The unbelievable happened tonight.

[lost soul]

I am pretty new to this forum and had written a post about having on a pair of panties and pantyhose when my wife came to bed. We have been in arguments on and off about it and she said it makes her sick to her stomach. I only dress in lingerie(not hers) and have been e-mailing her information about crossdressing for months now. We can't even seem to bring up the topic without a fight. We sleep in seprtate rooms because of our backs bothering us from the others beds so this gives me time to sleep all night in my lingerie. Well tonight she told me she understands and accepts it but it doesn't arouse her at all. She justed freaked because she thought I was gay and was going to tell her I was leaving her for a man. After reading a lot of articles she feels a little better about it. It is a dream come true for me. We still have a long, long way to go but this is the first step. I hope we can sleep in the same bed in our lingerie someday soon but her just telling she understands and accepts was almost to much to handle. I will keep you posted of our progress. I wish everyone luck like this and education and a slow process is the way to go after taking the 1st step of telling your loved one about your passion.

[kristi cd]

That's great news! Hopefully this is a sign of things to come for you. :) Keep us posted on your progress. ;)

[clarissa3d]

that is such a possitive direction for you and the best of wishes. Mine was kind of the same but my wife freaked out. We had arguments and I even went to a psyc at her request. (two years). We discussed why I dressed and still my wife did not want to even compromise. Compromise is the most important part of making this work with your spouse. keep talking and find the compromise for both of you.
Again my hopes are for you and your wife.
Clarissa
p.s. I have been out of the house for 3 years now. no resolution

[Miss Vicki]

You are very lucky. I hope that you have continued progress with your relationship. Just some freindly adice, Do not go too fast or push her to an extreme. Go as far as she can handle. It will last longer for both of you.
My first wife did not accept me when I told her and we soon split. My current wife does not accept it either. I told her about it when we first got married and she was ready to divorce me. She told me to quit, and I have been living a lie with her for 25 years. So you are fortunate and let her know how happy that she has made you. Take her out and treat her to something special. You have the dream relationship that I hoped for.

Miss Vicki

[Julie]

This is a common fear of most wives, mine included. They try to apply logic to why we dress and logic doesn't apply. The biggest fear most wives seem to have is they will be left alone and the way they act out this fear is be getting angry with us and lashing out. "How could you do this to me?" There's a lot of confusion in trying to understand why a man want's to dress like a woman if he isn't trying to attract other men. As my wife told me, "When I dress up nice I want to be attractive to you. I do it for you, not me." Their logic is we must be dressing for someone else when it's just the opposite, we are dressing for ourselves.

The next biggest fear is we will eventually want to have a sex change. This is usually the response heard when we start showing them we like to be fully dressed, including breasts. The logical conclusion: If you want so much to look like a woman you must want to be one. Again logic doesn't apply. Something deep within us is driving this and we can't put a handle on it. They think we're not being honest with them and become hurt, angry and maybe even hostile.

From my personal experience this type of reaction only serves to further distance the couple. He sees his wife is hostile towards his dressing and eventually, if she doesn't lighten up, begins to feel a hopelessness, that she will always be like this and dressing up is too much a part of him to be able to eliminate it from his personality. So he starts looking at other options. Counseling can help if both parties are willing. Otherwise the wife HAS to come to acceptance or the relationship will falter.

I'm sort of in a strange position now as my wife had previously created weekends for me to dress up. She would take the kids to her mother's and we'd do a dress up weekend. I'd be fully dressed all weekend and she would be fine. Now it's as if that never happened. She acts like this is all new to her. We are farther back than when I first told her in terms of her accepting. It's as if she is a different person. I know she fears I will leave her either to become a woman (not happening) or to find someone else who is into CDing (a possibility if she doesn't at least return to the level of acceptance she once had). But no reassurance from me has brought about much change in her.

Understanding their point of view can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. If you can put yourself in their shoes (and you have to really understand how women think to do that) it can help the process. Just let her know you love her and would never leave her (or have a sex change!) Good luck!

[ChristineRenee]

I am pretty new to this forum and had written a post about having on a pair of panties and pantyhose when my wife came to bed. We have been in arguments on and off about it and she said it makes her sick to her stomach. I only dress in lingerie(not hers) and have been e-mailing her information about crossdressing for months now. We can't even seem to bring up the topic without a fight. We sleep in seprtate rooms because of our backs bothering us from the others beds so this gives me time to sleep all night in my lingerie. Well tonight she told me she understands and accepts it but it doesn't arouse her at all. She justed freaked because she thought I was gay and was going to tell her I was leaving her for a man. After reading a lot of articles she feels a little better about it. It is a dream come true for me. We still have a long, long way to go but this is the first step. I hope we can sleep in the same bed in our lingerie someday soon but her just telling she understands and accepts was almost to much to handle. I will keep you posted of our progress. I wish everyone luck like this and education and a slow process is the way to go after taking the 1st step of telling your loved one about your passion.Very encouraging news lost soul. Keep encouraging her to read and research the subject on an on-going basis. Definitely go slow with this because it will take time for her to adjust and deal with her own feelings about crossdressing and how it will affect both your relationship and lifestyle. My wife went from reluctant tolerance to grudging acceptance and has more or less plateaued there. We recently celebrated our 10th anniversary and had a great time together on a little mini getaway vacation. We are going to see a counselor this week who specializes in transgender issues. While not crazy about going, she has agreed to as I told her that I think this will finally give her an outlet to express her inner feelings about this since she has never been able to discuss it openly with any but me. I think she has a lot of repressed emotional feelings coupled with anxieties and insecurities about her own femininity which she has dealt with her whole life, not just since being with me.

As difficult as it is for us, the spouses of crossdressers have a lot to deal with emotionally too and need a support system as well. For you, and her, it is now the end of the beginning and you can move on to further the educational process for her and to give her the reassurance that this is merely an extention of the person that you are and not the sum total of all that you are. Be not only completely honest and upfront with her, but also give her the emotional support she will need during this period for her of sorting out her feelings and emotions.

Here's hoping that this is the beginning for both of you of a renewed and loving relationship.


Peace...Love...& Harmony,

Christine

[Jennifer_Ph]

Just take baby steps, Lost Soul. Don't expect to sleep in the same bed in your lingerie tomorrow night. It is going to take time. A lot of time. She has to see that your desires do not go further than crossdressing. She won't believe that until she see's it with her own eyes - you can talk your heart out and she will still be suspicious. So still do your thing, and only do it in ways that do not offend her. Don't shove it in her face. Just be totally aware of her feelings and don't hurt them over a pair of pantyhose.

My wife is the love of my life, the girl of my dreams, the most important thing in the whole wide world to me. There is nothing - NOTHING - that I would ever do to hurt her. If she never wanted to see Jennifer again, she wouldn't. Her feelings are more important to me than my own - her happiness is what comes first in my life. Crossdressing brings me happiness, and because of that my wife says it's ok. She doesn't think Jennifer is awesome, but at the same time she understands why Jennifer exists. She sees Mike wear pantyhose and shorts every day to work and everywhere, so obviously I am comfortable with it.

And that took time. It took me taking small steps with her. It took me not saying, "This is who I am accept me damn it!" Instead I took her down the path slowly, letting her become accustomed to it all. And now she knows all of Mike and Jennifer. I think too often we look for immediate and complete acceptance from our SO's. In some rare cases, I suppose that happens. But in most others, it's a little more difficult.

Remember, your wife married a MAN. And when that man want's to be feminine, women start to wonder what they are in for. Mike is a MAN. I fix anything. I work hard. I keep her satisfied in the bedroom as a MAN. 90% of my life I am all man, and all for her. She now is getting used to the fact that every once in a while I like to put on a pair of heels and that's ok with her - as long as she knows she still has her man. If that makes any sense. As men, we are the "safe place" for our women. We are the protectors, we are the one's they look to for strength. It's hard to promote a strong image in a pink dress. So just make sure that when you are not dressed, that you are your wife's husband first and formost. Make sure that you are more aware of her feelings than you are your own.

All I am saying is respect her. Don't fight with her. Listen to her. Understand her point of view. Be her man. Take it slow. Everything will be ok.

Jennifer

[HillaryArtemis]

I definitely agree that it takes time and patience. It took me six years or so - a step at a time. But now I feel better than ever. We are much closer. I used to be so angry before and jealous that of what she was wearing and doing - but now we can do it together. I am truly her lover and friend. She even says I am vane. I love to touch my legs and pamper them with lotion and creams. God, sometimes I can't stop looking in the mirror when I am dressed up. I talk to myself about my own beauty. Ys, maybe I am vane - but you know it is true. I am beautiful, cute and handsome too.

JodiArtemis

[lost soul]

I want to thank everyone for all the support. It's great to know your not alone. I want to tell you all the my wife and I sat down last night and talked about me dressing. I was trying to find out when, and where I could do it and not go out of bounds. She told me she didn't care if I walked around the house as long as I was still her man and it wouls always stay that way. I assured her that it would and told her how much I love her. She said she thinks in some wierd way we are getting closer and I feel that way too I told her. I am waiting to tell her about my lingerie wardrobe and even though she says I can dress in front of her I haven't had the nerve to do so because I don't want to mess up now. Things really seem to be coming together faster than I hoped but I am going slowly and following her lead so not to push her into anything. She put on a short skirt tonight with stockings and I wanted so muh to put something on but I couldn't. We had a wonderful time making love but I was wishing I had put something sexy on too. Well thats the update. Thanks agian for all the support.

[Stelli]

I am reading very interesting book these days about crossdressing from the perspective of a wife of a crossdresser. It did influence my understanding that what is important to us is totally freightening to our partners.

Say this, what would you do if someone is comming into your secrets and tools to achieve your position? Cannot think of any threat that I would have as male but let's imagine that there is something that you find threathening. It was unthinkable to male to pursue girls ways until yesterday but today younger generation questions if we realy need to be classified into two sex/gender groups and to what extent.

Girls of certain generation are trained to be pretty to fulfil their gender role and as females do things seriously they do it. By dressing you simply deny their role and they find themselves lost with no other tools at their disposal.

They are not guys so that they do guys stuff and they have another girl that is someone they love for being a guy and something they need to be what they are. I find that many will be confused, angry, in fear, competitive (in girls ways) and all sort of behaviours that would cause all sorts of negative response and totally contrary of what you and me want to achieve and that to tamper in our better selves.

We do need help of understanding but believe me this is far less problematic than the need of helping them to cope with our need.

Give them all sort of support you can, at the end of the day having feminine side means also caring for ones that are dear to us.

I hope I can transmit here a proper idea of getting out of ourselves and assessing what we want from them when we do what we do.

Look it is weird when you look from that side, they want us to be guys for them because they are girls. Now we want to be girls but generally they do not know how to be guys and mostly are not interested in pursuing that kind of development of their personalities because they do not have desire to change something that fits their needs and the description falls far out of what they wanted to be their life. Most girls take things very seriously from school to their marriages - it is not a joke if it turns out that we want to be serious on not familliar grounds. It is highly freightening to them to loose even the tool they know the best. If I am gg I would be fourious.

But most of us here will talk about our dressing, what we do, how we do, but hardly take in consideration what kind of impact that create to our partners.

I think real thing is to come on. We would need to learn more, not about putting up curves and fixing our makeup but learning much deeper femininity issues. I invite you to expand this thread with more consideration to our Significant Others.

If I have slapped you, do not mind me, I find this issue really important.

It is not about negotiation of how much you can dress, it is A PROBLEM of understanding what is ones personality.

I have stand that I allow to my wife what ever makes her pleasure but in the same time I do not find it fair that I am deprived of something that makes me pleasure. And it is not about negotiation but about mutual understanding.

For the end I'll give real life example from my own experience: I have better bond on this issue with friend of mine who is genderly confused (she is gg) than with my wife who is supportive but in the same time she is example of extremely inteligent straight female fully confident and up to her role of being a girl in every possible way.

[ChristineRenee]

Are we the backlash to the women's movement? The feminization of male America? I found this profoundly interesting since GG's have always complained about the double standard when it comes to men getting to have their cake and eat it too.

If a woman (and I mean a GG) is secure in her femininity, there should be no reason at all that she should feel threatened by a "guy in a dress", so to speak. We are NOT women...genetically...but rather, are displaying a side of ourselves that most males either refuse to acknowledge having at all, or have repressed because society, it all it's myopic splendor, has virtually dictated this role for us. Tired of the "double standard" that WE have been subject to...that is...women can be like men, but men cannot be like women...this is really OUR coming out party now ladies and the true liberation of the enlightened male in this world.


Peace...Love...& Harmony,

Christine