being mistreated

[Diana1029]

I've never gone out but I would really like to but one thign I'm afraid is of being mistreatred or recognised by someone I know has this ever happened to any of you?any advice on it?

[Ruth]

I take it you are talking about two different things here: one, being mistreated, two, being recognised.
Taking the second first, I go out quite often, even in my home town, and I am never recognised because Ruth doesn't look like my male self. You will have to think about this, and try and see if you carry over any very distinct features into your femme presentation.
The other matter, that of being mistreated, is not to my mind a serious problem as long as you go to busy public places during the day. Also by going out often, you acquire confidence which in turn affects your body language and makes you less likely to encounter trouble.

[Jeanna]

I've built up my confidence over time. You just need to go and do it.It's fun, crazy, and all those good things. If you hve a friend to go out with even better,I wish that I did ( have a friend to go out with.:love:

[sandra-leigh]

With regards to being recognized... it depends on what you mean by "someone you know". If you've been to Bar X a few times in drab, and then when you're out dressed up, some stranger wanders over and says "I recognize you from Bar X"... then does it matter to you? Just the fact that someone you don't know and who has at best a weak knowledge of your male name (might have overheard it at Bar X) and whose only way of finding you again is by chance or seeing you one time at Bar X... does that matter to you? Would your answer be any different if they what they said next to the dressed you was "You look good" ?

For reasons I don't know, I have often been recognized. I must have a distinctive nose or something, because it isn't my voice or walk or "just happening to get a good look" -- I've had people who have only ever seen me once, in drab, make a bee-line 50+ feet across a dark room to where I'm sitting with wig and all, just to greet me and tell me I'm looking good (and I doubt that I have ever been "hot".)

Most of the people who recognize me... well, some of them might have heard (and maybe even might remember) my male first name, but they don't have any idea how to contact me or where I work and so on.

It isn't always that way: I was well and truly recognized by my immediate next door neighbours, on one of my very first trips out fully dressed. It was entirely by chance: they had happened to go out to some club or other for the evening, and I had gone out to an entirely different club, and we both ended up on the same last bus of the night ... and after we got on, they glanced over at me, and said, "Hi, _____". I didn't go over and talk to them (which would have let the rest of the bus hear my male voice and confirmed to the rest of the bus that I was a cross-dresser), but at the stop were we got off, when they went into the convenience store, I waited outside, and then we walked the blocks home together. Illustrating that I wasn't ashamed of it, that I wasn't denying it or hiding it. And they were cool with it, and have continued to be cool with it since then. We haven't discussed it much, but they have seen me dressed some other times (e.g., me rushing to the taxi at the same time they were going out the door just a few feet away), and when I recently was trying to decide what height of fence to build, I spoke to them about how high they would want in order to be comfortable, if not for them directly then for their guests. They said that the kind of people who would be likely to visit them probably wouldn't care (that is, would not be upset) about me dressing.


By chance, no-one I know from work has seen me fully dressed (or if they have, they haven't mentioned it, though who knows what goes through the rumour mill.) Not that I've been a shrinking violet. I did see one woman from work while I was dressed, but she didn't happen to see me, and it was at a fetish ball.... she was dancing in her bra. If she had seen me, it is unlikely that she would have said anything at work: those fetish balls have a "code of silence": it wouldn't have done her own position any good to have it known that she was there...


But sooner or later, someone from work is going to see me... the clothes I wear at work will give me away, or there will be a chance encounter, or what-not. When, like me, you go to the neighbourhood grocery stores in a skirt, you have to expect that someone will find out eventually. I have started working with HR (Human Resources) at work on this issue: yes, I told someone at work, someone bound to confidence, but now if I'm noticed, my workplace will not be "blindsided" and have to scramble to form a response and an opinion. (HR agrees completely that I should at least be able to walk in the door in the clothes of my choice -- that even if "to keep the peace" or prevent confusion or whatever it turns out that obviously dressing while on the job would not be accepted, HR would back me completely on walking in the door in a dress even if it then turned out to be advisable to change into "work clothes". HR is prepared to go notably further than that, especially if we work together on transition strategies rather than me just suddenly showing up one day "Here I am, take it or leave it!".


Mistreatment... sorry, I don't have time at the moment to get into that topic, I have a bus to get to.

[Tasha McIntyre]

I've never gone out but I would really like to but one thign I'm afraid is of being mistreatred or recognised by someone I know has this ever happened to any of you?any advice on it?

I had exactly the same fears.

In my very limited experience out and about, I have found that most, and I mean the extreme majority of people will look, and then do a bit of a double take and appear to be quizzical, maybe a tad amused as they try and comnprehend what they are seeing. I always give a polite smile to passers by, and am amazed at how often the smile is returned.

I have never been mistreated, or had a bad experience. The worst one I had (and it ain't exactly bad) was one guy tapping his mates on the shoulders and pointing at me as if to say "oi, look at that". Once again, a polite smile won the day.

I am confident that Tash looks so removed from her male alter-ego that no one will see through her. At the insistance of my wife (and this is a very very fair request) I don't go anywhere real close to home whilst dressed.

In short, if you pick your time and place carefully, chances are your fears should not be realized. Tash is only a daytime girl, appearing at the mall or a coffee shop etc.

Good luck, it is a wonderful experience out there. I so thoroughlly recommend it.


Tash :)

[Melissa Rose]

No one you know expects to see you out and dressed and acting like a woman unless you've broadcast clues to them while drab. Unless you have a distinctive physical feature and/or get physically very close to someone who knows you, especially if they are acquaintances more than friends, the probability is they will not recognize you. If you panic and draw attention to yourself then that is a different story.

I have the same fear so I try to avoid places where there is a high likelihood I might run into someone I know.

[Alice Torn]

I only go out once or twice a year. I know hundreds of people around this area, and my six foot six, 255lbs can easily give me away. Got pulled over by a small town cop once! He was ok, though, no problems with my clothes. Had one man tell his kids not to look, when i was asked by him, to jump his battery.

[Laurelanne]

this is such a complicated query. when younger i worried id be found out and beat up. I was never found out OR beat up, when I was in my 20s I was found out, yet the person didnt beleive BUT later, I WAS beat up, but OK with it as Im getting older YECCH !! I fin myself not worrying about so muc getting noticed as the male part but NOT being accpeted as the female. After many years of NOT ventuirng out I di on a whim and dressed sort of andogeonous (spelled right??) I went onto a city bus I went to a walmart I went and bought Shoes and I even went intot Womens washroom to pee. I was called Ma,am at least 6 times. yet I was NOT glammed just alittle lip colour rouge and nicer hair, a small bustline a everyday jeans etc. It convinced me it was OK. And, i realized that,..I was confident enough just to be ME that the world around me accepted that, Yes one kid said sir I stared at him, and he said oops sorry Ma'Am. I beleive we intentionally make oourselves known ..as to what we are and feeling, NOT everyone else.. (Depp or aht? LOL):devil:

[donnalee]

I only go out once or twice a year. I know hundreds of people around this area, and my six foot six, 255lbs can easily give me away. Got pulled over by a small town cop once! He was ok, though, no problems with my clothes. Had one man tell his kids not to look, when i was asked by him, to jump his battery.

And how did the battery feel about that? :devil::heehee:

(Sorry; couldn't help myself.) :doh:

[Wen4cd]

I don't go out. I love my room, my mirrors, and my lights.

I did go out once, at another cd'er's house in another town. It was interesting.

There were a few of us gathered, and we were indoors dressing and taking pictures, eating snacks, talking, and having a good old time.

Someone said "hey, let's go out to the lawn and get a few outdoor pictures in the sun." Sweet, the actual out-doors!

I swear we were out the door for all of 90 seconds, on the front walk, first time out of doors for most of us, before a car drove by and some guy was yelling "****ing freaks!" out of his driver's window.

Interesting.

[Rachel Morley]

No one you know expects to see you out and dressed and acting like a woman unless you've broadcast clues to them while drab. Unless you have a distinctive physical feature and/or get physically very close to someone who knows you, especially if they are acquaintances more than friends, the probability is they will not recognize you. If you panic and draw attention to yourself then that is a different story.
Exactly! Melissa nailed it! :)

[Sally2005]

Its nice to be 'miss' treated! Mistreated...not really...no worse than a female might get sometimes. In fact, its almost the opposite...if in a social setting, if people guess they are cool with it as long as I respond in a friendly way. For being recognized... only happened once because my wife was recognized. Have seen a couple people I recognized, but avoided contact with them. The person who recognized me said if it wasn't for my wife he never would have guessed...he said he might have asked me to dance! back in my younger days...