can't fight the drive

[helenr]

I believe I will resume using the estrogen patch this autumn. Though I know the ramifications of breast development, I find the inner need to try to create some more sympatico between my mind and body is critically important. I have given up-for now- on pursuing an orchi-just too many obstacles to accomplishing this. I would be happier without the brats, but I read that even with an orchi, many need some spiro to tame other sources of T.
It is impossible for anyone to know when life will end, but having had cancer, I won't likely make the 90+ crowd. It would be nice at 62 to be able to enjoy what years I have left with more confirmation of my female inside. wonder how others cope with this?

[Andi]

......wonder how others cope with this?


at all. At age 65, like you, I find myself between a very large rock and an extremely hard place. Too many people's expectations to fight but I won't walk away from them. So I'm resigned to just live out my life with a huge half truth kept to myself. That'll keep half my life balanced, happy, and surrounded by "family" but continue to make my other half painful, lonely, and hopeless no matter how long I may live. If you want to talk more e-mail me.

[robyn1114]

even though I'm considerably younger then both of you (37) I know how you feel. I've come to the conclusion that transitioning is probably not in the cards for me, so I'll live with the life I'm stuck with. My big problem is finding that balance so I can have some happiness.

[jumpstart]

Just a thought, With an orchi almost impossiable to get. Have you thought about chemical Castration. There is a lot more info on this, part than an orchi, One plus side, is after you have tryed it for a while and do not like the results, you can stop the meds, But if you like the results, Then it might be easier to have the doctor go ahead with the orchi. Stating that you are already Castrated, Now you can do it for real. Just a thought.

[Karen564]

even though I'm considerably younger then both of you (37) I know how you feel. I've come to the conclusion that transitioning is probably not in the cards for me, so I'll live with the life I'm stuck with. My big problem is finding that balance so I can have some happiness.

Dont give up Hun, I said that at your age & younger too, and just kept putting it off because I was so scared of losing everything & worried what everyone would think of me, I didn't think it was possible to do so late..But then I started HRT at around 44 when I made my mind up to just do it, because I was feeling Extremely depressed & had know where else to go but up at that point..only because the alternative was heading 6 feet down :sad:........and so now I'm going all the way as soon as possible..:)
So dont give up and do it now if that's what you truly want..:hugs:

[Teri Jean]

Sweety, I understand where you are going and it has to be your decission and we will support you. I'm 60 and have started with step one with therapy appointments and hopefully this will lead to my transition. This will mean there are groups that know me and in some cases look to me for help/guidence, I don't know why, but they would be the most non-tolerent of all my aquaitances.

The thought of the physical changes are going to be the outward confirmation of something I have wanted for longer than I knew them. So I'm not looking back but going forward with eyes wide open.

Teri

[noeleena]

Hi.... Yes age has a bearing .. im allmost 62 in 15 days i had s r s . & b a .. in may june 07 ... was it worth it .. YES YES YES.....dont give up ... youll have peace of mind plus all the other neat things ... look at it this way . what you lose now . youll lose later . for this kid ... even if i still lose some things its still more than worth it . dont put off the now . ........
...noeleena...

[MJ]

i am 49 now i was 43 when i started my transition your never too late to enjoy your true life. but i too wonder how many good years weeks or days i have left i doubt I'll reach 65 but i will enjoy what time i have left. just wish i had enough money to enjoy what life i had left :straightface:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

No age is too late....it's really true..
I know a wonderful woman that found out she had cancer in her pancreas at 71....she IMMEDIATELY transitioned...just started wearing a wig and calling herself a new name...simple as that...at that age and for her "look", she pulls it off and makes me wonder how beautiful she would've been as a young lady.

She was an inspiration and 2 yrs later is still alive....i have to think her transition is motivating her to keep going..

That all being said, it's just as "gutsy" a decision to not transition as to transition IMHO....that's why we all support each other..we know what it's like

you have to be honest with yourself.....that's the hard part

[helenr]

so many sweet posts. thanks. I have been on spiro for about 2 1/2 years and have observed body changes, though not as radical, I am sure, as using depo provera (sp?)-that is what they use on prisoners offered freedom -and that can lead to serious depression.
I think that these changes-my chest hair is almost all gone-very fine hairs on the upper chest-no musk smelling patch of h air-in fact no scent to speak of at all. Hard to know if it is rejection of all that is masculine or striving to embrace feminity as I perceive it ( I am sure any GGs would think I have no idea of what that is and they are probably right so I qualify the remark).
But to maintain home stability-and with the effects of the cancer treatment still negatively affecting me-I can't risk flying solo-I can't act out what I wish and like another's earlier comment, I will have to keep it inside under wraps. Helen

[Veronica_Jean]

Helen,

We all do what we must to survive. There is no shame in holding back for the sake of continuing to get the help we need until things are better in the future.

I personally believe that we all possess the capability to "feel" our femininity. Trans women were not raised in the same manner as GG women, but that does not make us any less genuine. No one has the same identical experience as someone else, even twins. We are not an imitation of women, we are women, just fighting different body issues because of how we were born. Societal experience is quite different, of course, but that can be said for a king compared to a pauper. That does not make either less of a human being unless they chose to be less.

Being authentic to yourself is to me the most important part. Being authentic with everyone else is high up there too, but sometimes gets sacrificed and that is where many of our problems are created.

Do what you must to survive, but remain true to yourself. Age is just a number we use to justify our behavior or lack thereof.

There is always hope sweetie. Hang in there.

:hugs:

Veronica

[Empress Lainie]

Helen, I never realized that the reason I was different from other men and boys (early on) was that I was transexual. I had my realization at age 72. I have never been happier (except for my loss of income due to 3 tranny haters), and I have never felt better about how I look. The day I had that realization thanks to my liberator Michelle, I began living 24/7 as female, changed my name and ID gender, and increased the hormones I had been taking unknowingly for years.

It is never too late. Marci Bowers recently operated on a 74 yr old and a 75 yr old mtf. I am 74 now and would have srs in a heartbeat if I had the money.

[helenr]

Great insight. I wonder if that is why I couldn't relate to boys when young-and never really have clicked with men. It wasn't that I wanted to wear dresses when I was young-at least not in public-but I just didn't seem to have the right sympatico to get along with guys. maybe it was the effects of transgenderism.
Impressive that some 70 plus have have SRS. good for them! I doubt Marci B finances this operation, but I bet she has some lenders available, or maybe you could get a Home Equity loan for 'improvements' ! best, helen