pamela_a
07-24-2009, 11:25 AM
I will apologize up front for the length of this post. The past few days for me have been been unbelievable and I'm not sure where to begin. They've held both absolutely joy and tears.
On Tuesday I requested a meeting with HR at work to discuss my transitioning there. That evening leaving work I saw M.P. (VP of HR) walking to her car. We knew each other outside of work, her daughter and my son are in the same grade in school, so we stopped and briefly chatted about our children.
Wednesday I had the meeting with J. from HR. Before we started discussing anything there was the ususal small talk. She mentioned she had received a call from M.P. that morning asking about me; did I look different? J then said M.P. wasn't sure if she should ask me about it or not. We both blamed it on "Minnesota Nice" (a complete misnomer by the way.)
We had a good discussion, she had never had to deal with a transitioning employee so she was going to do some research on her side. We decided I was to write a letter of explanation and she would coordinate informing upper managment and the distribution of my letter.
We also discussed the rest room issue. As I had been dressing full time fem (low key, no skirts/dresses) I told her honestly that work was about the only place I used a public men's room and I was getting very uncomfortable with it, but I also didn't want the women to have a problem with it either. That was added to the list to follow up. All in all I felt it went well and I was encouraged when it ended.
Immediately after the meeting I e-mailed M.P. and chided her about not asking me. I told her I was transitioning and of course if she or anyone else had questions I'd be perfectly happy to talk to them... and I signed it Pam.
She responded with this:
"Paul or should I now call you Pam,
I am glad you sent the e-mail, obviously you have been dealing with this for some time and am am happy to know you have now found your way--or are in the process.
I am sure this has been difficult for you and I wish you all the best as you become "one of the girls."
Warm Regards,"
I left work Wednesday feeling great and looking forward to Thursday and my 10am appointment.
Since I had multiple doctor appointments for Thursday I took the day off work. For the first time with my wife's knowledge (althought she didn't see me) I dressed in a red print skirt and white blouse for the day.
On my way to the appointment I stopped at my usual place for my morning coffee. When I walked in one of the girls that I usually see in the morning comments about my outfit, then tells me I look cute. I love this girl.
I arrived for my first appointment of the day and checked in. The system listed me as Pamela. The nurse call me back and I waited in the room. This was the big one, with my medical history would the doctor approve starting me on HRT? When she came in we chatted briefly in introduction then went over my history. She did a brief exam and we talked more. As I feared, due to my history of DVTs (blood clots in the leg) she was hesitant to start me on estrogen right away. She was going to consult with a couple of my other doctors and devise a plan everyone could be comfortable with. She did start me on Spiro though so that's a start. I walked out a happy girl though, the next step of my transition had officially started.
Thinking about it, I noted the prescription was written for Pamela. I called my insurance company and asked if that would be an issue if the clinic billed them with that name, and of course it was so I had to go back to the clinic and have them change the name in the system to my legal name. Originally I had only asked them to note Pamela as my preferred name but someone just changed it globally.
Since I had time as was in the area, I called a friend I hadn't seen in a number of years but had recently reconnected with by phone. I had owed him a return call for a while and thought instead of just calling him I'd stop in. Needless to say he was a bit on the surprised side, but we talked for a few hours, mostly about what was going on in his life, and when it was time I had to go he assured me we were still friends and he'd be there for me if I needed.
Waiting in the room to see my second doctor that day I see one of the nurses who I've known for years walking sternly down the hall to my room. She looks at me, gives me a big smile, and says "We've gotta talk!" Besides the fact I'm sitting there in a skirt and blouse evidently the name change in the system added a bit of confusion.
The result of this appointment was the doctor wanted a CT scan...now. I told him I had another commitment that evening (TG book club meeting) and could I do it tomorrow. He hemmed and hawed and finally said ok, they probably couldn't get me in today anyway, just go schedule it now. Sure enough, they got me in for it so off to the hospital I went for the CT.
It wasn't a completely wasted trip since I needed to stop there to pick up some supplies. Standing in the store for them a lady asked me if I might be one of her female cousins she hadn't seen years. I tell her no I'm quite sure I'm not. She then walks over by me and asks the girl working the the store "don't you think we look like we could be sisters?" OMG, I thought I was going to burst!!! Starting the day being told I looked cute then this. Could it get any better? As I left the store and continued down the hall I passed a guy I have known for nearly 30 years..I haven't seen him much lately since even though we work at the same company he's in a different building. We chatted for a while but I'm still not sure he knew who I was.
With the CT finally over (althought the tech did ask me what color my nail polish was, she said she liked it) and the doctor telling me it was negative I was finally able to go to my book club meeting.
I had received a call from both my wife and daughter during the meeting. My wife informed me that our 17 year old son was home and for some reason she told him I had worn a skirt today...he went ballistic. He evidently said I was invalidating his existance and if I came home wearing a skirt he'd clear out everything I had in my wardrobe and replace it with "man" clothes. I've tried to talk to him about it but he refuses to listen. I know I've really got my work cut out for me now.
I knew what my daughter wanted to talk about so I didn't answer it right away. Wednesday I had written and sent her a letter trying to explain what I was going through and doing. Even though she knew I'd never had/taken the time to try and explain it to her. I called her while driving home...bad idea. She tells me she'll always be my little girl and I'd never be able to get rid of her that easy...does anyone know how difficult it is to drive on the freeway and cry at the same time? She even voluntered to talk to her brother. I hope maybe he'll listen to her.
Looking back on the past few days I really can't believe everything that's happened. Again, I'm sorry for the long post.
-Pam-
On Tuesday I requested a meeting with HR at work to discuss my transitioning there. That evening leaving work I saw M.P. (VP of HR) walking to her car. We knew each other outside of work, her daughter and my son are in the same grade in school, so we stopped and briefly chatted about our children.
Wednesday I had the meeting with J. from HR. Before we started discussing anything there was the ususal small talk. She mentioned she had received a call from M.P. that morning asking about me; did I look different? J then said M.P. wasn't sure if she should ask me about it or not. We both blamed it on "Minnesota Nice" (a complete misnomer by the way.)
We had a good discussion, she had never had to deal with a transitioning employee so she was going to do some research on her side. We decided I was to write a letter of explanation and she would coordinate informing upper managment and the distribution of my letter.
We also discussed the rest room issue. As I had been dressing full time fem (low key, no skirts/dresses) I told her honestly that work was about the only place I used a public men's room and I was getting very uncomfortable with it, but I also didn't want the women to have a problem with it either. That was added to the list to follow up. All in all I felt it went well and I was encouraged when it ended.
Immediately after the meeting I e-mailed M.P. and chided her about not asking me. I told her I was transitioning and of course if she or anyone else had questions I'd be perfectly happy to talk to them... and I signed it Pam.
She responded with this:
"Paul or should I now call you Pam,
I am glad you sent the e-mail, obviously you have been dealing with this for some time and am am happy to know you have now found your way--or are in the process.
I am sure this has been difficult for you and I wish you all the best as you become "one of the girls."
Warm Regards,"
I left work Wednesday feeling great and looking forward to Thursday and my 10am appointment.
Since I had multiple doctor appointments for Thursday I took the day off work. For the first time with my wife's knowledge (althought she didn't see me) I dressed in a red print skirt and white blouse for the day.
On my way to the appointment I stopped at my usual place for my morning coffee. When I walked in one of the girls that I usually see in the morning comments about my outfit, then tells me I look cute. I love this girl.
I arrived for my first appointment of the day and checked in. The system listed me as Pamela. The nurse call me back and I waited in the room. This was the big one, with my medical history would the doctor approve starting me on HRT? When she came in we chatted briefly in introduction then went over my history. She did a brief exam and we talked more. As I feared, due to my history of DVTs (blood clots in the leg) she was hesitant to start me on estrogen right away. She was going to consult with a couple of my other doctors and devise a plan everyone could be comfortable with. She did start me on Spiro though so that's a start. I walked out a happy girl though, the next step of my transition had officially started.
Thinking about it, I noted the prescription was written for Pamela. I called my insurance company and asked if that would be an issue if the clinic billed them with that name, and of course it was so I had to go back to the clinic and have them change the name in the system to my legal name. Originally I had only asked them to note Pamela as my preferred name but someone just changed it globally.
Since I had time as was in the area, I called a friend I hadn't seen in a number of years but had recently reconnected with by phone. I had owed him a return call for a while and thought instead of just calling him I'd stop in. Needless to say he was a bit on the surprised side, but we talked for a few hours, mostly about what was going on in his life, and when it was time I had to go he assured me we were still friends and he'd be there for me if I needed.
Waiting in the room to see my second doctor that day I see one of the nurses who I've known for years walking sternly down the hall to my room. She looks at me, gives me a big smile, and says "We've gotta talk!" Besides the fact I'm sitting there in a skirt and blouse evidently the name change in the system added a bit of confusion.
The result of this appointment was the doctor wanted a CT scan...now. I told him I had another commitment that evening (TG book club meeting) and could I do it tomorrow. He hemmed and hawed and finally said ok, they probably couldn't get me in today anyway, just go schedule it now. Sure enough, they got me in for it so off to the hospital I went for the CT.
It wasn't a completely wasted trip since I needed to stop there to pick up some supplies. Standing in the store for them a lady asked me if I might be one of her female cousins she hadn't seen years. I tell her no I'm quite sure I'm not. She then walks over by me and asks the girl working the the store "don't you think we look like we could be sisters?" OMG, I thought I was going to burst!!! Starting the day being told I looked cute then this. Could it get any better? As I left the store and continued down the hall I passed a guy I have known for nearly 30 years..I haven't seen him much lately since even though we work at the same company he's in a different building. We chatted for a while but I'm still not sure he knew who I was.
With the CT finally over (althought the tech did ask me what color my nail polish was, she said she liked it) and the doctor telling me it was negative I was finally able to go to my book club meeting.
I had received a call from both my wife and daughter during the meeting. My wife informed me that our 17 year old son was home and for some reason she told him I had worn a skirt today...he went ballistic. He evidently said I was invalidating his existance and if I came home wearing a skirt he'd clear out everything I had in my wardrobe and replace it with "man" clothes. I've tried to talk to him about it but he refuses to listen. I know I've really got my work cut out for me now.
I knew what my daughter wanted to talk about so I didn't answer it right away. Wednesday I had written and sent her a letter trying to explain what I was going through and doing. Even though she knew I'd never had/taken the time to try and explain it to her. I called her while driving home...bad idea. She tells me she'll always be my little girl and I'd never be able to get rid of her that easy...does anyone know how difficult it is to drive on the freeway and cry at the same time? She even voluntered to talk to her brother. I hope maybe he'll listen to her.
Looking back on the past few days I really can't believe everything that's happened. Again, I'm sorry for the long post.
-Pam-