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MichelleP
07-24-2009, 02:55 PM
It has been about 5 months since I last posted here. At that time (in February) I was travelling to Seattle for business. I was planning on a couple days of work balanced with relaxing in the TS/TG friendly environs of Seattle. I had even made plans to meet one of the other wonderful tgirls on this board for some shopping. As it turns out it was not to be. By the end of the week I was left an emotional wreck with my confidence destroyed. I regretfully purged my feminine things and I have not visited this site again until just a few days ago.

Here’s my story:

I work in the television/motion picture industry. I have variously been employed both "above the line"as an actor and writer and "below the line" as everything from a script supervisor to a location scout. If you've watched any syndicated sports television programming in the Northwest in the last 5 years you have probably caught a glimpse of me (in drab) or my name. I'm not a big name or any kind of star so you would likely never recognize me, especially when I'm dressed as Michelle.

On Monday we all met and were introduced to our local crew. These are all the union guys (and girls) that work as gaffers, grips, production assistants, food craft etc. Local folks are hired for out-of-town shoots usually. It was an easy day, we worked out all the last minute shooting details and were ready for the week, no problems. Monday night I dressed and relaxed by taking in a movie and I did some shoe shopping at Nordstrom’s across the street from my hotel in the really cool Pacific Place mall. I know you're thinking, whoa you dress and walk out the same hotel where all the rest of your co-workers are staying? Yep. I've never had any problems.

Tuesday goes well, the director gets what he needs but, we work really late for it. The out-of-town folks return to the hotel. I’m too wiped out to do anything except go to bed. Wednesday morning the shooting schedule has been pushed back until the afternoon. I think to myself, “what would Michelle do?” well Michelle, the carefree fashionista she is, would throw on some jeans and get herself down to Macys about three blocks away when they opened. Soooo… that’s what I did. Black short-sleeve top, jeans, Born shoes, leather jacket, big slouch bag and my new cinnamon hair. I look like ummm about twenty other girls happily walking down the street in Seattle that morning. I get to Macy’s as it opens browse a little then decide to walk back up Pine Street toward my hotel. As I stop at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change, I notice one man at the opposite end of the crosswalk whose gaze is fixed upon me. The light changes and I walk across. He keeps on staring. Now I must tell you that I am a pretty confident girl, I look’em the eye and smile (except I was wearing sunglasses in this case). Instead of continuing on his way, he turns and begins to follow me in the opposite direction that he had been going. He’s pretty blatant about it too. I can easily see him in the reflections on store windows just a few paces back. I make my way back toward the hotel. I’m figuring that this is a pretty safe option. I’m on a busy street, during midmorning on a weekday with lots of people. He hasn’t done anything except to very obviously stare and follow me. But what if he finds out where I’m staying? I duck into the Pacific Place mall and find my way to Barnes & Noble to think. At this time I’m starting to get a little creeped out but, if he is going to do something I don’t think he’ll do in the mall. I figure I’ll wait him out. I actually go and find the book The Extra Half Inch by Victoria Beckham (which is great by the way) and try to act calm as I thumb through it in the coffee shop area. I don’t see Mr. Creepy for a while so maybe he’s given up and is hanging out somewhere else. After about an hour, I have another more pressing problem. I have to pee. I have three choices, the B & N ladies room, a bathroom in the mall or my own bathroom in my hotel room across the street. I put Posh’s book back on the shelf and start toward the front door (which is up an escalator from the coffee shop) and standing on the corner outside is Mr. Creepy!!! Does he know who I am? Or did he just clock me as a tgirl in general? Why is he waiting!!! I get read probably more than I know but, usually I’m a good blender and I actually pass (at least without any adverse reactions) most of the time. When I’m read I smile back and go with it, no big deal. I’ve never had anyone follow me before. I quickly turn and head for the B & N ladies room. After some tense moments in there, I decide to head out the car garage entrance to the mall and circle around the block to get to my hotel. I walk two blocks over and around the Washington convention center. As I’m almost to the entrance I can see Mr. Creepy across the street having a smoke with another guy now and most of my questions are answered. Though I don’t recognize Mr. Creepy, he chatting with one of the local crew I’ve been working with and they’re waiting at the front of the B & N. Just as I turn toward the hotel door they spot me and dash across the street against traffic! It’s as if they were paparazzi rushing a limo. By that time my nerves were shot and I turned to face them. They laughed and pointed and snickered at me. Their catcalls were loud and everyone at the valet/cab stand noticed this. I was paralyzed. I wish there had been a cop there. I finally turned to the valet, and older gentleman, showed him my room key and said in what must have been a cracking voice, “these men are bothering me”. Mr. Creepy and the new hire erupted in laughter. The valet opened the door for me and began saying something to my two tormentors. He also blocked their entrance into the hotel (at least until I rounded the corner for the elevator). Mercifully, none of the other crew were anywhere to be found that I could see. The afternoon shoot went smoothly except for some pointing fingers and smirks from the local hires. I flew home the next day sans all my feminine things I had brought with me. Do the producer, director and others know? If they do, they are being discreet about it.

Since that time my confidence has been shot, gone, eradicated. Michelle just isn’t Michelle anymore. Sharing this story is perhaps a first step to bringing my “carefree fashionista” back.

To all you other tgirls – be safe out there.

Michelle:sad:

Shadeauxmarie
07-24-2009, 03:16 PM
I had a good cry for you after reading this. Since I have never been able to be feminine enough to pass, I have never ventured out. I can't fully understand how devasted you must feel. I only hope you is that you don't let two swines ruin the rest of your life. You deserve to be happy. It just so happens that dressing as a woman makes you happy.

I hope you don't extend your purge to any other items. You'll most likely regret it. I've purged twice and regretted it deeply both times.

Your beauty as a person really shines through. Happiness is always sexy!

Joni Marie Cruz
07-24-2009, 03:20 PM
OMG, Michelle, how awful. There really isn't anything I can say except to offer you a hug and a shoulder. Please don't let the actions of a couple of morons stop you from being who you are. I realize that easy to say, of course, but you sound like a beautiful and competent woman. In all honesty any woman, tgirl or ggirl, would be traumatized to some degree by what happened. You have my very best wishes in getting over this.

Hugs...Joni Mari

Sallee
07-24-2009, 03:27 PM
The whole thing is a tough one. Maybe you should have confronted them. Next question. Does it matter if the staff knows? So what! will you get fired for cding doubtful. Isn't the movie industry pretty liberal with thing like that. You may find a friend to dress with on location.
You can always just deny deny deny and let them think what they will
I got read once by a friend and did just that denied and looked at him like he was nuts. We're still friends yrs later don't know if he still thinks about it or not
Good luck it is to bad you purged Next time just send me your stash I'll put it to good use LOL

Melissa Rose
07-24-2009, 04:13 PM
Michelle, my heart aches and goes out to you. Your experience was terrible and inexcusable. No one should treat another person in that manner. It is a clear reflection of the shallowness, ignorance and insecurity of Mr. Creepy and his pals. Most people are decent and kind, but obviously these morons are not. They are frightened bullies striking out at what they do not understand or fear. It is totally their problem and shows their shortcomings as humans. It has nothing to do with your worth and value as a person. I realize it is easy for me to say, but don't let their lack of decency and compassion bring you down since it means they won. Keep in mind you passed hundreds of other people on that day without any problems so don't let a few morons speak for everyone else.

As you know, you will find understanding, compassion and love here. I wish I could reach out and give you an understanding ear, a shoulder to cry on, and big, warm hug, but my words are all I can offer (and they feel so inadequate). May love and peace be with you.

Dang it, I promised myself I would not to cry, but I failed.

Ralph
07-24-2009, 05:12 PM
Wow! Scary story, Michelle, and the stuff that nightmares are made of. A big thanks for sharing your cautionary tale with us; hopefully your experiences will at least serve the purpose of teaching us all something about safety and anonymity (or the lack thereof).

Granny Gray
07-24-2009, 06:25 PM
I guess being old enough to know better has emboldened me. I was walking into a WalMart one day. An older guy stared at me, stopped and spoke loudly: "I know what you are..." Continued walking, right up to his face and in a loud voice so I could be heard I said: "And you are an IDIOT!" He back stepped to get space and stood there looking very very foolish.
Then I walked past him and quickly forgot his infantile behavior...
Conclusion: When you are not causing harm or disturbance and some idot tries to make a scene, if you turn the tables on him, which is often easily done because he does not expect it, you are the one who gets appreciation from those who witness the exchange. Remember, you are doing nothing illegal and owe an explanation to NO ONE.
J

LisaM
07-24-2009, 09:08 PM
Michelle,

What a horrible story especially feeling that you pass most of the time. I don't know how I would handle what happened to you but now i have to be prepared. I don't think I pass that well because i am so tall but I try to look my best and blend in. I can't believe there are people out there that want to harass us but you have proven there are. Thank you for your story.

sissystephanie
07-24-2009, 09:43 PM
Michelle, I am sorry you had to go through that! When my wife was alive to do my makeup and fix my wig I was quite passable. Now that she is gone I don't even try. But if you have read many of my posts, you know that frequently go out public dressed totally enfemme but no wig and no makeup. Just a guy in a skirt!

Recently I was walking in a local Mall and passed two young men. They both stared at me, and then one said to his friend, "look at that transvestite fag!" I just walked right up to them and said, "I am neither a transvestite or a fag. I am a crossdresser, and if you don't like what I am wearing that is your problem, not mine!" The amazing thing is that there was 3 or 4 people who heard what I said and they actually applauded! I told the boys they better leave before one of them got hurt! They took the hint and disappeared.

I should add that although I am 77 years old, and have had a shoulder replaced, I am still in good shape. I work out 7 days a week, and haven't forgotten all the hand to hand stuff I learned in the military!

Don't purge everything, Michelle is on her way back!!:hugs::hugs:

Oh one other thing, I grew up in Portland and moved to Seattle in 1968. Get back there often! I have done lots of shopping in that Nordie's and all the other stores around there.

Bethany38
07-24-2009, 10:00 PM
Michelle that is a horrible thing. But I would not let this sort of thing stop you from being you. I hope things get better for you.

Kathi Lake
07-24-2009, 10:13 PM
Oh Michelle! I am so, so sorry about what happened. People can be cruel - men especially in this area, it seems. Put it down to their lack of empathy or their secret desires that cause them to want others to feel the humiliation that they would feel if they had the balls to do it out in public.

Just remember this; You are Michelle. She has always been inside of you. She has always been a part of you. You may throw her clothes away from time to time, but she will never leave you. There will come times in your life where that certain "softness" will come over you and you will remember who and what you are - a beautiful person, inside and out.

As many others have said, we are here for you. Please accept out virtual hugs, and the tears that you can't see as real to you. Please let us know what we can do to help you through this difficult time.

Kathi

MsJanessa
07-24-2009, 10:16 PM
you will get over it darling--unfortunatly there are a holes everywhere---suprises me that there would be that many in one bunch in Seattle--I suspect that they were quite young--still no excuse---reminds me of the time I was in Portland dressed with a girlfreind of mine---we were walking down the street to a local bar from her apartment and passed a overweight street person with a VERY overweight lady with him---as I passed him he said "THATS A GUY" in a very loud drunk voice---my gf turned around in an equally loud voice and said "At least its not a fat Chick---he shut right up---sometimes the best thing to do is confront a tormentor---but then most of us just want to be left alone==sorry you purged your stuff but you can, and probably will buy more, better stuff---hang in there xoxoxo J

mklinden2010
07-24-2009, 11:11 PM
Bad day. Bummer.

This sort of thing will happen every now and then to everyone. You're always too tall, too short, too light, too dark - and idiots are potentially everywhere. And, it's worse when it's a normal day and despite being in a safe place, around other good people just minding your own business, you can be so put upon by such dogs...

Next time, this will be less shocking because once rattled, twice stiffened. Your fright and confusion was a very normal, very reasonable reaction to being unreasonably hassled, surprised, stalked, and out numbered. All your instincts kicked in and made you super aware and got you away from them...

And, look at the good points - this was the best they could do to harm you? Laugh and point? And, what did other people do? Well, nothing to gang up on you.. And, when you asked for help, you got it.

You did nothing wrong. You didn't deserve any grief. This will wind up making you stronger. You will be back to your old self once you get calmed down and back to your own routine.

Look, some people are idiots. Some of those idiots will wise up over time, some won't. Just take what lessons you can from this and get back to doing what you love and enjoy.

jazmine
07-25-2009, 12:20 AM
Again....humans are so awesome!
Sorry MichelleP.........I'm so embarrassed by my own species.

MichelleP
07-27-2009, 11:12 AM
I wanted to say thank you to you all for your kind and encouraging words. You have given me more of a boost than you can know. The support here is so very comforting. I wish I could hug you all.

I haven't thrown out everything... but I do have some shopping to do.

Hugs,
Michelle

Gerard
07-27-2009, 11:51 AM
Whoa. From what I understand, you were confident to step outside dressed. You must have known that sooner or later something like this would happen.
I think you handled yourself very well. I liked the bit about telling the valet.

I think you've had almost the worst that can happen. If you were confident enough to do what you did before, then I see no reason to stop now, only to maybe make sure you have a better plan how to handle something like this next time. You certainly have the confidence to do it.

It's unclear if your co-workers know. If they do, but decide not to mention it, then that's good, if they don't then that's also good.

I think that if I would have the courage to go out like that, I'd have a backup disguise in my purse. A Tshirt, some shorts/pants and flipflops, and a foldable bag to carry the female gear should easily fit if chosen for the purpose.
Super heroes and spies to it all the time!

If you have gone that far, then your confidence is fine. Given how you handled it, I think you did a great job and will do even better if it ever happens again.

DianneRoberts
07-27-2009, 12:06 PM
[QUOTE=maryklinden;1807998]

", you can be so put upon by such dogs..."

DOGS wouldn't do that, dogs are great. My dog accepts me for who I am, better than many people.

Never-the-less, I am so sorry to hear what happened, I can only imagine how that must have felt.

Carole Cross
07-27-2009, 12:13 PM
Michelle, don't let the actions of those people stop you from expressing your feminine side. These people are insensitve bigots who can't accept anything that they see as different. I am a TS who does not pass, I get laughed at and people make comments but I do not let it bother me because they are the ones who have a problem with it. I woudn't be surprised if other members of the production crew do know but they don't care and they don't think less of you as a person, they probably have secrets of their own, some may even be crossdressers themselves so I wouldn't worry about it. :hugs:

rebecca_morris_75
07-27-2009, 12:45 PM
Again....humans are so awesome!
Sorry MichelleP.........I'm so embarrassed by my own species.

Agreed. These two guys are pieces of sh*t. What are they, 13 year olds??

Michelle, get out there and go shopping :)

flacindycd
07-27-2009, 02:17 PM
Sorry to hear about what happened, I could only imagine what mental torture your going thru, after hearing your story, I think it cured me of EVER ,EVER going out in public now....

Hope you get over it...huggs

sterling12
07-27-2009, 05:08 PM
Sorry you got "clocked." But, you are also taking this as a worst case scenario. If he spotted you as a guy, do you have any proof that he knew who you were? Most of us look remarkably different with makeup on, (just thought about that...so do most women!) Has this effected your offers of employment from that particular media outlet? If not, I would assume "clocked," but not "outed."

Or, try to accept that it just ain't a big deal! Remember, Marv Albert is working steadily....people forget! I was also in The Business, both Radio and Television; there are a lot of people with "different lifestyles," who work in The Media. Out of that whole crew, I'll bet you ain't the only one! I would imagine at least one or two of your co-workers probably have the same proclivity. It might not be a big deal, because maybe some others might be wearing panties (or more) under their trousers!

You had a traumatic experience, but giving up Michelle would be a much bigger one. Learn from this. Rent a car and go somewhere else in town, be discreet around your co-workers. Or, just come to some type of acceptance. Every year I attend our local Pride Celebration, my group has a booth and we also walk along the boulevard. For the last three years, I have been in the vicinity of someone who knows John. Did they recognize Joanie? Who knows? I accepted the idea that it could happen when I started attending these large public events. If you learn how to accept it, things will certainly become less traumatic.

peace and Love, Joanie

deja true
07-27-2009, 05:56 PM
You work in sports broadcasting, I'm assuming, rather than the more entertainment oriented variety.

So, I'll also assume then that most of your crew mates are prolly trying to emulate the adolescent, chest-pounding, hyper-testosterone influenced performances of the jocks they cover. Too bad!

That kinda pseudo machismo will never take the place of a real man, who can listen and understand, who can try to figure out who they are and be secure in that. Ask their wives (or ex-wives...) .;)

MichelleP
07-28-2009, 11:55 AM
Thanks so much Joanie and Deja True. I've worked with all kinds including the insecure, hyper testosterone-fueled, knuckle-draging morons you speak of. I've just not had them verbally acost me. In fact, I've never had a bad experience while out dressed before.

In retrospect, my biggest shock I guess was being recognized by someone who either knew me or knew who I was. I'm still unsure of how that actually happened. As I said I'm sure I've been read in the past, I don't have a problem with that. I'm proud to be who I am. maybe I was just a bit too naive.

In any case coming back here (to this board) has been so wonderful. To borrow one of my own euphimisms - I'm off the DL and back in the game!

To Flacindycd, please don't let my one experience deter you (or anyone else) from venturing out if you're so inclined. Out dressed is an incomparable experience - just be a little careful.

Hugs,
Michelle

Joni Marie Cruz
07-28-2009, 01:05 PM
Hi Girls-

Hey, Michelle, I'm glad things are going better for you and that you're getting back in the saddle again, that cute pink Western one and don't forget your white hat with the rhinestone tiara on it!

Just my opinion, but I so agree with what she said about us having to be careful out there, just like real girls do. Sometimes I think we get overconfident, partly to do with our inherent maleness (sorry, had to be said) and partly to do with a sort of euphoria about being out and about. Real girls get accosted and verbally harassed, or worse, by "rectal orifices" all the time, it can happen to us, too. I've been lucky so far and never really been hassled, oh of course there are the double takes and someone nudging whoever they're with and the stares and even the occasional catcall, but nothing major. Knock on wood...damn, there isn't anything...wait a sec...okay...I had to go and knock on the piano.

Don't let anyone stop you from being and doing what you want. In the words of Pliny the Elder, "Illegitimati non carborundum."

Hugs...Joni Mari

Hope
07-31-2009, 04:07 AM
Ugh - horrible.

I never seem to acclimate to the despicable manner in which some people act towards others.

Keep your chin up, don't let the *******s grind you down, and insert your favorite motivational quote / cliché here.

Kristen-Gaye
07-31-2009, 04:44 AM
Michelle, I haven't read all the replies to your unfortunate story so I hope I'm not repeating anything. First of all I sympathise with you, it's a real hit to the gut when something like this happens & it can really do your head in but I figure that if it's been 5 mths since this incident & no one has said or done anything then you might be ok. Secondly, even if you have been found out, that fact that it hasn't been brought up to you, it may mean your colleagues are cool with it or don't care either way!

As far as the two jackasses, well people like that are everywhere unfortunately. Keep your chin up!

Take care,

Kristen. :hugs:

SamathaCD
07-31-2009, 04:58 AM
Michelle,
On behalf of about 99% of city of Seattle, we deeply apologize. That type of behavior is very atypical of the city. if I'm not mistaken, Seattle has one of the largest alternative lifesytle communities in the country. I admire the way you dealt with the situation tho, I would have just totally lost it.

PS: Lastly, next time you purge, I'll be more than happy to take your clothes off your hands for you *wink*

Jeanna
07-31-2009, 05:00 AM
I read that thread twice. It feels like that could've been me in those heels. Sick feeling in the gut.Sorry you had to go through that.

Jeanna

Chiana
07-31-2009, 05:51 PM
Michelle, I admire your courage for going out in the first place. I have never been able to get there. Other than 2 occasions on Halloween, I have only snuck out very late at night and went out of my way to avoid people. You have experieced a joy I never have. I hope you can put this one unfortunate situation behind you and continue to experience positive adventures which help to encourage the less bold among us to finally slip the chains which tie us in our homes.