research something yourself, or think before you speak, you deserve to be ignored. I must say I think the word “choice” is overused these days – involuntary is a nicer word (in our case)!

[Jenny Brown]

Yes its a choice - tell me your joking ?
Have you any idea how many Crossdresser's have tried to give up and cant !!!
Its part of who we are.

I'm not addressing all the psychological aspects. That wasn't the thread title. The act of putting on the clothes is still a "choice".
If you want stop cd-ing, stop putting on the clothes.

[MJ]

I do not have to breathe, it is my choice.

point well said we don't have a choice


Yes its a choice - tell me your joking ?

Have you any idea how many Crossdresser's have tried to give up and cant !!!

Its part of who we are.

There are those who suffer even more because they don't like the idea of dressing.


I guess we need to make this clear to the gay community too.

again we don't have a choice

so we try to live with this and together help support each other because we have no choice

[Teri Jean]

For me it is choice and an obsession to dress and possibly transition, so if the group is having problems with my intent or future as a CD or TG then the cord is clipped. I spent a lifetime of politics at work and elsewhere and I do not need it here to. If you don't like the setting, do yourself a favor and give it a boot to the back side and do your exiting interview so they know why you are leaving. Maybe they will do some solesearching.

end of my rant
Teri

[BarbiB]

There are those who suffer even more because they don't like the idea of dressing.



And then there's those who suffer EVEN MORE THAN THAT.....
Because they don't dress in consideration of the wishes of a loved one.

[Sally24]

One thing we have found is that the tri-ess is not very friendly to the TS's, and they have even quit letting us know where they meet each week. I have however had a few good friends from tri-ess. They seem to want to just have CD's there, not TS's too.

Tri-ess is specifically directed in their charter to be only for heterosexual crossdressers and their partners. I think part of that is to assure the spouses that their husbands will not be transitioning and leaving them behind.

I find support groups of all kinds very helpfull. Sometimes you need them, sometimes you don't. This forum is a support group too you know!

[Heather Daniels]

I'm not addressing all the psychological aspects. That wasn't the thread title. The act of putting on the clothes is still a "choice".
If you want stop cd-ing, stop putting on the clothes.

A choice? A choice?? How do you figure that this is a choice? This is no more a choice than the fact that I have blue eyes. I did not get to choose what eye color I have, and I did not choose to dress in womens clothing either. This is something we are born with, and try as we may, can not overcome. Possibly for some fetish dressers, this is a choice, but to the vast majority I would assume, this is not a choice. :brolleyes:

[Stephanie Heplby]

I think the problem here is one of unproductive comparative pain (my own term). Your gay acquaintance has likely experienced pain in his life and will, like most humans, elevate the status of his own experience. He then associates with his group (gay men) and elevates their status, as a result of his own personal elevation. He then looks to other groups and concludes that they are not as good as his group.

Interestingly, this cycle often requires the person to find a less-well-accepted group (e.g., crossdressers) with which to make their comparisons. In other words, such a man would likely not make a similar type of comparison to the pain experienced by a black man facing racism; that would be widely acknowledged as ridiculous. However, crossdressers still have no status (at least in the U.S.; Britain seems slightly different), so he can elevate his group and his own personal identification at your group's expense.

There has been a lot of interesting academic writing on group affiliation and how a person experiences their association with a group. People often start by saying "I am not part of that group", but move quickly into a gruding "ok, maybe I am", and then "yeah, darn it, I am a member of that group, what of it?", and then "my group is better than your group!", then (much later) into something like "yes, I am part of that group, but also many others". Sadly, since it is a spectrum, movement across all elements of the spectrum is not guaranteed.

[Lorileah]

The parallel for your gay friend would be: "Oh, I see you're not kissing your boyfriend at this moment, does that mean that gayness is a choice?"

Conclusion: crossdressing (the action) is a choice, being a transvestite (the state of mind) is not a choice. In the same way that two men having sex is a choice but being gay is not a choice.

I tried for an hour to get an analogy like that! Great!

Clayfish, I too decided against going to any organized TG meetings here. Cattiness was the reason. The group all worried about the right way to look frumpy...oh I mean to pass and basically told me I was too ...uh ****ty... to be in the club. Now as to stabbing in the back I see that more at the bars.

[cindym5_04]

You should have smacked him with your purse. Maybe people see CD/TVs like debutantes- when we "finally" realize that we want hormones and surgery, there's to be some kind of big formal pageant where we're introduced into the TS/TG community.

(Keep in mind, i have ZERO plans for hormones, etc. That's just my own personal choice as I classify myself with cd's and tv's.)

[Samantha B L]

Tracy, I know LGBT and TG/TS/CD run in families and are somehow neurological or hormonal in nature and I know for certain that there are mental health professionals as far back as the forties who think so. Even though there are also mental health professionals who think we can be "behaviorally modified" or else they accept us but won't talk about all this stuff at length with us because they're straight and it gives them the willys to actually sit down with a transgender or gay person or CD and "talk shop". Please try to explain to your gay freind that we've all got to stick together! I think the Obama years are going to see a lot of progress. I live in very nice disabled and senior housing and I saw in a document in the front office of our complex that they can't discriminate in this type of housing because of sexual or gender orientation.



Anyhow,studies have been done and m to f crossdressers respond to pastel colors, intricate music and alpha female leadership while they are still very small! Granted,they can still be masculine in many respects but they are still very much crossdressers! I'm 53 and I was not really aware of the concept of the "crossdresser" until about 1978 or 1979. Before that it was "Transvestitism" which while there was beginning to be some tolerance,transvestitism was hand in glove with "homosexuality" and "transexualism". I kept real quiet about my crossdressing. I assumed in my mind's eye that I had something double screwy the matter with me even though one of my favorite pleasures was/is dressing!

[Fondew2004]

I think it is definitely a choice!!

Don't forget....you could always be naked!

So....dressed (feminine of course), or naked!!

See?? Choices!

You go girl!

[Jenny Brown]

A choice? A choice?? How do you figure that this is a choice? This is no more a choice than the fact that I have blue eyes. I did not get to choose what eye color I have, and I did not choose to dress in womens clothing either. This is something we are born with, and try as we may, can not overcome. Possibly for some fetish dressers, this is a choice, but to the vast majority I would assume, this is not a choice. :brolleyes:
No, the obvious question would be - How do you figure that this is NOT a choice? You could just as easily put male jeans and a T-shirt on - correct? It is a choice. Is someone threatening you with physical harm if you DON'T wear women's clothing? :nailbiting:

[Shelly Preston]

Jenny

Does it need to be physical harm ?

What about the mental health of an individual ?

[Jenny Brown]

Jenny

Does it need to be physical harm ?

What about the mental health of an individual ?
You're going off topic. The title of this thread is "Is This a Choice?" plain & simple. Nothing in that title addresses mental health.

[Ralph]

I'm not addressing all the psychological aspects. That wasn't the thread title. The act of putting on the clothes is still a "choice". If you want stop cd-ing, stop putting on the clothes.

I did not get to choose what eye color I have, and I did not choose to dress in womens clothing either.

Did you read Jenny's comment at all, or is English not your first language? Nobody is arguing that we "choose" to be crossdressers; it has been established up one forum and down the other that most of us have had this compulsion since our teen years or much earlier. What we can choose is when, and how often, to give in to that compulsion and put on the dresses, or makeup, or bra, or whatever. Those of us who live in the closet make that choice every day - we CHOOSE whether to go out in public in guy clothes and not face any grief from a hostile world. Yes, you absolutely choose to dress in women's clothing. What you do not have any choice in is the desire to do so. Now, do you see the difference?

[Jenny Brown]

we CHOOSE whether to go out in public in guy clothes and not face any grief from a hostile world. Yes, you absolutely choose to dress in women's clothing. What you do not have any choice in is the desire to do so. Now, do you see the difference?

Thank you, Ralph. Finally...someone gets it. :doh:

[BarbaraAnn]

Yes I can choose to get up in the morning and not dress as a woman and be miserable all day or I can choose to dress the way I need too in order to get through the day. Is this a choice any of us want to make. I don't think so. I did have a theripist tell me you do have a choice which is true the problem is almost all of the time the choice is not a good one or the right one if you choose not to be who you are and live your life the way your heart and mind tell you to do.

[Briana Blonde]

I would say the desire is not a choice but fulfilling it is. Sort of like Socrates in the Symposium or the Phaedrus. Just because Socrates desired Alcibiades doesn't mean he ever actualized it.

[Blaire]

Did you read Jenny's comment at all, or is English not your first language? Nobody is arguing that we "choose" to be crossdressers; it has been established up one forum and down the other that most of us have had this compulsion since our teen years or much earlier. What we can choose is when, and how often, to give in to that compulsion and put on the dresses, or makeup, or bra, or whatever. Those of us who live in the closet make that choice every day - we CHOOSE whether to go out in public in guy clothes and not face any grief from a hostile world. Yes, you absolutely choose to dress in women's clothing. What you do not have any choice in is the desire to do so. Now, do you see the difference?

The thread sounds more to me like the "choice" that's being talked about isn't about choosing to dress on Wenesday. It's choosing to dress at all. That's not a choice.

The thread started about showing up to a support meeting, having made the CHOICE to be in drab, and being told that, "Oh, I guess you're not really a CD." The thread started about choosing to be a CD, and has devolved into choosing what, when,how to dress and act it out.

[GaleWarning]

Don't you just love threads like these, which go off on all sorts of tangents?

When I make a choice, I try to take into account, ALL the factors which are both the causes of my choice and the consequences thereof.

Like Peter, Paul and Mary, I am trying to lay my message between the lines ...

[AllieSummers]

I really have been treated well by most gay/lesbian people I have met. You are always going to find a jerk in every crowd. I don't think your encounter is going to be common...at least from my experience.

You may have a choice not to dress all the time but you still are a crossdresser. It is not a choice. You are always a crossdresser, even when you aren't dressed.

I think that some gay/lesbian people might look down at crossdressers because they feel that they aren't putting themselves in a position to be ridiculed...basically hiding who they are. But there are a lot of gay/lebsians that are in the closet too...just like a lot of us are.

To discriminate for any reason is wrong. For a gay person to discriminate against a crossdresser seams crazy to me. Afterall, they should know how it feels to have people look down on them for being different.

Kisses,

Allie

[DianeDeBris]

And then there's those who suffer EVEN MORE THAN THAT.....
Because they don't dress in consideration of the wishes of a loved one.

Hi Barbi -- there's a whole lot of wisdom in your comment, and maybe a lot of sadness too -- huge thanks for the former, big hugs and love for the latter -- Love, Diane

[Missy]

chioce just like anything we do
do I be male mode or girl mode
do i wear a dress or pants
we are what we are from the choices we made to get to were we are now
at least that is the way i see myself

[Bev06 GG]

Gays can be so stupid, and as ignorant as anyone else. I have the choice to be a basketcase on meds the rest of my life, or to express my female side. Some choice.

You so have a way with words Amanda. I think its just more a case of prejudice. To be honest we all have them. How often do you hear on here people critcising women for not being feminine any more, yet if we were to to come on and say guys aren't masculine any more we'd get shot.

For a Gay man to say something that insensitive smacks of ignorance and lack of empathy toward anyone else who's a bit different. We are all wired up differently and we should learn to respect other peoples way of life instead of comparing it with our own. How can any of us know what's going on in someone else's head when we can't even work whats going on in our own most of the time.

I can't really work out though why most people see thier differences as some kind of affliction that they can't help. Its almost like theyre asking for pity. Hell if I'm different to others then I'm quite releived really, and if they can't or dont want to accept that then surely thats their problem not mine.

Bev

[MissConstrued]

it has been established up one forum and down the other that most of us have had this compulsion since our teen years or much earlier. What we can choose is when, and how often, to give in to that compulsion and put on the dresses, or makeup, or bra, or whatever.


Damn skippy.

I'm sure most of us know that alcoholism is physiological in nature, and generally hereditary. Someone can be born with the propensity to alcoholism, but avoid any symptoms by never touching one beer for his whole life. Alcoholism is not a choice.

But drinking is a choice.

[CD Susan]

Tracy, I do not think we have any choice in being or not being a crossdresser. It is just the way we are and I am surprised that your gay friend does not understand this. Do you think he has a choice in being gay or not? I think not! He is gay for the same reason that we are crossdressers, it is just the way that our brains tell us how to act and live.

As for the GLBT label thing I for one resent being grouped into this catagory. The GLB part is a definition of sexual preference. We as crossdressers fall under the T part but what we do or are is not anything related with sex. I feel that since we are associated with the gays, lesbians and bisexuals society makes the assumption that our dressing is a sexual thing and I believe that it is not! If we are to gain any level of acceptence from society we probably should be "riding the coatails" of the GL&B group but it is sad that this is so. I prefer to not be associated with GL&B's not because I have anything against these groups. On the contrary, I believe they have every right to do thier thing just as we have that same right. I just want society to know there is a difference between the two.

[cd_jamie]

I dont think dressing is a choice. I will admit I feel good when I dress up. I been doing a bit of reading lately and I found something,forget where, that transgendered behavior like cross dressing and transsexualism as well as being gay can and most likelyare caused by a hormonal inballance in the mother while she was pregnant. if this is truely the case its a type of birth defect. most of us started dressing in our early teens or younger. I will admit I feel better when I dress up and have never felt guilty doing it.

I dont know if any of this can be passed on to our kids. I did recently have my oldest son admit to cross dressing and he is seeing a shrink and could be on hormones before the end of the year. he was supprised when I didnt flip out on him.

[Elsa Larson]

Sexual and gender minorities have very different understandings of each other.

I once spoke to a group of gay Catholics. During the Q & A, several were surprised to learn that most crossdressers are heterosexual.

I met a FTM-TS at our local support group's kiosk for PrideFest in Harrisburg PA. The first time he came to a meeting, he presumed that all the males wearing dresses were TS.

You had an opportunity to educate, or at least to clarify. You're still a crossdresser when you're asleep, naked, or in drab. You can choose WHEN to crossdress and WHAT to wear.

Your gay antagonist probably did not think before he spoke. I'm certain he's always gay, even when he's not engaging in sexual intimacy with his partner.

[Granny Gray]

There's always a choice in what we wear just as there's NEVER A CHOICE IN WHAT WE ARE. We can choose to be true to ourselves or play other people's game for what ever reason, which seems important to us at the time, but what, how, and who we are in the core of our being is not subject to other folk's whims, ignorance, or opinions. The core of our being is fixed whether we know it, deny it, object to it, supress it, or flaunt it. What we do in regard to our core of being is an issue all it's own and does not alter that core. J

[Huntress]

"We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately"
Benjamin Franklin at the signing of The Declaration of Independence



Huntress

[Kate Lynn]

Hi Tracy,I really don't know if it's a choice,or nature,I just turned 60 and I still wonder why I'm like this,but if it's a choice,I think I made the right one,if it's nature,let nature take it's course and don't fight the feeling.

[Deborah Jane]

I have the choice to be a basketcase on meds the rest of my life, or to express my female side. Some choice.

My thoughts exactly!!

Yes we can stop, but at what cost to our sanity?

[Kelsy]

I choose to be true to myself!

I have no more say in who and how I am than I did about being born in the first place! Of course I could choose to fake it!!

Kelsy

[Lady JayDee]

As a GG I dont see how its a choice. Thats why i would never demand my husband to stop even if I find it difficult.
Why would he choose to do something that could lead to the break up of his marriage and his family (we have 2 little boys). That makes no sense to me. It cannot be a choice its definitely something he feels compelled to do.

[RylieCD]

I would like to thank those of you who explained it so well, it must be a choice. And I have wasted so much time and $$$ at Doctors and so much time of my life and so much $$$ between purges and I have caused so much agoney between myself and my wife. I just didnt know it was my my choice and all I had to do was stop, how could I have been so ignorant, thank you for clearing it up.

Ok enough of that rant on to the next, like most I have been cd'ing the majority of my life and have spent most of that time trying to figure out why. it has only been recently that I have come to someone accept and understand that it is NOT a Choice but who I am, much like being Gay or straight. You do not ask to be this way and trying to deny it usually ends up with mental distress. Yes if physically force i could wear either clothes, if phisically force I am sure I could do anything, but if I do that for too long mentaly it would be dammaging, that is why I must partake in the actual action once inawhile to maintain some sence of sanity. I do not CD 24/7 but I am still a CD, there are things that prevent me from wearing wommens cloths: society, family ect. I once looked into a support group that insited that you CD and it must be appropriate, knowing that I was not good a makeup and such I did not think my appearance would be appropriate thus I never joined. Wow this rant went longer.